Her Sinful Angel (20 page)

Her vision blurred as hot tears filled her eyes, causing Lucifer to wobble out of focus. She scrubbed them away and looked at him with clear eyes and an even clearer heart. His heart was in his eyes for her to see, every emotion that had been in his words as he had laid that fragile part of himself on the line, and no matter what she told herself, she couldn’t bring herself to believe what Mihail had told her.

He wasn’t a liar.

No one could pretend to look so broken and distraught, filled with pain at the mere thought that she felt nothing for him and that everything they had shared had been an act on her part.

She believed him when he said that her leaving would wound him, because her soul screamed that it would wound her too.

Her eyes searched his, and the longer she looked into them, the clearer his feelings became to her.

She already had wounded him.

She had hurt him by leaving with the angel and he had risked everything important to him in order to bring her back to him, and to keep her safe as he had promised.

He had risked alienating himself from the daughter and grandchild that he clearly loved.

The gravity of that hit her hard, knocking her a step towards him. It hit her in a good way, because for the first time in what felt like forever, she knew what it felt like to be loved and wanted.

She had found a man willing to stand at her side, one who would break all the rules and move mountains to be with her, and he hadn’t asked anything of her.

He only wanted her to give him a chance.

Lucifer looked away from her, towards the tapestry to his right that covered the door to the valley, and closed his eyes.

“I was rash… I should have thought things through… and I cannot apologise enough for the danger I have placed you in, Nina.” He sighed and his chin dipped towards his chest, and she silently cursed him for making her want to cross the small stretch of black stone flags to him and wrap her arms around him to comfort him.

It seemed insane that the Devil needed comfort, but everything about him said that he needed it more than anything right now. She was close to surrendering to the pressing need to give him something to soothe him, a sliver of hope at the very least, when he opened his eyes and frowned at the floor, his words freezing her to the spot and chilling her heart.

“Part of me hopes that what we have done does not result in a pregnancy.”

Nina’s hands came to rest on her stomach, her fingers curling to clutch the soft cream cashmere sweater. “Why?”

Her voice trembled and she knew he had heard her fear when he lifted his head and looked at her. She couldn’t find her voice, could scarcely breathe as emotions flooded her. She struggled with her feelings, trying to get hold of herself and quieten the part of herself that desperately wanted a child, afraid that thinking about the possibility she might be pregnant would only lead to her being hurt. She told herself on repeat that it wasn’t possible, and as soon as Lucifer realised that, he would no longer want to be with her.

He wouldn’t stand by her after all.

His steady gaze questioned her back and she couldn’t stop the words from spilling from her lips as her feelings rose up against her, owning her and stealing control, too powerful for her to contain.

“I know you have children, and I understand that sometimes men will settle for having children from another woman in their life—”

“Who did such a thing to you?” Lucifer interjected, his expression rapidly darkening.

She turned her cheek to him and bit her tongue to silence herself as thoughts of her ex-husband flooded her mind, making her heart ache. Tears lined her lashes again and she screwed her eyes shut, pulled down a sharp breath, and exhaled it hard.

Warm fingers brushing her cheek made her jerk her head up, her eyes flicking open to lock with Lucifer’s where he towered over her. The concern in his golden gaze stole her breath away and she stared into his eyes as she absorbed the comfort of his caress, stealing every last drop of it to restore her strength and put her feet back on solid ground.

If the tales were right, he would know if she lied.

They were beyond hiding things from each other anyway.

He had been honest with her, and now it was her turn to be honest with him.

“I was married… but he left me when…” Heck, it was harder than she had thought it would be. Her throat tightened and she struggled to gather enough courage to tell Lucifer about her past and share a piece of herself that she had never shared with anyone. She pushed the words out. “I was told by close to a dozen doctors, from regular ones to the most expensive physicians my ex-husband could buy, that I can never have children.”

Lucifer’s handsome face darkened again.

Her hands tightened against her stomach. “He left me for another woman and had the family he wanted with her instead.”

“He cast you out… he betrayed your loyalty and love for him.” He practically snarled those words, his deep voice a thick growl as his eyes narrowed and a corona of fire blazed around his irises.

Nina suddenly understood why she felt so connected to Lucifer, had always had the sense that they were kindred spirits. Her husband had betrayed her, just as Lucifer had said. He had taken her love for him, and he had broken her heart. She searched Lucifer’s eyes as the gold slowly bled into crimson, seeing in them familiar pain.

Suffering born of betrayal.

“I moved on with my life.” She flexed her fingers against her sweater, barely resisting the need to touch Lucifer’s cheek and comfort him.

Her words seemed to draw him back from whatever dark place he had gone to and he blinked, his irises clearing as he looked down into her eyes.

She had moved on with her life, but she could see that Lucifer hadn’t moved on with his.

He had chosen the other path, the one that had looked dark to her but had inevitably drawn her to it when her ex-husband had contacted her about meeting up.

He had chosen revenge.

And now she had been pulled into a plot against him and she still didn’t understand why she had been chosen.

“So you see, Heaven picked the wrong woman,” she said with a smile that she didn’t feel in her heart, because that part of her wanted to be the right woman for the man standing in front of her.

She wanted to be what he needed her to be—his strength, his courage to rise onto his feet and choose the right path. She wanted to give him a reason to set aside whatever plan he had to avenge himself.

But she wasn’t sure she had the power to do it.

She had seen him with his daughter. No matter what he had said, family was important to him, and that was the one thing she couldn’t give to him.

“It isn’t possible that I’m pregnant, Lucifer. Not unless the doctors were wrong.” She went to back away, but he caught her hand, pulled her up against him and wrapped one arm around her waist to lock her against his chest.

He smoothed his free hand over her hair.

“They were not wrong… and if it were anyone else you had slept with…” He growled low in his throat, his eyes flashing crimson and his fangs on show as his lips peeled back off them. That brief flare of anger heated her blood, made her heart beat a little quicker as it whispered that he was jealous. “It would not have resulted in a pregnancy. I have a very special ability. I can make a barren womb fertile and receptive to me.”

Nina’s eyes slowly widened and a shiver danced down her spine and arms.

Her mind went blank and she could only stare up into his eyes as she took that in and processed it.

“But you don’t want me to be pregnant.” Those words left her lips of their own volition, rising up from her heart.

“It is not because I do not desire children, Nina. It is because of the risk to you. I have finally found something that I want to keep hold of and not lose, and I fear…” He chuckled mirthlessly. “I have not missed that emotion, but you certainly bring it out in me. I fear that I will lose you because the baby will be too powerful. I will lose you both.”

She didn’t need to ask to know that was the reason he only had one daughter even when he had been trying to father children for a long time. She pressed her hands to her stomach, a trickle of fear running through her, clashing with the hope in her heart.

Erin had survived though, and that gave her hope a boost.

With that boost, she found strength that had been dormant in her, determination that she embraced as she stood a little straighter and held Lucifer’s gaze.

“I’ve been through too much pain and loneliness to let something like this kill me. If I am pregnant, I won’t let anything stop me from bringing this child into the world, because it’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and you gave it to me… and that only makes it more beautiful.”

Lucifer averted his gaze, looking beyond her right shoulder. “No female who has borne my offspring has ever survived.”

Cold stole through her, but she refused to let it take hold and stir her fear again. “What about Erin?”

“Her mother died at birth.” The solemn edge his eyes gained had her raising her hand and placing it gently against his cheek.

She drew him back to face her, so his eyes locked with hers, and managed to smile, hoping it would alleviate his fear together with what she was about to say.

“I’ve seen how powerful you are, but you don’t seem to be all powerful.”

He frowned at that, and she knew he felt she was belittling him, but it didn’t stop her.

“I guess Erin’s mother gave birth naturally?”

He shrugged. “I cannot honestly say I was keeping track.”

It was her turn to frown at him. She didn’t want to ask how many women he had slept with over the years, but it was obviously enough that he’d developed a habit of seducing them and then sending them back to their world, and had probably used whatever powers he had to tell if a child had been born from their union.

His expression shifted, gaining a nervous edge that almost made her smile, because it told her something and it was the only thing she needed to know.

That part of his life was behind him now.

Somehow, she had captured this magnificent, if not a little dangerous and dark, man before her and now he only had eyes for her.

Eyes that were filled with affection and hope, together with fear that she wanted to remove for him.

“I’ll ignore that comment,” she said and relief joined the emotions in his gaze. “Do you think that it’s childbirth that kills the mother and not the baby?”

It was a frightening prospect that if she was pregnant, the baby growing inside her might actually attempt to kill her. She pushed that thought aside, trying to focus on finding a solution to the problem, because she was damned if she was going to die now that she had a reason to live.

Lucifer’s gaze turned thoughtful. “I believe it is the strain of the birth on the mother. When the baby attempts to draw all the power it can from her in order to survive, it kills her.”

Just how powerful would his baby be? As powerful as he was?

A flash of Erin hurling great orbs of black energy against the walls of the fortress blasted into her mind and she had to fight to supress the shudder that wracked her. Erin had seemed as powerful as Lucifer. If she had been that way since before birth, it was little wonder the mother hadn’t survived.

But Nina might.

No, she would.

She smiled at Lucifer, who responded by giving her a quizzical look that asked if she had gone mad.

She had gone mad the moment she had met him, just as he had gone crazy when he had met her. This whole scenario was insane, but her heart said to run with it, because she felt at home here in Lucifer’s arms, looking up into his eyes. That heart beat faster when he brushed his fingers across her cheek and murmured soft words to her in a language she didn’t understand, the sound of his deep voice curling around her making her melt into him and distracting her.

She leaned into his lips as he pressed them to her cheek and then pulled herself back together and pushed her hands against his chest, breaking free of him so they could finish their conversation.

They were a long way from done.

“I might have the answer.”

Those five words seem to hit their mark because he stopped attempting to get closer to her and frowned down at her, a sceptical edge to his handsome face.

“You do?”

Nina nodded. “Caesarean.”

Lucifer’s left eyebrow shot up and she had to stifle a giggle. Her all powerful Lucifer evidently lacked knowledge about certain matters.

“Many women these days have to give birth through a C-section. They cut the baby out of them when it reaches term in order to avoid complications.”

His eyes widened. “They cut it out of you?”

The horrified edge to his expression and tone had her raising her eyebrows at him for a change. It seemed so strange to her, almost comical and wrong. By his own confession, he had suffered through torture that had no doubt left those marks on his back, and as much as she didn’t want to think about it, he had probably dealt out a lot worse to others. Yet, the thought of professional trained surgeons operating to remove a baby from its mother apparently disturbed him and seemed barbaric judging by his reaction.

“It’s perfectly safe,” Nina said. “My own mother gave birth to me that way. If I am pregnant, it would avoid the problem of the birth triggering the baby’s natural instinct to suck the life from me.”

It seemed so wrong that the part of that sentence that freaked her out was the start of it where she had mentioned the possibility of there being life growing inside of her, but she didn’t care. She was rolling with this crazy train, because the destination was the man holding her in his arms so gently that it was as if he feared he might break her and looking at her with a wealth of love in his eyes. He had changed her life, and she knew she had changed his too, and both had been for the better.

“It might not stop it from happening.” He feathered his fingertips across her cheek and fear surfaced in his golden eyes again. “I would have to find other methods… ways of keeping you safe.”