Hooker (29 page)

Fuck, I’ve missed her.

Today was the first time I’ve felt anything other than numbness. My world has been shrouded in darkness ever since I spent ten futile minutes trying to revive my father on the floor of his office. My last words to him were, ‘I despise you. I’m ashamed to be your son.’ How do I live with that? I can never take those words back. I killed him, and I’ll never be able to forgive myself.

Frankly, I’m amazed that Jade attended the funeral. My father tried to destroy her, luring her away from the safety of my home and handing her over to the devil herself. How could
she even find it in her to come today? Even if it was just for my benefit. She has the heart of an angel. This is why I love that woman. I’ll always love her, but I’m just not in a good place at the moment. I refuse to bring her down with me. She’s been through enough.

Pushing my thoughts to the back of my mind, I turn my attention to my mother. ‘How are you, Mum?’ I ask, placing my hand on her leg as we travel back to her house in the limousine. This week has been rough for her too. I’m yet to confess that I’m the cause of my father’s death. That’s because I’m a fucking coward.

‘Surprisingly, I feel okay. Is it wrong that I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders? I loved your father, but I didn’t exactly like him. I’ve been extremely unhappy for years.’ Tears of guilt rise to her eyes.

She has every right to feel that way. My father was a monster for the way he treated her. One good thing has come out of his death: Mum, Josh and I are closer now. I haven’t left her side since I drove to my parent’s estate to break the news. I wanted it to come from me, nobody else. Since I was the cause of his untimely demise, the least I could do was be there for her as her world crumbled. It was the first time I’d been back since they kicked Josh out.

*

I’m consumed with disappointment when Jade doesn’t arrive at the house. I’m certain I heard my mother invite her back here at the cemetery. But I can’t blame her after I gave her the cold shoulder like I did. I’m eager to apologise. My heart sank at the funeral when I finally turned back around to find her gone.

Heading
for the bar in my father’s office, I pour myself a drink from one of his 25-year-old bottles of scotch. He’s been collecting these for years. It’s been my drink of choice this week. My father would roll over in his grave if he knew I was pissing away his beloved scotch, but it’s no good to him now. You can’t take it with you. He should’ve drunk the fucker while he had the chance.

His death has made me realise just how short life really is. One day you’re here, the next you’re not. We all should live each day like it’s our last.

I get a pain in my chest as my mind flashes back to that day. I’ll never be able to get the image of his lifeless body out of my head. He must’ve had a major heart attack because I couldn’t even get a pulse as I worked on him. In truth he deserved everything he got—you reap what you sow, so they say. I just never expected to have a hand in his death.

Downing the scotch in one gulp, I pour another before heading back out onto the patio. It turns my stomach to hear people reminisce about my father, saying what a great man he was, as I pass. He wasn’t a great man at all.

‘There you are, Brock,’ Clarissa whines, coming to a stop beside me as I stand by the pool. Her voice makes the hairs on my neck stand up. To my dismay, she’s been dropping by the house almost every day. I’m sure it was only because she knew I was staying here. I got the impression she was even getting on my mother’s nerves. Like me, I’m certain Mum can see straight through Clarissa’s façade. My father was the only one she could fool.

‘I’m not in the mood for your shit today, Clarissa, leave me alone.’ Harsh, but it’s the truth. Sometimes brutal is the
only thing she understands. I still haven’t forgiven her for the trouble she caused with Jade.

‘Come on, babe,’ she says, hooking her arm through mine. I hate when she calls me babe, I’m not her fucking babe. ‘I’ll excuse your rude behaviour because you buried your father today, but I think we should discuss our future. Maybe it’s time we granted him his dying wish. You know how much he wanted to see us married.’

I can’t help but chuckle bitterly at her brazenness. Is this woman for real? My father’s dying wish, my arse. She’ll stoop to any level to get what she wants.

Removing her arm from mine, I take a step back. ‘When are you going to get it through your thick head? I have no intentions of ever marrying you. I have a girlfriend, remember?’ Well, I hope I still do. I need to pull my head out of my arse and make things right with Jade before I lose her forever.

‘The whore from the function.’ Clarissa stamps her foot as she speaks, like the annoying brat she is. ‘Wasn’t she at the funeral today with another man? They looked awfully cosy.’

Her statement pisses me off. I’ll admit I felt insanely jealous when Theo had his arm around Jade. I know their relationship is completely platonic, and I’m extremely grateful that he’s been caring for her all week while I’ve been unable too, but I wanted to be the one holding her, instead of him.

‘She’s not a fucking whore,’ I snap.

‘If the shoe fits,’ Clarissa retorts, raising one of her perfectly sculpted eyebrows.

Something inside me snaps. Reaching out, I place my hand on her scrawny chest, giving it a slight shove. It doesn’t take much. She’s so thin I’m surprised the wind doesn’t carry her away. I have to suppress my laugh when I see the look of horror
on her face as she tumbles backwards, falling straight into the pool. Everyone around us gasps when she lands in the water with a splash. That should cool her down a bit.

She’s coughing and spluttering when she finally comes up for air, looking like a drowned rat. ‘Brock!’ she screams, banging her hands down on the surface in one of her temper tantrums.

Ignoring her outburst, I turn away and head towards my brother.

‘Did you just push Clarissa in the pool?’ he asks. The amusement in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed.

‘I may have accidentally-on-purpose knocked her in.’ When he holds up his hand, I give him a high-five. She’s not his favourite person either. She gave him such a hard time when he came out. She’s just as narrow-minded as my father was. ‘Listen, can you keep an eye on Mum? I have to duck out for a while.’

‘You better be going where I think you’re going, or I may have to kick your arse. I saw the way you treated her at the cemetery. She—’

‘I know,’ I say holding up my hand to stop him. ‘I’ll grovel at her feet if need be. I have to make things right between us.’

‘Good. Theo called me earlier. He dropped Jade off at her apartment. He wasn’t happy about leaving her alone, but she insisted. You better grovel. She’s perfect for you,’ he says, placing his hand on my shoulder. ‘I want her as my sister-in-law.’

‘You’re getting a bit ahead of yourself there.’ He gives me a look that almost makes me squirm. I’m not ready for anything like that. I’m still getting used to having a damn girlfriend.

When—or should I say if—I ever am, she’ll definitely be the one.
It’ll only ever be her
. That’s if I can get her to forgive
me for acting like a dickhead. I may have been suffering, but shutting her out was inexcusable.

But I’m a selfish prick. I always get what I want, and Jade is no exception.

*

I have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach when I knock on Jade’s apartment door. I’m not sure what type of reception I’ll get. I hope she gives me a better one than I gave her. I’m desperate to see her—to touch her. I need her more now than I’ve ever needed anything in my life.

She’s my air
.

I knock a few times, but there’s no answer. I refuse to leave until I’ve seen her. ‘Jade, it’s me, Brock,’ I call out.

A few seconds later the door opens slightly. I’m pleased to see the safety chain is latched. When she doesn’t speak, I do. I put this wedge between us, so now it’s up to me to make things right.

‘Can I come in?’

Stepping back, she closes the door and for a moment my heart sinks, but then I hear her removing the safety chain. She’s letting me in. That’s a start. A huge fucking start.

‘Hi,’ I say the minute she opens it.

‘Hi.’ From the tone of her voice, I’m unsure if she’s happy to see me. Nevertheless, my eyes drink her in as she stands before me. I’ve never seen her so casually clad before. She looks sweet, wearing a T-shirt that’s five sizes too big. It looks awfully familiar.

Her face is clear of makeup and her long dark hair is piled into a messy bun on top of her head. Obviously, she wasn’t expecting company. I feel my dick twitch as my gaze moves
down her long, bare legs to the hot pink polish painted on her perfect little toes.

She’s my saviour. She’s the only one who can make me feel. She’s my ticket out of this dreary dark hole I’ve fallen into. Just being in her presence has me feeling lighter than I have in days. Why have I left it so long to see her?

‘Is that one of my T-shirts?’ I ask, trying not to smile when she wraps her arms around her torso, trying to shield her appearance.

‘No … yes … maybe.’ The defiant look she gives me has my lips curving up at the corners. I love her spunk.

‘It either is or it isn’t,’ I say teasingly, taking a step towards her. I hear her breath hitch when I place my hands on her hips, my fingers digging into her flesh as I draw her body into mine. My recently unfeeling heart starts to race as I look into her exquisite green eyes and I raise a hand to cup her pretty face. ‘I’ve missed you, sweetheart.’

I feel like an arse when she bites her bottom lip to hide a quiver. Steely determination crosses her face as she wills herself not to cry. I love her strength, but I hate that she feels the need to be strong around me.

‘I’m sorry,’ I confess as my thumb moves down to free her lip from the death grip of her teeth.

‘Sorry for what? For ignoring me all week, or giving me the brush off today?’

I deserve that, and so much more. ‘For everything … I’ve been in a dark place.’

‘And not being around me helped?’ The venom in her voice doesn’t go unnoticed. She has every right to be angry.

‘No. Being away from you didn’t help.’ I release a long breath before continuing. ‘I’ve been miserable without you.’

‘I
wish you hadn’t shut me out like you did. It hurt me, Brock.’

‘I didn’t want to bring you down with me.’

‘You wouldn’t have.’

Oh, I would have. It’s time to admit the truth—to tell her something I haven’t had the guts to say out loud, until now.

‘The last thing I said to my father before he died was that I despised him and I was ashamed to be his son.’

She gasps at my words, just like I knew she would. I bow my head because I can’t bear to see the judgement in her eyes when I tell her the rest.

‘I walked out of his office and a few minutes later he collapsed and died. I killed him Jade.’

‘What? No!’ She cups my face and raises it to meet hers. This time she doesn’t hold back the tears that now fall from her eyes. ‘You didn’t kill him.’ The conviction in her voice has me almost believing her, but sadly I know better. I’ll forever feel responsible for his death.

Confessing what I’ve done makes me feel lighter somehow, like a weight has been lifted. I know it won’t change anything, but I feel freer for finally voicing my guilt. It’s ludicrous the amount of trust I have in her after such a short amount of time, but I trust her with my life.

She’s my happy place.

Walking her backwards, I enter her apartment and kick the door closed with my heel. Spinning her around, I pin her to the back of the door before crashing my lips into hers.

‘I need you, Jade … I need you so much, I ache.’ I hear my voice crack as I speak. I can’t hold my emotions in any longer.

It’s time to lose myself in my girl and try to forget all my problems for a while.

*

JADE

Brock’s
hands and mouth are everywhere. I’ve been pining for him all week and I’m craving this just as much as he is. I honestly thought we were over … I’m so glad that’s not the case. I’ve missed him more than words can convey.

When I feel dampness on my cheek, I know he’s shedding silent tears, and that breaks my heart. I hate that he shut me out, but more than anything, I hate that I wasn’t there to comfort him during his suffering.

Sliding his hand behind my knee, he lifts my leg, placing it on his hip. His fingers dance over my skin until he’s cupping my arse in his hands. I moan into his mouth when he pushes his erection against my centre.

I slide my hands underneath his jacket and push it off his shoulders. Shrugging out of it, he tosses it across the room. I undo the tie around his neck. Gripping the hem of my T-shirt—or should I say
his
T-shirt—he rips it over my head.

‘I love that you’re not wearing a bra,’ he breathes as he palms my breasts. When his hands skim down to my hips and grasp the side of my underwear, I quickly place my hand over his.

‘Please don’t rip these, they’re my favourites.’

Pulling out of the kiss, his hooded eyes meet mine before he takes a step back. I feel my face flush red when his eyes travel down my body, a smug smile tugging at his lips.

When I arrived home from the funeral today, I headed straight for my bathroom. I’ll admit I shed a few tears when I was in the shower, but I sucked it up the minute I was out. My heart was hurting bad, but I knew losing Brock had the
potential to destroy me if I let it. I flat-out refused to let this thing between us beat me. Like the rest of the shit I’ve been through in my life, I knew I’d bounce back eventually. I always do.

Although my future without him looked bleak, it didn’t stop me from shamelessly dressing in my Brock attire. It was all I had left. I wanted to feel close to him anyway I could. I spent the rest of the day vegging in front of the television watching the cooking channel and binge eating an entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s choc-chip cookie dough ice-cream.

‘Is that my underwear?’ I can tell he’s trying not to laugh as he speaks.

‘No … yes,’ I finally admit. Somebody kill me now. This is the pair I brought back from New York.