Home Boys (17 page)

‘And you think the cave got him?’ Dougal asked. ‘No
wonder
Colin likes you so much. You’re as daft as one another.’

‘But it isn’t just him,’ Veronica replied. ‘That’s the thing. Since then three young men have disappeared, without a word, and all of them, well,’ she hesitated, as if the right words were important here, ‘well I knew them. And you don’t have to believe it if you don’t want, but I know what I’ve seen, and I’m scared it might be something to do with me. I don’t know, there was something about Matt, you’d know if you’d seen him, and I think it’s got something to do with me. So when I saw you two leaving, heading this way, I was frightened. I thought you might be … well, I just wanted to warn you, that’s all. And it’s how I found you. Because it’s where you’re headed, straight towards the cave.’

‘So you’ve been there?’

‘No, but I know where it is. I can feel it. You have to let me lead you tomorrow, away from it.’

‘How can you lead us away from it, if you don’t know where it is?’ Dougal reasoned.

‘I know the way out of here. I’ve been up here before,’ Veronica replied. ‘And you don’t have to believe me, but I know where the cave is too.’

Colin looked to Dougal. It didn’t sound real, or even possible, but up in the bush such things didn’t mean so much. Dougal’s face was set in resolute disbelief and Colin saw it for what it was, a look of trouble.

‘You should talk about it,’ Veronica said, standing and walking away from the fire. ‘I’m going down to the stream. I’ll be back in a little while. Tell me then what you want me to do.’

‘She’s as loopy as her mother,’ Dougal said, when he judged
her to be out of earshot.

‘She just believes it, that’s all.’

‘I’ll tell you what I believe then shall I? I believe that if three young men have all gone missing, three young men she knew, then we don’t need some wandering story teller to tell us what happened to them. I believe we’d be better off asking Ron, don’t you? It’s not the monster in the cave we want to be worrying about. It’s the one we’ve run away from. And I don’t care what she thinks, he’s going to be following us.’

‘So you think …’ Colin hadn’t considered the possibility. But there was an awful sense to it.

‘It’s better than some silly story about a cave isn’t it?’

‘It is.’

‘Right then.’

Dougal looked at Colin and Colin looked back, trying to read his friend’s face. He knew he should say it himself, save his friend the job of breaking the news, on his birthday.

‘We could still let her come with us though,’ he tried, not believing it, but not wanting to let go, not without fighting.

‘As long as she’s with us, he’ll be following.’

‘We don’t know that.’

‘And we don’t want to find out for sure either do we? We have to explain, and send her back.’

‘She won’t go back,’ Colin told him. ‘She’s said so to me. She was going to run away anyway.’

‘And what do you think she tells Gino? Never mind this Matt, she’s the one’s got a story for everyone.’ He spat the words clear and looked to the ground where they landed. Colin felt angry at him, not for thinking it, but for saying. He didn’t always know. He wasn’t always right, not even on his birthday.

‘What about if she can show us the quickest way out? If we get out of here tomorrow, that’d still be all right. We can pack up now, there’s still time left for walking. And we’ll make sure we’re hidden tonight, so no one can find us. We don’t have to put the fly up.’

‘No.’

Colin looked down, ashamed of the tears that were blurring his world.

‘Sorry, it’s just the smoke, gets in my eyes.’

‘I’m sorry Colin, but you can’t be thick about it.’

‘know. I know. Can I go and find her? I want to …’ What? He had no idea. See her, that was all. Be close to her. Just stand there, alone with her. Nothing and everything. ‘I want to tell her myself. And maybe that way she’ll listen, and she’ll go back.’

All right then. Not too long though.’

‘Scared of ghosts?’ Colin managed a smile.

‘No,’ Dougal replied. ‘People. People’s more dangerous than ghosts. You’re the one should be careful.’

‘How old are you anyway?’

‘Older’n yesterday.’ Dougal turned to prod at the fire and Colin walked away, wondering what it was he’d say when he found her.

They were in a small valley, near the head where the land rose up on every side. It was only a few minutes back to the stream. Colin remembered it from the previous afternoon, when it had raged thick and brown in the downpour. He was too nervous to run, and too excited to stick with walking, so his progress through the bush was marked by a broken rhythm of dread and anticipation. He made himself look down, concentrate on where his feet were, so he wouldn’t see her until he
was close, too late to change his mind. He soon arrived at the water, lower than yesterday but still not running clear. He looked up, already feeling the hollowness in his stomach, the reminder of a new goodbye. Veronica wasn’t there. He thought of calling her name but didn’t, for fear that Dougal might come running, and ruin forever something already close to broken. Colin sat on a large boulder half grown round with grass, the other half set in water, reaching out from the eroding bank and squeezing the stream into an angry rush. He wanted to cry, but couldn’t. He could think of every sadness there was, but it was a like a stone skimming across the water, refusing to go any deeper.

‘Bugger it,’ he said, to himself and to the water flowing beneath. ‘Shit and damn and bugger it.’

But his tiny voice wasn’t enough to take the attention of the stream, and all around him the vast, empty air remained undisturbed. Like it was telling him all his worries didn’t amount to much; but if that was true, then neither did he. It wasn’t so comforting.

Either she had lied to him, for some reason Colin couldn’t guess at, or she had gone to some other part of the stream. He tried upstream first, because that way looked easier. The first two bends yielded only more bush and shadows that mocked his desperate searching. Then the stream curled to the right, turning hard against a rocky bluff. Rather than trying to find a higher path through prickly, tight-packed bush Colin rolled up his trousers and waded out through the knee deep water. He knew it was stupid, believing Veronica would have come this way, but he wasn’t ready to turn back. He wasn’t ready to let her go.

Beyond the bend the stream narrowed, no more than a couple of yards in width, and rushed across a bed of shingle, causing it to splash and gurgle and hide the sound of Colin’s approach. Veronica was another ten yards on, crouched at a point where the water opened out into a wide smooth-topped pool. She was scooping it in her hands and splashing her face and upper body. She still wore the thick dark trousers that had belonged to her brother, but her jersey sat on the stones behind her, next to her discarded shirt. Colin stopped, oblivious to the cold of the water passing around his legs. His heart held on to each beat, as if trying to stretch out the moments. From where he stood he could see the pale skin of her back, the dark tangle of her wet hair and the curve of a breast each time she raised her arm. It was such a strange feeling, different from anything he had felt before. Perhaps this was what Gino meant, when he said ‘You’re young. You wouldn’t understand.’

Colin didn’t want to stare and didn’t want to look away. It was as beautiful as it was ugly. As compelling as it was impossible. He waded on through the water and out on to the bank behind her. She still hadn’t heard him. He waited until she had finished and when she stood he coughed, to warn her, but all that did was make her turn quickly, startled. Then she saw it was him and let her arms drop to her side.

‘Oh, Colin, you frightened me.’ Colin made no effort to look away. Her small breasts stared back at him, and beneath them her stomach rose gently to the line of her trousers. All Colin could think was how she looked just as she had in the dream.

‘Sorry.’

‘That’s okay.’ She picked up her shirt and pulled it over her
shoulders, but she didn’t button it. She bent down and picked up the jersey, which must have still been damp from the night before. Colin watched and didn’t speak. This was a place past his imagination, and for all he knew the language here was different.

‘Did you and Dougal decide?’

‘Um, not really,’ Colin lied.

‘He wants me to go back doesn’t he?’

‘I don’t,’ Colin told her, having to look away.

‘He’s scared of Ron isn’t he?’ Veronica said. She stepped forward and took his hand in hers, and it felt so normal Colin was almost disappointed.

‘He just doesn’t want trouble, that’s all. I don’t either.’

‘The cave’s real Colin. I know it is.’

Colin didn’t want to argue, but even then it was impossible to think of letting Dougal down.

‘You haven’t seen it.’

‘Why don’t you believe me?’

Colin swallowed hard and looked to his feet, white and numb with the cold. A bird landed on a rock between them and cocked its head, as if adding to her challenge. Yes, come on. Why don’t you believe her?

‘Dougal’s right Veronica. Ron tried to kill me.’

‘No he didn’t,’ she replied, without even a blink of doubt. ‘He was just trying to scare you.’

‘You knew?’

‘He told me.’

‘But …’

‘I’ve already told you about him. It’s just how he is. It’s why I’m here. It’s why I left.’

‘You didn’t tell me that. You didn’t say he could kill me.’

‘He didn’t. He wouldn’t. He would have pulled you out. He does it all the time, scares people. It’s how he keeps things the way he wants them. It’s how he keeps control.’

‘So what about the others?’

‘What others?’

‘The three you told us about. You said they went missing.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘Dougal thinks, no, we both do. We think that was Ron.’

Veronica rocked back slightly on her heels then brought her free hand swinging up to his cheek. The crack of the impact split the quiet of the bush and the pain tightened Colin’s sight, so he could only half make out the way her eyes had grown small and certain.

‘He would never, ever do that.’

Colin realised she was still holding his other hand and pulled it free. He raised it to his cheek and felt the slap’s red hot burn. His eyes cleared and he looked at her again, Ron’s daughter, inches from his face, not even blinking. Colin thought back to the time beneath the water. He wanted to believe it. He looked again. Beautiful, certain, dangerous. There was no way of telling which word fitted best.

‘It doesn’t matter. Dougal won’t believe you. He doesn’t much like to change his mind.’

‘I’ll do you a deal then,’ Veronica replied, taking his hand again and pulling him closer, so the back of his forefinger rested against the warm smooth rise of her stomach. The world thickened with excitement, every sense slow and muffled.

‘Let me stay just one more day, and I’ll take you to the cave.’

‘You don’t know where it is.’

‘I do. I just haven’t seen it.’

‘Just tell us then.’

‘It isn’t that sort of knowing.’

‘Why would we want to go there, if it’s so dangerous?’

‘To see. Then I’ll go back. I promise. If you want me to.’

‘It’s not just up to me. It depends on what Dougal says.’

‘Good.’ Her face changed in a moment, as if the other Veronica had never existed. Like the problem was nothing more than a cloud passing quickly across the sky. She buttoned up her shirt with casual speed, as if closing a book at the happy completion of its story. ‘Let’s go and tell him then.’

Veronica was no more than an inch taller than Colin and the slight turning of her head was enough to bring their lips together. Her mouth was cool and tasted of the stream. Colin felt her arms around his waist and reached out with his own, uncertain how hard to hold her. Then it was finished. She pulled away and smiled, as if it was no more than a game, and for the second time he noticed how he felt so much younger than her, and so much older too.

‘Come on then.’

She led off back through the water and Colin followed close behind, already practising it in his head, the way of convincing Dougal to give them one more day together.

‘That makes no sense,’ Dougal said, as soon as he had heard the plan. He looked at Colin, who stood with Veronica on the other side of the fire. ‘Does it?’

‘I suppose not.’

‘It doesn’t. She says she came to warn us about the cave, and
now she says she’ll take us there.’

‘So you’re scared then?’ Veronica challenged.

‘I’m not scared of nothing. I’m just not stupid.’

‘Just one day,’ Veronica persevered. ‘Aren’t you curious?’

‘I’ll tell you what I am curious about shall I? I’m curious why you followed us all this way into the bush. So tell us that and maybe I’ll let you stay.’

‘It isn’t just up to you,’ Veronica said, and Colin wished she hadn’t.

Dougal stared across the smoke at Colin, and the tightening of his mouth spoke of Colin’s treachery plainly enough, before he let the words free. ‘So you’ve already decided have you? You want us to go to this cave of hers?’

‘I haven’t decided anything,’ Colin replied.

Down at the stream, and the whole walk back too, knowing had been easy. Now, with Dougal to face, the sense of it had broken up.

‘But you do don’t you? You want to go there.’

Colin felt Veronica turn to watch as he answered, and he tried to see the truth of it before he spoke. What did he want? For Veronica to stay and for Dougal to be happy. It was simple enough. Two friends in the world now, that wasn’t so many. All he wanted was not to have to choose.

‘I want to go there if you do.’

‘Why?’ Dougal demanded, not letting him off so easily.

‘Because if she’s right, if there’s something there, I want to see it.’

‘She says it’s dangerous.’

‘We wouldn’t have to go in. It’s your birthday though. You decide.’

‘Bloody well will.’

Dougal stared at them one at a time, taking his time. ‘All right then. These are my rules. We move now, fast as we can, and tonight we don’t put up the fly, even if it rains. And we take turns, keeping watch. And if there’s no cave by tomorrow night, you go. In the dark. We don’t see you again. It’s my birthday and that’s my deal. Do you like it?’