Hexes and X's (Z&C Mysteries, #3) (14 page)

Slobber and Zo shone their lights in the direction of the gate, and to their surprise it was Deputy Jones and Judge Huff, whose white hair was all mussed and his tie hung loose and crooked.

“Wow, Dude has been busy!” said Slobber with his big horsey smile.

“If you mean that crazy man in a hospital gown and socks that ran by here with Miss Kane,” criticized the judge, “it wasn’t him. It was the demented woman, Pat Bule, who overtook us when we weren’t looking, and forced us down here on the threat of death.”

“The threat of death? I agree she is pretty scary with that temper, but two big guys like you? Hard to believe,” said Zo. She took off the key around her neck and put the back end into the lock and the gate slid up. The two bedraggled prisoners walked out.

“She sorta got a hold of my gun in a wrestle,” said the deputy sheepishly. “That woman would shoot her grandma. We weren’t taking any chances, especially since she knew how to take the safety off and load the chamber.”

“Everybody around here knows how to shoot!” stated the judge, aggravated.

“That’s right! My chicken, Sweet Pea, can squeeze a shot off and hit a target.” Slobber began a mulish laugh, lifting one leg and slapping a knee. “That’s why, when I come home late at night, I never go ’round to the back kitchen door. Yep, it’s bang, flap-flap, cluck-cluck, bang, flap-flap, cackle!”

“I’m not in the mood, Mr. Slobber.”

“Yes, Yer Honor.”

“We have to get going since Jack has kidnapped Claire.” Zo was an inch short of a panic.

“Yes, we saw them,” said the judge. “All he did was laugh when he saw us and kept going. Can you get us back up to the attic with that key?”

Zo took the judge back through the hatch and unlocked the floor door to the attic so th
at he could go through. But Deputy Jones wanted to go with Slobber and Zo, because Crazy Jack and Murderous Pat were somewhere out there.

The deputy
had said, “You are going to have to feel your way in the dark, Your Honor. We need the flashlights.” The judge assured he could find his way back in the dark, and left the three to themselves.

The trio made their way through the spiders with Slobber only screaming once. The snakes ran off when the flashlight shone on them in the dark, all except for one rattler which uncoiled up at them as if to strike. Zo shot his head off, and they continued on through to the sewer.

Standing there, studying the raging rush of the water, Deputy Jones said, “The riverbed is rough, but I think we can make it. Are you two going to be okay—since I guess we’re going swimming?”

“’Fraid there is no other way,” said Zo with resolve, looking at the putrid challenge. Her desire to save Claire outweighed the fear and disgust.

For once Slobber had nothing to say.

“Is that a tear I see in your eye?” the deputy kidded him.

“Oh, heck no. I’m the guy who can pump a septic tank and eat a bologna sandwich all at the same time.”

“Eeeuuuw! A bologna sandwich?!” quipped Zo.

“Okay, ride the river as if sitting looking forward and keeping your legs straight in front of you. That will take us down fast and safe. Then you will have strength to swim if we need to get to a landing.”

“I suggest everyone keep their lips tightly shut.” Zo wanted to add that dire bit of intel. “And when you see the waterfall coming, get ready to leap out as it takes you down. I don’t know where it would otherwise suck you under, as there is a large grate just below.”

“I’ll go first,” said Jones, “to help any of you that come in behind me if I need to.”

“This is going to ruin my new skirt, but the last one in is a pretty lady
, Mom.”

Everyone agreed and each jumped in the water, which quickly picked them up and washed them rapidly down the river. The two with flashlights kept them illuminating the tunnel ahead of them, so they could determine where they were going. All the while, the noise of rapid water and the wet stink of the sewer kept heart rates high. At an accelerated speed they were coming upon something Zo had never seen before—a peninsula of dirt. “That is where we want to land and investigate!” yelled Zo, seeing the captain’s little boat atop it. She knew, just beyond was the falls, since its thunderous splashing made it hard to hear each other.

The deputy hit the dirt first and pulled himself up, and hastily moved close enough to reach in and grab Slobber out. Then the two of them hurried to grab Zo, who had hit the dirt but was being dragged by the water as if around her ankles. The river fought to take her on its finished course around the dirt peninsula and down the falls. Slobber leaped and caught her by her wrist. Jones grabbed Slobber by his arm, and they both pulled, bringing Zo to safety.

“Oh, that was just scary! I think my stomach is in the same churn and twist as the water I was caught in. I could use a hug, but you guys look kind of poopy.”

“Well that’s the first time I’ve heard that,” replied the handsome deputy, looking sympathetically into Zo’s eyes.

“Not me!” boasted Slobber with his huge and horsey upper-tooth smile.

“Wait, guys. The last time I was here, I got the leather pouch and pearl out of a crack in a niche of the wall right there. Now, it looks like a big cavern. And what we are now stepping on used to be part of the river. We have to be careful. This place is falling all around and getting swept away. …Oh dear, I hope my Claire’s okay.”

“Yes, and looking around with the flashlights is going to warn others that we are here, though we really don’t have a choice. We should enter the cave over here, and edge ourselves in along the walls. Zo,” the deputy stood like a monolith of man above her, looking down in an irony of gentleness, “I have the authority to use deadly force. Since my gun got stolen, may I take the use of your gun?”

“It has been in the water.”

“Modern guns are made pretty tight.” He reached a well-formed hand forward, palm up, waiting.

“Okay, here.” She handed it to him. Riley Jones clipped it onto his belt. It made Zo laugh. “It looks pretty dinky on you there. Kind of like a kindergarten gun, heh heh. Do you think your finger can fit to pull the trigger?”

“You must not doubt my fingers, madam… in case you ever want a neck and shoulder rub.” His voice didn’t sound poopy at all.

“Eep,” she squeaked and just nodded submissively, having no words.

So, the three hugged a wall of the cavern and walked slowly into it with the glow of the flashlights all around them.

“Mother, is that you?” a little voice called from a deeper location.

“Yes, Claire, how are you?”

“Oh, great!” Jack was heard to say.

“Mom—Jack and Pat Bule have each other in a Mexican stand-off. She has a gun too. First one to blink get’s shot.”

TWENTY-ONE

They rounded a dark corner and saw them all by the bleak light of their flashlights. Claire stood beside Jack, rubbing her arm nervously.

“Well, that is interesting,” said Jones. “And, now I have a gun pointed at either one of you.”

“Where are all these flipping guns coming from?” asked Claire.

“Got mine from a drawer in the infirmary,” answered Jack.

“Got mine from the inept hunk,” taunted Pat Bule.

“Well, mine is on loan to the county Sheriff’s department. You two, should you actually shoot someone, will be hung according to Judge Huff; but Deputy Jones, if he shoots you, will get a parade,” Zo informed with some gusto.

Guns stayed pointing, arms straight out and elbows locked in position.

“It occurs to me,” Zo went on, “that no one is finding any treasure, so I’m going to go around you all, look for the mighty chest of pearls. You move your guns off of each other to me and the deputy will shoot you both. You afraid to do that, Riley Jones?”

“It would be my pleasure in the course of my duty. You go ahead, Zo. I’m watching with my finger on the trigger.”

Zo moved ahead, her flashlight leading the way.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Jack protested, and Zo walked on, undaunted.

Jack’s
eyes didn’t leave the murderous Bule for a second, asking, “Don’t you have anything to say about this, you hag?”

“I’m thinkin’…,” Pat said from her shadowy position behind a boulder.

There was so much distraction now between Jack and Bule, and the spot where the deputy was thought to be standing in the dark, that when Zo had passed them all, she motioned with a finger for Claire to break away and join her, which she did. Jack caught sight out of the corner of his eye and nearly moved his gun to point at Claire, and then thought better of it.

“Oh, looky there, Jaaaack. You lost your hostage,” teased the round woman with the nine milometer automatic aimed right at him.

“Since you two are adamant about shooting to kill someone,” Deputy Jones’s voice came from an indiscernible spot in the darkness, “it won’t hurt a thing if you tell me, Jack, if you murdered John or Matilda.”

“No, I didn’t. What would be the point? I don’t want to inherit anything. I can just take the treasure and split out of town.”

“What about you, Pat?”

“It wasn’t me, and I didn’t steal the painting either. I really was framed for that.”
Her sights then drilled into Slobber. “I can’t believe you betrayed me, Marvin. Things didn’t have to get to this point.”

“We only went out f
er two days.” Still holding a flashlight with one hand, he put his other on his hip with attitude. “And the second day I obliged just because I was scared for my life. I ain’t scared no more. I ain’t
scared
no more.”

“
Well, look what you’ve made me do. Made me become. I’m in a gun fight with hot buns here.”

“Hot buns?” Jack said, looking repulsed at the compliment

“You’re in a medical gown, pretty boy,” Pat said matter-of-factly. “We’ve all had a good view.”

Slobber nodded.

Jack shifted his position, so his rear faced the cave’s wall, still keeping his finger on the trigger.

“I didn’t do anything
to make you the way you are. Yer a she-devil, Bule.” Slobber spat on the ground for emphasis.

Her face turned red and she quaked
. “I’m glad I blew up your stupid station!

“You blew up my station? I shoulda known!
Didja hear that, Riley? She’s the one who blew up my station!”

“I got that,” he just said.

“I was perfect for you,” Pat went on. “I know where you like to be tickled. I can make your favorite sandwich just the way you want it. And I ordered those fuzzy handcuffs I know you like.”

“I don’t know what yer talkin’ ’bout!”

“Yes you do—”

“No, I don’t. All that must
a been in yer dreams!”

“Shut UP!” Jack cut in. “Would you both just
shut up
.”

The deputy said, “
I have to agree with hot buns.”

Jack
squirmed and said, “Onto important matters. No, I don’t have Claire anymore, but I’ve got you two. I don’t think anyone would care if I shot Drooly. So I haven’t got a hostage. However, it gives me a laugh to know the Kanes are smarter than all of us, and they will get the treasure and get out of here, and all you’re gonna get is shot, Bule.” He laughed a hoarse, sick-man kind of laugh.

A shot rang out and Jack slumped forward, blood oozing through his hospital gown. A second rang out, followed by three more. Pat fell out over the boulder she had hid behind; the gun slid from her fingers.

“Wow! I’m takin’ you a lot more seriously, Riley,” said Slobber, a little shocked at what had just happened.

“Turn your flashlight on,” he responded. Slobber listened, and Jones picked up Jack’s gun on the way over to Pat. The dead woman’s blood trickled over the boulder. He grabbed her pistol, too, and emptied both their guns of their bullets into a pocket, before sticking them both in his belt. “Both dead.”

“To think she wanted to marry up with me,” Slobber said more to himself in a moment of reflection. “Wait till Sweet Pea hears this!” He straightened up his skirt that was hiked up on one side and smoothed it down. “Let’s go save the ladies!” He headed back into the further recesses of the cavern.

The girls were standing at a dead end, where a dirt wall met them. “We heard gun fire,” Claire said. “We were wondering how we were going to get out of here if it all went bad.”

“It did go bad—for Jack and Pat. Pat fired on Jack and killed him,” said Jones.

“Oh, no
,” Zo sympathized. “Have you got her in cuffs back there?”

“Not exactly…”

“No. Riley lit her up with three bullets,” inserted Slobber. “I kissed ’er oncet. It was like kissing rubber lips on a bowling ball. Still it is all too bad, isn’t it? I am torn, feelin’ guilt for being relieved for not havin’ to watch the dark shadows around my house anymore, where she might jump out and steal my virtue. I am a man with lofty ideals.” With that he smiled a big horse-tooth smile and quickly added, “Well, now what?”

The deputy leaned against the dirt
-slash-rock wall in a moment of rest. To everyone’s shock, it gave way, sending the handsome officer down to his knees. Everyone else jumped back, as it continued to shower down on him, threatening to bury him. The commotion came to a stop with the sound of little rocks pelting the ground like the last patters of rain. Zo saw her flashlight glowing from beneath some of the fallen dirt, and dug it out; Slobber never did let go of his.