Read How to Piss in Public Online

Authors: Gavin McInnes

How to Piss in Public

BOOK: How to Piss in Public
11.52Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

T
hough technically a memoir, this is more a compendium of hair-whitening bar stories that punch you in the throat until your eyes explode. Many people have watched their friends die and some have been to jail. There are those who have stepped in the ring with professional fighters and been beaten within an inch of their lives. Others have created media empires. Very few have done all this and embarrassed dozens of celebrities; enjoyed more than a couple of threesomes; brought the world “Warhol’s Children”; consistently attracted a million views with viral comedy videos; said, “Jesus is gay,” on national television; and made two American Indians from scratch.

There certainly isn’t anyone with this kind of life experience who can convey each tale in such a hilarious and endearing way. Whether he’s watching his friend get decapitated on acid or snorting cocaine off women’s breasts, McInnes only ever has one priority: maximum laughs. He’s not here to tell you how wise his father is or how hard it was to achieve his success. He’s here to make you laugh so hard, you puke. That’s it.

“You will not find a memoir like this anywhere. Usually when people are this insane, they can’t form coherent sentences, but Gavin brilliantly weaves his bizarre outlook on life in a way that makes it somehow feel relatable. I love this book.”

—JUSTIN HALPERN, author of
Sh*t My Dad Says

“I laughed so hard I got a headache.”

—JUSTIN THEROUX, author of
Tropic Thunder
and
Iron Man 2

“I loved this book, though it may have given my eyeballs gonorrhea.”

—SAMANTHA BEE, author of
I Know I Am, but What Are You?

“Wonderfully powerful, funny, and full of life, this book is amazing and a pleasure to explore. I cried while reading the 9/11 chapter.”

—ANDREW W.K., author of “Party Hard”

“An interesting, infuriating read. You will never love this book harder than it already loves you.”

—PATTON OSWALT, author of
Zombie Spaceship Wasteland

“My idea of heaven is standing at a bar (made of clouds) and telling the most hilarious story of all time as all my dead friends burst into paroxysms of laughter. This is no small beans. There’s nothing more human than storytelling. What do you think separates us from all those other, loser species? Genes? Wrong. It’s memes. While monkeys hysterically yell ‘oooh ooh ahh ah’ in vain and dolphins squeak out those irrelevant little eeks, we walk over to our fellow caveman and say, ‘Stay the hell away from saber-toothed tigers. I just saw them eat a guy.’ And then we tell him a story about it that makes him shit his fur shorts. Storytelling has kept us way ahead of the pack for at least the past forty thousand years, and in a world where there’s probably been more published in the past few months than in all previous months combined, we’ve only just begun.”

—GAVIN McINNES, author of this

“This book sucks.”

—TUCKER MAX, author of
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

Described as “the godfather of hipsterdom” and “one of hipsterdom’s primary architects,”
GAVIN MCINNES
is more than just a rude lunatic who keeps getting beat up. He is an icon who personifies irreverence for an entire generation. He’s played in punk bands, done stand-up, and acted in movies and television, but he’s a writer by trade and cofounded
Vice
magazine in 1994 before growing it into a multimedia empire that still dominates youth culture today.

McInnes is the author of
The Vice Guide to Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll; DOs & DON’Ts; DOs & DON’Ts 2;
and
Street Boners,
which is based on his website StreetCarnage.com. He writes for television, creates funny commercials with his production company Rooster New York, and is a regular “wild card” on Fox News’s late-night show
Red Eye
. He lives in New York with his wife and two kids.

MEET THE AUTHORS, WATCH VIDEOS AND MORE AT
SimonandSchuster.com
• THE SOURCE FOR READING GROUPS •

JACKET PHOTOGRAPH BY ANNABEL MEHRAN
COPYRIGHT © 2012 SIMON & SCHUSTER

Also by Gavin McInnes

Street Boners: 1,764 Hipster Fashion Jokes
Dos and Don’ts: 10 Years of “Vice” Magazine’s Street Fashion Critiques
The “Vice” Guide to Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll

Scribner
A Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com

Names and identifying characteristics have been changed.

Copyright © 2012 by Gavin McInnes

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Scribner Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Scribner hardcover edition March 2012

SCRIBNER and design are registered trademarks of The Gale Group, Inc., used under license by Simon & Schuster, Inc., the publisher of this work.

The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at
www.simonspeakers.com
.

Designed by Carla Jayne Jones

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011034596

ISBN 978-1-4516-1417-6
ISBN 978-1-4516-1419-0 (ebook)

All photographs courtesy of the author except where noted.

To Blobs
Please make sure our family never sees this, especially the kids.

Thank you for purchasing this Scribner eBook.

Sign up for our newsletter and receive special offers, access to bonus content, and info on the latest new releases and other great eBooks from Scribner and Simon & Schuster.

or visit us online to sign up at
eBookNews.SimonandSchuster.com

Contents

Where No Man Has Gone Before (1984)

Zapped by Space Guns into a Shit Hole on Acid (1985)

Popping the Cherry (1986)

The Stupidest Plan in the History of Police Chases (1986)

Desperately Saving Foreskin (1987)

“He’s Gone and Got a Bloody Tattoo!” (1988)

Anal Chinook: Revenge of the Punk Nerds (1988)

Stomped by Very Stylish Nazis (1988)

Is Everybody on This Planet a Tree Planter? (1991)

Hey, Dude, Where’s My Nose? (1992)

Unlaid in Taiwan (1992)

The Time I Gave Myself an STD (1993)

Shitstorm (1994)

The Story of Vice: Part One (1994–1999)

The Cuban Penis Crisis (2000)

The Story of Vice: Part Two (1999–2001)

Dinner with the Clash (1999)

I Said, “Jesus Is Gay,” on National Television (2000)

Lying to the Press (1999–)

New Wave Hookers (2000)

Asian Cocaine Orgy (2000)

Circles or Strokes? (2001)

September 11 (2001)

A Faggot Kicked My Ass (2002)

BOOK: How to Piss in Public
11.52Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

Me and Fat Glenda by Lila Perl
Milkshake by Matt Hammond
Amp'd by Ken Pisani
Just My Luck by Rosalind James
The Myst Reader by Rand and Robyn Miller with David Wingrove
The Barefoot Queen by Ildefonso Falcones
Through Glass: Episode Four by Rebecca Ethington