Holly's Heart Collection One (68 page)

Oh, Jared, why did you have to go and spoil everything?
my heart cried.
How could you say all those things?

My eyes filled with tears. Out of control, they brimmed over the edge, rolling down my cheeks.

“Get over it, girl,” I muttered, frantically searching for the cards that matched the one in my hand. Through the tears, things were a blur. I grabbed for a tissue, in my pocket, in my purse. Anywhere. “Get a grip,” I whispered angrily, pushing the card in anywhere it fit.

Then I snatched a red envelope from another stack and shoved it in front of the First Christmas Together card, hiding it from view.

No way can I let Saundra see me like this,
I thought, determined to rid myself of any trace of emotion. I pulled out a ratty tissue from my pocket and darted behind the counter display of jewelry boxes. One of them had a mirror inside its lid, and I stooped down to dry my eyes, dabbing at my cheeks.

“May I help you?” a clerk asked, appearing out of nowhere.

Speechless, I shook my head. Evidently she mistook my silence for extraordinary interest and began winding the music box of one of the most exquisite jewelry cases on display.

The song “Someday My Prince Will Come” began to spill into the air. Desperate now, I wanted to run from the store. Instead, more tears streamed down my cheeks. I was sobbing in the middle of a card shop in Southern California, five days before Christmas. It was nuts, but I couldn’t help it.

Just then Saundra spotted me, and when she saw my tears, her face fell. At first I thought she was embarrassed. But as she approached, I saw something else.

“Holly, dear,” she whispered, “let’s go somewhere quiet.” And before I could respond, she ushered me, unnoticed, out of the store.

By the time we arrived in front of a doughnut shop, my tears had subsided. I stuffed the frayed tissue into my pocket and, dying of humiliation, wracked my brain. What was wrong with me? Crying in public?

“Would you like something to eat, or would you rather I take you home?” Saundra asked gently.

It was strange. I wasn’t ready for the shopping spree to end. “I’ll be okay,” I said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, thanks,” I said, meaning it.

Saundra ordered two sodas and a cream-filled doughnut for me. I was amazed at her memory. Last summer during my visit, I’d chosen cream-filled doughnuts to surprise Daddy one morning at breakfast. Five months ago.

“Would you care for anything else, dear?” she asked, minus the inquisition I was sure would follow my tearful outburst. She handed me several clean tissues.

“This is fine, thanks,” I replied, then blew my nose. While I sipped my pop, Saundra pulled a pad of paper from her purse. I could see three different lists printed neatly on one page. “I make lists all the time,” I remarked, almost without thinking.

She tapped on the second list, smiling briefly. “This is the only way I’ve found I can ever manage things.” She copied one of the lists onto another page and handed it to me. “Here are some ideas for your father’s Christmas gift, in case you need some hints.” She pulled out her wallet and handed over a wad of twenty-dollar bills.

“I thought you’d want to buy something special for him, for you and Carrie to present to him at Christmas. If you’d like, we could meet back here in, say, an hour or so.”

I nodded, still in semi-shock at so much money thrust into my hand. “I have my own money from home,” I said. “I won’t need this much.”

“Don’t worry about it, dear. If there’s any left, feel free to spend it however you please,” she said. “Who knows, maybe you’ll see something you can’t live without.” She looked at her watch. “I have twenty minutes till two. Shall we synchronize our time?”

“Good idea,” I said, moving the minute hand on my watch to match hers.

“I’ll see you here in about an hour,” she promised, waving her hand, adorned with bright red, fake fingernails.

“Okay,” I called, feeling lighter, brighter. After all, it was almost Christmas—Jesus’ birthday. If only I could focus on the true meaning of this razzle-dazzle time of year, I’d be fine. With or without Jared Wilkins.

CALIFORNIA CRAZY

Chapter 14

Saundra’s list gave me zillions of ideas for Daddy, but there was one item missing from the list. Saundra had forgotten about his poetry obsession. I headed for the Christian bookstore with the
perfect
gift in mind. With a little help from the store clerk, I found a beautiful hardback version of the Psalms. It would be a sneaky way of introducing him to the Bible and its lyrical Psalms. Free verse—just the way he liked it.

Next I found a present for Tyler—a book on creation, lavishly illustrated and written in terms a kid could understand. Tyler had said his mom would “freak” about God and religious stuff, but today I had the urge to risk it. I hoped I was doing the right thing.

Tons of stocking stuffers took up most of the rest of Saundra’s money. But there was still something I had to buy. Heading back to the card shop, I bypassed the card section and found a leathercovered organizer, the perfect gift for a list-making stepmom. A warm feeling came over me as I paid for the gift. With my own money.

The next day, Tyler, Carrie, and I ate a hearty breakfast of waffles and scrambled eggs.

“You’ll have to wait thirty minutes before swimming,” Saundra said, clearing off the dining room table.

Tyler protested, as usual. “But, Mom,” he whined, “we’re not gonna be swimming, we’re using the body boards.” This time it was Saundra who rolled her eyes.

Carrie pulled Tyler out of the kitchen. “C’mon, you can’t play till you make your bed,” she informed him.

I grinned at that. What did Carrie know about making beds and keeping a clean bedroom? I snickered as I began helping with the dishes. Surprisingly, Saundra didn’t launch a protest this time. We worked in silence for a while. Then I glanced at her. “Thanks for being so understanding yesterday at the mall,” I said, putting away the maple syrup.

She gathered up the linen napkins, soiled with sticky syrup and butter. “It’s one of those emotional things that happen from time to time,” she said.

She probably had no idea what I was really thanking her for, but I had made an attempt at least. “Christmas is a rotten time to have boy problems.” I paused, feeling awkward about opening up too much of myself.

“I can certainly relate to that,” Saundra admitted, pulling a chair out and sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. “My former husband decided to leave a few weeks before Christmas. Tyler was only two, so he didn’t understand. Neither did I.” She leaned her arm against the table.

I stopped loading the dishes and looked at her. Really looked at her. This woman—my wicked stepmom, or so I called her—had experienced some of the same feelings my own mother had years before, when Daddy left us. I didn’t care to know the details of how she and Daddy met or anything like that. Not now. But one thing was certain, she seemed to understand how I’d felt in the card shop yesterday.

Without thinking, I touched her shoulder. “It must’ve been hard, going through that Christmas,” I said, a wave of sadness sweeping over me.

Saundra reached up and stroked my hand. “All of that is in the past now,” she said with a smile. “Your father and I are very happy together.”

Just then Carrie came upstairs, yelling something about Tyler heading for the beach without her. “He said by the time he gets down there, it’ll be exactly thirty minutes since he swallowed his last bite.”

“That’s fine, dear,” Saundra said, pushing a stray hair into a gold clip at the back of her neck.

I excused myself, assuming our chat was over. Back downstairs, I hurried to Carrie’s room and peeked into the telescope. Focusing the lens, I could see Tyler hauling the body boards toward the beach. Soon Carrie came running down the sandy slope toward him.

Slowly, I moved the telescope, scanning the area near the kids. But it wasn’t the kids I was spying on. Where was Sean? I couldn’t wait to see him. That wonderful laugh, and the way he treated Carrie and Tyler…I was sure he’d make a fabulous father someday, when he was all grown-up.

And then, there he was. In full view of this magnificent telescope. He raced over to the kids, his black Lab running beside him. When he got to Carrie, he picked her up and swung her around.
Just like Uncle Jack,
I thought.

Then I watched as Sean pointed to the house. My heart leaped up. Had Sean asked about
me
?

Hurrying to my room, I got ready for a day of fun on the beach. Before leaving, I pulled back the bedspread and slid my hand under the pillow. Grabbing my diary, I slipped the chain off my neck and unlocked the secrets of my life. As I flipped through the pages, locating today’s date, I noticed sticky fingerprints on several pages. Maple syrup! We’d had waffles this morning. The truth clobbered me. Carrie had read my diary again. But how?

I scrutinized the private passages she surely must have seen, the telltale signs marking the truth. I burned with rage. “That sneaky little brat,” I whispered.

At this very moment, my sister had full knowledge of my secret desire—to own Mom’s heart locket, the one Daddy had given her the day I was born.

In the bathroom, I wiped the sticky smudges off the pages as my anger mixed with mounting fear. My dearest wish must be treated with reverence! Unfortunately, I knew Carrie couldn’t be trusted.

Grabbing a plush hand towel, I patted the wet spots around the edges of my diary. Worry for other matters clouded my thinking. Carrie had, no doubt, read my choice words about Jared, as well, not to mention the detailed account of the Christmas party last Friday night. And, worse than any of it, she’d read about my interest in Sean.

I glanced out the window. Part of me longed to go out and ride the waves. Yet I was afraid if I went outside now, I’d yell and scream and call Carrie names. Not a nice thing for a big sister to do, especially in front of a cute guy with an obvious soft spot in his heart for kids.

I knelt beside my bed and talked to God about everything.

Finally I could pray without pounding my fist against the bed. I wanted the Lord to show me how Carrie was sneaking into my private writings. “After all,” I prayed, “you do know
all
things.”

I stopped for a moment, contemplating the problems of the day. “And, Lord, I need your help about something else. It’s Saundra. Help me forgive her for marrying Daddy and taking him away from us.” It was a difficult prayer, one I’d been avoiding.

The sun was high in the sky by the time I sauntered outside and down the well-worn path. A gentle breeze stirred the tall grass on either side of the slope.

“Holly!” called Tyler, bobbing in the ocean. “Surf’s up!”

I spied Sean steadying Carrie’s board as she hopped on.

Together they rode a medium-sized wave accompanied by my sister’s squeals of glee.

I could see this was going to be a great day. Then I remembered Carrie’s dreadful deed. My heart pounded as she came up to me.

“Wanna ride next?” she asked innocently.

I forced a smile, mainly because Sean was only a few feet away.

“Hey, Holly,” Sean said, a dazzling smile dancing across his face.

“Looks like fun,” I managed to say.

Sean came around and walked beside me. “Let’s race.”

I didn’t have the nerve to tell him this was my first time surfing.

Carrie piped up, though. “My sister’s never done this before. C’mon, Holly,” she bossed, “I’ll show you what to do.”

Sean stepped in front of her, grabbing both her arms. “Whoa there, young lady,” he said with great charm. “You’d better let me do the honors.”

I felt my face grow warm. Maybe he wouldn’t notice. Maybe he’d think I was sunburned. Anyway, Carrie continued to interfere playfully.

“Guess I’ll just have to dunk you,” he said, flipping Carrie over his shoulder and marching into the water.

“No, no! Put me down!” Her shouts mingled with laughter.

It was perfect. Carrie had it coming, and I followed to make sure she got a thorough drenching.

Jumping in and out of the shallow waves, I worked my way out to Sean. When it came time for the actual dunking, he was careful. He even held Carrie’s nose shut. Then down he took her, pulling her quickly out. Carrie loved it—the attention, that is. And I enjoyed watching Sean and his playful yet gentle way with my little sister.