How to Seduce a Band Geek (19 page)

“Levi, you’re kind of scaring me.”

He gives me this weird smile thingy, only half his mouth twitching up at the corner. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to scare you.”

“Then what’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

He shakes his head, keeping his eyes locked on mine. My lips part slightly as I wait for him to spill. But he doesn’t. He drops his gaze to my mouth, and my breathing picks up.

“I need to kiss you.”

Okay!

No… wait. Calm down. He still looks like, really weird about it. I gotta be cool. Like no biggie. Sure, kiss me. I have guys wanting—excuse me,
needing—
to kiss me all the time.

“Um, okay.”

Bah! That came out a million times shakier than I intended.

He pulls me closer, enough to smell his Adidas. His fingers tighten around the back of my neck, sending waves of goose bumps down my spine. Levi Mason is going to kiss me! It’s about freaking time.

“Sierra, I can’t…I can’t…”

What? What?
What
? Please finish that sentence with a, “…ever be away from you.” Or something equally romantic.

He drops his head, hanging it between our bodies. I have the urge to kiss the top of it. Something much bigger than me is going on here, and I can’t believe I’m letting my hormones get the best of me right now.

“Levi?” I lift his chin, so he can meet my eyes. Now he’s
really
scaring me.

He closes his eyes, letting his forehead fall to mine. “I can’t have it mean anything. I know that’s not fair, but it can’t mean anything.”

My breathing goes haywire again. Not mean anything? Does he not get that
everything
he does means something? The way he held my hand during my speech. The way he let me cuddle on him during the movie. The way he stayed up all night after the party to make sure I was going to be okay. The way his eyes burn into mine every time we’re together. Even just showing up tonight and sneaking me out… it all means something. To me.

“W-why not?”

There go those blue eyes again, keeping hold of mine as he answers. “I can’t take care of you.”

That’s it? Is that the “but?” He has no idea how he’s already taking care of me. I go tell him he’s being ridiculous, but he cuts me off.

“There are so many things in my life you don’t know about. It’s a bunch of crap I don’t want to drag you into.
But
…” he emphasizes so I know this is the part when I get to hear the rest. I nod while he keeps his head against mine. “I won’t be able to take care of you like you deserve. Sierra, you deserve someone who’ll be able to take you out often, spoil you, make you feel like you’re the most important person in the world. I know it’s not fair to ask for a kiss from you when I can’t give you anything more than that. But, I… I
need
to kiss you. I’ve needed to for a while, but it can’t go past tonight.” He pauses, fixing my glasses on my nose. “I get it if you don’t want me to, but… please? Please can I just have one moment when I feel like I
can
take care of you?”

No one with half a brain would say no to a request like that. Even sort of rejecting me, he’s turned me into mush.

I scoot up against him, as much as I can without us toppling off the bike. I want to say yes right away, let him kiss me and then prove him wrong on why it can’t mean anything. But I keep his face a safe enough distance away so he knows I’m not giving permission yet.

“Why can’t I be the one to take care of you?”

His fingers tighten on the small of my back. “You have no idea what you’d be signing up for.”

“I don’t care,” I blurt. “Because no matter how much you warn me about this not meaning anything, it already does. On my end. Everything with you means something. So if I can be the one who helps you through whatever it is haunting you, I want to do it.”

He doesn’t answer me. And great, I just botched my shot at getting a kiss from him. But he has to know I’m not going to just let that happen like he’s some random guy. He’s anything but that.

His hand drops from my neck, and I slouch in defeat. Part of me wants to take it all back, but I keep my mouth shut.

“Is this a no? I can’t kiss you?”

I hold my breath, going through what I want to say in my head so it comes out right. “You can kiss me, but only if you promise to tell me what’s going on. You said you want to be able to take care of me, but I want to know why you feel like you can’t. Why you feel like you’re not already.”

“I don’t want to bother you with my prob—”

“You’re not. I want to know everything about you and your life. Good and bad. Zoe knows, doesn’t she?” I remember that look they shared. She’s gotta know something. “I think I should too.”

That came out just like I wanted it to. I perk my ears, ready for him to tell me what’s on his mind. Everything he’s afraid of. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t say anything. We sit in awkward silence for a hundred years before he sniffs, scratches his nose, and drops his gaze. He pushes me off, gently, and scoots back up on the moped and starts the engine. Without a word, he grabs the extra helmet and puts it on my head, then helps me get on the back again.

I wish there was some way to plug tear ducts so he doesn’t have to deal with my tears soaking through his shirt. We’re at my house after what seems like the longest scooter ride ever, and I dive off, stumbling my way inside. I’ve still got the helmet on, his tear-streaked hoodie, and my glasses that are halfway off my nose. At this point, I couldn’t care less if I was snot-riddled and pathetic-looking. Levi only wanted a kiss, nothing else from me. Not even an ear to spill his problems in. What do I have to do?

Maybe
I
need it to not mean anything. But how can I do that, when he means everything?
 

Chapter 19

Waiting is the hardest part.

I’m too busy crying on the floor to notice Mom standing at the bottom of the stairs in the pajama shorts I made for her. Then she flips the light on and my stomach sinks to my butt.

“Did that boy hurt you?” she asks, voice half pissed, half worried.

I swipe at my eyes, pushing away all the tears. “Um, depends on your definition of hurt.”

“No smart mouthing, Sierra.”

My lips press together, and I shake my head as I stare at my feet. “No, he didn’t hurt me.”

I feel her walk over, sense her anger as she sits cross-legged on the floor in front of me. I refuse to look at her, classic deer in the headlights, kid with the cookie jar, girl caught sneaking out with a boy expression I know is written all over my tear-riddled face.

“Where did he take you?”

She’s whispering. My eyes burn holes through the hardwood.

“Nowhere. Just for a drive.”

“Sierra…”

“I’m not lying. Nothing happened.”

She grabs my chin and forces me to look at her. I do for two seconds before I drop my gaze as low as I can.

“Why the tears then, hun?”

How is it I still have more? They gush out in rivers, and I hide my face with the hood on Levi’s hoodie. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

The hood gets yanked off my head, making my glasses topple off and my hair to pop with static. “Too bad. You scared me. So you have to tell me now. You don’t understand what a mother goes through when she sees her daughter leave in the middle of the night with a boy, then doesn’t answer her phone. Five seconds seem like five years. I deserve an explanation.”

I finally lock my gaze with hers, seeing how scared she must’ve been. Her hair’s a mess, like she’s been pulling it out, and there are nail marks along her cheeks. Hot fire scorches her neck, and I spill before my mother becomes the devil right before my eyes.

“I like him so much, Mom. I saw him, and I didn’t think about how I could’ve scared you. I just wanted to hop on that moped and go wherever he wanted. It’s crazy, but
I’m
crazy. I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t form words or stop shaking around him. He makes things go wild in my stomach, in my chest, and I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t know how to make it stop. And I need to make it stop because… he just told me he doesn’t… that it can’t… I don’t mean anything to him. Help me, please. I don’t know what to do. How do you stop when the guy you want doesn’t want you back? It’s so hard.”

I can’t believe I just said all that to my mom. Groaning, I pull my hood back on, tightening the strings so all anyone can see is my nose.

She laughs and pulls me to her shoulder. “I know it seems like the end of the world now, but I promise, after some time, it won’t be so bad.”

Really? I’m going to get the “time heals all wounds” line?

I shake my head against her arm, and my cheeks balloon. One pinprick and they’d pop.

“When I was your age…”

Oh no, now I’m getting the “I’ve been through this” story, when really she has no clue what I’m going through.

She pulls my chin up and yanks my hood off again. “Don’t look like that. I was only going to tell you that when I was your age, the only boy I was in love with lived in the TV. It was a Hollywood crush, so I knew it wasn’t real. So, I guess that’s different.”

I snort. “Who was it?”

She purses her lips and taps my nose. “That’s not important.” She yawns and relaxes against the door. “My point is, those feelings eventually faded away.”

I think she’s half asleep. Or she’s so mad she’s not up for giving much advice. “Mom, I’m not talking about a poster I kiss every night. I’m talking about a guy who lives a few blocks away. He goes to school with me. He’s in Zoe’s wedding!”

“I know. But the truth is, I don’t know how to make those feelings stop. They either stop themselves, or they grow stronger.”

I wait for the rest. Something deep and profound or whatever you’re supposed to get from parents. But she doesn’t say anything. After a little while of silence I look up, and Mom’s eyes are closed, her lashes wet, and her breathing ragged.

“Mom?”

“I’m sorry, I’m trying to be a consoling parent and give you something that will help, but I’m just relieved you’re home and you’re okay.”

It’s funny how something that seems like no big deal can mean a huge deal to someone else. Like when Sydney took me to that party, she probably thought she was doing me a favor or something, when really, she scared the shit out of me and ruined our friendship forever. I snuggle into Mom’s shoulder and take a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Don’t ever do that to me again, Sierra. I mean it.”

I nod, but I wonder if Levi showed up again in the middle of the night, I’d keep my head and stay inside. Probably not.

She gently pushes me from her so we can stand. We walk to our bedrooms in silence till I set my hand on my doorknob and she says, “No phone for two weeks. Hopefully that will teach you how to answer it when it rings.”

It could be a million times worse, so I nod and crawl back into bed. I send a quick text to Adam because I won’t get the chance tomorrow when Mom takes it away.

Sierra: Grounded from phone. Tell u l8r abt it.

He replies, and I want to smack him for not putting his phone on silent while he sleeps.

Adam: Did they find out abt the party? Cuz I’ll vouch 4 u.

I can’t even imagine the punishment I’d get if they found out about that.
And
Levi sleeping in my bed. A whole lot more than a cell grounding.

Sierra: Nope. Something else. Tlk 2 u in chem.

Adam: K. Nite.

I flick back to my inbox, seeing Levi’s text. My stomach lurches, and it’s not the party poppers or confetti cannons. More like someone’s foot is on it, and they’re wearing cleats. I chuck my phone back on my nightstand and think maybe it’s a good thing I’m grounded from it. Give me some distance. Because I don’t think I can control myself when it comes to him.

I was so close. Like we’re-gonna-kiss-holy-crap-this-is-amazing close. And he has to say it won’t mean anything. Why didn’t I hit him? Oh, that’s right, because I’m totally crushed out over the guy.

My door creaks, and I sit up, wiping my face in case there are any leftover tears on it. Zoe quietly shuts the door behind her and climbs in bed next to me.

“You heard?” I ask when she’s settled in.

“I’m a snoop, so yes.” We link arms under the comforter, and she gives me a little squeeze. “If you want, I can tell him he’s an idiot.”

I snort, but I actually consider the offer. Zoe could go give him one good smack upside the head and tell him he’s already taking care of me, and I don’t need all that spoiling crap he was talking about. Then again, I don’t want him thinking I went and told her to talk to him. So I toss my head to the side to look at her and not the ceiling.

“Maybe later.”

“Just say the word, and I’ll do it.” She puts her hand up and punches the air. “Sometimes guys need a good smack in the head.”

I pig snort again, because sometimes it scares me how much me and my sister think alike. “So, you don’t think it’s me? That I’m too ugly or young or dorky or—”

“Shut up. It’s his problem. He needs to figure it out. Once he does, he’ll feel like a total douche and come running back.” She flops her head on the pillow to face me. Her hair lands in her mouth, and she spits it out. “And he’s worth the wait.”

Attempting a smile, I turn to the ceiling again. “I know.”

She sighs, and I feel her gaze go to the ceiling too. “Zak waited for me. Sometimes I wonder why the hell he did.”

“Duh, Zoe. Because he luuuuurvs you.”

She laughs, then shakes her head. “The person I was, everything I did, I don’t think that person deserved to be loved by him. But he did. He loved me during all of that, and it made me love him even more.” She plays with the ring on her finger. “I think I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to him.”