Hunter: MC Romance (Hell Reapers MC Book 1) (29 page)

I bent down and brought my hand to him.

His eyes slid over to my extended hand, and he considered before grabbing onto it. “Get her back,” he said, “and I’ll consider it settled. If you can’t do that, then expect Brad and Jameson to know.”

I gave a short, stifled chuckle and helped to pull him up to his feet. “Wish me luck, brother.”

We shared a measured smile, the blood and suffering somehow bonding us.

Chapter 31

Jessica

Barristan had curled up awkwardly against my lap, he was too big to act like the puppy he still saw himself as. But I loved him for it. I ran my fingers through his coat and across his soft head. It helped to calm the turmoil in my bones. All of my worry and intruding thoughts prodded at me, I couldn’t get over the fact that Jerry had been watching me sleep. That he’d been in my place without me even realizing.

I spent the better part of an hour sitting there with Barristan, ignoring the pressing on my bladder – trying to push out the pain in my chest and the hurt that crawled all over my body. Even with my kind of awkward position against the couch, with a fully grown dog in my lap, with everything, I still felt the fingers of sleep caressing me. But I knew it would never truly come, not after what happened.

I dreamed awake of just falling asleep, of having that simple act de-frag my brain. To push the reset button. When my mind ached with the thought of it, I found the image of Hunter swimming into my mind’s eye. Spears of pain impaled me and when my breath hitched unexpectedly, Barristan popped his head up, his wet nose touching mine.

It felt like the air was being sucked right out of me. Stinging just behind my eyes assailed me, and all of my pent up emotions came up in a devastating swirl. I wanted to forget about him too, wanted to erase him like a bad memory. But god, it hurt so much, because he wasn’t, was he? He wasn’t a bad memory at all. He was the good. The good that I knew in my heart of hearts I would look to for every love I could be so lucky to as experience a month from now, a year from now. Maybe longer.

Then it all clicked.

I’d never been
in love
with a person before. I’d thought that I had. I had romances, I had terrible excuses for boyfriends – worst of all, I had psychopathic abusers. But until Hunter? I’d never tasted the ambrosial fruit of fiery, passionate love and ever ripening desire. My body had craved him like it was a basic need. The broken heart that I was unfortunate enough to call my own even felt just a little more whole when we were together.

I tried to convince myself that this was all a mistake, that I was only convincing myself of these thoughts and these feelings. Wrapping my arms around Barristan, I snuggled into him and talked to him for a couple of minutes – asking him if he was still my friend, if he still loved me. I knew it was dumb, but he was always there for me, through the good and the bad. I asked him if I had done right, if I had made a mistake, if Hunter really loved me.

All that beautiful boy gave me was licks and curious looks.

Laughter rolled from my throat. Not a strong one, no, not full body. But a laugh was a laugh, and it felt good to feel something other than defeat beneath the constant gaze of hopelessness.

Barristan’s head perked up, and only one of his ears shot up. He turned his head and became motionless.

I felt my brows furrow, “What is it?” I waited for what felt like a good long while, but it couldn’t have been more than a minute at the most. Stillness became me, even my heart had since managed to slow down.

Except when I heard that roaring engine in the distance, my heart began to quicken all over again.

I ran a mental inventory of reasons as to why it couldn’t be who I felt in my chest that it was. There were more motorists out there than just him. How would it make sense? How would he even know that I’d been in such danger?

When my mind flicked to that reeling moment of despair, I felt the bugs skitter across my flesh all over again – the burning worms digging their way through my insides. The heat retching up to my throat and rooting itself there, constantly threatening to make my body do things that I didn’t want them to do.

God, just take away this pain.

I hugged Barristan tighter, trying to cut down those thoughts and feelings I wanted to leave behind me. Was that sound getting closer?

It was.

My heart tapped quicker and quicker still against the bone of my breast. Again I tried to convince myself that there was no way it could be
him
.

But I hoped that it would be. And I hated myself for it. I hated that I wanted to see him again.

This forbidden part of me wished to feel his touch against my skin. Wanted to feel his hard muscles; needed to bury my face into his neck and sink against him, to have myself just melt away and to make the pain vanish like smoke.

Sure enough, the sound of a motorcycle’s engine came to a stop just outside my apartment, and my heart clutched with excitement and fear. I tried to focus on my breathing, hoping beyond hope that I might be able to find my peace. There was a hard knock at the door, the one that Hunter always gave me. If I had any doubts, they were all cut from me now.

I did not budge from the spot that I had practically sewed myself to.

His voice came shining through, “Jessica?” He called out, the tone one of desperation and hurt laced hope. I picked up what sounded like footsteps scraping against the concrete just outside, the sound of them coming back to the door seconds later. “Jess,” he called out again, sending waves of hot pinpricks through me.

I didn’t want to answer, but at the same time, I wanted to do nothing else but.

Hunter rapped against my door a second time, somewhat louder this time. Barristan let out a series of barks. “Babe,” he started, “I’m sorry, I need to talk with you,” I could tell that he wasn’t sure if I was awake or not, his voice trailed off some.

Some part of me prayed for him to go away. My inner self was at war, and Hunter pulled all the strings.

I made sure to hold Barristan tighter, so that he wouldn’t leap from my lap. A moment of time passed, and as I listened intently, I could make out the sound of Hunter moving along from the front door towards the living room window. Turning my head, I glanced over at the pane and could somewhat make out his shadowy figure through the curtain. There wasn’t a chance that he could see me, less likely that he could even hear me – but I made sure to hold my breath all the same.

But the pain was just building up. I didn’t really want to be alone tonight. I didn’t want to hurt.

Hunter peered through the looking glass, his shadowy outline moving as he did. Heartbeats passed, and he tapped against the window, saying nothing. When there was no response from myself, he tapped again – Barristan woofed in response for each tap, a low sort of noise where he didn’t bother to open his mouth. When something less than a minute passed and he tried one last time, Hunter moved away from the window and I presumed him to be going to my bedroom next.

Barristan tried to wriggle free but I stopped him. “No,” I whispered, “stay here, Barristan. Stay.” I didn’t want him to get up, not even for a second. I heard another set of knuckles rapping against the window, each time he did so a jolt ran through me. Listening, the sound of my name filled the night – and when that too failed, Hunter came back around to the living room window.

Fingers of warmth pressed at my chest and a painful mist kissed at my eyes.

Hunter cleared his throat, “Jessica, I see your car out here. I hear your dog inside. I can’t stand things not being straight with us, it’s killin’ me. If you’re awake,” he sighed, sucking in a breath. There was a warmth and a great sincerity to his voice. “I just want you to know, that I was wrong to act the way that I did – or if I wasn’t, I still feel terrible about it. Want you to know, that I’m so,
so
sorry for what I said,” his voice caught in his throat, and something squeezed my heart. “You probably can’t hear a damn word,” he pressed his hands against the pane of the window, a strained laugh coloring his tone. “But I need you to know that I’m sorry. I need you to know that I love you. I understand why you didn’t tell me…I’m sorry.”

I sucked in a hard breath, the heat rippling through my throat. The pain blossoming in my eyes. Finally, I gave in, even though I did not trust my voice – it wavered like the sea. “I can hear you,” the words came out, but I almost didn’t recognize them, with all of the hurt and against my own foolish sobbing.

“Let me in,” fresh concern filled his velvet tones, “please sweetheart. Please.”

Automatically, like I was watching myself from afar, I got up and shambled to the door more ghost than girl, and looked at my own wobbling hand as I undid the locks. They clicked free and the chain rattled off against the inside face of the door, my heart pounding in my chest and my bones screaming with a torrent of emotion.

I stepped back and the door opened, silver from the moon spilling inside and Hunter coming in with it.

Immediately our bodies came together like they were two halves split and being made whole once more. When we touched, this static field of pressure formed between us and an inferno rippled through me, my head seeking refuge against his chest. Hunter’s arms clenched tightly around me, as though another second without touching me would kill him.

Forgetting it all for just a second, I let myself give in to the weakness and wept into the strength of his chest. I think that I squeaked out his name, but in that gripping instant I couldn’t be sure.

His voice cut through all of the pain and his warm embrace only tightened all the more, “I’ve got you,” he susurrated. He said it with such caring and intensity, and said it more, as if the words could scrub clean all the agony that I felt. For every time that he whispered those sweet nothings to me, I only cried all the more. Every breath felt like pins and needles, each fresh taking of air another stab; another hitch against the glass.

Barristan loped over to us, his tail wagging softly.

I just breathed Hunter’s name over and over against his chest, letting the nails of my fingers dig into his skin against his clothes. I realized then, that it was less that I was standing up, and more that he was keeping me propped up against him.

“Baby?” He asked, pulling me back as gently as possible from him, so that he could look into my wet eyes. His intense blue eyes searched mine, crawling over me with concern and love and worry. His hand swept against my forehead and through my hair, and he dabbed at the slick little things that fell from the hoods of my eyes – his other hand rubbing and circling my back. “What’s wrong? Where you sitting here in the dark?”

“No—I,” my body felt like it was breaking, and my vision was blurry from all the hurt.

“Jess,” he husked, brushing the pad of his thumb against my face and pulling me against his muscular body. “Talk to me,” he said, “I love you. I need to make you ok. I need to make things whole, I can’t stand it. Being without you.”

He’d said it earlier, but it hadn’t registered. This time when I heard him say it; it felt like wings were spreading from me, like the whole world just became a little more easier to live in under the pressure of it all. I looked up into those big, beautiful eyes that held so much sadness and regret and fire in them, and I whispered back: “I love you too.” Some maverick thought embedded in the depths of my mind came to the surface. I was tasting something metallic with my lips pressed to his. What was that?

Our heart’s confession ignited the air and the draw that we always seemed to feel intensified. My lips crashed against his, and they twisted together in a tight, wet embrace. In that crystal moment, I could feel his every need to make things right; felt every ounce of his caring for me, and I knew that he was both my sun to rise in the morning – and my moon to protect me in the night.

After our own little slice of eternity, bodies still tightly knit together, I dipped my head back, “Why are you here?” I asked, “how did you know?” I couldn’t hide the hurt in my voice from the last question. I noticed then, too, that he had a cut on his lip and splotches of dried blood from his nose that had caked on to his skin. “Your face…” I trailed off.

“Know what?” The lines of his face twisted in confusion, “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, Jessica. I couldn’t take it anymore,” he shook his head lightly from side to side, “when Reyes and I got into it over you tonight—“

“You mean, you fought? Is that why you’re hurt?”

He shook his head.

I sniffled and tried to clear up all the shit that was clogging my sinuses, wanting to wipe the back of my hand across my face, “You’re really, really hurt.”

“It’s nothing,” Hunter smirked, trying to act cool. “Yeah, things came to blows,” he admitted, “told me that Holly and him had our computer guy hack your e-mail.”

I froze up, feeling my spine straighten out.

“Told him that you weren’t a rat, that you wouldn’t throw us to the wolves like that. Remembered what you said that night,” I could see the shame in his eyes, and he looked away from me.

I brought my fingers to his face and forced him to look at me.

His gaze made my insides pool with desire, “Talk,” he crooned, “now.”

I swallowed hard and felt Barristan brush along my weak legs. “Do you remember that guy you were training?” I asked, breaking away from Hunter to close the front door and press my back against it. “That day after we met.”