Hope(less) (7 page)

Sam had hours during the drive up here to say something and
all of his secrecy for nothing.  I hadn’t found a mate.  Did he realize the
pointlessness of his gesture?  I seriously doubted telling me in advance would
have changed the outcome other than increasing my nervousness during the drive
up.  Though, that could mean that I shouldn’t be mad at him if the result would
have remained the same either way… Frowning, I disregarded that thought.  Honesty
was honesty.  He should have told me.

Walking the dirt path toward the door, which I realized I’d
tread over several times in my socks, I saw a peculiar shadow on the ground
melding with the shadow of the still open door.

Looking up at the space behind the door, I saw the flash of
eyes just before a man stepped out into view.  I froze.  My stomach dropped and
my heart did a strange little flip.  Before I could take my next breath, a
shiver ran up my spine and gooseflesh rose on my arms as my anger spiked
uncontrolled.

“You have got to be kidding,” I whispered to myself without thinking. 
I’d been so close to escaping.

His filthy long dark hair trailed in front of his eyes
shadowing his face into obscurity.  An old dull-green army jacket hung from his
frame as filthy as his hair while his bare feet shone pale against the black
sweats he wore.  I couldn’t tell his age, the color of his hair, or the color of
his eyes through the tangle of hair, but could see the glint of them as he
moved away from the door stalking close to me.

I remained frozen, trying to deny the significance of the
encounter as my stomach continued to do crazy little flips.  Just before he
reached me, he turned away and walked around the corner of the building,
heading not into the woods as the rest had, but to the front of the building.

I stared after him, momentarily confused.  I struggled to
think coherently to get my feet moving again, my thoughts jumbled.  He’d
recognized me.  Just as I had him.  Why had he turned away?  Did it matter? 
Move!  Escape before he changed his mind!

Finally lurching toward the door, I said in a rush, “Sam,
I’ve more than fulfilled any obligation I had to you or the pack.”  The Elders
stepped aside before I bowled them over.  “I’d like to leave tonight,” I added
walking past him and the other Elders.

I didn’t wait at the door but walked through the Introduction
room to the interior hall, pausing only to pull off my dirt-caked socks. 
Charlene would have me cleaning floors if I walked through the halls in my
dirty socks.

Maneuvering through the fortuitously quiet and empty halls,
I struggled to control my emotions, or at least tamp them down.  Over the years, 
I’d learned control, knowing those around me would be able to smell things like
fear, anger, lust, or even sadness, but tonight all that control evaporated.  Anger
and fear swamped me.  Anger at Sam for arranging the whole damn thing and fear
that the Elders knew what just happened.

I’d been so close to freedom.  Sam had set me up, stacking
the odds against me with the sheer number of werewolves in attendance.  Why
would it have to be the very last one I saw that sent a bolt of lightning right
into my stomach?  Was it too much to ask for just one break in my life?

Self-pity began to flood me and then a spark of hope
surfaced.  Could it be possible that no one noticed?  Maybe they’d attribute my
reaction to the way he looked.  I turned a corner, almost to our rooms.  If I
didn’t acknowledge him in front of others, then it didn’t count, right?

I let myself into the apartment I shared with Sam and headed
straight to my room, grabbing my bag from the bed, glad I hadn’t unpacked.

Moving quickly, I went to Sam’s bed and zipped his bag
closed just as he walked through the door, his grey hair slightly mussed.  When
agitated he tended to run his hands through his hair.  Good.  He deserved a
little agitation to match my own.

Immediately spotting me standing beside his things, he met
my gaze.  Now, after the Introduction completed and he’d gotten his way.  “Now
Gabby,” he started in his soothing tone.

“Stop.” I held up a hand to forestall him from saying
anything else and keeping my temper in check.  He might not know he’d gotten
his way.  Even if he did know, he didn’t deserve the pithy remarks running
through my head.  He deserved my respect for all he’d done for me in the past,
for everything he’d shielded me from.  Still, I wasn’t going to listen to
anything else tonight.  Amazingly, he didn’t try to continue.

Holding his bag in my hands with my own bag over my
shoulder, I asked “Are you driving me or not?”

Nodding slowly, he held out his hand for his bag.  I surrendered
it wondering what I’d do when we got home.  I still had a whole summer ahead of
me.  A summer filled with two jobs and roommate interviews.  Would he let me
leave like I’d planned?  I followed him out the door, closing it softly behind
me.  I knew I couldn’t escape this place permanently because of my tie to these
people, but I hoped not to close this door again for a long while.

Sam’s easy stride annoyed me within two steps.  Was he
stalling?  I took matters in my own hands and strode past him to get to the
entrance.  The longer we stayed, the more likely I’d run into that guy again.  According
to the information I’d gleaned over the years, he shouldn’t have turned away in
the first place.  Maybe he hadn’t been attracted to me.

Since I had no socks on, I had to slide my bare feet into my
tennis shoes, which felt wrong, but I didn’t want to waste time to stop and put
on socks.  Scalp prickling with tension, I struggled to pull the crimped back
of my shoe out from where it’d wedged when I’d crammed my foot into stupid
thing.  My gaze darted around the room searching for any sign of
him
. 
Sam continued his leisurely pace, just stepping into the entry as I tugged on
the door.

Nerves strung tight, I almost screamed at the sight of
someone standing illuminated by the yard light on edge of the porch directly in
front of the door.  Instead, I only stopped abruptly.  Not someone.  Many
someone’s.  A whole group of werewolves.  For that split second when I’d opened
the door, I thought he had returned for me.

The men fortunately didn’t notice me, or my near heart
attack, too busy watching something in the parking lot.  Standing shoulder to
shoulder, they blocked my view.  I didn’t really care what had them so
engrossed, I wanted to go home.

I heard Sam behind me and muttered a quick ‘
excuse me’
moving around the small group.  It took me less than a second to see the object
of their attention.  Once I spotted it, I couldn’t look away.

Sam’s truck had exploded.  Ok, maybe not literally, but
that’s what it looked like at first glance.  The detached hood leaned against
the right front fender.  Dark shapes littered the ground directly in front of
the truck.  My mouth popped open when I realized I looked at scattered pieces
of the truck’s guts.  Little pieces, big pieces, some covered in sludge.  Deep
inside, I groaned a desperate denial.  Not Sam’s truck.  I needed it.

A clanking sound drew my attention from the carnage to the
form bent over the front grill.  He studied the gaping hole that had once
lovingly cradled an engine – one with enough life to drive me home.  He did
this, the last man I’d met.

Sam’s voice directly behind me made me jump.  “Gabby, honey,
I don’t think he wants you to go just yet.”

My heart sank.  Not only did the man’s actions screamed loud
and clear,
she’s mine,
but Sam’s calm statement confirmed my worst fear
.
 
The Elders had noticed.  My stomach clenched with dread for a moment.  I
wrestled with my emotions.  No, it didn’t matter who noticed.  I wasn’t giving
up or giving in.  I’d told Sam I’d come to the Introductions.  I never agreed
to follow their customs.

“There’s more than one vehicle here,” I said calmly.

“If we go inside to ask anyone else,” Sam said, “we’ll come
back to more vehicular murder.”

I turned to look at Sam.  He watched the man and probably
his truck.  He was right.  I wouldn’t ask anyone else to deal with this guy’s
obvious mental disorder by asking for a ride.  As soon as that thought entered
my mind, I felt a little guilty.  I usually didn’t judge people.  I preferred
to avoid them altogether.  But this guy made himself hard to ignore.

“Fine.”  I shouldered my bag, packed light for these
weekends on the premise that, if you over packed, you could be talked into
staying longer.  Easily light enough to walk a few miles carrying it.  I turned
and walked toward the main gate, pretending I didn’t hear Sam’s ominous
warning.

“You won’t get far,” he said softly behind me.

The yard light’s luminosity didn’t extend under the branches
canopying the compound’s dirt road.  I marched toward the distinct boundary
between light and dark with a hint of anxiety.  The dark didn’t concern me as
much as the things hiding within it.  But my fear of what I’d felt toward that
grimy man overshadowed any concern I had crossing over that boundary.  Darkness
blanketed me.  I slowed while my eyes adjusted. 

Crickets sang and night creatures distantly rustled in the
undergrowth, nothing loud enough to concern me.  Still, I used my other sight
to watch for signs of pursuit.  None of the sparks from the yard moved to
follow me.

My fear kept me walking for miles, constantly watching for
signs of pursuit.  No werewolves ever entered within the perimeter of my other gaze
though I thought I spotted a bear.  Maybe a werewolf escort wouldn’t have been
so bad.

Hours later, tired beyond imagining, and feeling satisfied
that Sam’s dire predictions turned out to be false, I spotted a motel ahead.  The
empty parking lot screamed vacancy better than the creepy flickering red sign
mounted in the office’s window.  My feet and legs hurt too much to ignore the
opportunity to rest.  Sighing, I pushed open the office door and rented a room
for the night with the emergency cash I always carried.  My plan remained simple
enough.  In the morning, I would find the nearest bus station and buy a ticket home
or as close to home as possible.

Key in hand, I walked to the door matching my key number and
let myself in.  Turning on the lights, I closed the door behind me and grimaced
at the room.  It smelled musty, looked worn, and didn’t inspire any thoughts of
recently washed sheets.  Pulling off my shoes, I set them near the door.  About
an hour into the walk with no one following me, I’d stopped to put on socks.

I padded across the dirty carpet making my way toward the
bathroom thankful for the protection of the socks.  The shower curtain looked
brand new, but the tub and floor hadn’t seen a scrub brush in months.  I used
the toilet, but didn’t look at it closely before or after.  Sometimes ignorance
was bliss.

The water dripping from the faucet had stained the porcelain
brown.  I let the water run while I dug through the bag still slung across my
body.  My stomach rumbled and I regretting not grabbing some food before
walking off on my own.  Ignoring my protesting stomach, I scrubbed my teeth
with the toothbrush I’d found in my bag.  When the water ran clear, I spit and rinsed,
smelling the water too late.  Rotten eggs.  After rinsing, instead of wishing
for food, I wished I’d just left the toothpaste in my mouth.

I wanted to go home, where a clean bed waited... where
inadvertently swallowing water from the bathroom sink wouldn’t put me in the
hospital… where I could pretend this weekend never happened.

Purposefully not thinking of anything but the present, I
focused on getting sleep.  I left the bathroom light on and moved to the main
room turning off the lights.  Setting my bag on a chair, I collapsed fully
dressed on the bed, pleading with the universe that nothing gross contaminated the
coverlet.

The drama of my day had taken its toll.  My eyelids refused
to stay open.  Grossed out and hungry, my last thoughts were of the creepy guy
at the front desk and chaining the door.

*    *    *    *

I stretched, only half awake, and fell off the bed. 
Laughing at myself in the darkness, I pulled myself back up on the bed wincing
at the soreness in my legs from the walking I’d done.  For a queen size bed, I
must have rolled around on it a lot to work myself so close to the edge.  I
paused trying to get my bearings.  Darkness?  My stomach flipped in fear as I
remembered the light I’d left on in bathroom.

I blindly stretched out my arm, remembering there should be
a wall near this side of the bed.  The door to my room swung open.  Light
flooded in blinding me.

A shadow moved to block the light and I suffered a moment of
disoriented panic thinking it was the man from the front desk.  By my third
squinted blink, I saw Sam standing silhouetted by light.  Behind him, I spotted
his foldout bed.

“You okay?” he asked.

I turned, looking at my familiar room at the compound,
confused.  “What am I doing here?”

“Dunno,” he mumbled.  “He brought you back before dawn. 
Didn’t say a word, just knocked on the door carrying you.  I let him in.  He set
you on your bed then left.”  Sam’s hair stuck up in places, and he absently scratched
the hair on his chest, wobbling a bit as he stood in his flannel house pants. 
He needed his coffee.

I looked down at myself.  Dirt clung to my clothes as if
he’d dragged all the way back here from the motel... by my feet... through
mud.  I reached up to comb my fingers through my hair and a leaf fluttered to
the floor.  I stared at it in disbelief and let my hands drop back to my
sides.  He’d left me looking like a wreck.  What was going on with this guy?

“What happened after I left?  Did he follow me?”  I watched
Sam closely.  If he didn’t respond with complete honest, I wouldn’t be
responsible for what I said next.

“Not right away.  When you started walking, he looked up
from the truck and watched down the road for a while.”  He paused and added,
“Long after you passed from sight anyway.  Then, he just took to the woods leaving
my truck in a heap.”