Hienama (10 page)

‘He looked at the pearl,’
Orphie said. ‘Do you want to see it?’

‘No. I know what it looks
like.’

Orphie sighed. ‘Quite a few of
your friends have called, but Sinnar told me to send them all away
until tomorrow. He’s gone home for dinner now, but says he’ll look
in on you later. I’ll stay the night with you, Jass.’

I squeezed his fingers, but
could not speak.

‘You should have the pearl in
bed with you, really,’ Orphie said. ‘It’s wrapped up, but I think
body warmth helps it grow. I slept with my brother every night
until he hatched.’

I looked at him then. ‘What
about your hostling? Why didn’t he do it?’

Orphie looked away. ‘He… he died.
Something went wrong.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Yeah. I didn’t want to tell
you before, in case it frightened you, but it was different for him
anyway.’ He paused. ‘You and Ysobi both know there’s a reason I had
problems with the arunic part of my training. I want to tell you
about it now. Can I?’

I nodded.

‘Thanks.’ Orphie gazed at the
wall, as if into the past. ‘My hostling’s name was Loruen. He was
the travelling type, and we’d go from settlement to settlement,
where he’d work for a while, then move on. I never got to meet my
father, although Loruen said that one day he’d take me to him.
Well, one time, we got into trouble, near Lund.’

Lund was renowned as a
dangerous area in Alba Sulh. The worst elements gathered there,
skulking in the ruins. I nodded again in encouragement.

Orphie swallowed. I could tell
this was difficult for him. ‘Some hara… wild hara… captured us.
That happens, you know. To some, other hara are like… I don’t know,
just animals. I won’t call
them
animals, because animals
would never do the things they did. They wanted Loruen to take
aruna with them, but they were so cruel. They jeered at him. He
refused, which I think now was stupid, but that’s just the way he
was. He didn’t like anyhar telling him what to do. So they just
forced him anyway, and committed pelki on him. I had to watch. They
beat him really badly.’

I didn’t want to think that
things like that happened here in Alba Sulh, the green land of
magic. I didn’t know what to say. But now that Orphie had broached
the subject with somehar, he wanted to say it all.

‘They made him with pearl
somehow,’ he said. ‘I don’t know how they did it, because he fought
them all the way. I can’t remember some of it now, because it went
on for so long. I don’t know how they did it.’ He frowned.

‘Maybe they gave him a drink,
like the one Sinnar gave me earlier,’ I said, dully.

Orphie nodded. ‘Perhaps.
Anyway, he was badly damaged. They put us in a hole in the ground
and we were there for what seemed like days. Sometimes, they’d
throw food down to us.’

‘How did you get away?’ I
asked.

Orphie sighed. ‘We were very
lucky. Some other hara came along and raided the nest we’d been
taken to, so we were rescued. They were from a local settlement,
and they’d heard rumours there were captives nearby, so they’d come
to find out if it was true. We were cared for, and they did
everything they could, but Loruen died when the pearl came out of
him. He bled to death. It was like more of him came out than should
have done. The healers could do nothing. I was there. Now you
know.’

I was glad he hadn’t revealed
those facts to me before. But how to react? It wasn’t easy. ‘I’m so
sorry, Orphie. I don’t know what to say.’

‘Congratulate me,’ he said
bitterly. ‘I was next on the list, but I escaped. I was told that
our captors were probably waiting for my feybraiha. They liked to
seize hara to use them for breeding, so they didn’t have the
inconvenience of having pearls themselves.’ Orphie grimaced. ‘Some
hara are hideous. When I’m around Gesaril, I get the same feelings
I used to get in that nest. It’s like a smell of burning hair.’

I shuddered. ‘What happened
when you went back to the Nayati earlier?’ I asked. ‘Tell me the
truth.’

Orphie looked me in the eye.
‘Gesaril had done something bad to himself.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I don’t know the details, but
there was blood. I think he cut himself. Ysobi had Tibar there, and
a couple of the other hienamas. I didn’t see much, because they’d
got Gesaril in the bedroom, but Tibar said Gesaril was hurt.’

‘How clever of him,’ I
said.

‘Yeah,’ Orphie agreed. He
reached out and stroked my face. ‘Do you want anything, like a
drink, or something to eat?’

‘In a while,’ I said. ‘Thanks,
Orphie.’

‘You’re welcome.’ He smiled.
‘Thanks for listening. I don’t speak about my past to many hara. I
don’t like them knowing. There’s no need for them to know.’

‘I understand,’ I said. ‘It
won’t go any further.’

‘You can tell Ysobi,’ Orphie
said. ‘I suppose I should tell him myself but…’ He looked at me
meaningfully. ‘It’s easier with you.’

I reached out and squeezed one
of his hands. ‘I’ll respect that.’

Orphie smiled. ‘You know, I’ve
made a decision. When I go out into the world, I’m going to find a
har like you to be chesna with, and I’ll bring him back here to
meet you.’

‘I’d like that. I know you’ll
find yourself a wondrous har, Orphie.’

‘I’ll never forget your
goodness,’ he said. ‘Shall I fetch the pearl now?’

‘I suppose so.’

‘It’s not the harling’s fault,’
Orphie said.

Ysobi did not come to see me
until the morning, but at least he arrived early. I’d waited for
him all night, getting more and more anxious by the minute. I’d
asked Orphie to go back to the Nayati, but he wouldn’t. No matter
how much I pleaded, he remained obstinate. When Ysobi finally did
turn up, he looked wretched, with dark marks beneath his eyes. His
hair was lank. I wanted both to hug and hit him. I was so angry
that I couldn’t speak, since anything I did say would come out as
an incoherent rant.

Ysobi sat by the bed. He looked
so serious. A tremor of fear went through me. I thought he was
going to tell me our chesna bond was over. There was a distance
between us. ‘I’m sorry, Jass,’ he said.

Still, I could not speak.

‘You probably know what
happened.’

I shook my head, and then found
my voice. ‘I only know what happened to me. I don’t care about
anything else.’

‘I should have been with you, I
know,’ he said. ‘But I couldn’t, Jass. I couldn’t leave a student
of mine in such a terrible state, and I knew you had Sinnar and
Orphie with you, perhaps others. You have lots of friends, who care
for you deeply. Gesaril has nohar.’

‘He has you,’ I pointed out
sourly.

Ysobi didn’t dispute that,
which only made me angrier.

‘And you might as well drop the
“my student” thing, Yz,’ I said coldly. ‘He’s Gesaril to you, a
har, not just a student.’ I sighed, and it hurt my chest. ‘I
suppose we have to talk. I need to know what’s changed. We have to
talk about the future, because of what we’ve created.’

‘Nothing’s changed, and we’ll
talk about our son’s future all you want.’

‘If nothing’s changed, then I
want you to send Gesaril away.’

There was a deep uncomfortable
silence.

‘I mean it, Yz. I’m tolerant.
It’s not just about being petty and jealous over you spending time
with students. I don’t mind about Orphie. But I do mind about the
other one. He wants you. He’s obsessed with you. And if you can’t
admit that, you’re either blindly stupid or lying to yourself.’

Ysobi rubbed his face with both
hands. ‘You know I can’t send him away, Jass. We’ve talked about
all this. If you’re truly my chesnari, you’ll ride this out with me
until Gesaril is ready to go home. You’ll trust me.’

‘He’s dangerous. Can’t you see
that?’

Ysobi stared at me steadily.
‘No, actually, I can’t. He’s damaged, but not dangerous. Why would
you think such a thing? He’s pathetic and to be pitied, if
anything.’

These words did nothing but
kindle my fury. ‘Oh, really! Then answer this: Would the wise
hienama Ysobi usually throw one of his students out, simply to
cater to the demanding whims of another?’

Ysobi looked taken aback.
‘What?’

‘Orphie came to me yesterday.
He was upset you’d thrown him out just because Gesaril barged in.
You humiliated him, and that isn’t like you. You should have
ordered Gesaril out, not Orphie. And it’s not just that. Orphie is
confiding in me, when he should be confiding in you. You’re ruining
your professional relationship with him, and… excuse
me
…
wasn’t that once so
important
to you? What’s wrong with you?
Stand back and look at the situation, will you? It’s
unhealthy.’

Ysobi’s expression had become
hard. He didn’t like to be criticised like this. ‘I’m sorry Orphie
was upset, and I’ll speak to him about it, but Gesaril needed
attention. I have to be there for him. I opened him up, and it’s my
responsibility to help him become whole. He needs me more than
Orphie does.’

I actually snarled. ‘He
needs
you? Listen to yourself! Yz, I think you need to
examine this whole situation properly in your head, because to tell
you the truth I’m really starting to suspect that you feel
something other than teacherly concern for that har. If you want
him, and it’s the kind of want that excludes a chesna bond with me,
then I have to know. I won’t share you with him, Yz. You have to
make a choice. He’s saying the same thing to you, but in a
different way. He’s using emotional blackmail. He wants you to make
a choice too.’

‘You’ve done this,’ Ysobi said,
abruptly. It didn’t sound like his voice. ‘You made me open up too,
and this is the result. I’d closed myself down to all involvement.
Perhaps, when I let you seduce me, I forgot why I’d done that. Now,
I remember.’

‘Get out,’ I said.

He didn’t move.

‘I mean it.
Get out!
’
The final two words were a shriek that was no doubt audible for a
radius of several miles around the house.

Ysobi stared at me hard for
some moments, then got up and left the room without another word. I
heard him punch the wall in the hallway.

I was overwhelmed by grief, and
wept uncontrollably for hours. Orphie came running to my side the
minute Ysobi had left the house, but could do nothing to console
me. By now, my friends must have realised something was wrong,
because Orphie still wouldn’t let them in the house – and it’s not
unlikely some of them heard me yelling. I didn’t want to have to
face Minnow or any others, because I was ashamed of my own
stupidity, the insane notion I could have a life with Ysobi, the
hienama of arunic arts. I wanted to pretend everything was all
right. I didn’t want pity. I had to make plans for the future.
Would that involve leaving Jesith? I could leave the pearl with
Ysobi. He’d made me have it; now he’d done this to me. Let’s see
how he’d cope with satisfying all the
needs
of his students
with a harling to look after.

My dream of a life had just
shattered.

However, in the early evening,
Ysobi came back to me. He came into the room and stood staring at
me for some moments. I must have looked a real mess, my eyes
swollen from weeping. He, on the other hand, looked radiant. There
was a fire in him.

‘What I said to you earlier was
unforgivable,’ he said, ‘as was the fact I wasn’t here for you
yesterday. I know you needed me too, and I was wrong to abandon
you. I should have got Tibar to deal with Gesaril and have come to
you instead. I won’t ask you to accept an apology, but I am deeply
sorry.’

He was going to say more, but
shook his head, looked at the floor. It was at that moment I
resolved I’d fight for him, and if I had to use wiles as underhand
as Gesaril’s then so be it. I stared at him with wide eyes that I
willed to fill up with tears. I pulled back the blankets of the bed
to show him the pearl lying beside me, as if it had been there all
the time, which it hadn’t. Orphie had had to bully me to warm it.
Ysobi came to my bedside and knelt on the floor. He put his face in
his hands.

‘This is what’s most
important,’ I murmured. ‘It was made in love. We will be
strong.’

He uttered a soft cry and fell
upon me.

I held him close. ‘Tell me what
happened,’ I said.

What happened was this. Ysobi
had stayed overnight with me the night before the pearl arrived and
while I’d slept he’d laid his hand on my stomach to feel the pearl.
He liked to do that; more so than I did, anyway. He’d felt movement
inside me, and psychically he’d begun to suspect my time was near.
This feeling had nagged at him during the morning, and he’d decided
he would come to me in the early afternoon. Then the episode with
Gesaril had occurred. ‘I intended to give him half an hour of my
time,’ Ysobi said. ‘I intuited Orphie would come to you, so I knew
you wouldn’t be alone, but it wasn’t my intention not to be part of
the pearl drop.’

‘So he hurt himself to keep you
there?’ I asked.

Ysobi sighed. ‘I tried to
dismiss him, as gently as I could. But he begged me not to leave
the Nayati. He said he was terrified of something and he wasn’t
making it up, Jass. I could tell. He said he could see faces all
around him that wished to harm him.’

Ysobi had been firm, or so he
told me. He’d told Gesaril that there were no evil influences
around him. But Gesaril wouldn’t accept this. He’d reminded Ysobi
that he was responsible for his students. In return, Ysobi had told
Gesaril that most of his fears were in his imagination, and he’d
got to start taking more responsibility for himself. He’d also said
why he wanted to come to me, which perhaps had been a mistake.
Eventually, Gesaril had calmed down and left the room. He’d spoken
about wanting to use the bathroom before he left.