How to Twist a Dragon's Tale (Hiccup) (8 page)

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[Image: A man and a woman.]

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Humungous's voice was so quiet now that Hiccup could hardly hear it.

"Terrific Al told me that he had taken the ruby to my Love, and told her that I was captured and needed rescuing And to his surprise, my dearest Darling who had sworn the solemnest oath of True Love For Ever, took that ruby heart and
THREW IT OUT OF THE WINDOW AND INTO THE SEA.
And as she did this, she said these heartless words:

"'There, ' she said. 'I already threw out the other half when I heard Humungously Hotshot had
FAILED
in his Impossible Task. I have found another Lover, who has already brought me the Fire-Stone, and I am going to marry HIM.'"

"No!" cried Hiccup. "How terrible of her!"

Humungous nodded sadly. "Yes, I have never forgotten the words which Terrific Al repeated that day. They will remain with me as long as I live. And from that moment on, Hiccup, I vowed that I was through with Love."

"I don't blame you!" said Hiccup.

And then a truly awful thought struck Hiccup, a thought that had Hiccup's heart sinking within his chest like half a ruby heart's stone sinking to the bottom of a seabed.

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Suddenly he had a horrible feeling that he knew a way that this story might be going, a dreadful, snaking, corner coming up, a Twist in the Bardiguard's Tale.

"Um," asked Hiccup nervously, really,
really
not sure that he wanted to know the answer to this question, "what was the NAME of your ladylove, exactly?"

"My Ex-Ladylove," corrected Humungous. "The name of my Treacherous Ladylove was ...

... Valhallarama."

Valhallarama was Hiccup's mother.

[Image: A boy.]

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8. THE TWIST IN THE BARDIGUARD'S TALE

"No," whispered Hiccup. "It's not true ..."

"Yes," replied Humungous, sighing, "I'm afraid it is. And the story gets worse."

"How can it get worse?" asked Hiccup through white lips.

"Your father did manage to steal the Stone. He found it INSIDE the Volcano, which was why the Lava-Louts had never discovered it before, despite digging holes all over the island. But what Al told me was that the Fire-Stone released certain chemicals that kept the Volcano dormant. Without these chemicals, over the last fifteen years, the Volcano has become more and more active, until finally, RIGHT NOW, it is ready to blow."

Hiccup sat lost in thought.

While they were talking, the blackness at the window had turned to grey and then to turquoise, and the sun was coming up fast on what would be another roasting day.

"This Terrific Al of yours," asked Hiccup, "what is he doing
now?"

"Well, he's gone a bit bananas, since you mention

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it," admitted Humungous. "But then the poor chap has had a difficult time of it."

Humungous returned to his Tale.

"Shortly after Terrific Al returned as a prison guard, and as the rumbles from the Volcano were growing louder and louder, the Exterminators did start to hatch. The Lava-Louts abandoned the island, and left us prisoners to fend for ourselves, and we too made a bolt for it. All except for Terrific Al. He's got this wild idea in his head that he's going to TRAIN these creatures. He's built these gigantic statues all over the island, and he seems to think that when the Exterminators hatch they will think that he is their Leader, and will do everything he says."

"And what is he going to do with the Exterminators once he's trained them?" asked Hiccup.

"Good Works, he says," replied Humungous, shaking his head in admiration. "He thinks he's going to stop them from killing everything in sight. Oh he's a lovely, lovely guy, that Terrific Al, even if he is as mad as loon. Well, I tried to persuade him to leave with me but he wouldn't. And that was when he asked me to do the favor that I had promised him all those many years ago."

'What was the favor?" asked Hiccup.

"To kill YOU," replied Humungously Hotshot.

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The Exterminator

Exterminator Dragons are a Rogue Species of Dragon that are exceptionally dangerous. A pack
of
Exterminators destroys an entire landscape by setting fire to it. They have large, sword-like talons, and
two
hearts. They k
ill for
the pleasure of it.

STATISTICS

COLORS.
Shin
that is slightly transparent so you can see their internal organs.

ARMED WITH: sword-talons, terrible fire ... 15

DEFENSES: See above ... 15

HUNTING ABILITY: Truly terrifying and
efficient
... 20

SPEED: Fast ... 10

FEAR AND FIGHT FACTOR: ... 20

[Image: Crocodile head.]

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"He said you were this PRINCE OF DARKNESS, a Devil Child, who would grow up to bring untold evil on the Archipelago. He said you had fed him to this Monstrous Strangulator that made all his hair fall out... And thrown him out of a balloon into a sea full of Ravenous Sharkworms ..."

"That was all HIS fault!" protested Hiccup, who was beginning to put two and two together.

"But as I have gotten to know you, over the last couple of weeks, I have gradually begun to think that he must be mistaken about you," said Humungous. "I
tried
to kill you, but I kept on saving you at the last minute. At first I thought it must just be my Heroic Impulses kicking in, but then I realized -- I
like
you, Hiccup."

"Thank you," said Hiccup.

"And I'm not angry with you about what happened. I'm not even angry with
her ...
well, maybe just a little bit..." admitted Humungous, "and why she had to marry that barbarian, Stoick, I will never know..."

"That's my father you're talking about!" warned Hiccup, "and he has many excellent qualities, once you get to know him."

"Well, I hate to let good old Al down," said Humungous, "but you seem to me like a Good Egg,

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and I think that Al has just got off on the wrong foot with you."

"What does he LOOK like, this Terrific Al of yours?" asked Hiccup, already sure that he knew the answer.

"Fifteen years ago when I first met him he was extremely handsome," replied Humungous. "Tall, dark, took very good care of his moustache even in jail conditions. And he had all of his LIMBS at the time, which does help. Now... he's not so pretty. Bald, put a bit of weight on, a hook instead of a hand, a stump instead of a leg, a patch instead of an eye --"

"ALVIN THE TREACHEROUS, AS I LIVE AND BREATHE!" interrupted Hiccup. "You gave your ruby heart's stone to ALVIN THE TREACHEROUS!!!"

Alvin the Treacherous was Hiccup's arch-enemy, and the wickedest, most dangerous man in the Archipelago. Hiccup had assumed he was dead when he fell into the sea with those Sharkworms, but Alvin was a difficult man to kill.

This meant that Valhallarama was not the traitor that Humungous thought her. Alvin would NEVER have delivered that ruby heart's stone. He would have pocketed it himself, and then made up all those wicked

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lies that he told Humungous about her throwing it into the ocean.

"Alvin the Who?" asked Humungous blankly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Alvin the Treacherous is the evilest man in the Archipelago," said Hiccup.

"Now, then, that's not fair. Al has got you wrong, Hiccup, but you must admit, who can blame him, what with the Sharkworm incident and everything," said Humungous. "I just know if you guys could get together you would really get along."

Hiccup sat thinking, wondering what he should do next.

"Now I understand why Old Wrinkly is sitting at the bottom of that hole," said Hiccup.

"Who is Old Wrinkly?" asked Humungous.

"Old Wrinkly is Valhallarama' father," said Hiccup, "and my grandfather. He must have been the one who set you the Impossible Task of finding the Fire-Stone."

"HA!" said Humungous bitterly. "This whole mess is his fault in the first place!"

"Well, he obviously feels that too," said Hiccup. "About a month or so ago, he started talking about some DOOM coming on all of us, and how it was all his fault

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because he had interfered with Fate. And then he said he was going to take a Vow of Silence and sit in a hole until the whole thing was over, for good or worse, so he couldn't interfere again.

"None of us took a lot of notice at the time," said Hiccup, "because Old Wrinkly can be a little eccentric, but suddenly it's all crystal clear. I'm going to go and get his advice. Which will be tricky, because he has taken a Vow of Silence, but I have to try." Hiccup woke up Toothless, put the sleepy little dragon on his shoulder, and turned to Humungous. 'Are you coming? You
are
still my Bardiguard."

Humungous blushed. "Are you sure you still
want
me to be your Bardiguard?"

"But of course," said Hiccup. "I think you are an excellent Bardiguard. Even when you were trying to kill me, you did a wonderful job of saving me from yourself. Will you shake hands?"

Humungously Hotshot's sad face lightened. He smiled.

They shook hands.

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Time is ticking my way

The Volcano is shaking me daily

One day it shall shake me

Right out of my shell and them I shall BLAZE FORTH with scorching red talons and then...

Flames shall lap like water

Down the moun tainsides

The trees will be crackling candles

Stroking the sky with fiery fingers

And I shall turn all the flowers and Small things

In to cinders and beautiful dust.

[Image: A ferocious animal.]

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9. HOW DO YOU TAKE ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS TAKEN A VOW OF SILENCE?

Old Wrinkly's hole was a dried-up old well about six feet wide and really quite deep. Hiccup had been visiting him every day anyway, bringing him food.

Hiccup carefully climbed down the ladder. It was quite a relief to get away from the clammy heat, and the further you went down, the cooler it became. His grandfather was already awake and smoking his pipe on a small stool.

"I must say," said Hiccup, as he sat down beside his grandfather, "you have been very lucky in the weather. Most summers this hole would be ankle deep in water and mud at this time of year." He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I just found out about Humungous ... and the Fire-Stone ... and the Volcano ... and everything that happened fifteen years ago."

His grandfather turned his face away from Hiccup's.

"Now,
why
would Alvin the Treacherous want to have me killed?" wondered Hiccup aloud. "He could

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just sit tight on Lava-Lout Island, waiting for the Volcano to explode. He must think I'm going to do something to spoil his plans ... but what CAN I do? I can't stop a volcano from exploding!"

Old Wrinkly stopped smoking for a second, picked up one of his books, and rifled through the pages. He stopped on one page and pointed with a bony finger.

THE RIDDLE OF LAVA-LOUT ISLAND,
read Hiccup.

Through the open window came the clear sound of a bugle, calling all Vikings to a meeting of The Thing. A meeting at which no one was allowed to speak unless they were holding the Fire-Stone ... the very same Fire-Stone that Stoick the Vast had stolen from the Volcano in order to win the hand of Valhallarama the Mightily Beautiful, fifteen long years before.

"THE FIRE-STONE!"
shouted Hiccup. "Maybe if we RETURN the Fire-Stone to the Volcano we can stop it from erupting! Don't worry, Grandpa," said Hiccup, "I'll make it all right."

And Hiccup climbed the ladder back up to the real world.

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The Riddle of Lava-Lout Island