The artist
I was sitting in the pub one day
sinking coldies with some mates
when the topic of conversation swung
to black artists and-how they rate
It seemed to be agreed unanimously
that Naminjirra was easily the best
'til I mentioned an artist I knew
who'd give poor ol' Albert a test
A cynical mate say “spit it out
tell us of this extremely gifted bloke”
So I took a long pull on me drink
then slowly rolled meself a smoke
“Of all the Aboriginal artists I know
there's one that stands right out
the skinny fellow at the end of the bar
Yeahâthe one that never shouts
He does his paintings with the tongue
colouring in with imagination
His artistry always reaches its peak
when in the state of intoxication
One of his most famous works
has been exhibited throughout the state
The piece of him outrunning a bushfire
smashing the four minute mile rate
Because of the running in the heat
sweat was fairly pissing out
so much in factâbelieve it or not
it drenched the flaming fire out!
Another work that stimulates my mind
is in the dying seconds of a footy game
His team was down by just one goal
and losing would've been to shame!
The artist grabbed the ball from the centre
kicking it as hard as bloody hell
so hard infact the darn thing burst
scoring a point and a goal as well!”
I rested then for just a spell
to have a sip and long deep drag
One of me mates blurted “love me drunk
you're lying you dirty rotten dag!”
I give him my famous dugite leer
with nary a smile on stony face
spat to death I was talking fact
then continued at a leisurely pace
Of the time the artist was cruising along
a nor'west highway late at night
when he hit a big red kangaroo
giving them both a hell of a fright!
He said the roo sailed through the air
smashing through front windscreen
coming to rest in the back of the car
'twas the strangest thing he'd ever seen
But nothing could be as weird
as his next imaginative colouration
but he swears it's true on his mum's grave
(she must be cursed to eternal damnation)
He said the roo just shook its head
sat up and swore a bloody oath
grabbed a stubby from his box
then poured it down his throatâ
“I've been hopping around this poxy land
for near on twenty years or more
outrunning roo dogs and shooting mobs
beating all they had in store
but knock me down if I'm lying
this is the closest I've ever been
to winding up as dingo bait
a destiny in which I ain't too keen!”
The artist claimed he was speechless
as the roo continued rambling on
But what really pissed him off
was that the roo had finished his carton!
“ya reckon you could drop me off”
the roo asked now half pissed
“Fifty K's further up the road
where lives this doe that's never been kissed”
Usually on finishing this masterpiece
he'd plead his throat was mighty dry
cadge the price of a beer
and scull it down with a contented sign
So the next time you hear them argue
which Aboriginal artist is the smartest
remind them of this cruel skinny man
the world champion bullshit artist!
First published 1990 by University of Queensland Press
PO Box 6042, St Lucia, Queensland 4067 Australia
© Graeme Dixon 1990
This book is copyright. Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of private study, research, criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part may be reproduced by any process without written permission. Enquiries should be made to the publisher.
Typeset by University of Queensland Press
Printed in Australia by Globe Press, Melbourne
Creative writing program assisted by the Literature Board of the Australia Council, the Federal Government's arts funding and advisory body.
Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
National Library of Australia
Dixon, Graeme, 1955â.
Holocaust Island.
I. Title. (Series: UQP poetry).
A821.3
ISBN 978 0 7022 2320 4 (pbk)
978 0 7022 4913 6 (pdf)
978 0 7022 4914 3 (epub)
978 0 7022 4915 0 (kindle)