Here at Last (12 page)

U
ncomfortable
, Nicholas
looked away
.

“I’m sorry. I do
n’t
mean to freak you out.
It’s just that
the
dream
wa
s really important for what came next.”

He glanced back up at me. “What was that?”

“
It helped me
to
realize that relationships could be much more than
I’d
ever
experienced
. I didn’t know if I would meet you or just someone like you.
B
efore I got into another relationship,
though,
I
knew
that
I
need
ed
to
be
with someone who
felt
like you
had
in my dream
s
.
”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“All three dreams shared one feature – I felt more loved than I
ever had
.
I realized that I needed to have that in any relationship
that
I might eventually enter into.
”

He nodded
and seemed to understand
.

“
When
I
woke up, I had this overwhelming sense of loneliness.
” I felt a little embarrassed for being this forward with him, but I was nearly done. “
I
promised
to
wait for
t
he man in my dream
s
if
I knew
that he was real
.
” I laughed a little.
“
Then,
I realized that if I expected to find what I felt was the perfect man
then
I had to be
come a perfect woman. Believe me,
” I smiled,
“
I have a long way to go.
I know
I
can’t be perfect
,
but
I've been actively working to change my life
and become a better person
.
I started
taking care of myself by
meditating and
doing yoga. I
switched from coffee to tea.” I
laughed a little
. “I even
became vegan
.
”

Nicholas
smiled modestly
. “
I’d hardly call myself the perfect man.”

“Maybe not. But you represented something to me that I’d never even thought to look for in a life partner. Once I felt it, I knew
that I couldn’t settle for less
.”

He nodded.
“I really appreciate you telling me this.
When I saw you,
you look
ed
so familiar
,
but I
still
can't remember
why
.”

I sat back in my chair
and smiled
.
“
There is
one final twist
.”

“What
’s that
?”
he asked, curious.

I shook my head. “
I
t’s the funniest thing.
First,
I met you here in Chicago
last week
.
L
ast night,
I
ran into
JT
a
t a tapas bar after work.
He’s in town visiting his sister.
”

Nicholas
looked
surprised
. “
Really?”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“
What do
you suppose that’s all about?
”

“I have no idea.
B
efore I thought better of it, I invited
him
to our office
holiday
party next weekend. I
guess
I’ll find out then.”

Shaking his head,
Nicholas
said,
“This is
crazy
.”
He
leaned back in his chair.
“I mean, m
y life has been so
insane
that I hardly ha
ve
a chance to look up and see wh
at’s going on around me. Then, y
ou come along, and I know you
, but I can’t remember
why
.
”
He looked down at his hands
and was quiet for a moment. When he looked up at me, his eyes were a little glassy.
“
Sophia
,
I can’t be your perfect guy
,” he said quietly
.
“
I’m still very much in love with my wife.”

Although I’d
felt
the need to be honest with him
,
I realized
that I might have
crossed
a
line
and
sought to reassure him right away. “
Nicholas
, I don’t expect
anything
from you. Who knows?
Maybe the man that
I saw wasn’t you but
just
looked like you. Maybe it’s all
a
coincidence. I respect the fact that you’re still
in love
with
Rachel
. I
’m sorry – I
certainly didn’t
mean to ma
k
e you uncomfortable.”

Nicholas
shook his head adamantly. “No, I’m glad you told me. I appreciate
you sharing something so personal with me
. I just don’t know what to do with it.”

“
Maybe
you’re
not supposed to do anything.
I don’t know. It could be that I
just
needed someone to tell me that what I had with
David
wasn’t real enough and that what I
might ha
ve had with JT
would never have been
real.
F
or that, I’m truly grateful. Even if it means that I’m alone, I’m fine with that. I’m a lot more at peace now.
”

Just then, we heard the front door open. “Nick?” came a woman’s voice.

“My sister,” he said, looking
at his watch quizzically.
“In here,” he called out.

Hannah
came running into the kitchen and stopped short when she saw me. She timidly went
to
her father
,
and they hugged. She was followed by a
n energetic,
heavyset
woman with short
brown
hair.

“Hi,” she said walking into the kitchen and waving her hand.

“Hi,” I said to her
, standing up
. “I’m
Sophia
.
”

“Lydia,” she said,
shaking my hand
.

“What happened?” asked
Nicholas
.

“What
didn’t
happen?” she said
as
Hannah
climbed onto her father’s lap
. “Let’s see.
Hannah
and
Audrey
got into a fight with each other over a Barbie doll.
Audrey
hit
Hannah
on the head with the doll, and Joey
started throwing up. My guess is flu so I thought I’d better get
Hannah
home so she doesn’t catch it
.”

Nicholas
looked
at
Hannah
. “Did you and
Audrey
fight?”

She nodded her head.

“Are you okay
?
”

She nodded again.

“
I
s
Audrey
okay?”

She nodded.

“
Hannah
, it’s eight o’clock.
Y
ou know what
that means,
” he
said
.

“It’s bedtime,” she said in a near whisper.

“That’s right.
Go put your PJs on.”

She glanced at me one more time
before climbing off her father’s lap
and
running
down the hall.

Lydia looked at our uneaten burgers. “
Sorry
to interrupt
your
dinner,” she said.

“
That’s alright
,” I sai
d.  “It’s getting a little late
anyway. I should probably go.”

“
You d
on’t have to,
”
Nicholas
said.

“It’s okay. I’m
glad we had a chance to talk, b
ut I
know you’re busy
.”

I sto
od up, and
Nicholas
walked with me
to the foyer. He held my coat for me
,
and I was surprise
d
when he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a hug. “Thank you for telling me everything you did.” His
hug felt
familiar
– warm and reassuring – almost
l
ike it had in the dream.

Hugging him back, I said,
“Thanks for dinner. I had a nice time.” I opened the door and stepped outside into the cold night air. It felt like a short drive home. For whatever it was worth, I’d shared my experiences of
Nicholas
with him. I had no idea what they meant beyond what I
had
told him
, and, p
erhaps
,
I would never know.

Chapter
1
3

The week flew by, and I didn’t think much more about my time with
Nicholas
. I didn’t know what to make of it all so
I
let it slip from my mind.

When JT called me on Friday to confirm our Saturday “date,” I
found
that I was looking forward to it. I hadn’t been on a date in
such
a long time
that I
felt a little nervous
. The last time I’d dressed up for anything social had been our cocktail party in Las Vegas.

I wasn’t disappointed. JT showed up at the door
holding
a beautiful bouquet of
thirteen white roses. I’d assumed that there
were
a dozen, but
he
pointed out that there was one more, which indicate
s
a secret admirer. Of course, the white rose can symbolize humility and worthiness so I wondered if my admirer was trying to communicate that he was up to the task of courtship.
K
nowing JT as I did, I knew that
c
hoosing thirteen white roses would have been a deliberate act.

“You look handsome,” I told him, admiring his
charcoal grey tuxedo
as he handed me the flowers.

“Thank you,”
he
said, kissing my cheek.

He looked me up and down, ey
e
ing
my
long-sleeved,
ankle length
dark
red
velvet and chiffon
dress, which
had a fitted bodice and
a deep
ly
rounded back with fabric that draped below it. I wore
one-
carat earrings made of
conflict-free
diamonds
set
in recycled rhodium
with
a matching ring
and pendant
.

“You look stunning,
”
JT said.

I smiled.
“
Thank you
.”

H
e
lifted my right hand
and admired my ring
. “You wear diamonds well
.
”