How to Teach Your Children Shakespeare (25 page)

(
Henry IV, Part 1
,
Act II, Scene 4, lines 487–98)

T
his passage is spoken by Sir John Falstaff, and as the sound of his distinctive voice becomes recognizable, you will come to realize that you have entered the domain of a boisterous, dangerous, and affectionate old reprobate who may well be the greatest comic creation of all time.

Falstaff appears in three plays by Shakespeare: a history play entitled
Henry IV, Part 1
; its sequel,
Henry IV, Part 2;
and a light comedy called
The Merry Wives of Windsor
. A legend dating from the seventeenth century has it that Queen Elizabeth, after seeing the two history plays, so loved the character of Falstaff that she commanded Shakespeare to write a comedy about him, showing him in love.

Merry Wives the Musical
at the Royal Shakespeare Company, with Simon Callow as Falstaff and Haydn Gwynne as Mistress Page
(photo credit 24.1)

The speech we’re learning is one that Falstaff delivers in
Henry IV, Part 1
, defending himself against those who accuse him of being
a villainous abominable misleader of youth
.

If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked
.

Sack was a dry white wine imported from Spain. Sack with sugar in it was a popular drink, especially among the elderly.

If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked
.

Meaning: It’s a pretty innocent thing to drink sack and sugar, as I do, and if that’s the worst thing you can say about me, then I can’t be too bad.

Exercise: Speaking in Character

Have your son or daughter say this line, and the following lines, in the character of Falstaff. They shouldn’t overdo it and make him silly. He’s not a silly man. He’s funny, immoral, extravagant, cunning, affectionate, dishonest, self-aware, witty, and boundlessly inventive, but never silly. They should recite the speech with the mock gravity that Falstaff uses, always stepping outside himself to comment ruefully on the wicked world around him.

If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked
.

If to be old and merry be a sin
,

then many an old host that I know is damned
.

Falstaff is old and merry. “Is that a sin?” he asks. If so:

then many an old host that I know is damned
.

A
host
is an innkeeper. Hosts were known for being merry, since it was part of their job to make customers feel welcome.

If to be old and merry be a sin
,

then many an old host that I know is damned
.

Next he tells us that he’s fat—and once again he puts this so-called fault into a context that makes it sound desirable.

If to be fat be to be hated
,

then Pharaoh’s lean kine are to be loved
.

Kine
are cows.
Lean kine
means “skinny cows.” And Falstaff is subtly referring to a passage in Genesis (41:4) where the lean cows in Pharaoh’s dream are a prediction of famine. (“And the ill favoured and lean-fleshed kine did eat up the seven well favoured and fat kine. So Pharaoh
awoke.”) Thus Falstaff gives his defense a ring of biblical truth: “If you hate me because I’m fat, then you must love Pharaoh’s lean cows, which brought about disaster.”

If to be fat be to be hated
,

then Pharaoh’s lean kine are to be loved
.

The Speech in Context

In order to understand the rest of the speech, we need to put it into context. The play centers on Henry IV’s son, Prince Harry (known as Hal), who is heir to the throne of England. (The play takes place in the early 1400s.) Hal is a young man of impressionable age, rebellious of authority, and a lover of pranks. Instead of studying the arts of war and diplomacy, as his father wishes, he spends most of his time at a tavern in Eastcheap, a low area of London, carousing with Falstaff and his friends, who consist of a crew of ruffians (Peto, Bardolph, and Poins) and loose women (Mistress Quickly and Doll Tearsheet).

When the play opens, Falstaff—that
misleader of youth … that reverend Vice, that grey Iniquity
—is Hal’s greatest friend. He has also become a father figure to the young prince. But Hal already has a father, the sober King Henry IV, and the underlying tension of the play is the struggle between Falstaff and King Henry IV for Hal’s soul.

That this struggle creates tension may seem counterintuitive, since Shakespeare’s audience knew from history that Hal, when he became King Henry V, would part ways with Falstaff. Moreover, in the course of the play, Hal makes it clear several times that he will ultimately reject Falstaff and the holiday world that Falstaff represents. Yet Falstaff is such a powerful, endearing, and enduring figure that we as audience continue to experience a tension between the two worlds pulling Hal in opposite directions.

The Great Playacting Scene

Virtually all of
Henry IV, Part 1
is memorable, but I value one scene above the rest: Act II, Scene 4, the great Playacting Scene. When it opens, Falstaff, Hal, and their friends are in Eastcheap playing tricks on one another. Falstaff has robbed some travelers, and Hal and Poins (who have robbed Falstaff in turn) are baiting Falstaff into exaggerating his own valor. Suddenly, a man from the court brings Hal an ominous message: Some of King Henry’s nobles have stolen away to foment a rebellion, and the King has summoned Hal to appear before him in the morning. The country is descending into civil war, and the King wants Hal to do his duty.

When the messenger leaves, Falstaff proposes some entertainment: that he and Hal enact for their friends the drama that will occur tomorrow when Hal meets with his father and has to defend his dissolute lifestyle.

FALSTAFF

But tell me, Hal, art thou not horrible afeard? Thou being heir apparent, could the world pick thee out three such enemies
[as the rebels]…?

Doth not thy blood thrill at it?

PRINCE HAL

Not a whit [not at all], i’faith. I lack some of your instinct
[cowardice].

The Prince and Falstaff insult each other throughout the play like two high-spirited schoolboys who love to one-up each other.

FALSTAFF

Well, thou wilt be horribly chid
[scolded]
tomorrow when thou comest to thy father. If thou love me, practice an answer
.

PRINCE HAL

Do thou stand for my father
[act like my father]
and examine me upon the particulars of my life
.

FALSTAFF

Shall I? Content
. [Good.]
This chair shall be my state
[throne],
this dagger my scepter, and this cushion my crown
.

So Falstaff puts a cushion on his head and playacts Henry IV in order to examine his “son,” Prince Hal, who is played by Hal himself. Then, after about two wonderful minutes of extemporizing, they continue, but with the roles reversed: Hal plays his own father, while Falstaff plays Hal.

An Acting Opportunity

If there was ever an opportunity to involve children in Shakespeare, this is it. What child would not want to sit in a special chair with a pillow on her head for a crown, holding a dagger as if it were a scepter, playing Falstaff who, in turn, is playing the King of England and then the Prince of Wales?

The playlet opens with Falstaff representing Hal’s father, the King; and the King, of course, should be condemning Falstaff for leading Hal astray. But Falstaff puts a different light on the fictional exchange:
FALSTAFF
(as King)

Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy time, but also how thou art accompanied.… And yet there is a virtuous man whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name
.

This is simply comedy of genius. Falstaff is pretending to be the King describing Falstaff:
a virtuous man whom I have often noted in thy company
.

PRINCE HAL
(as himself)

What manner of man, an it like
[if it please]
your Majesty?

FALSTAFF
(as King)

A goodly portly man, i’faith, and a corpulent
[a fat one];
of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye, and a most noble carriage, and, as I think, his age some fifty…; and now I remember me, his name is Falstaff.… There is virtue in that Falstaff; him keep with
[keep him with you],
the rest banish
.

This is too much for Hal.
Dost thou speak like a king?
he asks, amazed and amused at Falstaff’s trickery.
Do thou stand for me
[you play me],
and I’ll play my father
.

So the two men reverse roles, and Harry plays his own father, while Falstaff pretends to be Hal. Again, do not miss this opportunity with your children. Change pillows, change roles, arrange it whatever way your children think best, but read the roles out loud and act the heck out of them.

PRINCE HAL
(as King)

Now Harry, whence come you?

FALSTAFF
(as Prince)

My noble lord, from Eastcheap
.

PRINCE HAL
(as King)

The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.… There is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an old fat man. A tun
[barrel]
of man is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humors, that bolting-hutch
[sifting trough]
of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies
[disease],
that huge bombard
[wine-holder]
of sack, that stuffed cloakbag
[suitcase]
of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly, that reverend Vice, that gray iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? Wherein neat and cleanly but to carve a capon and eat it? Wherein cunning but in craft? Wherein crafty but in villainy? Wherein villainous but in all things? Wherein worthy but in nothing?

FALSTAFF
(as Prince)

I would your Grace would take me with you
[help me understand what you mean].
Whom means your Grace?

What a wonderful line!
I would your grace would take me with you
. What clever, mocking innocence Falstaff puts into the Prince’s mouth, as though the Prince has no idea whom the King means.

FALSTAFF
(as Prince)

I would your Grace would take me with you. Whom means your Grace?

PRINCE HAL
(as King)

That villainous abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan
.

FALSTAFF
(as Prince)

My lord, the man I know
.

PRINCE HAL
(as King)

I know thou dost
.