Hope Springs (28 page)

“This means we can't keep seeing each other?”

“Not if you expect me to commit to you.”

They always say they understand, but in the end .
. .

Al hesitated. “What is it, Libby? What keeps you from committing to me?”

She tried not to sigh aloud again. “It's not you. I just . . . I'm not ready to be that serious with anyone right now.”

He held the bracelet up. “Wouldn't be right to take it back. I knew the state of affairs when I gave it to you. I guess I just hoped it would help change things.”

She was itching to take it back, but then she'd feel obligated to keep seeing him. “I can't, Al.”

He turned and walked out the front door without another word.

Libby found Janelle and pulled her into her bedroom, closing the door.

“What's wrong?” Janelle asked.

“Al accused Travis of inviting me to church so he could get back with me.”

“To his face?”

“To his face.”

“Well . . . why would that be a problem anyway? I thought you and Al weren't serious.”

“Exactly! He acted like I'd promised for better or for worse.” She held up her arm. “I gave it back.”

“I'm glad you did, Libby. That bracelet cost a lot of money, and if he had a different notion about the two of you—”

“Oh! Wait a minute . . .” She held up her phone and pushed a button. After a few seconds she spoke: “Al, I forgot to get my key from you. You weren't planning to go to my apartment when you get back to Raleigh, were you?”

“I do have some of my things there,” he said, sighing. “Just call me when you get back, and I'll stop by then.”

“Cool. Just making sure.” She hung up.

“He has a key to your apartment?”

“Jan, you're not deaf.”

“So . . . were you two sleeping together?”

“Janelle . . . seriously? You think the guy would give me a diamond bracelet otherwise?”

“Well, no wonder he thought things were serious, Libby. When you're sleeping with someone, it tends to be serious.”

“When
you're
sleeping with someone, it tends to be serious, as in marriage. Al shouldn't have let his feelings get involved.”

“How do you keep your feelings from getting involved?”

“I just . . . do. You know I'm not an emotional person. And I'm not letting anyone get close enough to hurt me.”

“So that's what you're afraid of?”

“It's not a matter of fear. It's just a fact.”

“Sounds like fear to me.”

“Oh, you're just gonna
tell
me it's fear.”

Janelle shrugged. “You know me. I call it like I see it.”

Libby sat on the bed and tucked her legs under her. “Okay, how are you calling it these days with Kory?”

“Love how you changed that subject.”

Libby smiled. “Thought you might.”

Janelle stretched across the bed beside her. “What do you mean, how am I calling it with Kory? There's nothing to call.”

“Really, Jan? You're gonna try that with me?”

“Kory is married, Libby.”

Libby looked at her watch. “For another week. Then what?”

Janelle shrugged. “Maybe nothing. Who knows?”

Libby thought about what she was saying. “I'm sorry. I'm being insensitive. It's probably still hard to imagine yourself with anyone but David—which I can totally see. You know how much I loved David.”

“I don't think you were insensitive,” Janelle said. “David's been gone two years. In my counseling group, they said it's natural to want companionship at this point. Two people in our group have already gotten married again.”

“I remember that family reunion when we all met Kory. Seemed like you had fallen in love with the boy by the end of the weekend.”

“Oh, it wasn't like that.”

Libby raised her eyebrows. “From the moment you met Friday night, the two of you were inseparable until that last night on Monday. You totally clicked . . . So I was wondering, now that you're kind of together again . . .”

Janelle switched to lotus style, sighing. “The truth is I'm afraid to let myself think about the possibility. Whenever I'm around him now, it's just so . . .
nice
. I start to think,
What if?
What if this is really our chance? What if we really fall in love?” She sighed again. “Then I remind myself that life isn't about happy endings. I've seen that firsthand.”

“Knock, knock.”

Libby and Janelle looked toward the door, then at one another.

“Come in,” Janelle said.

Travis opened the door but stayed in the doorway. “Sorry to interrupt. I'm about to go, and Grandma Geri said you put aside my sweet potato pie for safekeeping—thank you very much—and she doesn't know where it is.”

Janelle hit Libby's arm. “I didn't tell you—Grandma got a burst of energy today. First time she's felt like baking since the diagnosis. She sent me out for sweet potatoes and a bunch of other ingredients for all the desserts out there.”

“I thought Aunt Gladys made those.”

“Nope. Grandma. So apparently she knows sweet potato pie is Travis's favorite, and she made him
his own pie—
”

“Why are you acting all surprised?” Travis stepped farther in. “You know that's my girl. We flow like that.”

Janelle ignored him. “—and told me to find a hiding place for it so nobody would eat it. Know where I put it?”

“Far left upper cabinet, second shelf.”

“Our favorite hiding place for scrumptious desserts.” She got up. “I'll go get it.”

Travis moved to follow her.

“Travis.” Libby got up from the bed.

He turned.

“I want to apologize . . . for what happened out there.”

“No need to apologize. Everything's cool.”

She wanted to say something more to him, but she didn't know what. And it wouldn't have mattered. He'd already left.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Saturday, January 30

S
tephanie didn't have to work at the diner or take care of the kids, but she was up early anyway, by choice, making the most of the little time she had left. Libby had to get back to Raleigh to prepare for an event. But for now the three cousins had been enjoying morning coffee and conversation at the kitchen table while everyone else slept.

“How'd I miss all that?” Stephanie said. “My man Al went in on Travis, huh?” She chuckled. “Girl, I have to give it to you for giving back that bracelet. I totally kept a diamond pendant a guy gave me, knowing I had no intention of ever committing to him.” She looked upward. “Lord, please don't convict me to give it back.”

Libby laughed. “Really, Steph? So you've been there? Janelle can't understand why I'd want to date with no desire for commitment.”

Stephanie eyed Janelle. “I think there was some kind of mix-up, and
you
were supposed to be Cyd's sister. She used to say the same thing to me.” She looked at Libby. “Definitely been there. No desire to commit. No plans to commit. I'll just keep it real—I was engaged to Lindell and still seeing an old boyfriend.”

The other women's eyes were wide. “Seriously?” Libby said. “Did he find out?” She sipped her coffee.

“On our wedding night.”

“What?” they both said.

“Come on, Steph,” Janelle said. “Are you serious?”

Stephanie raised a hand as if giving a Girl Scout oath. “Lindell stepped out of the hotel room to get some snacks, and I e-mailed the other guy, saying I missed him and would call him when I got back from our honeymoon.” She couldn't believe it herself now. Sounded like another person. “When Lindell came back in the room, he asked why I had the laptop open. It became a mess from there.”

“What did he do?” Janelle said.

Stephanie lifted her mug. “Long story, but our pastor was about to start a series on sex and faithfulness to God. Lindell canceled our honeymoon in the islands, and we were right up in church that next day. I was hot.”

Libby shook her head. “The bad thing about it is I can totally see it. That could've totally been me.”

“What happened next?” Janelle asked.

“We had to meet in study groups as part of the series—which I didn't like—but God blindsided me. After all those years growing up in church and all those years living like I wanted, it was like He grabbed hold of me and said, ‘What are you doing? You don't see this better life I have for you?'” Stephanie paused, reflecting on that time. “Now I'm over two years ‘clean'”—she smiled—“committed and faithful to my man.”

Janelle smiled big. “I love that. What an awesome God-story.”

“Yeah, well, pray for me,” Stephanie said, “because it's only by God's grace, and I'm in trouble if it runs out.” She shook her head. “That same old boyfriend called me a few months ago and left a message. His voice gave me this little fluttery thing, and I was like, ‘Lord, no, I done come too far.' ” She pressed a finger in the air. “Delete.”

“You need to keep sharing that story, even things like that temptation you felt, if only for a minute,” Janelle said. “It speaks to people when you keep it real.”

Stephanie had never thought of sharing her story. Who would she tell? Why would anyone listen to her?

Libby had gotten quiet, focusing on her coffee cup. She looked at Stephanie now. “You said you grew up in church and lived like you wanted. That's me.”

She paused so long Stephanie wondered if she would continue.

“I like dating different guys,” Libby said finally. “I like the attention. I like the control, especially when they end up being the ones who want commitment and I refuse. I like being untouchable, unreachable.”

“What is it you don't want them to touch?” Janelle said.

Libby looked at her. “You already know—that's why you asked. My heart.”

Stephanie leaned in. “Have you ever let anyone get that close?”

Libby gazed aside. “Only one person. Travis.”

“I had a feeling you two used to see each other, but I didn't know it was that serious.”

Libby gave an empty chuckle. “It wasn't, not for him.”

The table grew silent.

Stephanie had something on her heart, but she didn't know if she should say it. Didn't know if it would come out right or sound stupid. But it was practically jumping off her tongue.

“Libby, can I say something?”

Libby looked at her.

“Maybe it's not so much about allowing a guy to reach your heart but allowing God to reach it.”

Libby gave her a look. “You didn't warn me you were in boot camp preacher school now.”

Stephanie got up for more coffee. “Honey, that's about as deep as you're getting from me, because I need to switch the convo up entirely before you hit the road.”

“Thank you and amen. Conversation switched.” Libby laughed. “So what's up?”

“I don't know why I waited till my last weekend here,” Stephanie said, “but I want to sketch out a family tree. I'm not even sure who's all in the family.”

“Oh, that's a fun little project,” Janelle said. She hopped up, went to a drawer, and pulled out some white paper. “You want to know
all
the Sanders extended family, or are you talking Geraldine and Elwood Sanders family only?”

“Let's start with that, then we can branch out later—ha, didn't plan that.”

“Okay, so at the top we've got Geraldine and Elwood Sanders.” Janelle drew a big tree with long willowy branches, and at the top of the page, a straight line with
Geraldine (Grandma Geri) and Elwood Sanders
.

Stephanie looked at the paper. “Now let me see if I can do this, and don't laugh that I have to think about it.” She paused. “Grandma Geri and Grandpa Elwood's kids were, in order . . . my dad, Bruce; Aunt Gladys; Jan's mom, Estelle; Libby's dad, Uncle Wood . . . That's it, right?”

“And Aunt Gwynn,” Libby said.

“Oh, I remember that name. But why don't I hear much about her?”

“Something happened back in the day,” Libby said. “All I know is she got pregnant in college and went away to Grandma Geri's sister's house up north. She had the baby—Keisha—and they stayed up there.”

Janelle nodded. “We used to go visit them once in a while when I was young, but I don't think Aunt Gwynn has been to Hope Springs since that happened. And she doesn't speak to Grandma Geri. Keisha's never been down here.”