How to Get What You Want: Without Having to Ask (Frank Feng's Library)

BOOK: How to Get What You Want: Without Having to Ask (Frank Feng's Library)
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How to Get What You Want

Without Having to Ask

Richard Templar

Vice President, Publisher: Tim Moore
Associate Publisher and Director of Marketing: Amy Neidlinger
Acquisitions Editor: Megan Colvin
Senior Marketing Manager: Julie Phifer
Assistant Marketing Manager: Megan Colvin
Cover Designer: Alan Clements
Managing Editor: Kristy Hart
Project Editors: Elaine Wiley and Jovana San Nicolas-Shirley
Proofreader: Apostrophe Editing Services
Senior Compositor: Gloria Schurick
Manufacturing Buyer: Dan Uhrig

© 2012 by Richard Templar
Publishing as FT Press
Upper Saddle River, New Jersey 07458

Authorized US Licensed Edition from the original UK edition, entitled HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT WITHOUT HAVING TO ASK, 01 Edition, published by Pearson Education Limited, © Richard Templar 2011.

All rights reserved. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the Publisher’s prior written consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on subsequent purchaser and without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in, or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and above-mentioned publisher of this book.

This US Licensed Edition is published by Pearson Education, Inc., © 2012 by arrangement with Pearson Education Ltd, United Kingdom.

FT Press offers excellent discounts on this book when ordered in quantity for bulk purchases or special sales. For more information, please contact U.S. Corporate and Government Sales, 1-800-382-3419,
[email protected]
. For sales outside the U.S., please contact International Sales at
[email protected]

Company and product names mentioned herein are the trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective owners.

Rights are restricted to U.S., its dependencies, and the Philippines.

Printed in the United States of America

First Printing July 2011
978-0-273-75100-7 (Original UK publication)
ISBN-10: 0-13-282436-1
ISBN-13: 978-0-13282436-1

Pearson Education LTD.
Pearson Education Australia PTY, Limited.
Pearson Education Singapore, Pte. Ltd.
Pearson Education North Asia, Ltd.
Pearson Education Canada, Ltd.
Pearson Educación de Mexico, S.A. de C.V.
Pearson Education—Japan
Pearson Education Malaysia, Pte. Ltd.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Templar, Richard, 1950-2006.
  How to get what you want : without having to ask / Richard Templar.
       p. cm.
  ISBN-13: 978-0-13-282436-1 (pbk. : alk. paper)
  ISBN-10: 0-13-282436-1 (pbk. : alk. paper)
 1.  Success. 2.  Success--Psychological aspects.  I. Title.
  BF637.S8T434 2011b



PART 1 Be the Kind of Person Who Gets What They Want

Know What You Want

Know Why You Want It

Know How Much You Want It

Want What You Get

Don’t Be a Fuzzy Thinker

Know What It Takes

Work Out Who You Need on Your Side

Break Big Ambitions into Chunks

Set Up Some Milestones

Celebrate Every Step

Write It All Down

Analyze Your Sticking Points

Set Your Deadlines

Check Out the Back Door

Don’t Make Excuses

Think Positive

Don’t Hang Out with Naysayers

Say It Out Loud

Believe in Yourself

Expect Ups and Downs

Enjoy It When You Get It

PART 2 Be the Kind of Person People Want to Say Yes To

Don’t Fake It—Have Real Confidence

Sound Confident

Look Confident

Learn to Say No

Give Them an Alternative

Be a Broken Record

Be Sure You’re Sorry

Say What You Mean

Think Before You Speak

Be Prepared to Disagree

Control Yourself

Express Yourself

Don’t Use Emotional Blackmail...

...and Don’t Give In to It

Treat People with Respect

Have Plenty of Time

Be Likeable

Have a Sense of Humor

Be Honest

Always Say Thank You

Don’t Do Too Much

Give a Bit Extra

Be Generous

Praise but Don’t Flatter

Be Loyal

Don’t Talk Behind People’s Backs

Learn to Take Criticism Well

Admit Your Mistakes

Get to Know People

Learn to Listen Properly

Know What You’ve Agreed To

Pick Up the Signals

Sympathize with Other People’s Anger

Don’t Respond to Tactical Anger

Give Other People Results

Be Part of Your Organization

Work Hard

Work Right

Be Worth It

PART 3 Help Them to Say Yes

Make Sure You’re Getting Through to Them

And Make Sure
Getting Through to You

Think About Why They’d Say No

Show You Understand

Be Objective

Give Them an Excuse to Make an Exception

Solve Their Problems

Read the Clues

Learn What Gets Them Going

Use the Right Words

Get the Timing Right

Tell Them What You Want Without Asking

Don’t Keep Dropping Hints

Make It Hypothetical

Ask Questions

Ask for Advice Instead of a Job

Get Someone to Do the Asking for You

Tell Them You Need Them

Don’t Rush Them

Give Them What They Want

Make Them Think It Was Their Idea

Discourage Their Bad Ideas

Find Out What It Will Take

Get a Team Behind You

PART 4 And If You Really Do Have to Ask...

Be Clear What You’re Asking

Pick Your Moment

Make a Date

Know When to Put It Off

Keep to the Script

Rehearse It

Rehearse Their Answer

Don’t Go On About It

Get the Essentials on Paper

Have a Bottom Line

Ask for More Than You Want

Don’t Make Empty Threats

Think About It

Put the Decision in Writing

Be Ready to Be Decisive

Don’t Give Up


It’s easy to look at the world and think that the people who always seem to get what they want are just lucky. Actually luck has only a small part to play. Of course some people have a better start than others, but we all know people from comfortable, even cushy backgrounds who are miserable, and others who started out with nothing and have created a successful and happy life.

So what’s the difference between those for whom things always seem to work out and those for whom it’s always a struggle? Well, if you observe other people (as I do) you can see that some people know how to get what they want, and others don’t. My wife, who is nothing if not focused,
comes from a decent background, but it’s a long way from where she is now. Sometimes people tell her how lucky she is to have the lifestyle she has, with a job that fits perfectly around the kids, to which she replies (politely but firmly), “Lucky? Luck had nothing to do with it. I planned it this way.”

It’s true. She always knew she wanted to live in an old house in the country with cats and dogs and children and a job she could fit around them all. And I’ll tell you something else. Before we ever
met—eight years before our first child was born—she had the opportunity to become a free lancer. She knew she wanted kids in the future, and she thought, “This will be the job I need one day, when the chance for kids comes along,” so she took it. You can see why she resents being told she’s “lucky” to have a job she can work around the children.

There’s nothing special about my wife’s approach. Anyone can do it. You can do it. Forget about luck—if it decides to join you for a while that’s great, but you can do without it. It’s just a matter of being clear about what you want, and then knowing how to go about getting it. Which is what this book is all about.

There’s a common misunderstanding that getting what you want is the territory of the superconfident, those with chutzpah, bravado, oomph, front. I guess that’s because those kind of people are comfortable bossing others around and asking brazenly for what they want. But it’s not all about that at all. Of course, if you’re not as confident or assertive as you might be, you may not like asking for things. Sure, I can understand how you feel. You don’t want to put other people under pressure, or maybe you don’t want to be told no. Perhaps you’re just uncomfortable about baring your emotions to other people when it comes to discussing the things that really matter to you. It’s OK; we can work with that.

You see, if you play your cards right, there’s often no need to ask directly for what you want. A lot of the
skill is in the work you put in yourself in private—the thinking and planning. If you get that right, the job’s half done already.

On top of that, you want people to see you as someone they’d like to help and support. If you present yourself as a positive, likeable person, why would anyone say no to you, without a really good reason? And if they do have a really good reason to say no—well, there are ways to deal with that, too. Ways of helping them to say yes.

If you’re not used to getting what you want, stand by to change all that. It may take you a while to develop all these skills, but they’re all achievable and you can start right away. So what are we waiting for? If this is what you want, let’s do it.

[email protected]

Part 1: Be the Kind of Person Who Gets What They Want

Look around you. Can you see the haves and the have nots? Of course you can. Some people just seem to have everything fall into their lap, whereas others maybe try just as hard but don’t get everything. We all have good breaks and bad breaks. So why do some people go on to get what they want so often, whereas others always seem to get the short end of the stick?

Well, it’s a lot to do with you personally. If you get the foundations in place, you’re much more likely to get what you want most of the time. So before we look later on at the techniques you can use, let’s just start by considering how you can maximize your chances of getting anything you decide to go for.

Know What You Want

Pretty obvious really. But hang on; are you really sure you know just what it is you’re trying to get? Promotion maybe? A pay raise? Are you desperate for somebody to offer you a new job in his company? Or do you want to persuade your partner to cut down her hours and spend more time with you? Start a family maybe?

Let’s take just one of those as an example—say, getting promoted. OK; that’s an aim. So what’s your problem? If you work reasonably hard, the odds are you’ll get just what you want, eventually. Most of us gradually work our way up the ladder. Oh, you don’t
want it eventually, you want it now—is that right? Well, why didn’t you say so?

And while we’re at it, precisely what job do you want to be promoted to? And at what pay?

You see, the clearer you are about what
you want, the easier it is to aim for it. Otherwise you may not even know when you’ve got it. Take getting your partner to work less and spend more time with you as an example. If he comes home earlier one night a week, will you be happy? Will you have what you want? Maybe that will be fine. Or maybe you want him to come home at a reasonable time three days a week, or every day, or just one day but to also be up for going out for the evening.

Try asking yourself: “How will I know I’ve got what I want on this?” What will be different? What will have changed? How will your life look?

So the first step to getting what you want is to identify precisely what that want is.

Know Why You Want It

So let’s go back to that promotion. What’s that all about then? Is it that you want to be recognized by the company? Or to improve your career prospects when you move on? Or to make your folks proud? Or because you want the pay raise that goes with it? Or is it just that you don’t want that colleague you can’t stand to get it instead?

BOOK: How to Get What You Want: Without Having to Ask (Frank Feng's Library)
11.44Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

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