Her Wicked Proposal: The League of Rogues, Book 3 (18 page)

“What a fine pair we make.” He muttered the words so softly she almost missed it.

“Who are you?” she asked again.

“I am Cedric Sheridan, Viscount Sheridan. Most importantly, I am your husband.”

“Husband?” The word felt foreign on her tongue. “How long have we been married?”

“Barely a few days.”

“Oh.” The relief that swept through her was immense.

“You don’t like me then?” His wry tone made her flinch. That hadn’t been her intent.

“It isn’t that. I was worried we’d been married for some time and that all of my memories of you were gone.”

“We’ve known each other for years, Anne.”

“Anne. Is that my name?” A ghost of memory flittered past a vacant window in her mind.
Anne, darling
. Someone had called her that once, she was sure of it.

“You are Anne Chessley, daughter of the late Baron Chessley.”

“Late… He no longer lives?” The words trembled from her lips.

“He died just over a week ago.”

Something inside her broke. A wall of strength she hadn’t realized she’d still been holding on to. A father she could not even remember was dead.

“Did I miss him?” Tears welled in her eyes at the thought of the faceless man who was no longer in her life.

The viscount was there for her, securing her in his arms as if she’d been molded from the same body as he. The achingly perfect feel of being nestled in his embrace was terrifying. She knew nothing of herself except that she had always been strong, and yet in this man’s arms she felt vulnerable. The last vestiges of her strength were gone and she was unable to pull away, unable to put distance between them.

When the tears started to soak his waistcoat, she found herself mumbling an apology in the groove of his neck and shoulder. Lips, warm and comforting, touched the crown of her hair as he shushed her and rocked her body in slow motions. Her tense shoulders eased as a wave of exhaustion, emotional rather than physical, took over.

“I wish I could remember you,” she breathed against his neck.

“I think you would hate me if you could remember, Anne. It is my fault that this happened to you. If not for my callous nature and frail pride, you would be safe and we would be enjoying the delights of a newly married couple. Instead…” The viscount sounded confused as to whether he should be angry at himself or disappointed.

She stroked his cheek, wanting to return the warmth he’d given her. He pulled away, as though her touch had burned him.

“Don’t! I don’t deserve your comfort.”

Anne felt a sudden fierce protectiveness toward him and wrapped her unbound arm firmly around his neck, locking herself against him. Her sling made it cumbersome, but the embrace was so important to her. She desperately needed to remain attached to him, even as he sought to push her away.

“Offering love and comfort is never about whether the receiver deserves it.”

“Love?” Cedric’s eyes widened in surprise. “Do you love me?”

Anne frowned as she considered this. “I must have. I can’t imagine I would have married anyone unless I did.” She was secure in her belief there. Love was vital for marriage, at least for her.

“How can you know that if you cannot even remember your name?” His skepticism cut her more sharply than she’d expected.

“I suppose I know it the way I know I do not like pickled eggs or salmon. It’s instinctive, too deep to be removed from my mind.” Loving him felt that way, bone deep, carved into the essence of her soul. “Do you love me?” The words were out of her mouth before she had a chance to think.

Her husband, the familiar stranger, merely flashed a charming smile.

“Well? Do you?”

“How about I tell you a story instead, Anne. Two years ago a man was at a ball with his closest friends. He knew that he had all he thought he could ever want from life: money, property, titles, companions tried and true. But there was an emptiness inside him, vast as the sea and ravaged by the winds of suffering and solitude. He laughed at others who claimed to love, or to be in love. But in fact he was jealous of them. On that night, surrounded by dancers, a young woman came to him. Against all propriety, all decency, she proceeded to gawk at him like a darling baby chick just out of its shell.”

“Do not tell me I am this baby chick.” She cut in with a tentative but teasing smile.

Cedric ignored her and continued speaking.

“When the man turned around and found her before him, all the world seemed to fade from existence. The very spark of life flickered like a flame in his body against the force of her presence. He responded as any man would when presented with such beauty and innocence. He flirted with her, promised her passion with his gaze. But when he learned just how innocent she truly was, he feared he would taint her with his presence. He forced himself back, to become cool, distant. But his friends encouraged him to try to win her, unworthy though he was. One dance was all this man wanted, all he could ever hope to deserve. One waltz and he could walk away with the memory of her body in his arms, a memory that could sustain him the remainder of his lonely life.”

“And did they dance?” Anne was enthralled with his words, the emotions within her stirring as memories battled valiantly toward the light of her conscious mind.

“No. Another took her from him. The man reacted badly. Anger and jealousy raging inside him. He found another woman, someone easy to please and agreeable. He made that woman his, however briefly, instead of the one he yearned for. It was a mistake he would forever regret. But the woman he truly cared for gave him another chance. She
saved
him.”

Anne winced as flashes of memories, sights and sensations plagued her. A beauty laughing as she demanded harsh love from the familiar stranger, and the tearing and rending of her own innocence at the fumbling hands of another man. Hurt, jealousy, despair. She could barely breathe.

“I’ve upset you. For that I am truly sorry.” Cedric looked ashen, as though her reaction caused him more pain than she realized.

“No. I am glad you told me.” Her arms dropped from around his neck, her body sagging in defeat. The truth lay between them now, an insurmountable obstacle that rendered her immobile.

“Would you like me to leave you alone to rest?”

Anne had never felt such confusion before. How could she want to drag him back into her arms and demand that he hold her for eternity, yet also never want to see him again? The conflicting emotions made no sense and only served to destroy the temporary reprieve of her aching head.

“Yes. I think it would be best if you left…for now.”

She watched him untangle himself from her body with a cold detachment. But her heart flared to life when he eased her back into the mountain of pillows and tucked her sheets up to her chin, as though she were a precious child he only sought to care for.

“Rest now. If you have need of anything, this cord by the bed will summon the servants.”

What if I have need of you?

“Goodnight, Cedric.” His name on her lips seemed to bring her a measure of peace, but her throat tightened all the same as she fought off the urge to cry.

“Good night, Anne, darling.” His response seemed so natural, so right, that Anne had to fight the desire to call him back to her that instant. It was the hardest thing she had done yet, to let Cedric Sheridan walk out of her bedroom door.

The solitude of her room was punishing, but she needed it. There was much to think about, much to understand about herself and her husband before she could figure out what she should do about the future,
their future…if they had one
.

Chapter Fifteen

Cedric slumped heavily in his chair at breakfast the following morning. He’d barely slept last night. Regret and remorse had beat about him incessantly, resulting in a rather nasty headache, causing pinpricks of light in his otherwise sightless vision, as if to mock him as well as inflict pain. The soft click of the dining room door alerted him that he was no longer alone.

“How was last night?” Ashton’s asked in a soft voice.

Cedric almost smiled. When he’d first become blind, people often raised their voices at him, as though his hearing had been destroyed and not his sight. Yet the sense most improved after the accident had been his hearing, by a fair margin. He heard even the smallest, lightest sounds now.

There was the low whir of a bumblebee as it butted against the dining room window behind him. There were the creaks in the old manor house, each groan of wood and protest of stone like an elderly man’s weary sighs. Without any visual vibrancy, Cedric saw the world in a way he never had before.

“Dreadful,” Cedric said, answering his friend’s question. “She didn’t remember her father, or that he’d passed away so recently. When I mentioned it she burst into tears as if it had just happened. Then she claimed she must have loved me if she married me and I couldn’t say it back. I told her the truth about what happened the night we first met. After that she sent me away.” Cedric’s hands fumbled about for his morning tea, and he cursed when he spilled it.

“Ah. It does appear that you stepped in it, then. Rather deeply.” Ashton placed a gentle hand on Cedric’s shoulder, keeping him in his chair so he could not rise. “I will get you another cup.”

“Thank you,” he grumbled. “Did you sleep well?”

“Very well, all things considered. Some problems back in London to consider.”

“Care to elaborate, Ash?”

“It is of no real consequence. I am merely having trouble with Lady Melbourne.”

“Still?” Cedric couldn’t believe his friend had failed to deal with her as he did with his other rivals. She should have been neutralized by now.

“I warned her against any further meddling, but she seems intent to rebel against my command to stay out of my affairs. I’ve never met a woman more ruthless. If I wasn’t so furious, I’d have to admit I almost admire her for challenging me.”

“Imagine that. There exists a woman in this world who does not buy into the famous Lennox charm nor surrender herself to your demands.” Cedric meant the last part only in jest, but Ashton’s tea cup rattled sharply.

“What have you heard?”

Cedric was puzzled by his tone. What nerve had he struck? “Nothing. Only that it is a rare man who will not back down to you and a rarer woman still.”

“You make it sound like she’s as rare as a unicorn.”

“Rarer. You should marry her before she returns to the land of fairy stories.”

“Certainly not.” Ashton’s tone was far too cold. Cedric sighed as he realized his old friend was concealing his true emotions.

“Why not?” Cedric was unhappy and at such times had an inclination to poke at his friend until he too was upset. Misery does so love company.

“I cannot marry a woman I cannot trust to come to heel. My wife must be ready to agree to whatever course of action I deem best. Without such trust, empires and dynasties collapse. As do businesses. Also, Lady Melbourne seems to delight in provoking me.”

Cedric toyed with his cup on the table. “You do not seem to have learned anything after abducting Emily last year.”

Ashton huffed indignantly. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“All women tend to do as they please, and often it is our meddling which makes matters worse. If Godric had told Emily that he loved her sooner, she might have been safer that night at my townhouse. Instead, they quarreled and she was kidnapped right from under our noses. And if I had let Anne explain herself…” The words darkened Cedric’s spirits even further, to the point where he couldn’t finish his own thought.

Ashton’s only response was a grunt as he sat down next to Cedric.

“Have you seen Anne this morning?”

“I haven’t. I was thinking of bringing breakfast to her. The doctor advised that she be under constant supervision. If her memory starts to return, it could be painful.”

“May I offer some advice?” Ashton posed carefully.

“I suppose.”

“Take this time with her, just as she is. Woo her properly. Let this be the courtship neither of you had. Should her memory return, she may not find the past weighs as heavy on her opinion of you.”

“Woo my wife? What a novel idea.” Cedric smiled wryly. “I hope it is possible, for both our sakes.”

“Passion is always possible when two hearts are willing.”

“Always? What about with Lady Melbourne?” Cedric’s lips twitched as he continued to tease his friend.

“She is, as you say, from the land of fairy stories, and therefore not subject to the laws of our reality,” Ashton replied.

“Are you planning on staying at Rushton Steading with us or do you have matters to
handle
?” Cedric accompanied the word
handle
by forming a woman’s curves with his hands.

Ashton grunted at Cedric’s jest. “I would not wish to overstay my welcome, Cedric. Tell me to go if that is your wish.”

Cedric sat up straighter in his chair, all teasing gone. “It is not. I would welcome your company. In fact, you would help keep me sane while my world crumbles around me.”

He meant it. At that very moment, everything around him seemed on the verge of collapse, and he was terrified of being alone when it happened.

“Then I remain here.” Ashton’s voice was full of genuine warmth, born of years of deep affection.

Cedric could breathe again, so long as Ashton stayed here and kept him sane.

“Excellent. If the weather permits, we could fish in the lake today.” Cedric hoped that Ashton would agree. He needed to get outside for a bit, but he couldn’t do so alone, unless he wanted to end up drowned at the bottom of the lake. It would be easy to take a footman with him, but it wasn’t the same. Nothing could replace the reassuring comfort of a trusted friend by his side in a gently rocking boat, poles suspended above the water.

“I would like that,” Ashton admitted. “My mind certainly needs clearing after Lady Melbourne. She has put me in a black mood.”

“Shall we meet in the main hall in half an hour?”

“That would give you time to see to Anne’s breakfast.”

“Yes, I must make sure she has everything she needs.” Cedric jumped on the excuse to see her, even if she didn’t want to see him.

The two men parted ways outside the dining room. Cedric climbed the main stairs, thankful to be home again. His body knew this house as well as he knew himself. That awkwardness he often felt in London where there were more people, more dangers for a man who couldn’t see, weren’t present here at this house. In addition, he was becoming more sure of his body and his movements and far less clumsy. He knew where the stairs were, the location of each room he frequently used. Rushton Steading was a safe place.

It had been years since he’d spent more than a few days here. The past decade had been full of womanizing, horse racing and other such occupations that rakes engaged in, all in London of course. Leaving Rushton empty for so long had left him empty as well. The cool feel of the stair banister beneath his hand brought delightful memories of him sliding down it as a boy.

Lord, how he’d missed this place. It was
home
. Rushton Steading had always been home. Horatia and Audrey had toddled up these stairs in leading strings. He had scampered about the grounds collecting frogs and tadpoles to torture his tutors.

The halls still carried the ghostly scent of his mother’s perfume. Cedric expected to hear his father’s booming laugh from the library at any minute. He had been blessed to have parents who married for love and had deeply loved their children. There was nothing more wonderful, more special than a parent’s love for their child and that child’s love in return. And Cedric had loved his parents with all of his heart.

It never failed to escape his mind that he had been luckier than his sisters. Neither of them had really known their parents as he had. They’d been children when their parents died in a carriage accident. Horatia had also been hurt in the crash. To this day she did not speak of the accident and Cedric did not press her to.

It was hard for him to forget how fortunate he was. His friend Godric hadn’t been so lucky. Godric’s mother had passed away in childbirth, and her loss had driven Godric’s father into dark periods filled with brutal rages. Compared to Godric’s suffering, Cedric had lived a veritable fairytale. It was what he wanted with Anne, to have a life together built on love and trust.

Surely it isn’t too late for us?

Cedric’s hands closed around the doorknob to Anne’s bedchamber. He’d started to twist the knob when the door suddenly gave way. He stumbled as he plunged forward and fell unexpectedly. He expected pain. It always came after the fall. But there was no pain. Only the soft, firm body that cushioned his fall. A sudden gasp filled his ears as the body jerked beneath him and the familiar scent of orchids exploded around him in an intoxicating rush.

“Anne!” Cedric fought to climb off her, panicked that he’d crushed her. But Anne’s struggles under him only locked their bodies more tightly together. Cedric desperately tried to dampen his sudden arousal, but the sounds she made and her squirming made it impossible.

“Anne, darling, please stop that…I can’t see where to…I’m trying to…” Cedric muttered in exasperation until Anne went limp beneath him. Biting back a groan as his body responded enthusiastically to this new position, he tried to focus. The press of her bosom against his chest and the cadence of her panting breaths were not helpful in the least as he sought to restore his self-control.

I must be a bloody cad for wanting her like this
. He couldn’t deny it, however. Cedric wanted to take her right there on the damned floor, even after all she’d been through in the past few weeks.

Anne’s next words caught him completely off guard. “I remember that. You calling me
Anne, darling
.” It was barely a whisper, but he knew what he heard. Anne placed her hands on his shoulders. Cedric wished he could see her face, but his memory of it was all he had left.

“I liked it when you called me that.” Her confession was charming in its shyness.

“Damn,” he cursed to himself.

There was no escaping his desire after that. He dropped his head and found her lips. Anne’s hands fluttered against his neck before settling on his back. Pleasure coursed through him when her fingers dug into his shoulder blades, drawing him closer to her. He wanted more, wanted to taste all of her, but the tremulous quiver in her lips and the hesitancy of her touch turned to tension. His aching need for her plunged him into icy awareness. He couldn’t have her, not yet.

“What’s wrong?” Her warm breath fanned against his throat.

“It seems we’ve taken two steps forward and one step back.” He gathered his wits, which had been like the scattered soldiers of a defeated army. Battle-bruised and weary, his wits rallied together weakly and he climbed off her.

“I’m sorry, Cedric. I would not resist you if wish to assert your marital rights. I am ready to do my duty.” Cedric helped her to rise to her feet and cupped her face in his palms.

“Duty? If you remember nothing else about me, remember this. I want you desperately, I crave you like the air in my lungs. But I will
never
take what you won’t willingly give me.”

“But I just said that—”

Cedric silenced her with a finger to her lips.

“You offered no resistance. I want mutual passion, mutual desire.”

He placed a feather-light kiss on her forehead and stepped back.

“I have arranged for your breakfast to be brought up. Ash and I will be leaving soon.”

“Leaving?”

Cedric was startled when Anne’s hands clutched his waistcoat, clinging to him.

“We aren’t going far. The lake is close by, and we’ll fish for a few hours.”

“Fish? Oh, I thought that you were leaving me alone here.”

Cedric warmed at the relief in her voice.

“I wouldn’t dream of abandoning you, darling. I want you too much for that.” Cedric held her hips close to him, letting her feel his still throbbing erection. It was a bit evil he supposed, to enjoy her shocked gasp, but he did.

“I thought I could control myself. But I can’t wait much longer. Soon we will come together as man and wife. But I want you to want it as much as I do.” He paused when she went rigid. “Don’t fear. I will make sure you want me.”

He teased the corner of her mouth with one last kiss. When she leaned into him eagerly, he withdrew and left her alone.