How to Disappear (32 page)
Authors: Ann Redisch Stampler
Tags: #Juvenile Fiction, #Social Themes, #Physical & Emotional Abuse, #Dating & Relationships, #Thrillers & Suspense
He keeps telling me he’s going to reform. He’s going to be a stand-up guy I can count on.
I tell him he has nothing to reform from. He’s the most stand-up guy I’ve ever met. Plus, I already count on him.
He doesn’t buy it.
Jack judges himself so hard.
As for me not having self-control: wrong. I’ll never tell him what actually happened. Him or anyone else.
What good would it do? Alex would still be dead, and Jack would still have gunshot residue all over him. He’d just hate himself that much more.
Plus, he’d leave me.
When I told him how Connie Marino ended up dead by Green Lake (what I did, what I shouldn’t have done, what I knew I shouldn’t have done but did anyway), he said the right words.
Not your fault. There, there. So not your fault.
But his eyes.
Different story.
The way he saw me. The way there was an
anyway
in the middle of his liking me. He liked me
anyway
.
This time he wouldn’t like me.
I swear to God, if I could think of some way I could tell him and not crush him and not lose him, I’d do it. This guy
so
deserves not to suffer.
But it beats being dead.
I saved him.
I saved his life. I got rid of the asshat who tried to make him kill me and threatened his mother and would have killed him, too.
But he’d still blame me. And he’d blame himself worse. If he knew.
He’ll never know.
I saved us.
Ask me if I’m sorry.
Or not.
You know the answer.
First, thanks to my agent, Brenda Bowen, without whom this book (not to mention my life as a novelist) would not exist.
The team at Simon Pulse has been stellar. Thanks to editors Patrick Price, who acquired
How to Disappear
; Sara Sargent, who inherited it, but embraced, nurtured, and shaped it as her own; and Sarah McCabe, who has run with it, energetically and brilliantly, toward release. Thanks also to Mara Anastas, Jodie Hockensmith, Carolyn Swerdloff, Tara Grieco, Mary Marotta, Lucille Rettino, Kayley Hoffman, Sara Berko, Michael Rosamilia, Michelle Leo and her team, my sales rep Kelly Stidham and the entire S&S sales force, and jacket artist Regina Flath.
As for the team at JKS—Marissa DeCuir, Chelsea Apple, Caroline Davidson, Jenna Smith, and Angelle Barbazon—magic!!!
To my primary beta reader, Rick, who goes through every word of every draft; to Laura, whose close reading and notes have been spectacular; and to Michael, who gets story structure so well it’s scary, more thanks than can fit in this space.
I am so fortunate to have Alexis O’Neill, Carolyn Arnold, Gretchen Woelfle, and Nina Kidd as my critique group, not only because of their expertise and their constant encouragement, but because it’s a pleasure to know them.
I came close to fan-girling when Sarah Aronson offered to trade manuscripts. Her strong, fresh perspective moved me forward when I was stuck. And having writers whose work I so admire—Carrie Mesrobian, Gretchen McNeil, and Martina Boone—take time from their own work and deadlines to blurb this book put me on the giddy side of grateful.
As for the generous and incisive April Henry, who started off as a blurber and ended up as a forensic expert/plot wrangler/editor/hand holder/and general thriller writer’s best friend and resource, thank you!
The experts who’ve helped me with this book have been extraordinary in the depth of their knowledge and their ability to convey it to a novice in their fields. Special thanks to Robin Burcell in equal measures for her forensic expertise and creativity, and to Jason Scott, whose insights into technology and privacy (or lack thereof) on electronic devices was indispensible. Any technical errors in this book are entirely my fault, not theirs.
Alethea Allarey has made it possible for me to hold my head up online, and Lissa Price has been my voice of sanity throughout this process. (And to the secret FB group that’s been so enlightening, helpful, and just generally wonderful . . . you know who you are, and thanks!)
Finally, thanks Mom!!! You started cheerleading for my writing when I could barely hold a pencil, and you’re still going strong.
ANN REDISCH STAMPLER
is the author of the young adult novels
Afterparty
and
Where It Began
as well as half a dozen picture books. Her work has garnered an Aesop accolade, the National Jewish Book Award, Sydney Taylor honors, the Middle East Book Award, and Bank Street Best Books of the Year mentions. She lives in Los Angeles, California, with her husband, Rick.
Simon Pulse
Simon & Schuster, New York
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Also by
ANN REDISCH STAMPLER
Afterparty
Where It Began
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
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| First Simon Pulse hardcover edition June 2016 | Text copyright © 2016 by Ann Redisch Stampler | All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. | SIMON PULSE, logo, and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc. | For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or
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. | Designed by Gail Ghezzi | Jacket design by Regina Flath | Jacket photograph copyright © 2016 by Thinkstock | Author photograph by Sonya Sones | Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Name: Stampler, Ann Redisch, author. | Title: How to disappear / by Ann Stampler. | Description: First Simon Pulse hardcover edition. | New York : Simon Pulse, 2016. | Summary: “A sexy road trip thriller, told from alternate perspectives, following a girl on the run after witnessing or committing a murder and the boy who has been sent to kill her”—Provided by publisher. Identifiers: LCCN 2015027340 | ISBN 9781481443937 (hc) | ISBN 9781481443951 (ebook) | Subjects: | CYAC: Mystery and detective stories. | Love—Fiction. | Murder—Fiction. | Organized crime—Fiction. | BISAC: JUVENILE FICTION / Social Issues / Physical & Emotional Abuse (see also Social Issues / Sexual Abuse). | JUVENILE FICTION / Social Issues / Dating & Sex. | Classification: LCC PZ7.S78614 Ho 2016 | DDC [Fic]—dc23