House of Darkness House of Light (58 page)

***

Many months into writing this manuscript Christine finally divulged what she had witnessed that night. As she sat quietly on the sofa, stroking her dog Libby, the words finally came, beginning with one blunt rhetorical question: “Why me? Why did Bathsheba come to me?” There are no answers in this realm. Anyone present would have witnessed Christine conjuring images she had long ago repressed; relegated to the far recesses of her mind. The look on her face spoke of the pain a memory provoked. And there it was, instantly, as if it happened last night or only a moment before…as if no time had passed at all…manifestation in the form of a revisitation to the past.

“Her head is hanging off to one side from the neck. The face is round but it has no features. It resembles a fencing mask; a gray webbed mesh cover. She is wearing a gray dress, like a smock, with large square pockets open at the waistline. It has a wide squared off bodice with a boat neck collar. It looks handmade to me.” Christine paused, as if gazing at a photograph, attempting to describe every detail. “She’s a normal size I suppose…not too tall, not too thin…average. The dress is long but I’m in bed so I cannot see if there are feet beneath it. She floats…she doesn’t need feet. That’s all I see. That’s all I remember about her.”

It was just the beginning. A few questions prompted submerged memories of that dark night, flooding her mind, releasing a deluge of pent up emotions regarding the event. Chris lowered her voice, staring at a fixed point within the room. “I thought they all came because they heard me screaming. I never saw mom come into the room. Nancy and Cindy came too. My lungs burned. My throat was on fire. They said I was calling mom over and over again; not screaming. I don’t understand how they heard me at all from upstairs. It was my one and only encounter with her; Bathsheba. For a long time afterward I wondered about it but then, when we moved away, I tried to leave it behind. It’s been…how long? I suppose it’s an image that’s with me for life. Maybe my fear colored it…when it was happening I didn’t feel at all threatened by her…was she there to hurt me or to protect me? I wonder if
I’m
the one who made it into a negative experience. It was all too disturbing…I was just a kid, scared out of my mind. She was the ugliest thing I have ever seen. Her head was repulsive! That’s what kept me from…oh; I don’t know…that’s enough reminiscing for tonight. I’ve got a good book going.” Escape. Christine was gone, retiring to her bedroom for the duration of the evening; Libby in tow. Sweet dreams, dear sister…what one always wishes for another, especially when growing up together in a house alive with death.

***

Much like the beloved dogs in our lives, human healing often involves the licking of wounds; properly attending to inevitable injuries sustained in life. However, to identify the wound inflicted is paramount. It cannot be dressed until it is addressed. Truth be told, some wounds never heal. Exposing them to the air, to the light of day can be as painful a process as rubbing salt into them but it ultimately proves beneficial, as it too promotes healing. Lorraine Warren said
stay out of that room
. Chris said:
that’s my
room now
, refusing to relinquish the claim she had staked. Suppressing fear, she’d courageously claimed this space as her own and defiantly refused to share it. End of story.

“Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in memory as the wish to forget it.”

Michel de Montaigne

 
a fate worse than death

“In our nature, however, there is a provision, alike marvelous and merciful,

that the sufferer should never know the intensity of what he endures

by its present torture, but chiefly by the pang that rankles after it.”

Nathaniel Hawthorne
The Scarlet Letter

To be suspended in the ether, timeless in being: to be immortal.

That is the blessing. That is the curse.

***

Humanity has belabored the notion of immortality for millennium; time to re-examine the concept. The existence of the Soul has been in dispute since the beginning of
argument
as a linguistic high art form, when people began hypothesizing about themselves and their reason for being human. Once the mind was freed from the constraints of mere survival, once humankind could think about something beyond imperative food and shelter, mental evolution occurred. The human race began to consider itself. To know the significance (or insignificance) of one’s place in the infinite Universe is important enough to consider. At least it seems so, based on the existence of numerous volumes written on a topic throughout the course of history. It became the imperative. Mortals began by worshipping what we can see with our own eyes: Sun and Moon, Earth and Stars: The Cosmos. Much later, only recently, in fact, that focus shifted to the molecules which hold it all together, as an intermingling of science and faith began to evolve.

Some of the earliest formal religions were based upon the conflict between good and evil; darkness and light. In the heart of the Fertile Crescent a belief system was developed by the Achaemenids and emerged hundreds of years before the birth of Jesus Christ. The Zoroastrian Religion based all worship upon two opposing forces; two dueling deities. Ahuramazda, Spirit of Light was constantly “at war” with Ahriman, Spirit of Darkness. Its emphasis was placed on Light and Truth in perpetual conflict with Darkness and “The Lie”. This religion stressed personal responsibility as relating to proper conduct. Simplistic perhaps, compared with the intricate, multi-lateral diatribe of, for example, Catholicism yet basic tenets remain intact, standing the test of time.

Most of the major philosophers have weighed in on this complex concept, ever since someone originally sensed or conceptualized possessing a Soul, as humans became self-aware. Saint Thomas Aquinas wrote extensively on the subject. Much of the historical literature available on the Soul is found within religious text worldwide. Though it is often considered to be coveted by and exclusive to the framework of religious doctrine, philosophers consider the existence of the Soul theoretical in Nature; as a point of view to be argued or referenced, either for or against, in challenge of assumption. William Paley derived his conclusions based solely upon logic; deductive reasoning, posited by his theory of the Watch and the Watchmaker. Paley’s argument for the existence of God, simply stated, is that God
must
exist because the Universe is far too complicated a place to preclude the existence of a divine creator. Logic dictates that it is too intricate and interconnected to have been created by chance. Much like the multitude of delicate mechanisms encased within a watch, it does not follow logically that these mechanisms would have come together accidentally in the formation of a device to measure time; his argument presumes deliberate intention and vision. In the stark absence of a watchmaker it does not stand to reason that a watch could even exist. If there is no one to create the device, a watch is utterly incapable of creating itself. Thus, crossing into the realm of mathematics, probability and statistics, Paley believed it entirely implausible, in fact impossible that the watch could create itself either by chance or happenstance. Intelligence is a necessary ingredient, a prerequisite, as an invisible component of the time piece. Essentially, he’d suggested: God creates man
+
man creates watch
=
God creates watch. An equation: the stuff of science: Imagine that.

The concept of God has been inextricably linked to the concept of Soul, the presupposition being that a soul cannot exist without a god to bestow it upon humankind. But what if the two concepts are mutually exclusive? What if the soul is a vehicle, an energy source which we arrive with and take along the journey through Infinity? God could conceivably exist without imbuing soul upon humankind and Soul could exist as separate and distinct from a Creator. One does not necessarily presuppose or require the existence of the other. It
is
conceivable these two concepts have been inappropriately intermingled as humankind developed a sense of self and began craving an understanding of the cosmos and our position therein. It is as if human beings, while grappling with notions regarding the origin of the species, came to require something more, something beyond ourselves, to praise and to blame; a parental figure of whom we are made in the image and likeness of; preserved by passing on recognizable characteristics, like a mother’s eyes or a father’s temperament. Or what if, as Mary Daly suggests, “It is the creative potential itself in human beings that is the image of God.” Perhaps the Soul is the God-Consciousness within us; an invisible image and likeness we cannot see but sense by other means. William Paley passed away long ago but went where? On his journey through the cosmos, he may have found the answers to his most urgent and pressing questions in life, but if he knows something which would end all the speculation, he and other curious, like-minded souls should relieve us of the burden of conjecture and return to tell humanity the truth; unless, of course, it is supposed to remain inherently a secret.

Truth be told; we have no earthly idea regarding the origin of the species or the Universe so how can so many speak with such authority on a subject they know nothing about? Why is this subject treated as a matter of faith when it is as much a matter of science? Humankind may never resolve the dilemma of this thing called “life” but it will not be for lack of trying; our attempt to unravel the threads of an infinite tapestry. The greatest minds on the planet, past and present, have kept constant vigil with the concept as a central theme, a proposition of the thought-process, whether the catalyst be spiritual longing or scientific inquiry…whether the point of reference and persuasion begins in the study of faith or physics matters not. They are the same. They seek same. When science and religion merge as one the true enlightenment will begin.

What is
Spirit
: Some remote, esoteric being? An ephemeral state of mind? Real or ethereal? Physical or metaphysical? Natural or supernatural? Normal or paranormal? Or is it something beyond humanity, the touchstone between this and all other dimensions? As ageless sage or symbiotic symbol, Spirit is ghostly and mostly a feeling. Perhaps it is instinct or intuition, the sixth
sense
humans possess; intrinsic knowledge of something beyond ourselves as well as something within ourselves; an attachment to something we perceive to be greater than ourselves which manifests AS ourselves. Certain cultures have integrated this convoluted sensory perception, sense-of-self, with the concept of Soul, sharing mystical attributes assigned to both throughout time. Debate continues. Call it God-Consciousness. Identify and label it a dozen different ways. It may be just another delusion manufactured to create a comfort zone; not necessarily divine providence; rather, a realization of our own life force. In vast numbers, humanity
believes
in the existence of Spirit, if not the spirit world, as long as it remains invisible; an intangible, elusive idea. Yet, while willing to embrace the concept of Spirit on faith alone, once spirits manifest as substantive form it becomes suspect, no longer retaining any credibility in the eyes of those who would otherwise argue for its existence, some of whom stand and preach from gilded pulpits. Once they
can
see it they don’t believe in it anymore: Ironic. Specifically regarding Roman Catholic doctrine, High Mass and The Liturgy virtually requires a suspension of disbelief, including a presumption of the existence of the Holy Ghost…Spirit.

What if humanity is a manifestation; energy taking form on plane of action; Earth, its current domain? We are all residents, in one form or another. Does a ghost feel any less “real” than we do in our own skin? When they appear do they
feel
anything? Do they sense any pleasure or pain, sorrow or joy, or are these sensations merely a distant recollection; a vague, non-descript memory they attempt to recapture or dispel? Are they present with a purpose beyond our ability to reason? Why would a presumably benevolent, omnipotent God allow any human beings access (or exposure) to supernatural entities if their existence was supposed to be kept a secret, unless of course, they
are
a gift? When revealing themselves to mortals in form and substance, is it a decision, their intention to do so? Do these beings control their own destiny? Does free will exist after death or is God willing it so as a message to be received from beyond the grave? Is there a predetermined outcome: to frighten or inform? This is a determination which can only be drawn by witnesses, if at all. Only through the Third Eye of the beholder can one discern what meaning, if any, should be assigned and attributed to close encounters of the bizarre kind; odd only because they are so unusual. What if all of the conjecture was no longer necessary? What if
everyone knew
beyond the shadows of doubt in which
they
lurk, awaiting acknowledgement; if mortals knew spirits dwelled among them, within their own homes, this would soon become an entirely accepted idea; commonplace…like having pets. As for their farmhouse in Harrisville, some “in house” spirits
were
pets; cats and dogs, to be precise.

Then why do some places seem particularly prone to supernatural activity? They all seem to share a common theme: history. For instance, the majority of people in England believe in spirits because they dwell within centuries old houses where many events have shaped the history, apparently affecting the energy of the places and spaces. As a society, they are far more accepting of the phenomena because it
is
commonplace: the older the home place, the greater the chance someone who once lived within its walls was either unable or unwilling to part with it in the end, to leave it behind in mind. Its ghosts may well be nothing more than consciousness manifesting in form; memory as hologram. The ongoing speculation regarding what holds and keeps spirits Earth-bound generally includes a theory pertaining to sudden or tragic death. It is a common belief that those who meet their end abruptly or savagely may become incapable of leaving this realm with unresolved issues, unable to go: move onward; to where, we do not know. Their transition may have occurred so quickly or traumatically, they either weren’t prepared to die or do not yet realize they’re dead. Likewise, there is an equally common hypothesis which suggests these souls suffer a morbid existence; struggling through eternity in miserable, depraved circumstances: purgatory. These timeless beings spend infinity wandering aimlessly through space, returning to the only home they recall, to the only place they know to go. In quiet desperation, lingering in eternal expiating darkness, they seek solace, grace and guidance to the other side, unable to follow or even see the Light. An alternative hypothesis: They
are
the Light…the source of all enlightenment…but to please or provoke?