Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1) (15 page)

With our sandwiches and iced tea, we walked to the park nearby and sat on the grass to eat. He’d been right. The food was out of this world. The bread was definitely home-baked, and the mayo was homemade too.

While we ate, Farah asked Chris about Tom’s party. Her boyfriend looked at her like she’d grown a second head. “We’ve never been to one,” he answered warily.

“Well, there’s always a first, right?” She turned to me. “We’re all going on this weekend.”

Nate snorted. “With that ass?”

I tilted my head. “Tom’s not an ass.”

Chris shook his head. “Uh-oh.”

Nate narrowed his eyes at me. “He is.”

Ignoring Chris, I shook my head. “He’s okay.”

Nate crumpled up the paper bag his meal had come in. “I can’t believe you’re standing up for him.” His gray eyes stared at me for a moment before he gazed into the distance. “He’s an asshole.”

“You don’t know him, Nate.”

He huffed and turned to me, scowling. “And you do?” I blinked at him. I opened my mouth to say something when he stood up. “I don’t want to hear it.” He stomped over to a trash can and chucked his trash into it. I looked quizzically at Chris, who only shook his head.

The drive back home was pretty silent as we listened to the radio. Nate was clearly mad at me and pretty much ignored me all the way, clasping the steering wheel tightly. Granted, I didn’t try to make conversation, but he didn’t even look at me.

He dropped off Chris and Farah first. The ride became even more tense after that since we were now alone. Despite being angry at me, he walked me to the front door. Hesitantly, I took out my keys. I glanced at him. “Nathan, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know.”

“What?” He looked at me with hurt in his gray eyes. “That I hate him?”

I bit my lip. “
Hate
is a strong word.”

“I do. I hate him.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But you obviously don’t know anything about it. You’ve been living in your fucking little bubble ignoring everyone else.”

My heart sank and I was left speechless as his words cut through me. I really didn’t know what to say to that. It was true. I had ignored everyone around me, but Tom had always been sort of nice to me in spite of that. I distinctly remembered the time I got drunk and pretty much threw myself at him. He didn’t take advantage of that, so I had to give him some credit.

Nate pressed his lips together tightly and shook his head. Breathing out, he turned around and walked away while my eyes brimmed with tears and my stomach plummeted to the ground.

Why is he so mad at me? 

Chapter Fourteen

Raindrops rolled down my cheek. My breath came in pants as I pushed myself harder. My legs were cramping and my feet were tired, but I needed it. I wanted to feel the natural high I always felt after jogging. Pushing myself harder always made me feel better. And I wanted to feel better. I was tired of being angry or sad. Or both.

Sleep hadn’t been easy last night. Nathan’s words were etched in my mind. I knew he’d spoken out of anger, but his words hurt because they were true, and we both knew it.

When I felt like my legs couldn’t go any farther, I slowed and walked home. The light rain tapping against my skin felt refreshing after all the exercise. Dad was still asleep as I closed the front door and stepped inside the kitchen. I made him coffee before climbing upstairs to take a shower.

After getting dressed in a pair of light denim jeans, a coral tank top, and a see-through beige sweater, I walked to the kitchen for breakfast. Dad was already up and sipping his coffee while reading the news on his tablet.

“Hey, kiddo, how are you?” His blue eyes watched me in concern. He’d been worried after I told him about Marissa’s little outburst at school.

“I’m fine.” Ignoring his worried look, I took out a bowl and filled it with cereal and milk. I wasn’t really hungry, but I needed to eat something, for Dad’s sake, at least.

“Did you sleep at all?” His hands encased his coffee mug as he gazed at me. I shook my head. There was no point in denying the dark circles under my eyes. “I’m going to talk to White about this.” His eyes clouded for a moment. “Do you want to stay home today?”

I sat down on the table. “No.” Playing with my spoon while looking at my bowl, I murmured, “I don’t care about Marissa.”

“That girl will have to suffer some serious consequences after that stunt.”

“
Dad.
”
He glanced at me. “I really don’t care about her.”

Dad’s brows furrowed as he cupped his chin. “What’s going on, then?”

I kept my mouth shut tightly as I left the spoon hanging on the edge of the bowl. “It’s—” I cringed for a moment, “—it’s about Nathan.”

His eyes narrowed as his stance tensed. “What about him?”

“He’s mad at me.” I frowned.
I don’t even know why.

“Was he disrespectful to you?”

I gestured for him to stop by raising a palm. “No. He’s angry because he has this thing against Tom and I kind of stood up for him.”

Dad’s lips tugged up in a small smile. His shoulders relaxed and he woke up his tablet to keep reading. “Could he be more obvious?”

Frowning, I stared at him. “What do you mean?”

His smirk widened. “He’s jealous.”

Sighing, I shook my head. “He’s not.”
Why would anyone want to be with someone as fucked up as me?

His blue eyes assessed me for a moment, and a sadness passed through them as if he was reading my thoughts. “Are you seeing Amanda tonight?”

“Yeah.” I frowned at my mushy cereal and forced myself to eat it as fast as I could.

“You can stay home if you like, you know?” Dad added as I got up took the dirty bowl in the sink.

I shook my head as I washed it. “I’m fine.”
And I kind of want to see Nathan and talk to him.
What if he didn’t want to talk to me, though? Sadly, he’d been right. I had lived in a stupid little bubble for a long time, not caring about anyone else.

Forcing a small smile, I looked at my father. He was still looking at me with that sad expression. “I’m okay, Dad.” I kissed him on the cheek. He nodded, not quite convinced, and I walked upstairs to brush my teeth and dab some gloss on my lips.

The walk to school was excruciatingly slow.

Why is it that when you want time to pass, it actually seems to slow down?

As I approached the building, I remembered Anne.
Shit.
I had completely forgotten about her. She probably wouldn’t want to talk after I stood her up yesterday.

Since it was too early, school was pretty much deserted. I walked to my locker. The paint over the graffiti looked dull. I touched it before taking a deep breath, opening the door, and taking out my books. A few classmates started to appear in the hallways. But I didn’t actually talk to anyone, so I leaned on my homeroom’s door waiting for the teacher to open it. Finally, after waiting for almost fifteen minutes, Mr. Fischer, our homeroom and history teacher, unlocked the door and I was able to get inside the classroom.

Wondering if Anne still had the same phone number, I sent her a text as I waited for other students to arrive. I didn’t have her number on my phone, but I didn’t need it. I’d known it by heart because she’d had the same cell number since junior high. A moment later, my phone buzzed.

Anne: Heard about M. She sucks. It’s ok. We can hang out today. Meet up at the same place?

I typed a smiley face and a thumbs-up, my lips curving up in a small smile. When we’d been best friends, we hung out at the library pretty much all the time. We had a special couch there, which was special because nobody would sit on it but us. To be fair, the couch wasn’t comfortable at all and smelled a little odd, but we rejoiced in the fact it was exclusively ours.

The first two classes passed like usual, but dread and worry accompanied me as I walked through the hallway toward calculus. I wanted to see Nathan, but I didn’t know how to react if I did. My steps slowed as I approached the classroom, and my heart raced as I opened the door. Anne’s red hair was the first thing I saw as I entered. Waving at her, I willed my eyes to look at her too, but it was pointless. As I approached Anne, I noticed Nate and Chris hadn’t arrived.

“Hey,” I greeted her.

“Hi, Cassie!” She grinned at me. “Did you have fun yesterday?”

My stomach churned as I remembered the hurt expression on Nate’s face. “Kind of.” I shrugged as my eyes turned toward his empty seat.

Her smile faltered, and she tilted her head questioningly. Ignoring her look, I forced a smile and walked to my desk. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Sure.” She nodded, bemused.

The door opened, and we both looked toward it. My breath caught in my throat as a couple of girls walked in, smiling and talking to each other. As we kept staring at them, they gave us a confused look and started to whisper to each other.

I breathed out deeply. Anne’s curious stare was burning holes in my head, but I kept ignoring her. Trying to distract myself, I took out my notebook and started doodling on an empty page. I really got into it, and when I finished, class was starting. Surreptitiously, I looked behind me since I hadn’t felt Nathan bump my desk.

He wasn’t there. Neither was Chris.

Sighing, I looked at my drawing, and my heart sank. It was an eye. An intense-looking, gray eye. I started at it for a moment before ripping out the page and crushing it into a paper ball.

Shit.
Where was he? Was he so angry at me that he’d miss class?

I shook my head. Of course he wasn’t. I would have to actually
mean something
to him for
him to do something like that. Maybe he was sick or he just didn’t feel like dealing with me anymore.

My shoulders slumped. I was glad our teacher didn’t ask me anything, because I hadn’t even copied down whatever gibberish he’d written on the blackboard. As the bell finally rang, I hurriedly left the room to find Farah.

She was waiting for me at my locker. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail, but she wasn’t smiling as she usually did. “Hi!” She forced out a grin that looked more like a grimace.

“Hey.” I was dying to ask her about Nate, but I didn’t want to seem desperate. “How are you?”

She moved out of my way as I opened my locker. Her blue eyes studied me for a moment before she blurted out, “Ask away, Cassie.”

Biting my lip, I focused on grabbing my English book. Slowly, I closed the locker. “What happened?”

She shook her head. Her eyes hardened. “He’s an ass.”

Bleakly, I looked at her. “He didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”

Farah rolled her eyes. “I knew that’s exactly what you were going to say.” We started to walk toward English as she muttered, talking to herself. “It’s so like you to take the blame. I know that, and Nathan knows that too.” She scowled.

Grabbing her arm, I stopped her. “What do you mean?”

Warily, she averted her blue eyes. “He’s…”

“He’s what?” I asked gravely.

A haunted expression clouded her face. “I’m not supposed to say anything.”

“Farah,” I pushed her. “You’re scaring me.”

Her shoulders tensed. Cringing, she murmured, “He’s beating himself up for it.”

“You mean figuratively?” Paling, she shook her head while looking down.
He’s fighting.
“Shit, Farah.” How could they let him do that to himself? I closed my mouth because I didn’t want to hurt her by blaming Chris. Knowing Nathan, there was nothing they could have done to prevent it. Swallowing hard, I asked tightly, “Where are they?” I knew he wasn’t where the fights usually took place. Last week, Mr. White had closed the back door to the school permanently. Some kid had been beaten badly during school hours, and according to rumors, they were suing the school.

Farah looked at me, pained. “I don’t know.”

My stomach sank. “Is Chris with him?” She nodded, and I could see how worried she was. “He’s an idiot,” I murmured, completely panicked.

What was going on with him? Where was he? Was he all right?
Fuck.
“Can you call them?”

Her blue eyes brimmed with tears. “Chris isn’t picking up his phone.”

I hugged her. “I’m sorry, Farah.”

“Why would you be?” She pulled away as the hall started to clear for the next period to begin. “It’s your stupid boyfriend’s fault they’re who knows where doing who knows what!”

“He’s not—” I stopped as she gave me a death glare. Sullen, I took a deep breath. “We can’t skip school again.”

“And I don’t know where they are,” she whispered, sounding both frustrated and worried.

We looked at each other and grimaced before walking into class. I took my usual seat, but I just couldn’t think of anything else but Nathan.

Please let him be okay. Please don’t let him get hurt.

Lunch arrived, and we met Anne at the library. However, Farah and I were a complete mess. We told Anne about it, and she looked at us sympathetically before frowning. “Why don’t you ask their other friend where they are?”

Quizzically, we looked at her for a moment, then turned to each other as we both blurted out, “
Jay!
”

“Have you seen him today?” I asked Anne as she looked at us as if we were crazy.

She shrugged. “We just had Spanish together.”

“Oh my God! I love you, Anne!” Farah cried and hugged her. Anna’s eyes were wide as she patted my friend awkwardly on the back.

“Farah, let’s go. Let’s find him.” I picked up our backpacks as she let Anne go. “Thank you.” I smiled at the slightly panicked redhead.

“Last time I saw him, he was walking to the cafeteria.” Her green eyes glanced at us both. “I’ll come with you.”

Farah gazed at me, grinning.
Oh.
Anne just got herself a new friend.

Anne walked with us to the cafeteria, but Jay wasn’t there. We looked for him on the lawn, where we usually sat, but there was no sign of him. I could tell Farah was freaking out since she’d started to chew on her nails. And I knew how she was feeling. I was panicking as we searched the school for him.

The bell rang again, and we all went our separate ways to our classes. But I couldn’t stop worrying about Nathan.
Where the hell is he?

By the time school finished, we still hadn’t found Jay.

Farah called her mom and told her that we had a lab report to do, so she was coming home with me, and Anne was still helping us look for Jay. We descended the school’s stairs completely discouraged.

“There he is,” Anne cried, pulling my sleeve. She was right. Jay was walking through the parking lot toward his beat-up truck. I ran after him, Farah and Anne behind me.

“Jay,” I shouted. His shoulders tensed and he quickened his pace, ignoring me. I pushed myself harder and reached him as he was closing his car door. Tapping his window, I gestured for him to roll it down, but he only looked at me sympathetically before starting his car.

Panicking, I moved in front of it and placed my palms on the hood. Jay rubbed his temples and closed his eyes for a second before turning off the engine. He stepped out rubbing his neck. “Cassie.”

“What’s going on, Jay? Where are they? Are they okay?”

He sighed. “I don’t know, guys,” he said as Farah and Anne reached us. “I’ll find out and text you.”