Hollowed (25 page)

Oliver studies me like he
'
s trying to figure out what he should say, how much he wants
to tell me
. I want to know. I
really
want to know. I want understand him because he and Cole
and Daniel
are closed books so out of my reach.
I need to know these people who have taken me in and helped me, these people who might very well be all I have to rely on now.

After what feels like forever, Oliver
'
s hazel eyes drift shut and he turns his head away.
"
During the second World War, I was brought to
one of the concentration camps
.
"

"
You were a...
"

"
A soldier.
"
His voice is tight.
"
I
'
d managed to avoid the camps right up until the end, doing patrols
on the roads
.
"

I bite my lip. Wherever this story is headed, the strain in his
voice
tells me it
'
s not going to be pretty.

"
Nothing can describe it,
"
he continues.
"
All those who were imprisoned, I never understood what made them different from us. I lived my entire life next to a Jewish family; I used to play with their kids. The way they were treated... The way they were killed... On my first day, the other soldiers brought me to one of the gas chambers, like some kind of demented initiation. People filed inside and I...
"

Before he can say another word, everything clicks into place. His reaction the other night
when I asked,
Have you killed a lot of people
?

Oh my God.

Oliver stares down at his hands.
"
I didn
'
t know what they were going to make me do. But I knew it meant hurting people, killing
people. I could have refused...
but I didn
'
t. I followed the orders I was given.
"

I feel violently sick.
"
If you said no, they would have killed you.
"
My voice is just as forced as his, catching in my throat.

"
My life for all of theirs.
"

"
It wouldn
'
t have saved them.
"

"
But I should never have been the one to bloody my hands.
"
He shakes his head.
"
A week later, I broke open one of the fences at night to let out as many people as I could. They caught us, of course. Chased everyone down like dogs. People already too weak and sick to run. But I try
telling
myself that maybe
...
I was able to save
someone
.
"

The way he says it tells me it
'
s something he
'
s held onto. The one thing he
did
that
might have been right, that maybe he was able to spare even one life for the ones he was forced to take. Something to keep him going when the memories
wake him up at night
.

"
What happened after that?
"

"
I was gunned down with the rest of them, though it took them days to find me.
"
A bitter smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.
"
They left me in the snow to die.
"

"
Cole found you.
"

"
He was looking for survivors amongst the escaped prisoners. Instead, he found a stupid German soldier who didn
'
t deserve much of anything, let alone the chance to live.
"
His voice softens.
"
...But he asked me if I was the one who helped them. I told him I had not
really
helped anyone. He said, ‘You gave them the gift of dying as free people,
'
and offered to save me.
"

I can picture it so vividly it chills me. A world
and time
different fr
om the one I know, and Oliver,
scared and alone, bleeding out in the snow, wanting so desperately to fix the unfixable.

"
I didn
'
t think I deserved it, but
I had a mother and sister back home;
I couldn
'
t die
not knowing if they were all right
.
So, I said yes.
My transformation went by quickly. Two, three days. But during that time I didn
'
t want to stop to rest; I forced Cole to let me return
to my city
. By the time we
arrived
, I was fully changed
,
but
there was nothing left for me.
"
His hands curl into tight fists.
"
Mother took
in the Jewish family living next door and
hid
them in the basement. When they were found, they had her hanged in the middle of town
to set an
example of what would happen to anyone harboring Jews.
"

I swallow hard.
"
And your sister?
"

"
Sophie.
"
A smile. Distant. Longing. Sad.
"
She was only ten. I don
'
t know what the soldiers did to her, and I don
'
t think
I want to know, but she was...s
ick.
Hurt. M
angled. She
'
d been alone for weeks, no doctor for her injuries, eating spoiled food. Cole tried to warn me about seeing her, and I wouldn
'
t listen, I just...
wanted to save her, protect her
,
and all she could do was scream and cry. Couldn
'
t even look at me, she was so terrified. After that...
"

Oliver tips his head back, eyes falling shut.

"
I wanted to die.
"

There
'
s nothing I can say. Compared to Oliver, my transformation was a cakewalk. I can
'
t wrap my mind around it, and I don
'
t know what to do with the pain in his voice, so tangible I can
almost wrap my fingers around it.

No words. But I put my arms around him, hugging him, holding him, even though I don
'
t know what good it does. Oliver is still. He says nothing, and I wonder if he
'
s reliving those days and weeks all in his head behind closed eyelids. Still
crushed under
the guilt of not only taking lives, but being unable to save others.

He touches my arm, exhaling some of the tension in his shoulders.
"
I
'
m all right.
"

I take that as my cue to let go
and sink
back. We sit in silence, me watching him, him w
atching the floor. Finally
, he lifts his head and clears his throat.

"
I like to think the infected become more of
their true selves
when they
'
re turned. Our innermost wants and feelings brought to light. Less reason to keep them bottled up, I guess.
"
He shrugs.
"Those who were bad to begin with will get worse, without the fear of death or repression by human law to restrain them."

The real Oliver? His true wants and feelings?
The reason he
'
s protected me despite
not wanting to get involved is
because he has
always had
a good heart. Because he isn
'
t the sort who can sit back and watch someone hurt if there
'
s something he can do to help. In that moment, I think I can understand
him
a little better.

This atmosphere is way too heavy for my liking. I nudge him with an elbow.
"
Soooo...
your innermost self is a
stubborn, pushy jerk
?
"

Oliver blinks at me, like I
'
ve said something confusing rather than insulted him. Was he expecting a different reaction after everything he told me? Tough. His mouth twists into a smile.

"
You're
moody, and your sense of humor is terrible.
"

"
My
sense of humor is terrible?
Yours
is terrible!
"

"
Oliver does not have a sense of humor,
"
Daniel says as the door opens and he steps inside.
What timing.
On his heels is petite blonde girl who looks like she might be part of the cleaning staff.

"
Exactly, that
'
s why it
'
s terrible.
"
I eye the girl, who is purposely trying not to stare at me and my messy clothes and hair, or Oliver
'
s bandaged body. Daniel shuts the door behind himself and gestures to Oliver, who rises from the bed.

"
Where did you say the mouse was...?
"
the girl says, glancing around. So that
'
s how he got her here. Talk about room service. She turns away and Oliver moves. Before she can even comprehend what
'
s
going on
, his teeth are at her throat. She lets out the faintest little
"
Oh,
"
and sags limply in his arms.

Jealous
. I wish I were capable of being so quick and clean about it. Though watching him is almost embarrassing, especially with the way I can see some of his color returning, giving him an almost flushed appearance, and the content expression on his face. The cleaning girl hangs in his arms, blissfully unaware. I look down at my hands in my lap.

"
You need to eat, too,
"
Daniel says, plucking a dark strand of hair
from
my eyes.

With the scent of blood permeating the air, I can hones
tly say I really want to, but—
"
Later.
"
Not here. Not with people watching. Besides, I don
'
t think the girl can stand to feed more than one of us.

Oliver pulls back after awhile. Already the wounds on
the maid's
neck are stitching shut. Creepy how that works. Neat, but creepy. She stands up on her own, shaky, and looks at us with a dim, dreamy expression.
"
Yeah
, the mouse,
"
she says.
"
I
'
ll...
alert management.
"
And she wobbles out of the room like she
'
s tipped back one too many drinks. 

Amazing how a single feeding can make Oliver look alive again. I
'
m willing to bet after the beating he took, he needs more, but he
'
s a good boy and wouldn
'
t kill someone for it.
Though n
ow that he has Daniel and me
here
and he
'
s feeling better, that apparently means it
'
s back to work.

"
Cole wants to kick the search for Maverick up a notch
,
"
he says, wiping at his mouth.
"
See if we can
'
t catch one of his lackeys alive. Maybe that Alex girl; she
'
s the weakest of them and the most likely to crack.
"

"
Or Fred,
"
I offer.
"
He
'
s stupid enough to let their location slip.
"

"
Whoever we can get is fine. Asking them nicely obviously won
'
t work. And this time, the three of us stick together. No more splitting up.
"