His to Bear (6 page)

off.

“Don’t, Jaeda.” His words were hard. “I’m going out for a bit. I’ll come back

and get you when it’s time to head down again. Get dressed. Rest. Stay in the room.”

He took two steps toward the door, and she couldn’t hold her question back

anymore.

“Is it your kitten?” She forced the words past the lump in her throat. That had to

be it. Her Holt didn’t want her because he wanted another.

His head dropped toward his chest as his feet faltered. For a long moment, she

thought he was going to ignore her and keep going. He turned, his gaze going over her

body again before meeting hers.

“I don’t have a kitten.”

There was more. She knew it. “What happened?”

He turned from her and was at the door before he answered. “There’s no one

else, Jaeda. Get some rest.”

He slipped out the door, barely opening it, perhaps in a bid to keep her hidden if

anyone happened to be out in the hall. There was pain in his voice, sadness. There was

more to the story of his kitten than he was sharing. Was he in love with the other

woman? Was that the issue?

She wrapped her arms around her middle as she curled into a ball right on the

floor. It hurt. The emotional pain she and her bear were enduring was worse than

anything a hunter could do. Her Holt didn’t want her. Tears wet her cheeks as she lay

there, knees to her chest, cheek pressed to the carpet. What would she do if her Holt

didn’t accept her? She couldn’t let him be killed. She wouldn’t. She wasn’t sure she

could accept another, though, especially the one who wanted her.

* * * *

Holt leaned against the wall outside the bedroom. He heard Jaeda on the other

side and knew from her breathing she was crying. It broke his heart. He wanted to

walk back in, take her in his arms and fuck until neither of them could move. He

wasn’t going to, though. No matter how much his dick protested.

Shit! He could still smell her on his fingers, feel the dampness of her juices. It

took immense strength not to lift them to his mouth and suck them clean. He’d never

walk away if he did, and he needed to. For both of them, though she wouldn’t thank

him for it right now. How the fuck had things gotten so complicated so quickly?

He’d volunteered to head to the Holloways, offered to help them keep an eye out

for any intruders, though none of them had asked for it. Tah had insisted, and rightly

so, as it had been their pride that had brought the enemy straight to the doorstep of

Laramie and his brothers. They hadn’t known at the time that one among them had

been a traitor. It didn’t matter. The responsibility still lay at their feet.

Holt pushed away from the wall, his head spinning with everything that had

happened since the last time he’d been on Holloway land, and the woman still at the

front of his mind. Kenzie. He didn’t love her, not the way Finn and Murphy and the

rest of the pride seemed to think. He’d seen the sympathy in their eyes when they

looked at him. He’d felt it every time he was around them. God forbid if Kenzie and

her mate had been around. It had been too much to deal with, so he’d taken the out

when it was offered.

He stepped outside and immediately turned toward the woods, disappearing

within them. He needed time alone—to think and figure out what the hell he was

going to do. Despite what everyone else assumed, he wasn’t willing to simply fuck

her and tie them together permanently just because she’d mated him. It definitely

wasn’t a decision someone else would make for him or force him to abide by. It was a

fucking complicated mess.

The problem he was facing now wasn’t about Jaeda, who probably thought he

was rejecting her. No, the problem was all in his head, and yeah, it had a lot to do with his relationship with Kenzie. Though not really in the way others assumed.

He’d been friends with Kenzie before they’d ever slept together. He wouldn’t

lie, not to himself. The sex had been great, but they’d both known something was

missing. When she’d confessed to him and broken things off, he’d been a bit relieved.

They’d actually become even closer friends. She’d told him things she hadn’t shared

with anyone else, at least not then. Through Kenzie, Holt had known about shifters

before he’d seen the members of their forming pride change into lions, tigers and

other cats. He’d taken it all in stride. Until one liger came in and almost destroyed his best friend.

Gabriel was the Angel, a man steeped in legend who avenged shifters, gaining

justice for them and their fallen. A righteous pair of shoes to step into. Holt liked him now, but he sure hadn’t in the beginning. Not when the other man had mated Kenzie

and walked away, leaving her hurting so deeply she couldn’t even tolerate the touch

of another. It had killed Holt to watch her go through that. What had hurt the most

was watching her struggle to deal with all the emotions rolling through her. The

strongest woman he’d ever known, and her mate had almost destroyed her.

He prayed that wasn’t what he was doing to Jaeda. The bears were so different,

it was hard to know what to think. He could only do what his conscience urged him

to. She might hurt now, but if he bedded her, fully bonded with her when he was so

uncertain then he might destroy her completely. He wouldn’t be that man. So he’d

walked away when she wanted to have sex, no matter how difficult it had been. He

wasn’t going to adhere to a deadline, either. Not when they were talking about the rest

of his life, his and Jaeda’s.

What he needed was more information, which he planned to get from Laramie in

the morning. He needed to know how mating worked with bear shifters. It was

obviously different from what he’d seen with the pride he was a part of. Or was he?

Would mating Jaeda mean giving up his pride? Giving up all his friends? Giving up

Kenzie? Was that what Laramie referred to when he’d welcomed Holt into the pack?

Christ, he didn’t even know Jaeda except what she’d shared earlier. He’d been

prepared to spend the next few hours talking to her and amending that until she’d

stripped. A healthy dose of lust coursed through him just remembering how perfect

she’d looked. The woman had damn near made him swallow his tongue. She’d

definitely turned him into a walking hard-on. The things he wanted to do to her, but

there was innocence to her despite her actions that had him holding back. He was

determined to protect her, from herself and him, as well as the Holloways.

He snorted out a laugh. Even if it killed him, which if this challenge with Koby

panned out could be a distinct possibility. That was still on his mind when he ran into

Murphy hours later. He’d been gone longer than he’d expected and counted himself

lucky he hadn’t run into Koby or the others. As it was, the sun was just setting, casting an orange glow.

“Meeting over already?”

Holt jerked up his head when Murphy spoke.

“For now,” he answered. “Laramie sent some of his brothers to check out where

Jaeda was. We’re waiting for them to come back. Should be around nightfall.”

“Where’s Jaeda?”

“Upstairs,” Holt said.

Murphy tilted his head as he watched Holt.

“You smell like sex.”

Holt flushed. There were days he fucking hated shifters and their damn sense of

smell.

“Do you know what you’re getting yourself into with that girl?” Murphy asked.

“Leave it alone, Murph,” Holt said. “And she’s a woman. Not a girl.” He’d seen

that up close. Touched it, too.

“So you’re staying here then? That’s it? When we leave, it’s just me and Finn

heading back?”

“I didn’t say that,” Holt informed his friend. “Give me time here. One minute, I

was asleep. The next thing I know, I’m mated and being welcomed to the bear pack

by Laramie. I don’t have a fucking clue if I’m coming or going at the moment.”

“No sex then, huh?” Finn said as he joined them.

Holt had no doubt he’d heard their whole conversation.

“I know what mating means, no matter how you go about doing it,” Holt finally

said. “And when I take that step, I’m going into it with my eyes wide open. I don’t

want to hurt Jaeda.” His glance caught Murphy’s. “You remember how scared she

was. She needs someone to watch over her more than she needs a lover.”

“Is it Kenzie?” Finn asked.

“No, you idiot, it’s not Kenzie,” Murphy sniped at his brother before Holt could

reply. “Holt isn’t in love with Kenzie. Hasn’t been in a long time. All you have to do

is open your eyes and use them to see that. But I imagine it hurt you more than the rest of us to watch her struggle with her relationship with Gabriel,” he said to Holt.

“I’ve never seen her so vulnerable, nearly broken. Jesus! It pissed me off to see

her that way. I wanted to kill him. I might have tried if she didn’t love him so much.”

“So instead, you poked and prodded him to see what was right in front of him,”

Murphy said. “Bet you did the same to her. You’re a good friend, Holt. We’re all

lucky to have you.”

“No matter what happens, I’ll always be your friend,” Holt said.

“No matter what happens, you’ll always be a part of our pride,” Murphy

countered. “And remember that we’re here no matter what Laramie and the rest of the

bears say. Anything you need. Say the word.”

Holt had known both Murphy and Finn would be there if he needed them. Just

as he suspected several of the other pride members would arrive if Holt requested. He

wasn’t going to.

“You talk to Tah?” he asked Murphy, knowing the Irishman had called their

pride leader despite Holt’s request not to.

“I told him things were fine, but you might have found yourself mated.”

“He laughed, didn’t he?” Holt asked, noting the humor in Murphy’s gaze.

“Seemed to be the funniest thing he’d heard all week,” Murphy confirmed. “I

believe he was still laughing when I hung up.”

Holt shook his head but a smile tugged at his lips.

“So what’s going on with all this?” Finn asked.

“I’ll tell you what I can when I can,” Holt promised. “For right now, I’m still

trying to figure it all out.” He glanced at his watch. “I’ll find out more when the others get back. Then hopefully Jaeda and I can talk privately later tonight.”

“Are you mated to her or not?” Finn wanted to know.

Holt shrugged. “Apparently that’s still up for debate. Jaeda says yes. Laramie

says the bond isn’t official yet.”

“And Koby?” Murphy inquired. “He didn’t seem too happy when he went flying

out of here earlier.”

“Looked down right pissed is what he looked,” Finn stated.

“Koby seems to think Jaeda should be his,” Holt admitted.

“She chose you,” Finn asserted. “That has to mean something. Mating may be

different for them, but some things remain the same. If she chose you, nothing Koby

or anyone else thinks or says can change that.”

“What if it can?” Holt countered.

“What do you mean?” Murphy demanded.

“I’m just curious if it’s possible to mate someone else, for whatever reason,”

Holt mused.

“Not that I know of,” Murphy said. “But I know next to nothing about bear

shifters. Each species is different. The only thing we share in common is the animal

we share our bodies with.”

“What if the mating is never…completed?”

“You mean if you don’t have sex?” Finn asked.

Holt nodded.

“I don’t know,” Murphy admitted. “I’ve never heard of a mating that wasn’t

consummated.”

“Are you thinking of letting Koby stake a claim?” Finn sounded incredulous at

the idea.

“I don’t know what the hell I’m thinking at the moment,” Holt declared. “I know

I won’t be forced into anything or given deadlines.”

“Deadlines?” Murphy asked.

Holt ignored the question. “I know I want to protect Jaeda. I don’t want her

used, and that includes by me. It’s not a decision I’m willing to let my dick make. She

deserves more than that. Hell, so do I.”

“So you do want her,” Finn said with humor.

“Wanting her isn’t the problem,” Holt replied. “Mating her is.”

“Oh, shit,” Murphy muttered and Holt whipped around to see Jaeda standing a

fair distance away. It was easy to tell that despite the space, she’d heard what he’d

said. Fuck!

“Laramie wants to see us,” she called. Her voice was different. Harder. Colder.

He’d hurt her, and he hated himself for it.

“I’ll be right there.”

She didn’t wait for him. She turned and left, moving so quickly that he knew it

was on purpose. She’d acted as if he should just fuck the hell out of her and get it over with earlier. Now she was running. Why was he the only one trying to be logical here?

Most likely because he was the only one completely human.

“Good luck,” Murphy called as Holt began walking back toward the lodge.

He had a feeling he was going to need it. His temper was usually slow to ignite,

but the fuse was burning pretty strong right now. He’d had just about enough of

shifters and their damn moodiness to last him a lifetime. God help the next one that

set him off.

Chapter Five

Jaeda could tell Holt was irritated when he walked in. She’d purposely chosen

the small sofa this time, thinking he’d avoided it last time so he wouldn’t have to sit

so close to her. She assumed he’d be the same this time. He took her completely by