How to Keep Rolling After a Fall (26 page)

Pax is waiting for me on the designated corner along the parade route, back from the gathering crowd. Feeling like I'm indeed flying, I run up to him when I see him, taking in his attire. He's wearing a navy blue three-piece suit, light blue button-down, and plain red tie. His hair is pulled back from his face.

He looks ridiculously handsome—pretty much Sex on Wheels—and I smile. “Who are you supposed to be?”

“Are you kidding me? Isn't it obvious?” Pax grins at me, all self-satisfied. “Professor X. The only superhero in a wheelchair. Who
else
would I be?”

I laugh out loud, causing my wings to flutter. “That's perfect.”

“And you, Madame Butterfly?” he smiles up at me.

I glance down at my costume, which is really a work of art. I'm wearing sequined purple ballet flats. Black leggings and a tight black tank top. A headband with antennae is affixed to my hair, which is flowing and wild. I used an awesome, glittery makeup kit to create butterfly wings on my cheek and give myself huge, dramatic eyes. But it's really my wings that are the showstoppers—they are nearly four feet across, giant purple-and-white swirled wings with thousands of tiny LED lights inside, making them glow.

“I was just drawn to it,” I tell him. “It felt right.”

Pax smiles, all slow and long. “C'mere,” he whispers. Right in front of the crowd, he pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around me, battling my wings in the process. “It is right,” he tells me. “I think you're beautiful. And rare. Fierce but … delicate at the same time.”

My heart lurches, and I press my lips against his. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He kisses me this time, his lips lingering on mine as he murmurs against them. “And I also think you taste like chocolate and caramel.”

“Good guess. Milk Duds, to be specific. About forty of 'em. For courage.”

“Oh, so it's just a sugar high. I thought you were that happy to see me.”

“Duh,” I say, and proceed to kiss his face about a hundred times.

Our blissful moment is interrupted by the sound of someone gagging behind me. I twist my neck and find Maleficent standing behind us, looking just as surly as when she'd realized she wasn't invited to the party at the beginning of
Sleeping Beauty
.

It takes me a minute to make out Sam's features behind the pale green face paint and heavy eye makeup. She taps me with her scepter. “Knock that shit off,” she grouses. “You promised.”

She and Tim broke up two weeks ago, and she's only home from school this weekend because I promised I'd help cheer her up. At the moment, I'm pretty sure I'm doing the exact opposite.

I scamper off Pax's lap just as the first float appears around the corner of Fourth and Shore, slowly careening down the main street, bringing a host of zombies and werewolves and other unrecognizable monsters toward the crowd. “Thriller” is blasting from the float's speakers, the beat instantaneously setting a mood of excitement and the audience into motion.

Grabbing Sam's hand, I start shimmying my hips, belting out the familiar lyrics, knowing if I keep it up, Sam will eventually join in, that the impromptu performance will transform her gloomy mood. I'm right, and within moments the two of us are shouting out the song together. I spread my wings and sing even more loudly as the float passes by us. People turn to stare, but I'm not bothered. Anything but.

I keep my gaze trained on Pax, watching his eyes glimmer with amusement and happiness as he watches me. It's his eyes that matter most, after all. The literal translation of Pax, I learned, is
peace
.

I stare into his eyes, certain where I'll always find mine.

 

Acknowledgments

First and foremost, I must express my boundless gratitude to the Swoon Reads leadership team, Jean Feiwel, Holly West, and Lauren Scobell, and the other staff members who read/embraced this story early on. To have the opportunity to bring a second book to life before my first book was even released was a tremendous gift, and I am touched by your faith in and support of my writing. You're the best!

Theresa and Jen, thank you for being my very first readers, for your thoughts and comments. Your advice, friendship, and humor are so much appreciated.

Kim, thank you for the endless e-mails, for sharing in everything from the nail-biting to the
squee
ing as we navigated the path to our second stories.

Thank you, Laine and Aug, for doing whatever, whenever, for being physically incapable of telling your children “no.” The million ways you support me, every single day, are acknowledged and appreciated.

Thank you, James, for supporting my creative endeavors and sharing in my excitement. Karole Hamill is a lucky woman.

Lucia Catherine, with your wide eyes and rapt attention, you're a living, breathing example of the magic of make-believe and the power of words. “Mommy, will you tell me a story?” Always, Lu, always.

Lastly, I acknowledge all the beautiful, wonderful little girls in this world, who are all beautiful and wonderful in their own way, who are born with an innate capacity for accepting and loving each other. And here's the charge to us, their parents: Let's raise our daughters up so high that they never need to make others feel small to feel big.

 

Don't miss
Karole Cozzo
's debut novel:

Words are strong. Love is stronger.

 

Can Jordyn find the courage to tell Alex how she really feels—and the truth about her autistic brother—before he slips away forever?

 

Dear Reader:

I'd really like to leave you alone right now to bask in the glow of Milk Dud–flavored Pax kisses. However, when Lauren (Swoon Reads head honcho), Holly (editor extraordinaire), and I discussed the “Swoonworthy Extras” for this book, we all recognized the importance of taking a few minutes to reflect on the more serious matter within the story, namely, bullying.

A question that's been posed to me a few times when I've shared the synopsis of this book with others is “So why did you decide to tell this story from Nikki's perspective instead of Taylor's?” I suppose, when we talk about bullying, the last thing we want to do is give attention or empathy to the bully; on the surface, it seems the person we should be focusing on in the equation is the victim. But for me, in crafting a story that was authentic, unique, relatable, and hopefully at least somewhat powerful, I wanted to go in the other direction, and there are a few reasons why.

First off, as a writer, I've always enjoyed taking a story and putting a slant on its perspective. When I wrote
How to Say I Love You Out Loud
, I wanted to tell the story of the sister of the person living with autism, rather than focusing on that person directly. And in this story, rather than telling the story of the bullying victim, I wanted to focus on the perpetrator of the act. I love examining situations from a more systems-level perspective, and I love exploring underlying factors and dynamics that may not have been considered at first glance. Few things in this world are truly black and white, and I love the idea of challenging readers to consider a story that seems clear cut in a new and different way.

Sure, I understand that by doing so, I'm asking a lot of you, my reader. I'm asking you to reserve judgment, perhaps ignore first impressions, stick with a character who at the onset might not be the most likable person in the world. Wow, that's a challenge! It's hard to ask someone to stick with a story when they are not instantly drawn to the main character, when they are not instantly rooting for him or her. But … as someone working within the Young Adult genre, I am extremely dedicated to portraying flawed characters, and I'm up to the challenge! Flawed characters have the most to learn, flawed characters have the greatest potential for growth, and I hope by telling their stories, I encourage moments of self-reflection and personal consideration for my readers. I hope you find yourself pondering questions such as, “What weaknesses or insecurities of my own might shape my behavior?” or “How do other people influence my behavior, and it is right that I let them?” By having Nikki take a long, hard look at her decisions and behavior, I hope I inspire my readers to do the same. The truth is, there are few perfect people in this world, but I do believe there's good within all of us and that few people genuinely enjoy being cruel for the sake of being cruel. By portraying flawed characters, by narrating their path to self-improvement, I hope that in some small way it helps pave that same path for some of my readers.

And as a YA author with an avenue for reaching teenagers, as a school psychologist who spends her days focusing on the mental health and well-being of children, and as a mother, I feel it's ever so important to keep the conversation about how we treat (or mistreat) others ongoing. Some of the stories about the devastating impact of bullying that show up online or on the nightly news are appalling and gut-wrenching, and we might be drawn to close our browser or change the channel to something easier to take. We can't allow this to happen, or else we're perpetuating the story, maintaining the behaviors that bring such stories about in the first place. So it was important for me to keep talking about bullying, hopefully in the context of an interesting, multilayered story that isn't preachy or stereotypical.

Over the past five years, I've watched my young daughter very closely. It's been impossible to miss her innate drive to befriend other little girls, celebrate their beauty, hold their hands or say “it's okay” when they're crying, and be part of a sisterhood where they're all princesses/rock stars/superheroes no matter how different they may actually be. I know that the pressures, competitions, and emotional challenges of becoming a teenager, and then becoming an adult, might erode some of this natural tendency of hers to love and be kind to all others. She might make mistakes—do things that make her feel ashamed after the fact, do things that disappoint me terribly. But I want her to know she was born with a good heart, as most little girls are. And even if she makes a mistake, there is always a path back to the goodness within, and sharing that goodness with others. Sometimes, it may take another person to help find it. Everyone deserves a second chance, and everyone deserves to be loved. That's what this book is about, and I hope that idea resonates with you, the reader, as you consider your own life and the people you have relationships with.

I greatly appreciate you taking a few minutes to ponder these issues. You may now feel free to return to those Milk Dud–flavored Pax kisses.

 

A Coffee Date

between author,
Karole Cozzo
and her editor, Holly West

 

“Getting to Know You (A Little More!)”

Holly West (HW): What is your favorite word?

Karole Cozzo (KC): Quintessential. Have always loved the way it sounds and feels to say it, and I like incorporating it into stories, too.