How to Fall in Love (12 page)

2. Go for a walk in the park. Don’t just walk, take in your surroundings, remark on the beauty of the life around you.

‘Let’s go for a walk,’ I said as if I’d that moment thought of it.

We were both ready to walk off the food we had forced ourselves to eat, so despite the extreme cold we made our way to St Anne’s Park, the second largest municipal park in Dublin. Bundled up against the chill, we wandered around the walled garden, the red stables that held food markets during the weekends, the Herculanean temple by the duck pond – which I pulled him past quickly in case he felt compelled to jump in. The rose garden at this time of year was a disappointment and the wrong place to choose to sit on a bench and take a break. We looked out at the bleak cut-back branches with no colour whatsoever while the icy wind whipped our faces, and the cold bench permeated our coats and trousers straight to our bottoms. I used every opportunity and excuse I could to investigate his mind.

‘Did you buy Maria flowers often?’

‘Yeah, but not on Valentine’s Day. I am absolutely not allowed to buy them on Valentine’s Day. Too clichéd.’

‘So what does she get?’

‘Last year it was a grapefruit. The year before that a frog.’

‘Hold on, we’ll get back to the grapefruit. A frog?!’

‘You know, so she could kiss it and get her Prince Charming.’

‘Uck. That’s pathetic.’

‘Are you trying to build my confidence up or destroy me?’

‘Sorry. I’m sure she loved the frog.’

‘She did. We both loved Hulk. Until he escaped out the balcony window.’ Then he smiled as if he’d thought of something funny.

‘What is it?’

‘Nah it’s stupid … personal.’

The secret smile intrigued me; it was a look that revealed a side of him I hadn’t seen before; a softer side, the romantic Adam.

‘Come on, you have to tell me. No secrets, remember?’

‘It’s nothing. No big deal. We had a joke about me getting her a type of flower, that’s all.’

‘What kind of flower?’

‘A water lily. She liked the painting, the Monet one?’ He left it at that.

‘There has to be more to the story than that.’

‘Well, I decided to get her one. I wasn’t allowed to get her flowers for Valentine’s Day, but I thought this one would be an exception. I was in the park, saw them and thought of her. And so I went into the lake to get one.’

‘In your clothes?’

‘Yeah,’ he laughed. ‘It was deeper than I thought. It went up to my waist, but I had to keep going. The park officials practically chased me out.’

‘I don’t think you’re supposed to steal water lilies.’

‘Well, that’s the thing – I didn’t. I made a mistake. I got her the lily pad.’ He started laughing. ‘I was wondering why she thought they were so special.’

I started laughing. ‘You eejit. What kind of person thinks a water lily is a lily pad?’

‘Easy mistake to make, if you ask me. She liked it though. She used it in the apartment. She put a photo of us on it, with candles.’

‘That was sweet.’ I smiled. ‘So you two are romantic then?’

‘If you call it romantic.’ He shrugged it off. ‘We had fun. Have fun,’ he corrected himself.

Oddly, I felt sad. Barry and I had no stories like that. I tried hard to think of one; not that I’d share it, but I wanted it for me, to remind myself of the fun. I couldn’t think of anything. That kind of gesture never occurred to Barry nor had it to me, but I was getting a sense of Adam and Maria’s relationship. It was spontaneous, fun, unique,
them.

We got lost along the walkways, me doing my best to point things out, to make Adam feel and see all the life around us. I didn’t know the names of anything and so I’d stop and read the signs, asking Adam to read the Latin names, which made us laugh when he got them horribly wrong.

‘They sound like dinosaurs,’ I said.

‘They sound like diseases,’ he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. ‘Excuse me, Doctor, I have a touch of the prunus avium.’

‘What’s that?’ I asked.

He checked the sign. ‘The cherry tree, apparently. Imagine having a name like that.’

‘Actually, what
is
your family name?’

His eyes lost a bit of the new regained light and I knew I’d touched a nerve. ‘Basil,’ he said.

‘Ah. Like the chocolate.’ I tried to keep his mood up.

‘And the herb.’

‘Yes, but the
chocolate
:
“With Basil, You Dazzle”,’ I said cheesily, quoting the company motto, which never quite worked if you pronounced it as the Americans did
.
So the joke motto was
With Bayzil, You Dayz-zle
. It was a much-loved Irish confectionery brand that had been around almost two hundred years, the very mention of Basil’s instantly bringing smiles to every child and adult in the country. But not to Adam. Seeing the expression on his face, I added, ‘Sorry, you’ve probably been hearing that all of your life.’

‘I have. Which is the way out of here?’ he asked, suddenly fed up with my company.

My phone rang.

‘Amelia,’ I read.

‘Ah yes, the proposal that never happened,’ he said, voice flat. He wandered off to give me privacy.

‘Amelia,’ I responded, my voice full of anticipation. I heard a sob down the phone. ‘Amelia what’s wrong?’

‘You were right,’ she cried.

‘What?! How was I right?’ My voice rang out.

Adam stopped searching for the way out and stared at me. He knew from my face what had happened and I knew exactly what was going through his mind: so much for positive thinking.

I ran all the way down Clontarf’s promenade with the wind slapping my cheeks. I had to concentrate on my footing, darting and leaping and dodging patches of ice as if I were running an obstacle course all the way back to the bookshop. Somewhere behind me, Adam was slowly making his way back with my apartment key in his hand. I tried not to worry about him being by the sea by himself; I had given him strict instructions, rapidly run through the crisis plan one more time, and then started running. I needed to get to my friend.

Amelia was sitting in an armchair in the corner of the bookshop, her eyes red raw. On the other side of the shop a woman dressed in a Dracula outfit with a white face and blood dripping from her mouth was sitting in the story-hour chair and reading to a group of terrified three- to five-year-olds.

‘They walked down the dark stairs into the basement. Flames of fire on the walls lit their way. Then before them, there they were – the coffins,’ she said spookily.

One of the children let out a sob and ran to her mother. The mother gathered her belongings, threw the Dracula woman an angry glare and left the bookshop.

‘Amelia, are you sure that story is appropriate?’

Amelia, who looked too comatose and blurry with tears to see past the end of her nose, seemed confused by the question. ‘Elaine? Yeah, she’s fine, I just hired her. Come on, let’s talk.’

We left the bookshop and went upstairs to the apart
ment Amelia shared with her mother, Magda.

‘I don’t want my mother to know,’ she said quietly, closing the kitchen door. ‘She was convinced he was going to propose. I don’t know how to tell her.’ She started crying again.

‘What happened?’

‘He said he’s got a job in Berlin and he really wants to move there because it’s a great opportunity for him. He asked me to go with him, but he knows I can’t go. I can’t leave Mum, whatever about getting our own place. I definitely can’t leave the country. What about the shop?’

I didn’t think it was an appropriate time to remind her that the shop had been haemorrhaging money for the past ten years, unable to compete with the big book chains selling coffee, let alone online stores and e-readers. It was all I could do to stop Amelia spitting at people whenever she saw them reading from a tablet. She had done her best, introducing children’s reading hours, author events and evening book clubs, but it was a losing battle. All for the sake of keeping her father’s memory alive. The bookshop had been his pride and joy, not hers. It was him she loved, not the business. I had tried to point this out on various occasions, but Amelia wouldn’t listen.

‘Is moving your mother to Berlin an option?’

Amelia shook her head. ‘Mum hates travelling. You know what she’s like, she won’t leave the country. There’s no way she could live there!’ She looked at me, horrified that I’d even suggested it. I could understand Fred’s frustration. Amelia would never entertain the thought for a second.

‘Come on. It doesn’t mean it’s over. Long-distance relationships work. You did it when he was in Berlin for six months, remember? It was hard, but it’s do-able.’

‘You see, that’s the thing …’ She wiped her eyes. ‘He met someone when he was there. I didn’t tell you at the time, but we worked it out. I believed him when he said that it was over with her, but … Christine, he knows I’d never leave here. He knows that I’d never do that. The restaurant, the champagne, it was all a ridiculous charade to force me to be the one to end the relationship. He knew I’d say no, but at least this way he’s not the bad guy. If he hasn’t got back in touch with her already, he’s planning to, I know he is.’

‘You don’t know that.’

‘Have you ever not known something but known it at the same time?’

Her words struck me hard; I knew exactly what she was talking about. I had used the very same expression when thinking about my own feelings about my marriage.

‘Oh God,’ Amelia said, exhausted. Her head flopped down on her arms, resting on the table. ‘What a day.’

‘Tell me about it,’ I whispered.

‘What time is it?’ Amelia looked up at the clock on the wall. ‘That’s unusual. Mum would usually have called for her dinner by now. I better check on her.’ She rubbed her eyes. ‘Do I look like I’ve been crying?’

Her eyes were red raw, matching her wild red hair.

‘You look fine,’ I lied. Her mother would know anyway.

As soon as she left the room, I checked my phone for messages from Adam. I’d given him the keys to my apartment and hoped he would be okay, but there was nothing in the apartment to offer him distraction, no television, no books. This was not a good thing. I quickly dialled his number.

‘Christine! Call an ambulance!’ Amelia shrieked from the next room. By her tone, I knew not to ask any questions. I cleared Adam’s number and dialled 999.

Amelia had found Magda on the floor beside her bed. As soon as the ambulance crew got there, they pronounced her dead. She had suffered a major stroke. Amelia was an only child with no dependants and no one else to turn to, so I stayed with her throughout the ordeal, lending a shoulder to cry on and helping her make arrangements.

It was ten p.m. when I finally had the chance to look at my phone. I had six missed calls and a voicemail. It was from Clontarf garda station, asking me to call them about Adam Basil.

10

How to Make an Omelette Without Breaking Eggs

‘I’m here to see Adam Basil,’ I said, bursting into Clontarf garda station. All the way there, my already cluttered mind had been further overloaded with what-ifs and awful, terrifying thoughts of what he might have done to himself. I couldn’t even remember the journey.

The garda stared back at me through the hatch. ‘Can I see some ID?’

I passed it through. ‘Is he okay? Is he hurt?’

‘If he was hurt, he’d be in hospital.’

‘Of course, yes.’ I hadn’t thought of that and I relaxed. Then I tensed up again: ‘Is he in trouble?’

‘He’s cooling down,’ he said, exiting the office and disappearing from view.

I waited for ten minutes and finally the door to the waiting area opened and Adam stepped into the room. He looked a mess. I knew from the expression on his face that I would have to tread carefully. His eyes were dark. His shirt was crumpled as if he’d slept in it, though I knew he hadn’t because his eyes were exhausted, and angry. If this was Adam after cooling down, I dreaded to think what he had been like a few hours before.

‘You know it’s not legal to lock me up for so long,’ he snarled at the garda. ‘I know my rights.’

‘I don’t want to see you back here again, do you hear me?’ the senior garda pointed a menacing finger at him.

‘Are you okay?’ I asked quietly.

He glared at me, then stormed past and out the door.

‘We found him on a park bench, looking at the kids in the playground. The parents got anxious, suspicious, called us to go around. I went over to ask him some questions and he lost his head.’

‘So you locked him up?’

‘Speaking to a garda like that, he’s lucky I didn’t charge him. He needs to talk to someone, that lad. You should watch yourself,’ he warned.

I followed Adam outside, expecting him to have disappeared. But there he was, standing by the car.

‘I’m sorry I was gone all afternoon. Amelia was upset about breaking up with her boyfriend.’

He didn’t seem too touched by her misfortune and I didn’t blame him after what he’d been through that afternoon.

‘I was about to call you and tell you I was on my way when she went upstairs to check on her mother and found she’d had a massive stroke. We called an ambulance but it was too late, she was dead. I couldn’t just walk out on her after that.’ Suddenly I was tired. So, so tired.

Adam’s jaw softened. ‘Sorry to hear that.’

We drove the short distance to the flat in silence and when we got inside he looked around the empty rooms, naked walls, my Spider-Man duvet.

‘I’m sorry this is all there is,’ I said, embarrassed. ‘It’s a rental. All my stuff is being held hostage.’

He dumped his bag on the ground. ‘It’s grand.’

‘Adam, the crisis plan is there to help you. I know it might seem useless, but if you follow the steps, I’m sure you will find it helpful in future.’

‘Helpful?’ he shouted, giving me a fright. He pulled a rumpled piece of paper from his pocket and started to rip it up in a fury. I took a few steps away from him, suddenly aware that here was a total stranger with mental health issues that I had let into my home. How stupid had I been? He didn’t notice me edging away.