Hindsight (5 page)

‘Mira,
please
!’ Sanchez complained.

It wouldn’t be me unless I did say something like that,
Mira replied, revealing that she was way ahead of the matron’s lessons in sign language for the deaf.

Sanchez rapped her desk three times as if thinking. ‘Freddie’s terrified of his younger brother — far more than either of you. Did you know that?’

‘He doesn’t act it.’

‘Oh? And has he ever shown you the scars on his chest? Or told you who really burned off his hair? And who do you think convinced their mother to send him here all those years ago? She was dying of hepatitis, and all his brother cared about was ditching him so he could join the army. The only memories Freddie has of his kid brother involve a vicious, selfish little brat.’

‘Hasn’t changed much,’ Mira said, ‘and yet Freddie still chose not to warn us properly.’

‘Can’t you at least try to forgive and forget? You have to remember: Freddie’s main reason for keeping his ears open about you and everything you’ve been up to lately, is because he fears I’ll end up dead if there’s ever a reason for Colonel Kitching to come around looking for you.’

‘How can I forget that? Ben’s shoulder is a doughnut now, because of it!’

‘Just set that aside for the moment …’ Sanchez raised her voice slightly again. ‘Focus on your decision to stay here voluntarily, Mira. Then I’m sure Freddie will settle down quickly and leave you alone, just as soon as we manage to convince him, finally, that as far as the outside world is concerned, you’re just another ordinary blind client.’

Mira winced, knowing that she’d never been an ordinary blind client in her life.

‘Or if you want another chance at replacement surgery,’ Sanchez added, ‘just say the word and I’ll make it happen — and this time, those two medical scientists need never know. Friendly or not, they’re still leashed to the military, and I don’t trust them. Who could, considering that Colonel Kitching was their project leader for so long?’

‘I trust them,’ Mira argued.

‘Regardless, I’d much rather book you into a private hospital when you’re ready. You can still live here afterwards — blind or not, state ward or not — because the underlying Fragile X-chromosome syndrome that caused your complications makes you eligible to live here on a voluntary basis.’

‘Yeah, thanks,’ Mira said, feeling increasingly uncomfortable with all the talk about staying on at Serenity. ‘At least you’re offering me a choice in it now.’ She knew that, technically, as a handicapped ward of the state, she wasn’t fully fit yet to make such a decision without the consent of her legal guardian, even though her twenty-first birthday was now more than a year behind her. ‘No thanks to the surgery, though. I’ve already weighed the risks, and there’s a good chance I could end up with no sight at all. At least this way, I’ve been able to see Ben every day through the shades of different yesterdays. My own body too, which is nice for a change. Besides, if Kitching or his associates ever do come looking for me again, I’ll need something they want in case they try to threaten my friends again. Anyway, Freddie’s not the only one who can’t sleep nights, if you’re not safe. Aside from Ben, you’re the only person alive who’s ever treated me like family — even if it was only as a strict parent or bossy big sister.’

‘I’ll take that as a compliment — but think, Mira; if you have nothing they want, there’ll be no reason to seek you out or threaten Ben.’

‘Actually, her eyes aren’t the only thing of value about her,’ Ben suggested.

‘Oh, sure,’ Mira laughed, ‘I’m a wonderful, charming …’

‘I was talking about your parents’ estate actually, but that’s all true about you too. A little harder to value. Matron, how much is she worth, nowadays?’

‘Fifty-two million — give or take a few hundred thousand.’

‘Only fifty-two?’ Ben shifted about in his chair again. ‘How did it get that low? Last I heard a month ago there was at least
sixty
-two?’

‘Not after renovations to her room and her contribution to all the common areas. Some needed expensive work to the foundations. Don’t forget Treasury has been holding ten years of medical expenses until the sale finally went through for her parents’ old bird sanctuary, with interest and management fees and the renovations needed at every other facility she’s been to over the years. Frankly, ten million is cheap.’

‘That’s hardly fair,’ Ben complained. ‘Many clients can’t afford to pay anything.’

‘If ten mill is the price for my independence, good riddance to it,’ Mira said. ‘I’d much rather have the right to say no to anything.’

‘And you will, eventually,’ Sanchez promised. ‘But for the moment, if anyone wants your money, threatening to hurt Ben again won’t do them any good. Starting today, you need his signature to access your accounts — at least until you can both convince the guardianship board that you’re fully capable of handling your affairs yourself.’

‘In the meantime,’ Ben said, ‘we’ll get by regardless of what you can or can’t see — and we’ll do it without attracting any unwanted attention, not even from Freddie.’

‘Oh, but you
will
need this,’ Sanchez said.

Mira heard the sound of a drawer open and close briskly. Then she heard a slip of paper slide across the desk to Ben.

‘Account numbers and transfer authority,’ Sanchez explained. ‘It’s all there, so you can set up your own access code and buy anything she needs, within reason, and the cash card will make it look as if you’re only buying things for yourself.’

‘This suggests you’re still a signatory as a guardian?’

‘Only for the first six months. I’ll review it every fortnight when I extend your temporary permits to take her on holiday. Consider it a year’s probation, same as anyone who challenges their status as a ward of the state. It’s a trial period, during which you’ll both need to demonstrate how wisely you can budget. I’ll keep tabs on that too, naturally, but it’s not really me you have to impress. It’s the review committee, remember, and they’ll be tough nuts to crack. Without full disclosure of Mira’s real condition, you’ll both have to behave like angels or else they’re likely to order a thorough investigation and not only to ensure there was no incompetence or misdiagnosis in the first place. A client must have a chronic and irremediable condition before the status of a state ward is approved initially. That’s why severely handicapped orphans are usually wards for life.’

‘So we’ll buy the weirdest herbal remedies and document gradual but continual improvements,’ Ben said. ‘I can dummy up some reports that backdate until the first day I worked with her. And you can add those to the ones that start from the day she switched to living here voluntarily.’ He added the last part a little louder, as if to ensure Freddie only heard the right whispers in case a week in lock-up wasn’t long enough.

‘Great,’ Sanchez replied, then a soft flurry of movement suggested she’d also said something with her hands, and Ben moved slightly in his chair too, as if answering.

Mira frowned at them.
Hey, asking me to talk with my hands is one thing,
she complained, using sign language for the deaf to speak to both at once.
But if you’re talking secretly right in front of me … you promised weeks ago not to do that ever again.
Then she offered both hands in the air, palms open and fingers splayed, to assist in a switch to finger Braille and offer one of them the chance to respond silently.

She felt large warm hands greet hers, matching thumb for thumb and finger for finger.

Relx,
Ben typed, as awkwardly as ever using the simplest form of finger Braille. He wasn’t nearly so good at it as Matron Sanchez.
Coodnt ne way I hurt to much.

O sori!
Mira pulled her hands away, remembering his crippled shoulder. She’d grown used to slowing down and over-simplifying her finger Braille to ensure he understood her, but she felt slow in the head now too, since she should have figured that much herself.

‘Okay, so let me get this straight,’ Mira said, still guarding every word to limit Freddie’s ability to manipulate her life. ‘I can live here voluntarily, but still challenge my status as a ward of the state — and if I win, I can then spend all my money however I choose, with no need to ask for permission from any guardian, even if I still live here?’

‘You’ll be free enough to make the same mistakes as anybody,’ Ben replied.

Fine by me,
she read from the lips of the ghost matron.
I’ll bring all the paperwork to the hospital, Ben
.
It may take a few days …

‘Fine by me,’ echoed the invisible now-Sanchez at nearly the same instant. ‘So long as you pay rent and meals, same as everyone.’

Mira shivered at the coincidence — not the first time she’d been amazed by the little ways history had of repeating itself. However, the ghost matron soon ended the lesson, staring straight at Mira and mouthing a silent apology before hurrying out — while at the same time, Mira heard the invisible now-matron opening and closing her desk drawer again.

‘Hold still please, Mira.’ Sanchez set something down on her desk nearest to Ben which sounded a little too much like a medical kit as she opened it. ‘One more needle, I’m afraid, Mira. Just a blood test.’

‘Blood test?’ Mira’s heart pounded harder inside her chest, suspecting something already in the syringe. ‘I only had one yesterday!’

‘Starting today, every week for the next six weeks at least, sorry. Day before you leave, day of; it’s procedure. We need to ensure your body continues to flush out all the residual contaminants. You’ve been dosed with quite a cocktail over the years and some have suppressed the full effects of puberty, which means there’s going to come a time fairly soon when your hormones wake up and your body realises it now has to function for a young woman.’

‘Okay, I’m not
that
naïve.’ Mira wrinkled her nose at the idea. ‘I know how my own body is supposed to function by now. I’ve read a lot of Braille books in my time and they weren’t all mysteries, adventures or poetry.’

‘I’ve never accused you of being naïve,’ Sanchez replied. ‘I’ve always suspected you were much smarter than you let on, but that doesn’t change the need for weekly blood samples for a while, sorry. Ben can do it, if you still have a few trust issues with me.’

‘Can I check it first, make sure it’s empty?’ She heard a rustle, as if something was removed from a plastic sleeve.

‘I wouldn’t have it any other way,’ Ben said. He nudged the shape of a large cool syringe against her hand, then pulled it apart with a pop and let her smell the absence of any contents, and encouraged her to keep one hand on his as he opened her other elbow, swabbed the softest flesh with a little alcohol and then pierced her skin with the icy steel tip.

‘Bodily functions aren’t the only changes you’ll experience,’ Sanchez said as Ben drew the sample and finished with another swab. ‘You’ve never been shopping for yourself, at least not since you were a child with your parents, so teller machines, mobile phones and the internet are all virgin territory, not to mention sales-people who’ll treat you differently as soon as they realise you’re blind to any defects in their products or services.’

‘I know how mean people can be,’ Mira argued. ‘Better than you, probably. You’ve only got wall paintings, photos or reports to show what’s been going on around here, but I’ve seen
everything
.’

Sanchez sighed. ‘If you’d said that six weeks ago —’

‘I know. You’d have a doc checking my dosage by now. Are we done here?’

‘Just about.’

‘Hang on,’ Ben said. ‘I expected a desk-load of extra paperwork, all things considering?’

‘I took care of it while you were in hospital, just the way I proposed it. The loophole that allows relatives to visit patients here, despite their criminal records, and take them away for brief home visits can be widened sufficiently for you both at my discretion but as her authorised escort you still have access to any of our resources — for as long as she’s living here voluntarily, I mean.’

‘Sounds too good to be true,’ Ben said, and again Mira heard subtle movements as if their hands were arguing, despite his crippled arm.

‘I was
forced
to drop you from the payroll, Ben. That little mishap with Freddie turned you into a political hot potato.’

‘
Little
? Maddy, he rang the cops pretending to be me and demanded a reward for kidnapping her! You should have known I’d only slipped out with her for a quick tour of the mainland. We spent the best part of an hour arguing about it. And then there’s that whole mess with his brother …’

‘Leave the past in the past until it bites you in the ass. Freddie only interfered to make sure she got home safely. Remember, his main worry is in keeping Colonel Kitching well away from me, and he’s been tearing himself apart with guilt over the things he’s done trying to avoid that particular premonition from coming true — for longer than you realise, probably, because he’s been foretelling doom for me for at least a fortnight before Mira even came onto the scene here.’

‘Freddie’s got issues,’ Ben agreed, ‘but if you’re suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, forget it. Mira and I discussed this already on the way here, and from now on, he’s history as far as we’re concerned.’

‘Bennet, he’s
suffering
!’

Mira heard a final flurry of movements, then a bang as Ben punched the desk.

‘She shouldn’t have to face him,’ he shouted, then dropped his voice to a strained whisper. ‘She sees the past, he hears the future — so what? It’s not like they’re related. She’s not responsible for him and it’s unfair to keep suggesting she is!’

‘That’s not a healthy attitude,’ Sanchez persisted calmly. ‘Just put yourselves in his straitjacket for one minute — he’s deafened by the future, just as Mira’s blinded by the past. But at least she can only see
one
past at a time. That poor old man has to suffer infinite noise — every possible future playing out until history becomes set in stone, and it’s driven him past his limits, understandably.’