How to Seduce a Fireman: HarperImpulse Contemporary Romance (12 page)

The tears started, and he pulled her down into an embrace. “Don’t, baby. Don’t think of anyone but us. Of this minute.” He rolled her over and positioned her legs on top of his shoulders. “This is just you and me. All that matters is us.”

He braced himself on his elbows. “You and me, angel.” His lips locked on where her neck joined her shoulder, while his hips pistoned into hers, his balls slapping her ass. His eyes pinched closed and his head reared back as he shuddered his orgasm in tandem with hers.

After a minute of rasping breaths filling the air, Quinn kissed her forehead. “Let me go dispose of this condom.”

“The last time you did that, you came back a different man and told me to leave. To never come back.”

“I was scared. Making love to you had shaken me to my core. The only way I knew how to handle it was to act the ass. I’m more in control now. It won’t happen again.” He rolled off the bed and strolled out of the bedroom, turning the corner into the bathroom.

So I’ve had two orgasms and no answers about who the hell Renata is. Quinn Gallagher, you’re a helluva lot of work.

When he stepped back into the bedroom, he was smiling. “Cold, baby?” He tugged the sheet and light blanket over her before he crawled under the bedclothes with her, sliding his arm under her neck to pull her closer. His other hand slipped between them, his index finger stroking between her folds. “You never did tell me who told you to shave your cunt.”

“My customers at the shop, and don’t think I’m not giving them a piece of my mind too. ‘Shave your hootchie,’ they said. ‘It’ll drive your man wild.’”

Quinn threw his head back and laughed, long and loud. “You…you’re taking sex advice from women while you do their hair?” He wiped his eyes. “God, angel, you’re priceless. And stop calling it a hootchie. It’s a cunt. Say it. I shaved my cunt for you.”

“I’m not using that word. Men use it as an insult when they want to belittle a woman. I’m not saying it, so get used to hearing hootchie. So, tell me, if I’m so priceless, why are you so insistent on leaving Clearwater and me?” She placed her palms on his cheeks and leaned close to peer into his eyes. “And who the
hell
is Renata?”

The steely grey of his eyes overtook the blue and his lips formed a thin line. He was pulling away from her, not physically, but emotionally. This time she wasn’t having it.

She grabbed his ears and tugged. “Stay with me. Don’t you dare go to that dark place.”

His eyes narrowed to slits. “How the fuck would you know about dark places?” He lifted a shoulder. “If I was going to one, which I’m not.”

Classic avoidance.

“Haven’t you ever noticed?” She shoved the insides of her arms close to his face to show him the faint scars and leaned closer as she lifted her boobs to display the white lines on the swells of her breasts. “I’m a cutter. Or was.”

Quinn grabbed her arms and studied them, ran a fingertip over her chest. “Cassie, what the hell? I noticed some of them and figured they were just normal childhood scars or recent scratches. Furball always has me ripped to hell. But…” his eyes pinned her. “Cutting?”

She blotted tears that moistened her cheeks. “It’s the family’s dark secret. Not the kind of thing we share, you know? I carried a great deal of guilt after Mom and Dad’s death in that horrible fire.”

“Hell, baby, you didn’t set the fire. Some sick arsonist did.”

“True. But I’d lied to my parents. I told them I was staying at Renee’s house for a pajama party when, in reality, we’d gone to a party held by some senior high kids.” Her fingertips trailed across the whitish lines the razor blades had made several years ago. “If I’d stayed home where I belonged, maybe I’d have smelled the smoke and gotten them out.

“After their deaths, I went into such a dark place, I couldn’t even cry at their funeral. I had emotionally shut down. The last thing I’d said to my parents, my final words to them, were lies. What kind of person did that make me? The only time I could feel, could shed tears of grief was to take a razor blade to bleed out the pain.”

“Angel, I never knew.” His forehead wrinkled as if he were deep in thought.

“More females than males are cutters, or so my counselor told me. Men act out. Yell, curse, beat a fist against a wall. Women go inward. We often hold our pain inside, seeking unhealthy outlets for it. Eating disorders for some. For others, especially teens, it’s cutting.” She bent to kiss his collarbone. “Some men distance themselves from people. They act like a fool to hide the pain.”

“Yeah, like the words of the old blues song Uncle Mat used to sing. ‘I laugh. Laugh just to keep from crying.’”

Maybe she had him to the point of opening up. Wolf claimed if anyone could reach Quinn, it would be her. She pressed kisses to his forehead and eyelids. “I shared with you. I shared how hard I worked to seduce you tonight and how humiliated you made me feel.” His whisker stubble scratched her lips when she kissed both of his cheeks.

“You never told me where the hell you learned to give such great head.” His lower jaw pushed out like a little boy ready to throw a tantrum.

She slid on top of him and wiggled closer. His eyes drifted shut when she rubbed against his semi-hard cock. “Cassie.” A thrill leaped for joy at his warning tone.

“You’ll laugh at me again.”

“Somehow, I doubt it. Now who the hell taught you to lick and suck cock like that? Because, baby, that was the best I’ve ever had.”

Her lips quirked. “Eva Mae, my Saturday morning regular, demonstrated using a bottle of conditioner as a cock prop. There’s this new brand that has a round top shaped like a…like the head of a man’s penis, and she showed me her technique.”

“You gotta be fucking kidding me!” His eyes shot open as if he’d seen an elephant walk across his ceiling or something.

She shook her head. “No. Ninety percent of what I know about sex I learned from my customers. The other ten percent I learned from you yesterday and today. Although, I have to admit, your ten percent was more fun.” She winked.

“So no other man showed you. Micah didn’t teach you…”

“Oh Quinn, you’ve been my first in every way. If only you’d be my first in trusting me.” She kissed him, her tongue sweeping across his lips. “If only you’d be the first man who ever trusted me enough to open up and show me what lies inside.”

He exhaled a harsh bark of laughter. “Oh, angel, you don’t even want to see the darkness inside me.” He glanced away, closing off again.

She reached for his earlobes, applying gentle pressure. “I’m wise to you, buster. All these little tricks of avoidance, of transference, of acting like a sanctimonious victim.” She made a loose fist, pointing a thumb at her own chest. “I’ve done them all. Many times, in fact, and quite well. Wolf fought me every step of the way.”

She leaned in until their noses touched and her eyes bore into those mesmerizing blue-grey orbs of his. “And now I’m going to show you how a Wolford does combat against all that scared crap. Because that’s all it is, you know. At least, that’s all it was with me. I was too scared to open up and talk about it. Too afraid the people I loved would walk away. Love doesn’t work that way, big guy.” She lowered her head a couple of inches and bit his lower lip, pulling it out to run her tongue over and inside it.

He moaned as his hands swept up her back.

“Love stays. Through good and bad times, love stays. Especially for us. We can be damned determined. At least I can.” She slithered down his body and ran her tongue around the nipple with the piercing, taking it into her mouth before she tugged on the silver ring, giving him that blend of pleasure and pain he evidently needed.

He groaned her name and his cock rose as if to announce it was ready to party again.

“I can be ruthless too.” Her palm slid down his erection and wrapped around it for the return journey upward. Just to punish him some more, her hand made several long, slow strokes. “Think how good it’ll feel to open up and share some of the pain. When two people share, the agony lessens and they grow closer.”

“Christ, all I can think about is how damn good that feels.” He narrowed his eyes and glared at her. “You play damn dirty.”

“When the occasion calls for it, yes I do. When the person means everything to me, then hell to the yeah, I’ll do whatever it takes to reach them.” She smirked. “Hell, I’ve even been known to shave my hootchie for the cause.”

Furball took that moment to make a flying leap onto the bed. Quinn covered his cock with both hands to protect his most cherished possession. Cassie stroked the cat for a few seconds and laid him next to Quinn’s head.

He lifted the sheet and light blanket. “Come up here, angel. Lay on my shoulder.” Once she was in place and they lay on their sides facing each other, he covered them. “When a rowdy kitten’s in bed with you, it’s best to keep protected.” The cat wormed its way under the bedclothes between them and turned so just his grey and white face peeked out. He licked Quinn’s bicep.

Cassie fought a smile. “I think the cat’s spoiled.”

“I agree, and if I find out who the son of a bitch was who spoiled him like this, I’ll tan his hide. I hate a spoiled animal.”

“Well, the cat lives with you. Maybe it was you who spoiled him.”

Furball inched upward until he could rest his face on Quinn’s shoulder, his white paws laying next to his owner’s neck. Soon he started to purr and Quinn pretended to scowl.

She kissed Quinn’s collarbone and slipped her leg between his thick thighs. “It’s hard for you to admit you care for animals and other humans, isn’t it? Love isn’t a sign of weakness. It takes a strong man to love, to make himself vulnerable. Tell me, big guy. Tell me why you fight loving so much.”

“I care for you, angel. I know I can’t fight that anymore. Though God knows I’ve tried.” He kissed her forehead and face, enveloping her in his arms.

He cares for me. He used the word care, not love. Don’t get hung up, Cassie. Pay attention.

“I don’t know if I can share my past, even if I feel I should. I’ve carried this ugliness inside since the day I resigned from the State Department over four years ago.”

Quinn worked for the State Department? So Ryder’s suspicions about him were right. She’d have to be very careful how she reacted, or he’d close up again. She would not put pressure on him by being all nosy, though Lord knew her nosy gene was in full what-the-hell questioning mode.

She ran a hand up his chest. Firm and strong, with developed muscles she suspected were produced by frequent trips to the gym and long hours running to purge some of the pain in his heart rather than maintain a hot physique, though he was vain enough to give into the “my body is a temple” philosophy.

A gentle tug to his nipple piercing got his attention. “This will be hard for you then. Take your time. By the looks of Furball’s positioning, we’ve got all night.” She pressed her lips to the dip between his pecs.

He inhaled a deep breath and expelled it slowly. “I went to work at the State Department a week after I graduated from Harvard. My old man was a legend there.” His other hand settled in the small of her back as if he needed her securely in his arms. “At the State Department, Buck Gallagher heads the Bureau of International Intelligence and Research, so he carries a lot of clout. No doubt his influence helped get me the job.

“My admittance at Harvard, his alma-mater, was a cinch, too, although I’d rather have gone to MIT. But, even at Harvard, Buck was a damn hard act to follow. He’d been captain of the basketball team, a game I hated and refused to play. I was more into football and fencing, but never made captain of either team, which was why he never came to watch me participate in either sport. Buck graduated with a four-point-oh, while all I could manage was a three-point-nine-three.”

Buck. He called his father “Buck,” not dad or pops. She was beginning to understand the cause for the cold dynamics between the two and a defensive anger against good old Buck bubbled in her soul. “Well, it’s easy to get that four-point-oh when you’re taking ceramics and coloring inside the lines. What was your major, Quinn?”

“I took what Harvard calls a double concentration, similar to a double major at other universities. I studied Statistics as well as Engineering Sciences. Took extra classes in Spanish and Portuguese.”

“That’s a heavy load.”

“True that, but I always loved learning. What you put into your mind no one can take from you out of anger or if you didn’t measure up to their standards, which I never could. Knowledge is yours forever. But that can be a blessing and a curse. Sometimes bad experiences invade your mind and refuse to leave.”

She nodded into his chest. “Yes, I agree. I know exactly what you mean.” What things had his demanding father taken from him because he wasn’t a mini-Buck? The image of a younger Quinn having things he loved confiscated by his severe father hurt her deeply. She wanted to reach out and ease all his past hurts, to kiss and love them away.

His hold on her tightened and he kissed her with slow, seducing, sipping kisses. “If anyone would understand, it would be you.”

“Did you like working at the State Department?” Or had he gone to work there, like he’d gone to Harvard instead of MIT, because Buck demanded it? Frankly, she couldn’t imagine any one making Quinn do anything. Was he still that little boy trying to win his dad’s approval?

“A job is a job in today’s economy. Government positions like I had paid well. But with office politics being what they are, it didn’t take long for word to spread that I was big Buck’s only son and probably lacked both the brains and the work ethic to land and keep the job on my own merits.”

“Huh. Bet that stung.”

He entwined his fingers with hers and brought their joined hands to his lips to kiss her knuckles. “Oh yeah. Big time. So I worked harder. Put in more hours. Did whatever I could to get noticed for me, Quinn Hudson Gallagher, and not Buck’s boy.”

“I can so see you doing that. Wolf has always bragged about your strong work ethic.”

“Basically, I was doing anything to get ahead. To get a promotion. And the State Department used my ambition as a tool.”

“How so?”

“I was invited to take part in a planning meeting, which should have clued me in since I only had a mid-level security clearance.” He stopped talking and leaned back to scowl at Furball who had crawled next to Quinn’s head to knead his hair, purring louder with each stroke. “Damn cat.” Even with the annoyed exclamation, he allowed Furball to continue the head massage.

Cassie petted the cat’s soft fur. “Then how were you allowed in this private meeting?”

“I’d been granted a temporary higher level security authorization for the project, but I was too flattered to think there were ulterior motives. My ego overrode my analytical skills. Details of the State Department joining forces with the DEA were revealed. The object was to curtail drug trafficking from Bolivia into Chile and up the coast to the United States. They wanted to plant an agent in Arica, a city near the Bolivian border, to observe Indian runners carrying drugs to members of the cartel, who had armed vehicles to transport the raw cocaine to southern Chile for refining. The biggest part of the job, though, was to find which parts of the country’s coastline were used to ship the product abroad.”

She tugged gently on his nipple ring. “And you volunteered?”

“You got it, angel. I saw it as a prime career opportunity to move into a supervisory position once the long-term assignment was over. I was given a team of four Americans and two Chileans to provide local intel. One of the Chileans was an exotic beauty named Renata.”

Cassie’s stomach dropped and she tensed. Hell, the last thing she wanted to hear tumble from his lips were compliments about another woman. Still, if it helped him, she’d tolerate it. Wasn’t there something in the Bible about love enduring all things?

“I’d spent so much of my earlier years studying and playing sports that my experience with the opposite sex was quick and shallow. Until I met her. In my limited knowledge of games women could play, I had no clue I was being set up and used. I was too into her fabulous body to suspect she was working for the cartel.”

God, this was killing her. “You…you loved her?”

“Like I’d never loved anything before in my whole life. That’s what caused my flashback earlier. You’re wearing fuchsia, aren’t you?”

“A little, yes.” No way was she telling him she’d lathered it on her labia to keep her skin from breaking out after shaving.”

“They were Renata’s favorite flower and I used to gather them for her bathwater.”

I don’t know if I can take hearing about this. Quinn’s never so much as picked me a dandelion or a palm frond but he picked fuchsias to scent her bathwater?

“I was careless with my passwords and text messages. To cut a long story short, she informed the cartel about a small pier we’d found in an inlet with a boat moored to it bound for America. We’d planned a raid, but she’d warned them and they were waiting. I lost four of my men. They were tortured before death mercifully claimed them. I found my fifth man hanging with a chain embedded in his swollen neck and his back whipped.”

She pressed her palm over Quinn’s heart. “Dear God, no. How awful.”

“So naturally I was frantic to find Renata. As soon as I was sure Chris, who we all called T-Bone, my team member I’d found hanging, was going to survive, I went looking for her. I nearly went insane during my desperate search. She meant everything to me.”

Some emotional ogre was shredding Cassie’s heart with a machete, laughing with maniacal glee at her foolishness while he carved away. After all, she was the ordinary girl-next-door while Renata was the experienced beauty with the exotic name and looks. “Yes, you would, loving her the way you did.” Spiderwebs of emotionlessness spread outward from her heart, their frigid fingers numbing everything they enclosed their steely tentacles around. He’d never love her to the depths he’d loved Renata.

“When I found her unharmed in her apartment and finally took a look at the furnishings beyond the big bed where we’d spent so much time, I began to put things together. I interrogated her until she confessed.”

“What did you do?” Could he have arrested her?

“I told her I loved her and then I put a bullet between her eyes.” He rolled over and sat on the edge of the bed, his head between his hands. “Because of my sexual bungling, four of my men were dead and one severely injured.”

Reaching out to him was more an act of humanity than love, for she doubted now he could ever love her to the degree he’d loved Renata—and she’d accept no less. Her palm rested on his back. “You’re not the first man to be taken in by a scheming woman. Granted your judgment may have been wrong, but your aim, your purpose, was true to your country and to your mission.”

“Four men died, Cassie. Four. Another was severely tortured. I resigned from my job, and my fa—Buck told me I could never call him father or dad again. That he’d disowned me.”

Which hurt him most? The betrayal of his lover, the loss of his men or the denial of his father’s love? Or was it the overwhelming combination that ate at his soul?

She rose to her knees and wrapped her arms around his, placing her hands on his pecs and her face against his back. “None of this was your fault. You hear me? None. Being careless with confidential information would have been no problem with an honest person, but Renata wasn’t honest. She used you for the position you held, for the way it would help her standing in the drug cartel.”

He jerked from her consoling embrace, reached for his boxers and stepped into them when he stood. The muscles of his back shifted and bunched under his tanned skin as he strode for the window. “I should have known. Been more committed to the mission. Love makes us weak. It’s a deceptive emotion.”

Pain, every bit as deep and destructive as when she’d lost her parents, fractured her soul. “Love makes us hope for things that can never be.” She rummaged around on the floor for her clothes. Finding her bra and thong, she slipped them on, a sarcastic laugh stumbling from her throat. “I mean, look at me. I’ve loved you for three years and all that time you’ve mourned the loss of the woman you loved more than anything.” She scooped her skirt off the floor and wiggled into it before snatching her blouse from the footboard of the bed.

His hands bracketed the wood trim around his window. “Renata, my dark-eyed, exotic beauty.” His chin reached his chest. “I loved her. I loved her with all my heart, yet to avenge my men, I put a bullet in her forehead.”

“I’m leaving now.” Cassie had to get out before she broke down and cried.

“Now I’ve got you to worry about.”

She exhaled a short burst of laughter. “Quinn Gallagher, the last person you have to worry about is me.” One by one, she felt the coldness and emptiness of her emotions shutting down. Hopes, dreams, plans were all over and done. Only emptiness remained.

Had he even heard her? He’d turned silent, lost to her again, vanished into the dark place where he could relive his time with perfect Renata. “God, how I adored that woman. She’d wake up every morning singing before she’d roll over on top of me and…Renata…”

If Cassie had to hear this woman’s name one more time, she would reach for the next razor blade she saw. God, how she needed to cut herself right now. She sat on the opposite edge of the bed and quickly put on the boots. Tears flooded her eyes when she removed her angel necklace and laid it on the nightstand. “None of what happened in Chile was your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself or you’ll never find happiness.”

Lord knew, she never would. Not without his love.