His (17 page)

“I’m sure that’s a relief to all the people you kill.”

“No, I suppose not. But everybody always worries about the psychopaths coming after them, and never about the wife they’re cheating on, or their drug dealers, or their disgruntled employees. It’s just not
likely
for a serial killer to get you.”

“You got me.”

“Not like that, kitten,” Gav said, chuckling.

“Don’t kill him today.”

He swallowed. The smile faded from his face.

“Excuse me?”

“You asked what I wanted. Another trade, right? I want you to not kill him.”

“You don’t know this man,” Gav said, his lips pressed together so hard that they were turning white. “He was convicted of spousal abuse two years ago and bought the judge. All he had to do was pay a fine and attend some bullshit counseling sessions. He’s been fucking his intern—”

“I don’t care,” I said, my voice shaking. “Don’t kill him. Don’t leave me again today. Don’t do it.”

“Kitten—”

“You asked what I want. That’s what I want.”

Anger clouded his face. He stood and picked up my plate, stacked it atop his, and dropped both of them into the sink. My shoulders jerked at the noise.

“Upstairs.”

He grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me out of the kitchen. His face was dark, as dark as it had been after I’d tried to kill him with the razor. He pulled me back up the stairs and into the bedroom. My heart was racing. What had I done?

“Lay down.”

I sat on the bed, but I wasn’t quick enough. He shoved me down and looped the rope around my wrists.

“Gav, you promised—”

“You’re hurting me with this.”

“But you promised—”

“For today. Yes. I won’t kill him today. There’s your trade.” He spat the words bitterly as he tied my ankles roughly, not caring how tight they were.

“Where are you going?”

“What does it matter to you?”

“Don’t lie to me.” I thought of my parents, about them asking me to come home. I didn’t have a home. I never had a home, not with them, not with anybody. And not here.

“I’ll be back soon,” he said.

“Gav, don’t kill him! Don’t kill anyone, don’t—”

But he was already gone.

     Gav    

The shadow taunted me. I could go anyway, lie to her and go for the kill. It was a man who deserved to die, and I did not deserve to be like this. The shadow clouded all of my vision as I banged down the stairs, got the ax out from the hallway closet. I slammed the door shut behind me.

In the forest, the birds stopped chirping as I walked into the clearing. I dragged a small fallen tree over to the chopping block, hacked it into logs. Put the first log up onto the block.

“Trade. This isn’t a trade.”

My arms swung the ax. The blade arced up and then down, splintering the log into two pieces. The noise shattered the silence of the forest and I heard the birds flying off their perches. I replaced the log and swung again.

“This is revenge. This is her teasing me. Stupid. I could kill her if I wanted to.”

I could pretend that my anger was due to injustice. That I wanted to kill this man to save the people around him. But there was no saving anyone in this world, and all I wanted was for the damn shadow to go away.

Splinters rained down. Like bones splintering. I imagined my next victim on the chopping block, pleading for his life. Rage boiled up inside of me and I raised the ax, brought it down with such force that it stuck in the block. I put my foot up against the log and rocked the handle until the ax came loose again.

The logs went quickly. I chopped and chopped until the muscles in my arms ached and there was nothing left to split. The world was almost completely black, the shadow taking me over with a desire for relief. Cutting wood was no solution. I gathered the chopped logs in my arms, piled them up near the house in a dozen trips. Overloading myself each time. I could feel my back already beginning to hurt from the weight of carrying so much. Good. The pain would drive the shadow back, maybe. Give me something else to focus on.

Back in the house, up the stairs. In bed I found her tied up, her neck pale and tempting. The walls dripped with shadow and I clenched my fists, trying not to kill her.

She looked terrified as I came forward, stripping off my shirt. This was her choice, her decision.

“Gavriel?”

Her voice echoed in my brain, pinging back and forth inside. Was that who I was? A killer? A psychopath? What did she want to make of me? I bent my head to hers and saw my reflection in her eyes. A murderer, yes. Not today, though.

“You wanted me before, kitten. I hope you want me now.” My hands went to my pants, where I was already hard. Wanting her. Needing her. If I couldn’t have the release I sorely needed, I would have to distract myself elsewhere.

“Gav—”

“You don’t want me to kill him?” I hissed. “Fine. But I’m going to do whatever I want to you.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

     Kat    

“This is your choice,” he said, dropping his underwear on the ground next to the bed. “You understand the decision you’ve made?”

I looked up at him. He scowled down at me, looking angry for disrupting for his plan. And looking… scared?

“Gav—”

“Tell me to go and I’ll go. Anytime. Understand?”

I nodded mutely. He stood at the bedside, his cock twitching, half-erect. I hadn’t seen him in full light before, but looking at him now I wondered if I would be able to take him inside of me. He was huge. I felt something inside me twist in painful desire.

“What do you want?” he asked.

I swallowed, knowing everything he was asking. Knowing what he really wanted. I couldn’t give it to him, but I could give something else.

“I want you,” I said.

It was coercion, I told myself. It was all a lie, all of this.

But it was none of that, not really. I hated the man he wanted to kill, hated that man more than I hated my kidnapper. In my mind, the face of the man he had gone to kill was my stepfather’s face. I knew what those men were like. I hated them.

Was I saving that man, an abuser? Or was I doing this to satisfy myself? Or both?

Gav was rougher this time. He did not waste a second on foreplay. Instead he swung a leg over me and straddled my chest.

Oh god. Oh god.

His cock hung in front of me. Long, thick, the skin smooth. The foreskin was already pulled back by the tension of his erection, exposing the pink mushroom tip.

“Tell me, kitten, have you ever been in this position before?”

“No,” I said honestly. The few guys I’d ever been with had been younger. All they knew was missionary position, and the only blow jobs I’d given had happened on couches, in dorm rooms, after parties where I’d had enough beer to dull my senses. I barely remembered what I’d done to get them off.

I breathed in, trying to slow down my pounding heart. What if he didn’t like what I did? Would he hurt me?

He pulled a pillow down and lifted my head to sneak it under me. All the while, I couldn’t take my eyes off of his cock. It twitched with his heartbeat at random times, and when he reached for the pillow it swung up, grazing my cheek.

“If you try anything to hurt me, I’ll kill you,” he said. “I’m being nice, kitten. I could just leave you here and go get my release elsewhere.”

“No,” I whispered, thinking of the man on the table, the knife dripping with blood. “Don’t. Please don’t.”

“Then make me want to stay here with you.”

With that, he cupped his hand around the back of my head and lifted me slightly. He slid his cock into my mouth and I panicked. Gagging, I coughed and jerked my head back. I looked up, worried, but he was smiling.

“Relax your tongue, kitten,” he said.

I did what he said, and when he put his cock into my mouth again it slid in smoothly. As he thrust farther in, the tip of his cock hit the back of my throat. My eyes watered but I kept my tongue down.

“Ohhh
,” he moaned.

I might have thought that he was faking, but his cock, already stiff, hardened and grew in my mouth. He slid himself out, and I let my lips cover his head as he rocked out of me just barely, then rocked back in.

The hand that he used to steady the back of my head spread out, his fingers twining through my hair. It felt like when he was giving me a shampoo, a gentle caress completely at odds with the hard cock that slid forward and filled my mouth. I whimpered when he thrust too far, and he grinned as he pulled out.

He took his cock in his hand and let the tip touch my lips, the sticky precum mixing with the saliva on my already moistened lips. I breathed in and could feel him tense as the cool air moved over his cock.

“Easy, now. You’re doing so well. Suck the tip, kitten.”

I accepted his cock eagerly, knowing now that I wouldn’t be gagged. I closed my eyes and moved my tongue in circles over his smooth skin. Trying to remember all of the tips I’d read in my sister’s dumb Cosmo magazines.
Flick the tongue against the tip. Make a seal with your lips around the whole head and suck. Breathe through your nose.
My tongue was starting to hurt.

“Kitten.”

I opened my eyes and looked up to see him frowning at me. My heart sank.

“What are you doing?”

“I—I’m trying…”

“Pretend that it’s me licking you,” he said sternly. “What do you want me to do to you?”

Everything
. The word died in my mouth. Instead of letting me talk, he slid his cock back into my mouth.

Yes. What he would do to me. I closed my eyes again, thinking of how he’d teased me. How he’d tormented me. I let my tongue slide out, exploring the circumference of his thick cock. When I touched the bottom of his head with the tip of my tongue, I felt him tense up and gasp above me.

There. I pressed my tongue to the base of his head. There was a ridge, bumped underneath, and I slid my mouth down to that place, sucking hard, letting my tongue flick out again and again. I traced the ridge, following it in a circle. Letting it take me wherever it wanted to go. Soft kisses on the fleshy part of the tip, breaths to cool him down, then back to kissing.

I wanted him so badly now. Thinking about his tongue down between my thighs, doing what I was doing, I twisted with desire. My body was already hot under the dress, and I wondered if he would take it off when I was done, if he would take me. I sucked harder, the way I imagined he would, and it made him groan above me.

His weight shifted forward and I took him into me farther, letting my tongue slip down to the base of his cock. My throat jerked at the touch of his cock when he was so far in, but I forced my body to relax, to take him farther. He moaned and moaned. Tied up, I couldn’t touch myself, but I was getting so turned on by listening to his responses that I thought I could come in an instant if he’d touch me there, even once.

On top of me, he began to rock. I felt the rhythm that he wanted and matched it. His hand supported my neck, and I relaxed into his grip, letting him slide into me as far as he wanted, my tongue lapping at the base of his cock each time he withdrew. His fingers were hot and damp with sweat, and I could feel him grow hotter against my chest as well, even through the dress.

My legs were tied apart, and it killed me to not be able to push my thighs together, to have any pressure down there. His thick hard cock moved faster and faster and all I could think about was how I wanted him down between my legs, how I wanted his tongue, his cock inside of me. I moaned along with him and felt his shivers as my mouth trembled against him. My lips gripped him tightly, sucking and licking at the same time. This, this was what I wanted. Yes, this. This—

“Kitten,” he moaned hoarsely. My eyes had been closed, but I opened them just in time to see him look down at me, his eyebrows turned up in the middle, as though pleading me to continue. “I… I…”

I knew what he was unable to say, and I tilted my head forward to take him completely inside of me. His cock stiffened, the base growing impossibly hard under my lips, and his seed came hot and spurting against my tongue. I swallowed reflexively to keep from gagging, his salty taste filling my mouth, and swallowed again until there was nothing left. I continued to suck and lick, more softly, the way I imagined I’d want to be licked after an orgasm.

He withdrew quickly, and the room turned cool as he swung his leg off of me and released me from his weight. He sat on the edge of the bed, and I twisted my neck to watch him pull on his underwear. Bent over, his head resting slightly on the tips of his fingers, he looked almost as though he was praying.

I burned for relief. There was no way he could stop now. I felt as though he’d done to me all of the things I’d done to him, but I was only on the verge of climax.

“Gav?”

He did not turn. He made no motion at all to let me know that he had heard me. I tried a bit louder.

“Gav?
”

“What is it?”

“I—I mean—would you—can you do that for me?”

As soon as I asked, I knew he would deny me. But I was taken aback at his reaction. Not angry, no. He wasn’t angry at all. Instead, he began to laugh. Softly, at first, then louder and louder, until I worried that he was truly insane. More insane than I’d thought before.

His head snapped toward me, cutting off his laugh abruptly.

“You want more, kitten?”

My mouth was dry.

“I need it. Gavriel, please, I want it so badly. You don’t know—”

“I know it quite well,” he said brusquely. He stood up, and I saw his eyes flatten, cover his emotions. “You’re the one who doesn’t know.”

He walked to the bathroom door and I nearly screamed.

“Just touch me, just a bit,” I begged, hating myself for being so weak. “It won’t take long, I’m almost there.”

“No, kitten,” he said. “Your decision, your choice. It’s a trade, of course. Always a trade.”

I bit my lip.

“I gave you what you wanted—” I started to say, but his dark look cut my words off on my tongue.