How to Write a Brilliant Novel: The Easy Step-By-Step Method of Crafting a Powerful Story (Go! Write Something Brilliant) (19 page)

Make dialogue meaningful. Don’t ask how anyone is, or how the family is, or how the weather is (unless it’s a weather book). Cut right to the meat of the story with new information.

Stop Shouting! Don’t use Tom Swifts
– “Stop Shouting!” he yelled. “I’ll tell you all about it,” she explained. Use dialogue tags sparingly, and keep them to
he said
,
she said
, with the occasional
he murmured
or
she whispered
. In fact, body language and active narrative in place of dialogue tags speaks as loudly as words, if not louder.

Here are two scenes, one with just dialogue, one with added body language and narrative. Which one reveals more?

Example 1: “I don’t care where you’re going. Stay out all night if you want to. In fact, I hope you have a great time.”

Example 2: “I don’t care where you’re going.” Janice barely looked up from her book as her sister stood by the door, a question on her face. “Stay out all night if you want to.” She put a thumb over the paragraph to keep her place. She looked up and smiled, a real smile that filled her chest and made her sister smile back. “In fact, I hope you have a great time.”

Or, you could go another way:

“
I don’t care where you’re going.” Janice dumped the baked potatoes into the garbage. “Stay out all night if you want to.” She flashed him a smile as she threw the casserole pan into the sink, turned on the water full blast. She forced herself not to wince as it splashed her face.
“
In fact, I hope you have a great time.” She grabbed the towel and very, very slowly wiped her face, keeping the towel there until she heard the soft click of the door closing behind her husband.

words, different body movement,
much
different tone.

Tell it like it is
– Cut to the chase and say what your character
really
wants to say, even if it is only to take away attention from his real agenda. The best dialogue is when you think, “Oh my, I can’t believe she (or he) had the guts to say that!”

“It’s
Noble
land.
But,
Maggy,
this
isn’t
about
you.”

“This
is
completely
about
me,
Nick.
I
know
that!
I’m
not
an
idiot.” “Of
course
you’re
not.
It’s
just
that
.
.
.
this
is
between
me
and
Cole.”

“You
think
I
don’t
know
why
you
left?
Why
you
haven’t
come
back
for
ten
years?
You’re really
a
piece
of
work,
Noble.
Well,
for
your
information,
Cole
is
twice
the
man
you
are.
He’s kind
and
honorable
and
patient,
and
he
keeps
his
promises.
He
deserves
that
land
your
father
gave
him.
And
you,
of
all
people,
should
know
that.”

“I
don’t
know
what
you’re
talking
about,
Maggy,
but
you
got
this
all
wrong.”

“You
turned
out
exactly
as
my
mother
predicted.
I’m
so
sorry
I
didn’t
listen
to
her
sooner.”

(Excerpted from
Reclaiming Nick
)

Don’t overuse names
– We writers use names to help us remember who’s who when we’re writing. But the reader doesn’t need them, so cut them out as you’re editing.

For example:

“Hey Sam, how are you?”

“Hey Joe, I’m good, but my car is in the shop.” “Sam, your car is always in the shop.”

“ I know, Joe, but it’s got a bad starter.”

“Have you ever thought of getting it fixed, Sam?”

Have fun with your dialogue. Let your characters say what they really want to say, use body language for tags, and remember their goals and you’ll have dialogue with umph!

“I think this dialogue section is getting a little long,” Rachel said just above a whisper to the My Book Therapy audience.

Yeah, Susie could hear her, but really, did Rachel have to point out that she was long-winded? “So I have a lot to say about dialogue. It’s my favorite part about writing. What’s the big deal? It’s probably the key to a great book, so just calm down, Florida Girl,” Susie said with a huff.

What is Internal Monologue? Should I italicize my character’s thoughts?

These are two questions I get —because a lot because, let’s be honest, it’s confusing. Frankly, every author seems to do it differently.

Here’s my take: If you’re in a character’s POV, then every thought, action, feeling, etc, funnels through
their
brain. If it doesn’t have quotation marks around it, it’s their thoughts. You’d have to italicize the entire page!

Let’s take a closer look:

I
really
don’t
want
her
to
leave,
because
if
she
does
leave
I’ll
be
alone
and
back
where
I started.

I think italicizing these thoughts is jarring for the reader, carrying less of an impact. If you’re writing in third person, just write the character’s thoughts in third person.

Try:
He didn’t want her to leave. Not really. Because then where would he be?

Do you see the difference? This allows the reader to sympathize with your character. In fact, the reader knows him better than your character knows himself at this point, which is fun for the reader.

The same goes for phrases like “he thought,” or “he wondered.” You know who is thinking the thought, so it’s not necessary to use these words.

Did he really want her to leave? No, he thought. Try: Did he really want her to leave? No.

Not: He always took a good thing and tore it to pieces, he thought about himself. But: He always took a good thing and tore it to pieces.

And you can create even more impact by converting interior monologue into a question.

Not: He wondered why he always took a good thing and tore it to pieces. Better: Why did he always take a good thing and tear it to pieces?

Hint: Limit your internal monologue to within the dialogue scene for the most punch. I really think that internal monologue in the middle of a narrative is confusing, even if it’s in italics.

What about internal introspection?
I sometimes use this during an epiphany, when a character is remembering something he or she said, or something someone said to them, but even then, I keep the memory in italics, and keep the introspection in thoughts.

Generally, if there is “screaming in my head,” then I go with italics.

Example: No! I thought, please don’t
go— Better:
No!
Please
don’t
–go—

Let’s sum up the differences:

Original bad-Susie writing:

“I think this dialogue section is getting a little long,” Rachel said just above a whisper to the MBT audience.

Yeah,
I
could
hear
her,
but
really,
did
Rachel
have
to
point
out
that
I
am
long-winded?

“So I have a lot to say about dialogue. It’s my favorite part about writing—what’s the big deal? It’s probably the key to a great book, so just calm down, Florida Girl,” Susie said with a huff.

Cleaner:

“I think this dialogue section is getting a little long,” Rachel said just above a whisper to the MBT audience.

Better:

Rachel was always pointing out that she was long-winded.
“So I have a lot to
say about dialogue. It’s my favorite part about writing—what’s the big deal? It’s
probably the key to a great book, so just calm down, Florida Girl,” Susie said with
a huff.

“I think this dialogue section is getting a little long,” Rachel said just above a whisper to the MBT audience.

Why was Rachel always pointing out that she was long-winded? “So I have a lot to say about dialogue. It’s my favorite part about writing—what’s the big deal? It’s probably the key to a great book, so just calm down, Florida Girl.”

Best:

“I think this dialogue section is getting a little long,” Rachel said just above a whisper to the MBT audience.

Yeah, Susie could hear her, but really, did Rachel always have to point out that she was long-winded? “So I have a lot to say about dialogue. It’s my favorite part about writing—what’s the big deal? It’s probably the key to a great book, so just calm down, Florida Girl.”

See how the voice gets stronger, less jarring, each time?

And here’s a final caveat: Good internal monologue should be interspersed lightly, and be only the thoughts the POV character would think. Same goes with tone of voice—sparingly, but with impact. Your tone of voice is actually an extension of the thoughts, so often describing it isn’t even necessary. Also, one of the fun parts of interspersing internal monologue is that your character can be saying one thing, and thinking something totally different. His tone of voice can also convey that.

Some last comments:

He snarled. He muttered. He snapped. He growled.

But, please not:

He laughed. (Not as a dialogue tag. Okay as a sentence.)

He stammered. (You can write the stammering words instead. He smiled. (Again,
not
a dialogue tag.)

But, I’ll let you use,
he whispered
. Maybe.
Once.

Just
write
he said
or
she said
.
And
fill
in
the
rest.

I love
House
. (I’m talking about television now, not movies. This show, about a doctor, has just about the best dialogue on the planet. I love
House
because Dr. Gregory House (and other characters) says things that make me howl, stop the Tivo, and beat the sofa in hilarity.

Clearly, the writers of
House
have let their characters off their leashes, allowing them to say all sorts of crazy things, creating sparks that wows their audience.

Fighting words, I call them.

That is my super-secret Susie hint to writing great
dialogue.

What are Fighting Words?

Interruptions:
“Hey
Susie,
we
don’t
have
enough
about
dialogue—”

“Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a paragraph here, Rachel?”

Name-calling
: “Maybe you have snow on your brain, Ms. Northwoods.”

Sarcasm:
“Oh sure, because the sun doesn’t actually make it all the way up here to the north, so it is a little difficult to see the difference in days and nights.”

Accusations
: “Good grief, Rachel, do you know how long it takes to warm my fingers up to type every morning?”

(Clarification: Okay, seriously, Rachel and I don’t ever fight.
I totally made the last section up
. So, just in case you’re thinking, ”Wow, Rachel, totally get off her back already,” or conversely, “Susie, sheesh, you’re so sensitive,”—It’s all fiction. In my head. Or rather now, forever in print . . . oh boy . . . .)

Back to Fighting words: In short, they are anything that makes the dialogue sound real (only not real, because like I said, no one really has the guts to say these things, or perhaps was raised with the social decorum to know that they shouldn’t say these things to their best friend).

One helpful technique: Find the “hook” or the zinger in every sentence, and have the characters react to that, sort of like a snowball, getting more and more intense as it hurtles down the mountain.

“I don’t feel like going t
o school today,” Sarah said, the covers pulled up to her chin. I noticed, however, that her freshly applied mascara didn’t bear at all the marks of overnight smudging.