How to Meet Boys (21 page)

I opened my eyes and saw a
curtain blowing in the breeze. A flouncy, lacy white curtain. The kind we definitely didn’t have at the cabin. For a minute I had no idea where I was.

I rolled over and looked at the wall with its floral printed wallpapers, and remembered I’d spent the night at my grandparents’, in the guest room that used to be my mom’s bedroom when she was growing up. Now I was here, and she wasn’t. It was weird.

I checked my phone. Earlier the day before, Mom had called to tell me she was headed home to the Twin Cities to show some houses and to discuss all the wedding options with Gary. That meant I could crash here without having to go into detail with her about why. Actually, she hadn’t called as often in the past couple of days.

I pulled a sweatshirt on over my T-shirt and pajama bottoms and shuffled downstairs to the kitchen. My grandfather was busy at the stove, while my grandmother was wiping down the counter.

“How were the fireworks last night?” She poured a cup of coffee and set it down in front of me.

That awful car ride with Mikayla flashed through my mind. “Um. Not what I’d thought they would be,” I said.

“Oh? Did something happen?” she asked.

“What would happen?” I said, trying to keep things light. “I just needed some of your delicious breakfast. I was feeling a little homesick for you guys. I always stay here when I’m in town.”

“Funny. I thought you liked having your own place,” my grandfather said.

“I did. I mean, I do. Usually. But things are kind of weird right now,” I admitted.

“Weird how?” He set down a small pitcher of maple syrup on the table.

Weird in that I didn’t know how to get past the current situation. I’d finally come clean and told Mikayla that I wasn’t okay with the way she’d gone about seeing Jackson. I thought she would have been more apologetic, more sorry.

I didn’t say anything and just sipped coffee. I figured if I let the comment die, they would too. They weren’t ones for discussing feelings.

“Well, it’s a gorgeous morning,” Nana said. “How did you sleep?”

“Pretty good.” I stretched my arms above my head and yawned. It was nice to have a place you could always go to when things got strange. My grandparents didn’t change. They didn’t break up, get remarried, leave town on whims or shopping sprees. They weren’t interested in selling their own property or anyone else’s. They were here for the orchard and farm, which weren’t going anywhere.

“So. You going to tell us what’s going on or should we drag it out of you, as per usual?” my grandmother asked.

“Why can’t I just spend a night here with my favorite grandparents?” I asked.

“You can. Anytime. But you have these little worry lines by your mouth. Either you’ve taken up smoking and are getting premature wrinkles, or you’re not feeling a hundred percent peachy.”

“That would be weird,” I said.

“What would?”

“Feeling peachy. Does that mean you’re kind of mushy inside?”

“Sweet and sunny,” asked my grandfather.

“Ew,” my grandmother and I said at the same time. “That’s over the top,” Nana said, “even for you.”

“So is taking up smoking,” I said. “Why would I do that now? Or ever? And I don’t have worry lines, I just got up and I’m tired!” I said. “Everything’s fine.”

“Right. And I suppose you don’t want any flapjacks.”

“Pretty please?” I clasped my hands together and looked up at him.

He stood above me with the spatula holding two fresh pancakes. “Tell us what’s going on and we’ll feed you.”

“That sounds like really strange blackmail.”

“Yes, I know. I suppose I can’t hold flapjacks hostage.” Grandpa set the pancakes on my plate. “If you don’t feel like talking right now, it’s okay. But you know that you can.”

“Thanks.” I nodded and poured some syrup. Was it weird that I didn’t want to confide in them about Mikayla? How would my grandparents look at me if I told them about this whole situation? My grandmother already thought I was ridiculous for being upset that she’d hired Jackson, back when I first showed up. She didn’t see why we couldn’t be friends; she wouldn’t understand now, either.

“One last question. Is it about your mother?” Nana asked. “I know Kerri was driving you crazy with her wedding plans.”

“No, it’s not that,” I said. “Though she is going over the top with everything. Even the napkins. How did she
get
like that? You guys are so laid-back most of the time.”

My grandparents looked at each other and shrugged. “The apple does in fact fall far from the tree?” Nana guessed.

“Try to cut her a break,” Grandpa added. “She means well and she loves you to pieces. She just can’t help herself.” He walked out of the room for a minute and I cornered my nana.

“Okay. I’ll tell you one thing,” I said. “But you have to promise to keep it to yourself.”

“Sure. What’s that?”

“I kind of like someone—”

“Jackson?” she asked.

“
No!
Not Jackson. Someone else,” I said. “But I’m totally afraid to find out if he feels the same way.”

“Why?”

“What if he doesn’t?” I said. “And I make a total fool out of myself?”
Again
, I added silently,
the way I did with Jackson.

“But what if he
does
?” Nana countered. “Why don’t you think about it that way?”

“Because I’m not a positive person when it comes to stuff like this?”

“You’re only seventeen. I think you can change your tune.”

My forehead creased as I thought about it. “I don’t have a tune.”

“You
know
what I mean,” she said. “Now quit hanging around here, go get dressed, and get back out there. Is it anyone I know?”

I shook my head. “Not yet, anyway.”

“See?” She nodded, smiling. “Now you’re talking.”

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Jackson walked out onto the deck on
the back of our house, where I was hanging out on Saturday night. He slouched against the doorway. He looked as devastatingly cute as usual. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“What are you doing here? You can’t be here,” I said, setting down my book. We had to leave the cabin before Lucy showed up. Where was she, anyway? It was nearly seven. I’d been home for an hour already, waiting for her. I hadn’t seen her since our fight two nights ago—she’d been staying at her grandparents’. I was ready to talk about things again. I wanted to tell her what I’d decided. I wondered if she just planned on avoiding me for the rest of the summer by staying at her grandparents’,

“Why can’t I be here?” He came a little bit closer and perched on an arm of the chair, looking down at me. “What’s going on with
you
? You’ve been avoiding me. I sent you a dozen texts. I called. I even looked for you at work, on my lunch hour,” Jackson said.

“I was out on a mini golf and alpine slide adventure today,” I said. “You should have seen the kids. Jeremy was in heaven.”

Jackson looked at me like that wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear. “What did I do?” he asked. “Did I do something wrong?”

I shook my head. “No, it’s not you.”

“Then what is it? I haven’t seen you since the night of the carnival and—and Franklin’s accident.”

“How’s he doing, by the way?” I asked.

“Not too bad. He’s back home in Saint Paul and my parents are working to get him signed up for a few things—like rehab, maybe. He’s probably going to be charged with reckless driving, but at least he only crashed into a lake. So it’s not as serious as it could have been, in lots of ways, I guess. I mean, at least he didn’t hurt someone else. That would have been the worst.”

“I’m glad he’s okay.”

“Me too. But getting back to you,” Jackson said. He reached for a curl of my hair and tugged gently on it.

“We should go somewhere,” I blurted out, getting up and stepping away from him.

“Why?”

“Because Lucy will come home and it’ll be weird. Come on,” I said. “Let’s go for a walk.”

“Lucy’s not the one who’s being weird right now,” Jackson said as he followed me off the deck and through the house to the front door.

I ignored his comment as I slipped on my flip-flops and we headed outside. “Let’s drive somewhere,” I said.

“If I do, will you tell me what’s going on?” said Jackson. I nodded yes, and we got into his Jetta.

The problem was that I didn’t know where to go, exactly. I needed somewhere we could have a private conversation—and someplace I could get back from without needing a car. Things might not end well.

Jackson started the engine and pulled out of the driveway. “Where should I go?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “A park?”

“Fine,” Jackson said, shifting gears a little too aggressively. About five minutes later, he pulled into the parking lot of a small town park. He switched off the engine and turned to me. “So.”

“So.” I fiddled with the window switch, rolling it up and down a few times. Should I tell him what was going on with Lucy? If I did, it would explain things. But it would also be sharing information I was pretty sure Lucy wouldn’t want me to share. “I really like hanging out with you. I think you know that,” I began.

“Uh oh. This is going to be one of
those
conversations.”

“What do you mean?”

“Never mind.” Jackson shook his head. “Go on.”

“I just feel like we moved too fast. I need to slow things down,” I said.

“What do you mean? We didn’t move too fast,” Jackson said.

“But we don’t know each other that well and we’re spending all our spare time together, and—”

“Is that a problem?” he asked. “I thought that’s what you wanted—what we both wanted.”

“It is,” I said. “But—I don’t know how to explain this. I just need some time on my own.”

“Is this like something we’re going to get over?” Jackson asked. “Or not?”

We were both silent for a minute. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to slide across the car seat to Jackson and hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay. But I couldn’t get that close to him, knowing how mad it made Lucy.

“I just don’t think we can hang out all the time. I think we should take a break,” I told Jackson.

“I don’t get you. Two days ago everything was fine. Now all of a sudden you—you’re breaking up with me?” Jackson said. “What did I do?”

I hated having to hurt his feelings like this. He was assuming he was the problem, when he wasn’t. But there was no way I’d betray Lucy’s trust and tell him the whole story. That wasn’t my story to tell, anyway.

“You didn’t do anything! I still—” I stopped myself before I finished the sentence.
Still want to be friends.

“I don’t know why you’re doing this. Come on, don’t do this. Whatever’s going on, we can work it out.” Jackson scooted closer to me. He laced his fingers through mine and squeezed. “I can’t imagine the rest of the summer without hanging out with you.” He reached out to touch my face, and gently pulled me closer. “I’m, like . . . I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He started to kiss me, and although I’d sworn I’d keep my distance, I kissed him back. We moved closer and closer to each other and I gave in to my emotions for a second. I wanted to stay in his arms forever. I wanted to snuggle close to him, as close as two people could get.

I put my hand on his chest and pulled back. “No. I feel the exact same way, Jackson. But I can’t be with you.”

“I’ll go away if you really want me to. But you can’t say we don’t have chemistry,” Jackson said, trying to kiss me again.

I backed up a little. “No, we—I can’t. I need a break.”

I would never have imagined that I would be pushing away a guy as wonderful as Jackson. Maybe it would turn out to be a big mistake and I’d lose him for good. Maybe I would never have another boyfriend, ever. I wasn’t good at this stuff—at all. But I was learning. Friends came first. They always had, and they always should.

UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE

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I stood on the shore of Lake
Superior on Saturday after work, next to a couple of sea kayaks, and looked out at the water. Over the years, I’d heard many stories about how dangerous the lake could be—from my grandparents, my mother, even people at home who’d had intense experiences while on vacation here. I’d heard the expression “The lake is boss.”

“I thought Claire was meeting us,” I said to Gus.

“She texted to say she can’t make it. Someone called in sick so she’s working tonight,” Gus said.

“Oh? Too bad.” Honestly, I didn’t know whether I was disappointed by the news—or excited. I was counting on her to be there in case things got weird or intense. I took out my phone. Her text must have come while I was driving. It said
Have fun tonight!
with a little smiley face emoticon.

I was feeling a little nervous about this turn of events, but I wasn’t going to back out now. So this wasn’t the original plan we’d made when Gus called earlier that day. As Mikayla had told me: Isn’t life better when things just happen, instead of being planned? You can’t plan everything.

So, fine. Here I was, giving her theory a shot.

As much as I’d been trying to not feel something for Gus, I found that when I was at work every day, I spent a ridiculous amount of time wishing he would drop by. Ever since I’d run off on the Fourth of July, I’d been regretting my choice, and I wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice.

“I can’t believe you talked me into doing this,” I said. “I thought this was only for experienced kayakers.”

“I am experienced. I’m leading the tour,” Gus said. He was making a few adjustments to his kayak and stowing things in the back hatch—a compartment where you can put supplies you need to keep dry. He pulled the cover over the hatch.

“You just got the job two days ago,” I said. “Now all of a sudden you’re experienced?”

“I only got the job because I’ve done a lot of kayaking, dummy,” he teased, handing me a paddle.