HH01 - A Humble Heart (2 page)

The day he ended their online friendship she actually cried. She knew if she met him in real life she would fall head over

heels in love with him if he was even one tenth like the Brian she knew online. After that she didn’t talk to many people online.

It hurt too much.

After several months of avoiding emails from guys wanting to chat an email from Jeff caught her eye. She began talking to

him and liked what she read. He was a few years older than her, but his dating history was practically non-existent. He was

intelligent, funny and appreciated her sense of humor and he never talked to her sexually.

When he asked to meet her in person she didn’t hesitate. She was a nervous wreck the entire day. She tried to keep busy

with work and friends, but nothing kept her hands from shaking. They had to set a midnight date because of her job, leaving her

with the entire day to be nervous.

She didn’t have any expectations of the date. Actually, she refused to have any expectations. The last thing she needed was

to feel the pain when this guy saw her and ran screaming the other way. But he didn’t. He gave her an angelic smile when they

met. He was handsome, but he had low self-esteem like her, which at that point was the only explanation she could give herself

for his lack in dating experience.

Everything in her life improved the moment Jeff entered it. Dana began to focus on her own life. She started applying for

other EMT positions and landed one in Boston. It was unbelievable and surprising. Boston was an ideal location for an EMT.

There were so many possibilities and so much experience to be gained.

She also moved out on her own for the first time in her life. The freedom was great. She had the typical first apartment

experience, a small two bedroom dump with a slum lord, but it was hers and she was proud of it. Who cared if there was no

heat in the winter and sometimes she went days without hot water and had to endure ice cold showers? She was free.

Things with Jeff were great. They took things slowly and fell in love. Things became hot and heavy quickly, but they held

off consummating their relationship for several months. Dana couldn’t sleep with a man she wasn’t in love with, not again. She

also couldn’t stand the thought of having sex with a man without a sense of commitment.

It was embarrassing for her to open up to a man sexually. The thought of sleeping with a man only to break up with him

and see him in public sent shivers down her spine. What if the relationship ended poorly? There would be nothing stopping him

from telling all his buddies all the sordid details of their relationship. No, she couldn’t just sleep with a man she didn’t love.

Jeff spoke those three little words to her just a month after they began dating. It took her breath away when he said it only

to realize she was closely coming to feel the same way. Still they held off taking their relationship to the next level.

When they did, it was unreal and unplanned. It was beyond words for her. They made love all night in a hotel room they

decided spur of the moment to rent because their makeout session became a little too hot and heavy for public, that and a cop

caught them making out in her car…on the side of the road…with most of their clothes already undone….with her straddling

his lap. Things probably wouldn’t have progressed that night if they hadn’t been kicked out of their favorite spot.

Dana made the mistake of confusing love with great sex. In her mind the two were the same. She couldn’t imagine a man

making her feel that good without love being involved. She was young, naïve and in over her head.

Things started going downhill for her professionally. She had to leave her job in Boston for something closer to home

because of her car. Then she began working at a mom and pop ambulance company with some of the cruelest people she had

ever met.

She was what they liked to call a “whistleblower”. She began reporting the abuse she saw when she responded to nursing

homes for patients that had clearly suffered abuse and neglect at the hands of those entrusted with their care.

She was reprimanded by the company she worked for when they began losing nursing home contracts. The nursing homes

were being fined and families were using Dana’s reports to press charges. When they demanded she alter her reports to clear

the nursing home staff of abuse she flat out refused.

After she lost that job she was black listed. She would never work in emergency care again. She moved onto residential

programs helping kids. The jobs were stressful, paid poorly and were god awful except for the kids who were the only plus in

the jobs. She got along with all the kids the staff deemed “losers” and “bad seeds”.

Her relationship progressed with Jeff even though Jeff’s family turned out to be an absolute nightmare. Something she

never contemplated. They were horrid people. Thankfully there weren’t that many people in his family. Everything in his

family seemed to wrap around his mother. Dana felt uncomfortable with his mother the first minute she laid eyes on her.

The smorgasbord of mental problems in his family made Dana cringe. His family consisted of a small group of people that

would drive Dr. Phil to drink. Dana avoided his family as best she could. It was a blessing that Jeff wasn’t close to his family.

Just the thought of spending weekends and holidays with them was enough to send her screaming into the night.

Things between them cooled off considerably after the “I do’s.” Jeff became obsessed with his computer and video

games. Something she was unaware that he did when he wasn’t around her. She knew he used a computer, he was a computer

tech after all, but she didn’t know it was an obsession.

Jeff only came out of his office for meals and then he'd return to his "man town." Soon they slept separately. There were a

thousand and one excuses how that happened, but the truth was they weren’t friends and weren’t in love. It happens. She wasn’t

sure how it happened but they ended up pregnant twice. Jeff wasn’t a part of either pregnancy. He showed no interest and

didn’t talk about it. Something she hadn't expected from him. She thought he would be an attentive husband and father, boy had

she been wrong.

Her attention went back to the video playing. A small smile touched her lips. She liked seeing Edward. Hell, she liked

seeing anyone relaxed and enjoying life completely. It gave her hope and an ache for what life could be, scratch that, should be

for her. She loved her daughter and son very much, but part of her deeply regretted how life had turned out for her.

She was a twenty-eight year old stay at home mom of two small children in an unhappy marriage. Dana was sure she

wasn’t the exception, just the rule. She had no doubt men and women both got themselves into a loveless marriage only because

they confused good sex with love or even worse she suspected she had been young and naïve and in love with the idea of being

in love.

“Mommy!” Cole cried.

Dana pushed her desk chair back and went to see her small son. This was part of her nightly routine. Cole slept in his

older sister’s room until he woke up around eleven. Then he came to sleep in her room. It didn’t bother her that her very sweet

two year old son kept hogging her king size bed on her. They needed each other. Cole was a sensitive tough guy and she hated

being alone at night when the loneliness seemed to multiply.

She chuckled softly when she saw Cole standing in front of the baby safety gate that kept him from roaming the house at

night. He stood waiting for her in only his diaper with his arms up in the air with his blanket fiercely in his hand as he silently

demanded her to pick him up.

After tucking Cole into her bed she turned her attention back to the task at hand. She closed the video and maximized the

file she’d been working on earlier, her third book. It was the second book about her favorite characters she'd created, Christian

and Bailey.

The first book was sent off two months ago with the hope that a publisher would pick it up and sign her. She sent out ten

thick envelopes and so far nothing. She pushed the aching in the pit of her stomach aside and focused. She had a game plan and

she wouldn’t be distracted. She worked ten to fifteen hours a day on her books. There were eight unfinished books on her

laptop that she tended to. She worked with each one until she became stumped then moved on only to come back later. It was

relaxing as well as stimulating. Something she hadn’t found in a long time.

They were her life apart from her children. Hell, she was doing this for her children. She didn’t have a job, a car or close

friends or relatives. There was no clear way for her to escape this marriage, this life. Her only hope at the moment was a

contract for one of her books.

She knew if she ever signed a contract for a book she was out of here. Jeff wouldn’t fight her on the divorce. The only

problem she would have would be custody. Although he didn’t show it he did love the kids in his own way. But once she was

free she was out of here. She didn’t want to stay in this small New England town where she’d lived her entire life. There were

things she deeply loved about New England like its history, many of its tourist attractions and some of its culture, but there

were a lot of things she didn’t enjoy like freezing her ass off from late October until early May.

Dana finished writing another chapter in the lives of Christian and Bailey and shut down her computer. The second book

was coming along nicely. Her only hope was that someone thought the first one was good. She walked to the bathroom and

drew a bath, her favorite and only pastime besides reading.

She settled into the tub with a good book, the latest in her favorite series. It was an addictive series that had her coming

back for more. This was the third time she was reading this particular book.

“Dana,” Jeff said, barging into the bathroom. He didn’t bother knocking, hadn’t since her first pregnancy when she'd been

forced to spend hours in the tub because of her back problems.

Jeff stopped in front of the tub. She looked up to see he was holding a stack of mail in his hands. “I forgot to give these to

you.” He held out the mail. She sighed and placed her book on the side of the tub and took the mail from him.

“Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something,” Jeff started. He looked at her face. He always did no matter what she

wore or didn’t. They were long past the point of checking each other out. She had gained a good sixty pounds since they met,

her skin was pale and dry, and her hair was dry and brittle. The usual complaints of a stay at home mom or so she'd been told.

Jeff had gained a considerable amount of weight as well, but that wasn’t the reason she wasn’t interested in him. She just didn’t

like the person he’d become.

“Dana, I’m going to replace my monitor tomorrow. I found a new one, an HD monitor online that will go well with my

computer.”

“What’s wrong with the monitor you have, Jeff?” she asked, already dreading his answer; the new one was better. That

was the reason for all his spending.

“It’s just outdated now,” he said in a sulky tone.

Dana sighed and sat up. “Jeff, you just bought that monitor six months ago. Where are you getting the money for this?” she

asked, knowing their savings account was small and they had a great deal of available credit. He surprised her with his

answer.

“I’m going to use the Christmas fund.”

Yeah, she was startled. “You’re going to use the money that I’ve been scrimping together for the past year for your

children so you can buy a new monitor you don’t need?”

He scoffed. “It’s my money, Dana. I should be able to spend it how I choose.”

“No,” she said firmly.

Jeff stomped his foot down and pouted the way he did whenever he didn’t get his way. “You’re such a-”

“Bitch?” she finished for him, sounding unamused.

He turned and stormed out of the bathroom, slamming the door, not caring that his two children were sleeping. She placed

the mail on the side of the tub and cradled her head in her hands. “Don’t you dare!” she mumbled sternly to herself.

She wouldn’t cry, wouldn’t break down. She had to remain focused. Stay on the plan, she told herself. She nodded and

picked up the mail, hoping to distract herself with coupons and outrageous bills.

She sorted through the mail until she came to a thick envelope. The return address was from Rerum Publications. Her

hands began to shake. She put the envelope down and took a deep breath preparing for her first rejection letter.

After a long moment she felt prepared. “Don’t cry. Just don’t cry. Take their criticism and use it to make the book better,”

she told herself.

Her hands shook as she picked up the thick envelope. She ripped the envelope open and unfolded the thick pile of papers.

Her eyes ran over the words as her mind screamed for her to stop.

“Oh my God!” she said. A nervous smile spread over her face. “Oh my God!” They loved her book! So much that they

attached an agreement with the acceptance letter promising to send a contract within two days with her first check. They

wanted her Christian and Bailey books to turn into a series. They also wanted to talk about the possibility of more books and