His to Cherish (24 page)

“Now come sit,” he said, almost commanding. I couldn't help the grin that pulled at the corners of my mouth.

“My goodness,” I exhaled as soon as we stepped out onto the balcony. My feet immediately moved to the edge, where my fingers curled over the black iron railing. “So beautiful out here.”

Aidan's body came up behind me, warming my back when he leaned against me. His hands gripped the banister on the outside of mine.

“I'm blown away by how gorgeous this house is.” My voice was a whisper, in awe of my surroundings. Not only of the house and the neighborhood that Aidan was creating, but of the gorgeous backyard in front of me.

It rolled and dipped gently until the lawn met a line of trees in the distance. Through the trees that were beginning to bloom, I could see a creek. Birds chirped, and I closed my eyes, imagining that the crews weren't slamming away in the background and that I could hear the water flowing in the distance, the gentle, lulling sound of water as it moved over rocks.

“I knew you'd like it, but I didn't think it would affect you like this.” His voice was equally quiet as mine, and we spoke in hushed whispers, as if afraid we'd interrupt the magnificent view of nature in front of us.

“I always wanted a house like this,” I admitted. “Not the inside, and not as grand maybe as this place is, but I always wanted land like this. A place where you had natural privacy, the space for gardens, and the space to just
be.
”

“Yeah?” His lips were by my ear and I shivered from the intensity of my thoughts and Aidan's warm breath as it flowed over my skin while he trailed his lips from my ear to my jaw, stopping at my throat.

My grip tightened around the railing.

“Cory wouldn't give that to me. Said he wanted to live in town, so I had to make do with the yard I had.”

“I think we've already discussed my feelings about your ex.”

I nodded. “I know. But sometimes I wonder if I would have seen him for the man he was, if I would have been able to have my dream.”

A family.
If I would have tried with another man, would he have become just as frustrated with me as Cory had? The fertility treatments sometimes left me feeling insane, the constant tracking my cycles, the hormones, and doctor's appointments, the crazy fluctuations of weight and moods, only to have every month end with me collapsing into a ball of tears in the bathroom.

But was it possible to find someone who would put up with all of that? If a baby with me was just as important to him as it was to me?

And yet, with all that Aidan had lost, there was no way he'd want to go through that again.

A lump lodged in my throat as the cold realization washed over me.

I tensed, my arms straightening, and Aidan noticed.

He pulled away, his hands falling from the rail, and he shifted until he was leaning against it, next to me.

“Talk to me,” he said with that quiet voice that always sent my mind straight to the gutter he'd accused me of being in earlier.

“I just…I wanted a family. Always. It's the one thing I've always wanted, and I don't think I'll ever have it.”

Not if I stayed with him. I couldn't imagine he'd want another child after losing Derrick, and I wasn't getting younger. Late twenties was prime baby-making time, but with my medical history, it could take years, putting me in the high-risk age range. And by then, Aidan could be nearing his forties.

It was too much to ask, too early to even think about for us, and as the fears began swirling inside me like a funnel cloud out of nowhere, I had to look away from him.

“Kids?” Aidan asked, his arms now crossed over his chest. I could feel his eyes on me, studying me, and watching me completely freak out even though I remained silent.

“When I was a girl, anytime anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said a mom. It's the only thing I've ever wanted.”

“Are you sure you can't? Or are there options left to try?”

God. My throat burned. Did he even get it?

I sniffed, unable to fight back the tears any longer. How did a simple trip to see Aidan at work turn into this?

“There are options,” I finally said, shaking my head. “Odds are extremely low, risks are extremely high. Not to mention the sky-high costs. It wouldn't be easy, and it could take years.”

Years. I was running out of time. But I wasn't ready to give up Aidan. Not now.

I couldn't imagine my life without him.

Shaking my head, I took a step away, needing a minute to gather my composure.

“God, I don't know what hit me today.” I laughed, but it was shaky, and Aidan had a tight expression on his face when I finally pulled my eyes to his, braving the idea of facing him again. “I know it won't happen, not for me, not now. Some days it just hurts.”

I shrugged it off. I knew Aidan could see my pain, but his expression twisted into something different.

His eyes were soft and his hands fell to his hips. “I always wanted more kids.”

What? My head jerked back. “I didn't…I wasn't…” God, I couldn't even speak. I was stunned speechless when a wistful smile spread across Aidan's lips.

“I'm not saying I'm in any place to have children now, by any means. Derrick's death is too sharp.”

His lips twisted as he said
death,
and God, I was so stupid for spilling any of this today.

“But I always wondered what it'd be like to someday get married and have a family when I was in the place I am now.”

“I'm not asking you for this, Aidan,” I said, still confused, and pulled back.

“I thought we were building something here, something I like a lot, and the timing isn't the best at all, but if we keep moving closer to one another, there's a whole future I could imagine with you. I don't know where I'll be in time with the thought of kids, but I don't think I could count them out, either. Someday.”

Fire burned beneath my skin and I spun on my heels, heading back to the master bedroom. Aidan's heavy footsteps followed behind me, slow but sure.

I didn't look back until I was in the kitchen, my hands spread out on the granite, my breathing ragged.

“I don't want you to leave me over this.” His deep voice made me jump even though I knew he was there. “I can't predict the future any more than you can, I just wanted you to know where my head is. I don't want to hide anything from you.”

I shook my head, processing his words before I pushed off the counter and spun to face him. “I'm not leaving you, I just…I wasn't prepared for this conversation.”

He seemed to measure his words carefully before responding, but I gave him time. “I think I've learned lately that time doesn't matter. I told you before I wanted to do this right, and I like where we're going. I know we have time, but I don't want you worrying about anything with me. We've been together for only a few months, and I know they haven't been easy or necessarily happy ones, but you forget that I've watched you for two years, wanted to ask you out for two years.”

“Aidan…” My head was foggy and heavy, and while what he was saying was beautiful, it was
so much more
than anything I'd intended to delve into over his lunch hour.

“Why'd you come here today?” he asked, pushing off the doorway to the kitchen until he was in front of me. His hand reached out and gently brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear.

I tried to think of my reason. Some of it was out of boredom because I'd been helping out at Kate's Kakes the last few weeks since school got out, but it still left me with a lot of time on my hands.

But it was more than boredom that had led me here. So I was honest when I looked up at him.

“Because I missed you.”

He grinned, that slow and easy smile I was beginning to see all the time now. I ate it up like chocolate and my stomach flipped. “I miss you, too, when I'm at work.”

Suddenly changing directions, he said, “Let's go to Chicago next weekend.”

“What?”

I felt like I'd missed a step.

“Yes. Chicago. Derrick and I used to go, and we were supposed to…” His voice trailed off and I remembered Derrick's birthday and opening day for the Cubs. “I still want to take you. Share some of that with you.”

“Why?” I rasped, my body buzzing with a strange sensation.

“Because I like being with you and I want to share things with you that I enjoy.” He leaned down, brushing a kiss against my lips and then back to my ear before I could blink. With his head in the crook of my neck, his tongue darted out and licked my skin.

“You're beautiful and delicious, you know. Every time I'm around you I want you.”

I groaned. My hands went to the back of his head and my knees trembled. “Aidan.”

“Say you'll go on a trip with me. I like you, Chelsea, and you know that. But I also haven't shared the parts of me yet that were Derrick's. I think for us to move on together, I need you to see that side of me, too, even if…”

He trailed off and I pushed to my toes, silencing him with a kiss.

He didn't need to finish the thought. I could imagine it just fine on my own without his words.
Even if it's without Derrick.
Or some variation of it.

“Okay,” I whispered, our lips brushing against each other's when I pulled back from the kiss. “I'll go to Chicago with you.”

Aidan's response was to return to kissing me until my stomach was jelly, my legs were rubber, and my cheeks were flushed with want and need until he had to end it and return to work, promising to make it up to me later.

“Are you nervous?” Kate asked me as we wiped down the display case for her sugary treats.

I pulled back, brushing my long bangs off my forehead and frowning.

Was I?

My speeding pulse gave me my answer.

“Yeah.” I fidgeted with the rag in my hands, folding and refolding it while she gave me a sly grin. Her blue eyes sparkled happily for me, but I couldn't help but hesitate in sharing my excitement. “I think it will be fun. I haven't been to Chicago for a few years, but this time it's different.”

“I'm sure. When I started dating Tanner, he had just gotten out of an ugly divorce, and even though I knew he liked me and that we probably had a future, it took him a while to open up. I know it's different with Aidan and I can't imagine what he deals with every day, but it's a good sign he wants to take you to Chicago.”

I knew this. I did. My voice lowered so the few customers in her shop couldn't hear our conversation. Over the last couple of weeks, I'd become well aware of the looks I got from women, single and married alike. Apparently, Aidan and me “coming out” at the carnival had started the gossip wheel spinning.

“I'm more afraid of what it will do to him,” I said, chewing my lip nervously. “It's only been a few months, and sometimes I still think he's not ready. I mean, he lost his son; can he really be ready for a relationship?”

“My advice?” she asked, and laid a hand over mine, stilling my fidgeting.

“Please.”

“Let him decide that. He wouldn't do this if this wasn't important to him and if
you
weren't important to him.”

“Okay.” I inhaled a deep, relaxing breath. “I can do this.”

Kate grinned and fixed her ponytail. “Good girl. Why don't you serve this last customer coming in and then get ready to head out. Is Aidan still picking you up?”

I checked the clock on the wall behind the counter. “Yeah, he should be here in a few minutes.”

“Good. Have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't do.” She flashed me a wink and headed to the back, leaving me alone at the front counter. I turned to face the customer, a smile on my face, which evaporated as soon as I saw him.

Nerves tingled through my body as he approached slowly, checking the tables and the display case as if he wondered if he'd come to the right place.

At his side and holding his hand was a beautiful little girl with Cory's dark brown hair and someone else's hazel-colored eyes. She was staring at the dessert case and her little tongue was licking her lips.

My knees wobbled and I grabbed the counter to steady myself.

“Chelsea…” Cory's eyes went as wide as mine when he turned toward the counter. “Um. Hi.”

I swallowed, hoping like hell my voice was strong. “Hey…Cory.”

His eyebrows pulled together and he looked everywhere but at me, as if he still wasn't sure whether he'd entered an alternate universe.

“I didn't know you worked here.”

My hands twisted the towel until my knuckles hurt. My skin felt clammy. I was saved from answering when his daughter said, “Daddy, pink one.”

I looked down and couldn't help but smile at her wide eyes lusting over the chocolate cupcake with a mountain of hot pink frosting and purple star-shaped sprinkles.

“Um.” He looked at me.

Something happened when he did and I jerked back, completely aware that he saw my surprise, but I realized, as my gaze traveled over Cory's preppy and short dark hair, his deep black eyes, and his tall, lean frame—

I felt nothing other than the shock of seeing him.

There was no anger. No pain. No regret.

I felt none of the same emotions coursing through me like I had the first time I'd seen him with his pregnant girlfriend.

Shaking my head free of those thoughts, my hands were tingling when I bent down and pulled out the cupcake his daughter wanted.

“These are my favorite,” I whispered, placing it on a plate and sliding it across the counter. My gaze flickered to Cory, who was still watching me with an odd look in his eyes. “What else can I get for you?”

“Um…coffee and a blueberry bagel, please.”

His eyes didn't leave mine, and as I turned my back to him, I still felt him watching me, even though his daughter was happily chattering about the cupcake and wanting a glass of juice.

As I poured the coffee, I looked at him over my shoulder. “Still like it black?”

His head jerked in surprise. “Yeah…thanks.”

“No problem.”

I slid the rest of his order to him, making sure to put the juice in a kids' cup with a lid and straw, and rang up his total.

“This is weird,” he said as he handed me his credit card. “I didn't expect to see you here.”

I slid the card through the reader. “I'm helping Kate this summer, something to do.”

When I looked up, his head was tilted to the side. In reality, Latham Hills was such a small town it was amazing we didn't run into each other more often.

“You look good,” he finally said in his quiet but not super deep voice. It didn't affect me at all, although I used to love his voice.

Now, between him and Aidan, there was absolutely no comparison.

“Thanks,” I murmured, handing him his card. “Your daughter is beautiful.”

His eyes flickered down to the pudgy little toddler next to him and then back to me. When he did, his shoulders dropped.

In the distance, I heard the chime of the door but didn't turn my head to see who was coming in.

He hesitated before blurting, “Thank you. And for the record, Chelsea, I'm really sorry. You didn't deserve the shit I put you through.”

My lips rolled together, my emotions and the memories flashing through my mind.

I could thank him for an apology that came years too late, but even as he said the words, I knew I didn't need them. Not anymore.

I gestured toward the items I'd plated for them and smiled. “Enjoy your treat,” I said instead. “And take care.”

Without giving him the opportunity to continue a conversation I didn't want to have, I shifted my attention to the customer who had come in and had undoubtedly heard our awkward conversation.

When I did, my cheeks flushed and my voice went breathy. “Aidan.”

His hands were shoved into his pockets, and based on his cool expression, by the way he watched Cory walk away before turning his attention back to me, he'd heard everything.

“You okay?” he asked, nodding his head in the direction where Cory had taken a seat with his daughter.

“I'm good.”

He frowned and stepped toward me.

“I promise, I'm okay.”

His lips pressed together like he wanted to say something else, but I was already untying my white apron, wrapping it in my hands. “I'm also ready for our weekend, unless you'd like to get something to go?”

Aidan's eyes flashed in humor and his lips twitched. “Can you make the four-hour car ride without sugar in you?”

I grinned. “Probably not.”

Kate's perpetually happy voice rang through the small bakery, interrupting us. “Aidan! You're here! Come to whisk Chelsea away from me, huh?”

I turned toward her and smiled, and as I did, from my peripheral vision I noticed the announcement had grabbed Cory's attention. He looked from Aidan to me before going back to his daughter.

“That's the plan,” Aidan said. “But I think I need to stock up on treats first.”

“I'll help you.” Kate bumped my hip with hers and flashed me a wink. “You go get ready.”

I turn back to Aidan, rolling my eyes with a smile. “I'll be just a few minutes.”

While I was freshening up and reapplying a little bit of makeup in the small break room at the back, my mind spun with everything that had just happened and the concerned look on Aidan's face when he'd first seen me.

He did care. And I was important to him.

Not that I'd doubted it, but it was still easy sometimes to worry about how important I truly was to someone. As much as I claimed to be over Cory and didn't need his apology, old wounds easily surfaced.

I exhaled and tossed the strap of my purse over my shoulder. Someday, I was really going to start believing the words everyone told me instead of living in fear that I wasn't enough.

Who knew? Perhaps today was that day.

With that thought, and a slight smile on my face, I headed back out to the front, where Aidan was holding a large white grocery sack. When I looked inside, I saw three large Styrofoam containers.

My grin spread wider and I burst out with a laugh. “Think that's enough?”

He shrugged a shoulder and returned my smile. “With you? I thought it'd be safer to buy Kate out.”

Still laughing, I looked at Kate, who said, “Looks like the man knows you pretty well.”

“Yeah,” I sighed, flashing her a wink, and grinned back at Aidan. “I think he does.”

I swallowed, hoping Aidan knew I meant so much more by that statement than just my love of sugar and chocolate.

I caught Cory's eyes as Aidan and I reached the door and I gave him a small wave goodbye.

He nodded once and I saw remorse flash in his eyes before he looked away. It was a simple look that said he knew how much he'd hurt me and was sorry. I returned his expression, accepting it, and let Aidan hold the door open for me as he guided me outside.

Once we were on the sidewalk, Aidan grabbed my hand and he tugged me flush against his firm chest.

“Are you really okay? That couldn't have been easy.”

I rolled up to my toes and pressed my lips to his cheek. “I'm good, I promise. It was a surprise, but good to see him, I think. I don't know, I didn't really feel anything after I got over the initial shock.”

Aidan looked doubtful, but he still released me, sliding his hand up to the side of my neck and pressing his lips against mine. “All right, then.”

“Can we go now?” I nodded toward the bag. “I'm getting hungry.”

His easy laugh rumbled through the air, warming my stomach and making it flip as he helped me into the truck.

We'd been on the road for an hour, chatting while I ate the cupcakes and bagels he'd bought for me. I made him stop once to get me more coffee, and between the conversation and bursting Aidan's eardrums with my horrible singing to the country music he played, it was the best road trip I'd ever taken.

“Tell me about Cory.”

His voice was quiet when the song “Burn It Down” ended. My bottom lip slipped between my teeth and I looked at him, wondering if he was upset or jealous or whatever.

But he wasn't. He looked curious as he tossed me a quick look before refocusing on the road.

“We were high school sweethearts,” I said. “Started dating our sophomore year of high school and just…stayed together, I suppose. We both went to the University of Michigan and I lived in the dorms for the first couple of years with Suzanne, Camden, and Paige. Our junior year, Cory and I got an apartment together.” I trailed off, thinking about those years. How even then, Cory and I had said we'd always be together. I had believed him, too. Yet looking back, I could see how what we'd had wasn't a real, deep love. Just a first love of young kids, wanting to hold on and not knowing how to let go when the time was right. “Anyway, we got married after graduation, and bought the house. I had always known it'd be difficult to have kids so we didn't wait too long to start trying. And then…”

I stopped. There wasn't much to say when Aidan knew the rest. Plus, it still felt humiliating to talk about the fertility treatments. There was something about being a woman and having your body not do the one thing that a woman's body was supposed to do that always caused a lump in my throat. Then there was the continual stress, the financial cost to all of it even though Cory made great money computer programming and my old job at a museum in Detroit paid decently, as well. We had started fighting constantly. A lot of it was the hormones making me seem crazy. In the end, Cory and I weren't in love and were too young and too immature to have a relationship that would withstand the hard times, regardless of the vows we'd made.

Granted, he'd taken the cowardly way out, but looking back, it was a blessing in disguise.

“I'm sorry you went through all of that, Chelsea.”

I reached over, placed my hand on Aidan's thigh, and squeezed tight. “I am, too. I think it was a good thing, though. Cory and I weren't meant to be forever and it had to end somehow. At least it ended before I got pregnant, I guess.”

His warm hand, strong and callused from hard work, gently covered my hand and made a ripple of awareness and desire slide through me.

We were silent for moments before he brought my hand to his lips. “I would never do that to you.”

“I know you wouldn't.”

Aidan wasn't the type of guy to have an affair. I truly knew that in both my head and my heart.

Our hotel was absolutely beautiful.
Glamorous
was probably a better word for it, and as I let Aidan lead me down the hallway, the bellboy behind us carrying our luggage, my body began to respond to the lush and romantic hotel that Aidan chose for our weekend getaway.

I chewed my lip, trying to fight the smile that wanted to plaster itself across my face, and tamped down the beginning twinges of arousal.

I waited silently, taking in the suite that Aidan had reserved for us. There was a plush king-size bed, a bathroom where the shower's glass wall separated it from the bedroom, and a huge corner spa tub sat in the bedroom area. There was essentially no privacy allowed in the room with the glass wall.

“I have a feeling you haven't stayed in a place like this before,” I finally said, my voice thick with anticipation as I continued taking in the cream bed coverings and the dark woodwork. The hotel was grand—the room a romantic getaway for lovers.