Highland Chieftain (22 page)

Once she caught her breath, she sat up and turned around. “I was supposed to wash your back.”

Ignoring his aching need to be inside her, Callum turned. He enjoyed the feel of her small hands on his back. She not only washed him but nicely kneaded the muscles weary from such a long ride. Then her hands were on his chest and he had the feeling he was about to pay in kind for his play. By the time her hand curled around his erection he was desperate enough for her that he doubted he would be able to enjoy her touch for long.

When she slipped her other hand down to caress his sack, he lost the ability to wait. He turned, picked her up in his arms, and quickly joined their bodies. She gasped and clutched at his shoulders. Callum moved her and savored the look of passion on her face. When she took over the movement, he held her and kissed her breasts.

For a while the lovemaking was slow, sensual, the need tightly held back so the pleasure would last. Callum desperately wanted it to last, wanted her to see that it could be a long, enjoyable wallow in pleasure. Then she gave a little twist of her body and clenched her inner muscles. The last tenuous thread on his control snapped. He grabbed her by the hips even as he straightened up and kissed her. The finish came quickly then, both of them crying out as the pleasure swept over them and took them down.

“The water is growing cold,” Bethoc muttered against Callum's chest when she finally regained enough breath to speak coherently.

“Mayhap ye could carry me to bed.”

“Drag ye more like and ye will end up with splinters in places ye dinnae wish them to be.”

Callum laughed and sat up straight. “Suspicion I best learn to walk again then.”

He got out of the tub and then helped her step out. It was not hard to see that she was suddenly uncomfortable with her nudity for her cheeks were flushed a bright red and she could not look at him. As he dried himself off, he watched her wrap a drying cloth around herself and use another to dry off her arms and legs. He wrapped his around his waist as she moved to her bags that had been brought in by the maids and pulled out a clean shift and braies. She then managed to get them both on and discard the drying cloth without revealing anything in what he decided was a clever sleight of hand.

“I best go see what Margaret is getting into,” she said as she finished lacing up her gown and reached for her shoes.

“Probably just running her wee legs off after being trapped on a horse all day.” Callum donned his shirt and started to put his plaid on, inwardly cursing himself for the knot of words caught in his throat, words he could not seem to spit out even in the throes of passion. “Ye worry about her.”

“Aye. She is just fearless enough to get herself in trouble or hurt. The boys are too young to protect her from everything.” She moved toward him, picking up his clan badge from the small table near the bed. “'Tis a hard path one must walk with Margaret. Ye have to keep her safe yet ye dinnae want to dim that courage she has, make her fearful.” She paused in front of him to carefully pin the brooch in place.

Callum tugged her close and kissed her, trying desperately to let her know how he felt even though he knew it was not enough. She looked pleasingly flushed when he let her go but only smiled and left to go find Margaret. Callum cursed, and followed a moment later.

* * *

Bethoc sat on the grassy hillside and watched Margaret race around with the boys. Liam was at that age where he could occasionally think himself too old to play with the younger ones but chasing a ball around suited him. He had magnanimously partnered with Margaret and Cathan against Georgie and Gavin plus some young boy from Whytemont. Bethoc could see that Margaret and Cathan were beginning to falter, however. She smiled as a moment later Liam ordered the game over and started to bring the two little ones over to her.

“Thank ye. I was going to call them soon anyway.” Bethoc kissed Margaret's cheek. “'Tis time to eat. I just heard the bell rung calling us in to sup.” She stood up and brushed off her skirts. “And the light is nearly gone.”

“Days are growing shorter,” Liam said as he carried Cathan and walked beside Bethoc. “How fare Bean and Colin?”

Bethoc told him everything she had learned and seen, including about the coming marriage of Robbie and Laurel. Just talking of the two lovers gave her a pang. She was very happy for them but could not fully suppress a stab of envy. Somehow, if she wanted even a small chance for having what Laurel had found with Robbie, she needed to build up the courage to tell Callum how she felt and what she wanted.

It was past time she did a little pushing, Bethoc thought as they entered the great hall. She had been all that was amiable, following him around without complaint or demand. In truth, she had been amiable about everything. At some point she should have spoken up, she thought. Once Angus had been taken off and there was no longer any danger to her, so why had she let him take her with him?

Sitting down next to him, Bethoc tried not to sulk as she continued to ponder what she did or did not have with Callum. They were lovers but she had no proof, nothing to cling to in order to reassure herself, to say she was any more than that. She believed they were friends and felt confident in that. He had told her about his childhood although he had been careful not to be blunt, but she suspected that care was taken simply because she was a woman. Despite all women dealt with day to day, men still believed they could not hear the bad things.

It was not enough, she decided. She could no longer be just his lover. Nor could she continue to stay around until he decided he was tired of her. That was a humiliation she did not even want to think about.

By the time the meal was done, she had given herself an aching head. She excused herself and took Margaret up to bed. Tucking the child into bed after changing her into a small night shift, she told her a story. She smiled when the child fell asleep before she was even half the way done. She kissed the little girl then went to ready herself for bed.

Even as she changed into her night shift she wondered if it was the right thing to do. If Callum did not say what she needed to hear, it would be awkward to get up and get dressed before leaving. Then she shook her head as she climbed into bed. No matter what happened she intended to have one last night with him. Crossing her arms beneath her head she stared up at the ceiling and prayed he did not linger down in the great hall for too long. The last thing she needed was to lose the courage she had spent the day building.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Callum found himself alone with Simon and Uven shortly after Bethoc left. He sighed and realized he missed Robbie more than he had thought he would. Before, there had been some small chance Robbie would return, but there was no chance at all now. He wished the man well but would have preferred he had found a lady at Whytemont to love.

“Here's to Robbie,” said Simon, raising his tankard of ale. “Going to miss the big oaf.”

They all knocked their tankards together and then drank before Callum said, “She is a beautiful lass. Ye might not have seen that when she was in the prison. She also loves him. The lads he was watching o'er are verra happy he is staying with them, him and Laurel and young Magnus, at least until they are older. He is improving their house while they work in the fields and a big harvest is promised this season so they shall have money enough.”

“He has found his place.”

“Aye, Simon, he has. He has found himself a whole family.”

“So, when do ye follow his lead, my friend?”

Callum sighed and took a deep drink. “Who says I want to?” Both men laughed and Callum frowned at them as he refilled his tankard. “What is so cursed funny?”

“Ye are,” said Simon. “'Tis either laugh or berate ye for being an idiot.” Simon studied Callum's face before looking at Uven and saying, “I believe 'tis the latter choice. Sad.”

Uven smiled briefly then studied Callum. Callum began to shift in his seat, uneasy under that steady stare. It was as if Uven was seeing deep inside him, seeing what he kept hidden from himself and others. Uven had been able to do it since they had been boys and Callum had hated it from the start. He did not want someone seeing too much, seeing the dark places that still lingered, and if he did not love the man like family, he might have sent him away. Being part Murray, Uven had a small gift and Callum always had to resist the urge to ask him what he saw.

“Ye have to do something, Callum. Ye give her no reason to stay otherwise,” said Uven.

“I will do something. And what do ye mean I give her nay reason to stay?”

“A reason aside from your skill beneath the sheets,” drawled Simon, “which I dinnae believe is as vast as ye sometimes claim.”

“Vaster than yours.”

“I but keep my experience most secret.”

“'Tis nay hard to keep secret one or two bouts.”

“Boys,” said Uven in a good imitation of a stern father, “I believe ye have wandered off into a pointless argument. We were discussing Callum's current lady and what he should do.”

“There is naught to discuss,” said Callum, but he doubted either man would listen to him.

“Oh aye, my friend, there is. Ye need to either wed her or let her go.”

“And why would ye say those are my only choices? Where is the
let things stay as they are
choice?”

“In the midden heap where it belongs,” Uven snapped. “Ye cannae keep treating her like your mistress. That is what ye are doing, as if ye didnae see it yourself. Ye just tote her around with ye yet ne'er go beyond that.”

“How do ye ken I havenae?”

“I ken ye. Most people would look into their own hearts and see that they need to speak out but ye are hiding all feeling as ye always do. Turning away from it in any way ye can. Weel, except the lusting. That lack is the cause for the sadness in her eyes from time to time.” When Callum just frowned, Uven sighed. “Something ye have also seen and yet ye still say nothing, offer nay soft words, or cut her loose.”

“For what? She cannae go home now. Robbie and Laurel are there.”

“And so ye have another reason to tell yourself why ye are keeping her close.” Uven shook his head. “Ye need to give the poor lass a home.
Jesu
, Callum, can ye nay see how unkind ye are being?”

“I have ne'er been unkind to her.” Callum could hear the lack of force and conviction behind his words and inwardly winced.

“Ye are treating her as if all ye do for her is a favor and the fact that ye are lovers is just a pleasant benefit. She loves ye and ye just ignore it.”

“Ye cannae be sure . . .” He fell silent when Uven made a slashing movement with his hand that cut off his words.

“We dinnae happen to be idiots. 'Tis there to see if one just looks. E'en the people here have taken to calling her m'lady, though she keeps correcting them, for they see and assume, because ye keep her with ye, that ye ken it, that ye will soon make her the lady of Whytemont. She has walked away from two lads who were like family to her to stay with ye. Her home, too. I think, if she didnae have the four children with her, she would walk away from ye as weel soon. A lass can only give her all to a mon for so long with nay return before she realizes she begins to shame herself. Ye need to marry the lass, ye fool.”

“Ye marry a lass when ye love her and I am nae sure if I do.”

“Weel, ye are e'en more witless than I thought,” said Simon.

“I await the day the confusion comes to ye, Simon. However, I do think I should consider what Connor told me. He asked how I felt when she got stabbed. Terrified, I said. He said a mon doesnae get terrified o'er naught. It sounded so brilliant when he said it but the more I thought . . .” He looked at his friends in surprise when they both cursed.

“Stop thinking so much,” Simon snapped. “That is where your problem lies. Ye think o'er everything too much. Some things just are and they dinnae always make sense or follow a straight path. Ye have found reasons to drag her around with ye, keep her at your side, for months now. Aye, it proved helpful in several cases but there really was no need. But ye always thought of one, didnae ye. Always came up with some good reason why she had to stay with ye. And then there is what Connor said though I cannae believe I agree with him. A mon doesnae get terrified o'er naught. Stop thinking it to death. There is only one thing ye need to decide.”

“And what is that, oh wise one?”

“Do ye want her to stay with ye?”

* * *

Callum was still mulling that over when he entered his bedchamber. Simon was right. He teased Bethoc about fretting too much but he overthought everything. Maybe there were things that you just could not think out clearly no matter how hard you tried. Emotions got in the way.

He walked over to the bed and began to shed his clothes. Looking at a sleeping Bethoc he had an answer to the question Simon said was the only one he had to ask. He wanted her to stay with him. He could not think of a future without her by his side.

After taking a moment to wash up, he slid into bed and pulled her into his arms. This was where she belonged. It was the one thing he had no doubt about. He had not even looked at a woman since he had met her. He suddenly recalled an incident with Payton as they walked the streets of the town and he caught the man looking at a pretty, buxom lass walking past them. When he had reminded the man he had Kirstie and should not be looking, Payton had laughed and said a man cannot help appreciating the scenery, that the proof of his love for Kirstie was that he only looked, never touched or even tried to.

It made sense even then. He had not even looked at the moment because he was still completely caught up in what he had with Bethoc, and in trying to decide exactly what that was. Callum idly promised himself to remember that moment with Payton later, when he did catch himself enjoying the scenery. It was not wise to do so if one's woman was close at hand.

He kissed the top of her head and began to lightly explore her body with his hands. The night shift was an irritant but he did not yet dare to remove it. If she woke now, he would, but he was hesitant to do so too abruptly. They had had a long day and she was undoubtedly exhausted.

* * *

Bethoc woke to the thrill of warm hands sliding beneath her night shift. Even before she was fully awake she knew it was Callum. The smell of an old oak tree wrapped around her. She sleepily lifted her arms to wrap them around his neck and pull him close. If she was only going to have one more night with him she did not wish to waste it sleeping. She had a few daring ideas of what she wanted to do and wanted to be certain to have the time to do them.

“Recovered from all that riding?” he asked as he eased her night shift over her head.

“Aye. The hot bath helped.”

“Sorry I woke you.”

“Nay, ye are not.”

Hearing the laughter in her words, he grinned. “Nay, I am not. Ye did look sweet sleeping there.”

“Sweet?” He pulled her close and Bethoc reveled in the touch of their skin, the warmth of his body sinking into hers.

“Peaceful then.” He sighed with pleasure when she gently pushed him onto his back and sprawled on top of him. “Sweetly peaceful and, aye, I did feel a tiny touch of guilt for disturbing ye.” He ran his hands up and down her back as she teased him with small, soft kisses.

Then he kissed her, lost for the moment in the hot sweetness of it. When it ended she moved her kisses to his neck and he murmured his delight. It was not until he realized she was not stopping there that he became tense with anticipation. She kissed her way down his chest, pausing now and then to give him a little nip and soothe the sting of it with her tongue.

Bethoc was not certain about what she was doing but did feel sure she would know if she erred. After all the times he had kissed her so intimately she had to believe he would like it in return. As she kissed his strong thighs, taking the occasional little bite and laving the spot with her tongue, she slipped her hand over to his erection and lightly, slowly stroked it. His groan and the faint jerk of his body told her he liked that.

When she finally kissed him there, his whole body tensed beneath her. Afraid she had made a mistake, that it was one of those things considered fine for a man to do but not a woman, she lifted her head to say something. He curled his fingers in her hair and gently pushed her head back down. Bethoc took that as a sign of welcome and went back to driving him wild with her tongue.

Then she took him into her mouth and he cried out. The sound was one of pleasure and welcome so she continued, pleased that she had found something that gave him such delight. It amazed her that, as she roused his passion, her own grew and she knew she could not continue the play for long.

Callum was both surprised and delighted at Bethoc's boldness. He gritted his teeth and tried to enjoy what she was doing for as long as he could. It was a hard battle and he was only able to enjoy her intimate attentions for a little while before he dragged her up his body and then joined them. As she rode him he grasped her breasts to squeeze and stroke. When he lifted his head to kiss them, he felt her tighten around him and let go of his own control to go over the edge with her.

Their cries blended and then Bethoc collapsed in his arms. For a while they just held each other, panting softly as they struggled to catch their breath. Callum had never felt so replete. He knew he would not find such a feeling with any other woman.

“Ah, Bethoc, I really think I might love ye.”

The moment he heard his own words, he softly cursed. That was not what he had meant to say. He was not surprised when she got off him quickly and stared down at him with an expression that was a strange mixture of delight and aggravation
.
It had been a totally ignorant thing to say.

“Ye
think
ye
might
love me?” While her heart was pounding with hope and happiness, her mind said it was not what she needed.

“That was foolish,” he muttered, and ran his hands through his hair. “I meant to say I think I love ye.”

“Why are ye e'en saying it if ye arenae sure?”

“Because I dinnae want ye to leave me.”

Bethoc stared at him. She was now disappointed yet not crushed or heartbroken. What she had, she decided, was a man who did not know what he felt. She could not stop herself from thinking that he did love her but just did not feel certain. Not only did it sound vain to think it, but she knew she might be grasping at false hope but could not shake the feeling.

“Love is nay a maybe, Callum. Ye either do or ye don't. I love ye and have nay a doubt about it.” She pushed against his chest when he tried to take her into his arms. “Why is it that ye think ye might love me?”

“Weel, I look into the future and ye are always there. Each thing I plan, I wonder how it will suit ye.” He frowned for he had never listed the reasons before and was not sure how to say what needed saying. “I dinnae look at another woman,” he said, and wondered why she was not delighted by that.

“Weel, that is verra nice but doesnae mean ye love me, really. Ye have been a wee bit busy of late and nae in a place where women have been plentiful. And, to be honest, I dinnae think it will last. Wheesht, nae sure I would want it to because then I couldnae look at a mon and when ye have ones like Payton and Connor about, a woman would have to be on her deathbed to nae look at them and e'en then they would probably try.”

Callum looked at her and suddenly grinned, recalling what Payton had said. “Fair enough. What do ye think tells ye whether ye are in love or nae?”

“Worry when they are out of your sight or in trouble, delight when they come home nay matter how short the trip or how far they went, this”—she waved her hand at the two of them in bed—“mayhap having trouble sleeping when the other isnae with ye, feeling it when they are hurt or sad and wanting to fix it fast, and wanting to do things just because ye think they may like it or wondering if ye should do something because ye worry they may nae like it. 'Tis nae so easy to describe. When ye get good or bad news they are the first one ye think of to tell. That and feeling guilty if ye try to keep a secret from them.” She shrugged.