Authors: N.S. Moore
Wren
My life is split into two realities. Before Code. And after him.
I’m in the after-Code reality now, as I walk up the stairs to my apartment.
I moved out of my dad’s house a couple of months ago, once I started feeling more normal. He was worried at first, but he was pleased with the security in this building, and I think he understands why I need to be on my own.
I turned nineteen almost four months ago, on the day that everything changed.
Tonight, I’ve been out with some friends—Nora and a couple of other girls I’ve started hanging out with from college. We went to a movie and then to get a snack, and I’m kind of tired now and am thinking about going to bed early.
That’s what’s on my mind—going to bed early—when I walk down my hall and see that someone new is moving in next door to me.
There are a couple of boxes in the hallway, and the door is propped open. The building is near the university, so there are always people moving in and out. I don’t give it a second-thought except to hope whoever it is doesn’t like to have wall-banging sex or to turn their music up too loud.
I’m unlocking my door when I hear the elevator bong and the doors slide open. Before I open my door, I glance down to catch a glimpse of my new neighbor.
He’s a good-looking guy with dark hair and a very fine body. That’s my first impression.
Then something strikes me as noteworthy, and I turn back to look again.
His hair is dark again—its natural color. And he’s clean-shaven and wearing jeans and a t-shirt. The tattoos still run down one arm, branding his skin as distinctly as the mark of Cain. He looks different. Less rough. Less hard. But his eyes are just as intense and deep and almost fierce with the emotion they hold.
Right now, they’re also a little questioning, as he puts down the box he’s carrying and steps over toward me.
I’m frozen, paralyzed by the overwhelming wave of surprise and feeling rushing over me.
“Hi,” he says, giving me just a little smile.
“Hi,” I manage to choke. I’m shaking a little so I brace myself against my door, which I haven’t yet opened.
He can’t be here. It’s like my most fantastical daydreams have come to life. But it’s wrong. He’ll get in trouble. He’ll get arrested.
We both always knew that some things are impossible in the world as it is.
He holds out a hand, as if he’s introducing himself to his new neighbor. “I’m Cody.”
I stare down at the big, masculine hand that has touched me all over, brought me heights of pleasure, killed a man for my sake. “Cody?”
“Yeah. Cody Martin.” His eyes grow more questioning than before. “If you don’t really want to get to know your neighbors, I’ll understand.”
I realize he’s giving me a way out, in case I’ve changed my mind in the last four months and don’t want anything to do with him now.
Maybe he thinks I’ve gotten over whatever Stockholm Syndrome I was possessed with before and only see him as a criminal and a kidnapper now.
I reach out to shake his hand, the only gesture I’m capable of.
His face relaxes, and he smiles for real—not broadly but with genuine warmth.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I say. “So your name is Cody?”
“Yeah. It’s real.”
He’d always acted like he was never going to return to his family, ask them for anything, have anything to do with them again. He’d been running from them his whole life. But maybe he’s changed.
“And,” I begin, trying to think through how to ask the question. “And there isn’t any…any baggage connected to the name?”
He’s still holding my hand in his strong, warm grip. “Nothing. I haven’t used it in years, but it was time to go back to it.”
“And you’re…you’re living here now?”
“Yeah. If it’s okay with you.”
I’m shaking again, but with a surge of joy. It isn’t happening. It just can’t be happening.
I never believe the world would allow something like this. The bright horizon the pathway of light was always leading to.
“It’s fine with me. I’ll be happy to have a new neighbor,” I tell him. “As long as you don’t play your music too loud.”
I’m not sure why we’re still going through the motions with this introduction, but if feels important. Like we’re just beginning a different kind of relationship, and it needs to begin in a normal way, with introductions, with preliminaries.
He laughs, low and warm. “I’ll do my best.” His eyes run up and down my body, and I see something hungry blaze up in his eyes.
It makes me hungry too, like neither of us can be truly satisfied without the other.
“Tell me a little about yourself. Do you have a boyfriend?” he asks, a different timbre in his tone.
“No.” I shift slightly, my body reacting to his tone and the expression in his eyes. “I was really into a guy a few months ago, but I didn’t think it would work out. And, since then, I haven’t even been interested.”
“The same thing happened to me.” He steps forward, closer to me. “I think we have a lot in common.”
“Who would have guessed?”
I’m breathless and smiling as I gaze up at Code—who is who he’s always been, only better.
Better
.
And I realize something else. My life is really split into three realities. Before Code. After him.
And
now
.
***
Code
So this is what it took to break free.
I wasn’t sure what was going to happen when I saw Wren again. Wasn’t sure of her reaction. Or mine. When I stepped off the elevator, my first instinct was to drop the box that I was holding and just walk over and claim her.
Like I’d done so many times before.
But this is different now. A new beginning. For both of us.
A lot of time has gone by – and I hadn’t been able to find out a whole lot about her except where she was living and going to school.
I’m not gonna lie—I watched her for about a week and was relieved when it looked like she wasn’t dating anyone. Not that it meant that she’d want anything to do with me, but the possessive part of me liked knowing that there wasn’t another man in her life.
Touching her.
Loving her.
Going back to my real name wasn’t as hard as I’d thought. Actually, going back to my life wasn’t as hard as I’d thought.
After my parents had arrived in Mexico, we spent about a week together—just getting to know each other again. Really getting to know each other for the first time. It was amazing. They didn’t ask what I had been doing all the time that I’d been gone, and I didn’t offer.
All I knew was that they were happy—relieved—to see me and wanted me to come home. Things have been different since I’ve been back. I lived with them for a couple of weeks back in Jersey, but I was restless and they understood it.
Part of the good thing about their social stature is that doors have opened for me that otherwise might not have. It still amazed me that from their perch fifteen-hundred miles away from here that they were able to – and willing to – pull some strings for me.
Like with this apartment.
There had been a waiting list for this particular building because of its location to the university, and yet here I am. I’m learning to embrace who they are—who we are—and not resent it so much.
Standing here in the hallway looking at Wren, it’s just…amazing. I had gone through a dozen different scenarios and plans about how we were going to see each other again. I thought about meeting up accidentally at the park or someplace public. I imagined showing up at her door with flowers.
I feel like I’ve been planning this moment since I walked out of that hotel room in Laredo.
I shake my head and chase that thought away. No more. That’s not who I am anymore and that’s not who Wren is anymore. I want this new beginning. A fresh start.
I realize that we’re still holding hands and a small chuckle escapes my lips. I look up and meet her eyes and see the same happiness and relief that I feel.
“So…are you new to this area?” she asks.
I shake my head. “I am. I did some traveling and have been staying with my folks for a couple of weeks up North – just until I found the place that I wanted to be.”
She nods with understanding and then tilts her head to the side, studying me. “It’s not easy to get into a place like this. I had heard that there was a waiting list.”
I leaned in close like I was getting ready to tell her a secret. “Sometimes it pays to know the right people.”
We both laugh as I take a step back and finally pull my hand from hers. I miss the connection already.
We’re silent, but it’s not the awkward kind. I could stare at Wren for a lifetime and have it not be enough. “What do you do for a living?”
There are a million things that I want to tell her—that I want to say to her—when an idea comes to mind.
“You know what? It’s kinda late and I really need to get these boxes inside. Plus there are a few more down in the truck.” She looks disappointed, like she thinks that I’m blowing her off. “I’d really like to keep talking with you, though. How about we go for coffee tomorrow? Do you have classes?”
She shakes her head and smiles shyly. “I’d like that.”
“I should warn you, I’m a pretty early riser. Would you mind going in the morning?”
Her smile widens. “How early are we talking?”
“That depends…”
“On?”
“What time do you normally get up?” The image of Wren in bed is almost enough to make me sweat—especially being this close to her and knowing that there are two beds at our disposal right now.
“I’m a pretty early riser,” she says.
“Is seven too early?” I ask, my eagerness making me sound a little nerdy.
“Seven is perfect,” she says softly. “I’m looking forward to it.” I watch as she turns and walks into her apartment.
It would be so easy to follow her. To just go in and act as if the last four months apart never happened.
But I don’t.
She deserves more. She deserves to be treated like she’s the most important thing in the world.
And she is.
She’s watching me as she slowly closes her door.
“I can’t wait,” I say quietly and she gives me a knowing smile and finally shuts the door.
I turn and pick up a box and look over my shoulder to look at her door one more time. And it hits me. In a few short hours, all of the waiting will finally be over.
For both of us.
We’ll have finally found that peaceful place.
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