House of Silence (38 page)

She sighed and clasped her hands in front of
her. ‘They tell me I had another breakdown after the documentary
was filmed. I don’t really remember. I recall it was a very bad
time. I remember feeling utterly confused - about Tom, Alfie,
Raymond, TDH. It was all
such
a muddle! I could no longer
keep all the stories straight in my head. All the lies... I had
ideas for books, but I couldn’t sort out a logical sequence of
events. That’s when Viv stepped in. She helped turn my ideas into
proper stories, with a beginning, a middle and an end. You know, I
think Viv’s the real writer in the family, not me.’

‘Have you ever told her that?’

Rae thought for a moment. ‘No, I don’t
believe I have.’

‘You should.’

‘Yes, I probably should... Oh, there’s so
many things I should have done!’

‘You still have time to do some of
them.’

‘Yes, you’re right. You know Gwen, you’re a
lovely, lovely girl but...’ She lifted her hand and wagged a finger
at me. ‘You’re also the most fearful
nag
.’

‘I know. It’s because I’m used to looking
after people. Dippy actors who’ve lost their shoes and ageing
designers who’ve lost their confidence... The homeless at the night
shelter in Brighton... And my poor deceased family, who had to be
organised, sobered up, occasionally
found
. I’ve had a
lifetime of looking after people. And if they don’t co-operate -
you have been warned, Rae - I
nag
. Without mercy.’

She was laughing now and a wheezing sound
was coming from her chest. ‘My goodness, I think I’ve finally met
my match! Hurry back, Gwen. Come back in the spring and tell me
more about your family.’

‘I will. Goodbye, Rae. Give my love to the
garden.’

‘I will.’

‘In person?’

‘In person.’

‘Promise?’

She laughed. ‘Oh, you dreadful girl! Away
with you before you miss your train!’

I stood my ground, pressing my lips firmly
together, the way I clamped pins when doing a fitting. I’ve been
told I look fearsome in this pose. Sure enough, Rae caved.

‘Oh, all right, I promise!’

I leaned across the bed, kissed her papery
cheek, mumbled ‘Goodbye’ and fled from the room before my stupid
tears could overwhelm me.

Rae

That’s the car. I can hear it going down the
drive... They’ve gone. Viv and Hattie and Gwen. But she said she’ll
come back. In the spring. To see the magnolias...

Alfie won’t be coming back. Not now... He
said goodbye and he meant it was for good. But Vivien says I shall
still see him. When he’s on the television. And I shall hear him
when he’s on the radio... He said he’ll let her know when he’s
going to be on, so she can mark it in my diary. I wouldn’t want to
miss it. Not now...

Frances said the next time Alfie’s in a show
in town, she’ll take me to see it. She said we’ll have dinner and
the best seats in the house!

So I
will
see him. He just won’t be
coming back to Creake Hall. Not any more... That’s what he said. I
thought perhaps his eyes said something different, but I was
probably imagining things... Wishful thinking...

If wishes were horses, beggars would
ride.

He told me to look after Hattie. He made a
particular point of that. I promised him I would. That we
all
would. He looked pleased when I said that. No,
relieved
.

He didn’t stay long. He said he didn’t want
to drag things out. I think he meant he didn’t want me to get
upset. I tried hard not to. I don’t think I disgraced myself. I
didn’t blub until he’d gone. When I remembered what he’d said...
How he’d said goodbye. He said, ‘I’d better be on my way’ and then
he bent and kissed me on the cheek. I touched his hair... So soft!
Just like a baby’s... And then he said, ‘Goodbye, Ma. I’ll miss
you.’

Ma.

He didn’t call me Rae. He said, ‘Ma’.

He didn’t have to say that. Not now it’s all
over. He could have called me Rae. But he didn’t. He said
Ma
...

I think Alfie might come back.

One day.

He
might
...

Gwen

Rae was persuaded to leave her room and eventually
she ventured out into the garden, cautiously at first, then every
day, sometimes several times a day, so that she became fully
involved in the maintenance of the garden, taking on some light
chores herself. Before he left, Marek suggested Viv had a
conservatory built, so Rae could enjoy the garden in all weathers.
Now even on cold, wet days she sits in her conservatory, notebook
in hand, making plans for the garden.

Viv engaged a new gardener after Marek left
- an energetic young woman called Sally. They’ve become good
friends. In fact I think they might be more than friends. Viv
certainly seems very happy, but complains she doesn’t have time to
write any more TDHs. She claims the next one will be the last book
in the series. (But that’s what she said last time.)

Deborah took early retirement and, with
great misgivings and a handbag full of valium, went to India on her
own. She didn’t come back on her own. She met Trevor, a retired
Cambridge academic and a widower. They fell in love, she says, on a
beach in Goa. Deb says it isn’t hard to fall in love on a beach in
Goa, depending on how many cocktails you’ve drunk, but the miracle
was, she found she was still keen on Trevor in England, in
November, in the rain. So she’s cautiously optimistic about their
future together, to the extent that she’s put the Beccles house on
the market and moved in with him. She says her son Daniel couldn’t
be more pleased and thinks Trevor is ‘a great bloke’.

Frances joined the AA. Not the four-wheeled
version. She’d always said that if she ever woke up in bed with a
man whose name she couldn’t remember, she’d admit she had a drink
problem. Apparently the young man in question was very nice about
it, but Frances took it badly. She hasn’t had a drink for over a
year now but says every day is ‘a bloody awful struggle.’ But I
think she’s winning.

Hattie is teaching
City and Guilds
Patchwork and Quilting and exhibits her work at the mill, which
she’s turned into a studio where she teaches and works. She’s sold
some pieces and now has a commission for a wedding quilt. In her
spare time she makes tiny quilts for a charity that donates them to
the parents of stillborn and miscarried babies. The baby is wrapped
in a quilt and brought to the parents who can hold their dead child
and begin their grieving process. Some parents decide to bury their
baby wrapped in the quilt, but most decide to keep it as a memento
of the precious time they spent with their child. Hattie says some
mothers claim they can still smell their baby on the quilt and, for
that reason, they’ll never wash it.

Alfie gave up the London flat and returned
the keys to Rae. He now rents a large, rather seedy bed-sit in
Notting Hill. He loves it. He says what he likes about it most is
that he knows he’ll never be burgled. (He lives next door to a
professional burglar who has assured him this is the case.) Alfie’s
acting career took a surprising upturn when he played criminal
twins in a TV drama series. He won a BAFTA award for his
performance (perhaps I should say performances) and he’s now
offered a much wider variety of rôles, most of them criminals, but
this appears to delight him. He refers - gleefully - to Tom Dickon
Harry turning in his literary grave.

Marek left Creake Hall and now works as a
family therapist in London. He visits the Holbrooks regularly and
Viv - who misses him dreadfully - always sends him away with
flowers, fruit and jars of home-made preserves.

Marek and I are expecting our first child,
so we’ve decided to marry. Viv insists on providing a grand
reception for us at Creake Hall. Hordes of Polish and Scots
relatives are expected to descend for the event, to welcome me into
their family. I suspect some of them - especially the children -
are more excited about meeting the creator of Tom Dickon Harry than
meeting Marek’s new wife. (TDH is very big in Poland
apparently.)

Marek and I have asked Alfie if he will be
Best Man.

He said he would be honoured.

~~~~~

Linda Gillard lives on the Black Isle in the Scottish
Highlands and has been an actress, journalist and teacher. She’s
the author of six novels, including STAR GAZING which was
short-listed in 2009 for
Romantic Novel of the Year
and
The Robin Jenkins Literary Award
, for writing that promotes
the Scottish landscape.

HOUSE OF SILENCE became a Kindle bestseller
and was selected by Amazon as one of their Top Ten
Best of
2011
in the Indie Author category.

Linda’s latest novel, THE GLASS GUARDIAN is
a supernatural love story set on the Isle of Skye.

I’d like to thank the following people for their help
and support while writing this book: Tina Betts, Liz Broomfield,
Amy Glover, Philip Glover, Ruth Howell, Gillian Philip and Elaine
Reid.

I’d like to extend a special thank you to Sue Magee
of
The Bookbag
.
www.thebookbag.co.uk

Blankets of Love
is an initiative started in
Australia in 1992 by two sisters, one a midwife and one a quilter,
to offer beautiful small quilts as a lasting memento to parents of
babies who have died at or around the time of birth.

For more information see
www.childbereavement.org.uk

www.lindagillard.co.uk

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/LindaGillardAuthor

Website:
http://www.lindagillard.co.uk

Smashwords author page:
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/LindaGillard