Hope for Tomorrow (23 page)

In truth though, those feelings had never gone away, she had simply locked them away and tried to distract herself with anger but no matter how strongly she felt for him, a relationship with him could never end well. She would always be 'that housemaid'.

Then again, if she went to a hotel she would be alone or more accurately, lonely. After everything she had seen and done today she felt raw and she didn't want to be alone just then.

“
Thank you,” she accepted his offer.

As they headed into the house, Martha felt certain that the staff must know who she was but they gave no sign of it. Lucien showed her to her room and carried her bag for her.

“
Is there anything you would like?” he asked. “It's well after lunchtime, perhaps you're hungry?”

“
No, no, I'm fine, thank you.”

“
You don't look fine,” he said, stepping closer. “You look upset.”

His kind words were her undoing and she looked away and closed her eyes as her tears threatened to fall.

“
Oh, hey,” he stepped closer and put his arms around her. “It's okay. It's over now.”

“
For me, maybe.”

She clung onto him tightly, as though she were a drowning woman and he a life raft.

“
It's not fair!” she sobbed. “Why did he have to do that? Why her? It should have been me he took his anger out on, not her. I took them away, I told the children that Mum couldn't be with him again. This is all my fault!”

“
You feel that way because you are the eldest but they were never your responsibility, darling.”

Martha pulled away from him and went to stand at the window.

“
It is,” she said in a soft voice. “I didn't understand it at the time, why Mum sent me away. She used to tell me that I'd be well looked after at the big house, that I'd be safe here but she let my brothers stay at home until they were fourteen, though they did go out to work. Then she sent my sister away when she was ten as well. Seeing Mary today I remembered why.”

“
He didn't hurt you, did he?” Lucien's tone was icy cold and full of anger.

“
Not like that. He was just... inappropriate at times. Mum obviously saw something that I didn't.”

“
A lot of people are inappropriate at times, there's no way you could have predicted what happened.”

“
Except now it all adds up. Why she sent the girls away, why she always insisted on letting him be with her whenever he wanted to. I can see it all now, I should have seen it earlier.”

“
You cannot blame yourself for not having a depraved mind.” He came up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders, looking at her reflection in the window.

“
That was her first time,” she said softly. “It should be special and pure but he spoiled that for her and now when she falls in love she'll have to remember that every time her husband touches her! She'll never know what it is to be truly loved.”

“
You don't know that,” he said. “She may be stronger than you give her credit for.”

“
She is, believe me, she will survive this. She'll learn to live with it because she has no choice but it will always be there, like a big black cloud, always waiting just out of sight to ruin her happiness.”

Lucien saw her silent tears in her reflection.

“
I know that we are not a shining example of what a relationship should be,” Martha said, “but you were always gentle with me and I cherish those memories, even when I hated you.”

Lucien smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist, clasping them over her stomach as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

“
Sometimes I felt so lonely, even after I met Gus. He's a dear, dear man and I really do love him but he doesn't understand me like you did.”

“
I cherish those memories too, all of them, not just the sex. You understood me like no one else ever had and you challenged me. Not only my opinions on books or politics, but about me. You made me see the world from a new perspective.”

On impulse he kissed her shoulder and felt Martha stiffen in his arms. He thought that he had frightened her off and froze for a moment until Martha turned around and put her arms around his neck. Hesitantly she reached forward and kissed him on the lips.

Chapter Twenty One

Lucien responded gently, worried that he might scare her if he showed too much of the passion that he felt. Martha was the one who deepened the kiss but he returned her ardour. Then suddenly she pulled away and rested her forehead against his; they were both breathing heavily.

“
Go and get it,” she said.

Lucien knew that she was referring to his sheath but he was afraid to leave her lest she change her mind while he was gone. Still, he wasn't an idiot and he had learned that lesson the hard way. Reluctantly he stepped away, wondering if it was still even serviceable. He'd had a few encounters since Martha left, mainly with ladies of the night but those encounters were a poor imitation of what he had shared with Martha and he soon gave up on them.

Oh well, he would just have to see.

Martha took a few deep breaths as he closed the door behind himself and wondered if she was really going to go through with this. The timing was odd, certainly, so she wondered why she was doing this. Was she trying to prove that sex wasn't bad? That it could be beautiful rather than destructive?

She honestly didn't know, all she did know was that it was bloody hard to get out of these dresses without the help of a lady's maid! Thankfully Lucien returned after a few moments and helped her undo the buttons at the back of the bodice.

They giggled as he fumbled with her buttons, corset and petticoats, which helped to break some of the tension that they both felt.

“
This was easier when I was a maid,” she laughed, for her dresses were so much simpler back then.

“
You're worth the wait,” he assured her. “It's like unwrapping an exquisite present, all the more delightful for the waiting.”

When finally she was down to her chemise she helped him to disrobe, then let him lead her over to the bed. Martha lay down on the covers and enjoyed the sensations as he continued to undress her, pausing to kiss each newly exposed area of skin.

She had missed this intimacy. Society was so proper, requiring people to keep their distance and not appear at all affectionate that it drove her insane at times. There was so much comfort to be taken from touching, even just from a simple cuddle but the social mores denied that comfort to most people. Martha was more affectionate than most, especially with Hope but even she had to be careful.

As Lucien's lips trailed a path up her inner thigh he awoke feelings in Martha that she thought had long ago withered and died. She gasped in pleasure and called out his name, desperate to get closer to him.

Lucien didn't need much tempting, for his need was just as great and their first coupling was hard and raw. Lucien thrust into her harder and harder, needing to get as close to her as possible, all the while Martha urged him on, not at all minding his rough treatment.

When they were finished they were both out of breath and sweating.

“
I'm sorry,” Lucien said as he looked down at her. “I wanted to take things slowly but-”

Martha cut him off with a finger over his lips as she giggled.

“
Don't apologise,” she said. “There will be time for gentle later.”

“
I didn't hurt you?”

“
No,” she smiled up at him.

Lucien climbed off her and took care of the sheath using the water jug that had been brought up, then he came back to the bed and pulled one corner of the covers down, silently suggesting that they climb under.

Martha obviously agreed and they got into the bed; she was pleasantly surprised when Lucien pulled her to him and wrapped an arm around her as she settled against him. When they were young there hadn't been much time for cuddling, they were too afraid of being caught.

“
Next time will be better,” he said.

“
Next time?” she raised her head and looked up at him. “You're very confident, aren't you?”

Lucien laughed at her teasing. Oh, how he had missed this; missed her.

When they made love again they did take things more slowly and both proved that they hadn't forgotten what the other liked. Once again sated, they lay in each others arms just enjoying the silence. Lucien trailed his fingertips up and down Martha's arms while she played with the smattering of hair on his chest.

“
Marry me,” he said, breaking the silence.

Martha looked up at him, shocked.

“
You know it's the right thing to do,” he continued.

It took Martha a few moments before she could form words but they were not what Lucien wanted to hear.

“
I can't.”

“
Of course you can. We can be a family at last.”

“
Lucien, no, I can't leave Gus.”

“
Can't or won't?”

“
Won't,” she admitted. “We're all he has and I won't desert him.”

As much as he might want to, Lucien couldn't fault her loyalty.

“
Then make me a promise,” he suggested. “I don't care when or how but please, promise me that you will be mine one day.”

“
One condition,” she said, her expression still serious.

“
Anything.”

“
Promise me that you'll be mine too.”

“
I always have been,” he said with a warm smile. “Nothing can change that.”

“
Then why the need to get married?” she asked, curious as to his reasoning and perhaps a little afraid that he did indeed want to own her.

“
Because I want more,” he said. “I want to be able to wake up next to you, to share everything with you. I want to be a family at last. Is that so wrong?”

“
No,” Martha couldn't fault those desires. “But what if I want to continue working?”

“
We will manage,” he said. “Besides, it's not as if we won't have help.”

“
True.” Martha smiled, though she couldn't imagine having her sister among her servants. “I wonder if Sarah might be willing to learn to read?” she suddenly asked.

“
I think that I may have missed a step there,” he said with a smile.

“
Sorry. I was just thinking that I couldn't have Sarah as a servant but if she could teach the children how to read, she could look after the family. Who better to look after them than their sister?”

“
That's a very good idea,” he agreed. “Even if she is not willing to learn to read, you could perhaps hire a tutor to teach them.”

Martha nodded then rested her head on Lucien's chest.

They ate dinner that evening in her room so that they could be alone and although Mrs Lassiter showed her disapproval, she brought them the tray and kept all the other servants away from the first floor to keep the gossip to a minimum. Since this might be their only opportunity for a very long time, Lucien spent the night with her and when he awoke the next morning he just watched her sleep. When she awoke, she smiled at him as she noticed him staring at her.

“
Do I have bed hair?” she asked, for she hadn't bothered to plait her hair before bed last night and it must surely resemble a nest by now.

Lucien reached out and ran a strand of her hair through his fingers.

“
You look beautiful, as usual.”

Martha smiled but it soon faded.

“
What?” he asked.

“
I was just thinking that reality must intrude once again.”

“
I will visit you as often as I can,” he assured her. “And after you have seen your family, I thought that I could show you the workshop. We have a few sewing samples from local women for you to look at.”

“
I'd like that,” she smiled. “But now you had better return to your your room before Mrs Lassiter finds us. She has been very tolerant but we must not push her too far.”

“
Very true. I shall steal from your room like a  thief in the night.” He leaned over and kissed her on the lips, then he sprang from the bed and after grabbing his clothes, he blew her a kiss and crept out into the hallway and to his room.

Martha got up and pulled a nightshirt on then rang the servant's bell and asked to be brought some water to wash with. The servant also informed her that Lucien generally ate breakfast in his room since his parents had left and would she like the same.

Martha agreed that she would, then went downstairs. Lucien had asked for the gig to be readied for her so she rode over to her family and spent a few hours with them. She took Mary for another walk but the girl didn't want to talk. She held tightly to Martha's hand though and in some ways seemed to have reverted to a more childlike behaviour then she had previously displayed but Martha couldn't see the harm in that, she deserved to stay a child for a bit longer. Once again she expressed a desire to learn to write and Martha promised that she would find someone to teach her.

She returned to the house and requested a moment with Sarah to put her idea to her. Sarah didn't much like the idea of learning to read and write but she was willing enough to do it for the wage increase that Martha offered her, plus she was looking forward to being with her family again.

Martha understood that feeling; although in many ways she had liked the big house, for her first year there she had missed her family terribly.

Next she saw Mrs Lassiter to arrange for Sarah to work out her notice. Mrs Lassiter assured Martha that she would find a local tutor to teach Sarah and the other children for two hours a day or she would teach them herself if necessary. Martha thanked her and blessed her for the kindness she had shown over the years.

When she left Mrs Lassiter's sitting room, Lucien was waiting and led her outside. He'd had the cart horse set to the gig rather than the pony since he was stronger, faster and capable of travelling longer distances, then he drove her into town to see the business before driving her through to Stockport where she could catch a train.

The premises that Lucien had found were actually part of the canning plant; what had been the offices. The buildings were single story with large windows to allow plenty of light in.

There were approximately ten ladies sewing and Lucien introduced Martha to Helen Morgan, the head seamstress whom he had poached from the Misses Nelson. All the women were working on everyday outerwear except for Helen, who was sewing the first bespoke riding cape which would be a gift for the Duke of Wessex. It was made from black wool with a red silk lining and black fur trimming the collar, which could be turned up in cold weather so that the fur would warm the neck. 

The cloak for the Duchess was already finished. The fashion for women leaned more towards shawls these days but Martha was hopeful that the Duchess would wear her cloak if it was pretty enough.

In keeping with the current trend for shawls they had kept the woollen cape short and angled the back into a V which reached the top of the legs. It had a  wide, starched silk collar that could also be turned up in bad weather. Martha had read that the Duchess had recently lost her mother and was still in mourning, so her cape was all black

Both capes fastened at the neck using a gold chain and loop for that extra touch of elegance.

There was space in the room for at least another ten seamstresses but they didn't plan on expanding until they had steady orders coming in.

When Helen showed Martha the samples of sewing that the ladies had been leaving, she pointed out the good and bad stitch work on each sample. Each type of stitch must be perfect so whilst there were some who could do running stitch very well but as their back stitching was poor, they couldn't be considered for a job unless they improved.  Martha could see that Helen certainly knew her topic and her knowledge of dressmaking far surpassed even Martha's.

Martha nodded her understanding and asked for an update on the Duke's cloak, which Helen estimated would be another two days. When she was finished, Lucien was to send the garments to the Duke and Duchess with a letter written on Beaumont & Aldercott stationery and they were confident that the Duke and Duchess would help spread the word about the new venture, just as they had with the bespoke gloves.

Martha was satisfied with everything he had put in place and when they were done in the workshop, Lucien drove Martha to the railway station. They talked a lot on the journey but mainly about business matters and when they finally pulled up at the station, they both felt very strange to be saying goodbye.

“
It's not goodbye,” Lucien assured her. “It's au revoir. I will see you soon, I'll come as soon as I can get away,” he promised.

Martha understood even if she didn't like being separated from him. She reached over and discreetly took his hand, squeezing it slightly. She wished that she could kiss him but alas they were too public for such a display of affection.

“
Godspeed,” Lucien said as he walked her to the carriage.

Although she invited scorn Martha couldn't help herself; she stretched up and kissed his cheek.