Hurt Me So Good (18 page)

“We haven’t had a response like this since VCONN first opened its doors,” Mal replied. “Trust me, this kind of buzz means our ratings will go through the roof. The more controversy, the better. The newspaper and the local news stations already want interviews, and all they’ve seen is the trailer. If the mayor calls, V will treat the entire staff to the finest steak dinner with an open bar.”

“Sorry about that.” Victor joined Shiloh on the loveseat, wrapping his arm around her. He leaned over and gave her a lingering, soft kiss, stroking his tongue inside her mouth until Mal made a disgusted noise. “Where were we?”

The intercom buzzed again. “Mr. Connagher, the mayor is on line one.”

Chuckling, Victor stood and headed back to his desk. “Why don’t you two make a list of all the filler things we can tape this afternoon, particularly the judging sessions. I want to be in a position to view the pilot from start to finish tomorrow.”

Mal grimaced. “Guess I’ll be stuck with the film editors all day, then.”

“Suck it up.” Winking, Victor sat down at his desk. “We’re going live Friday night.”

Walking out with Mal, Shiloh paused at the door to see if he had anything to say to her. Anything private, or at least personal after last night. Why had she told him that she loved him? Because he treated it like a matter of fact, like it was his due, and that totally pissed her off.

She’d give him anything he wanted, but damn it, she wanted him to acknowledge her gift. She wanted him to treasure her and her love. He didn’t have to be so damned ecstatic about the controversy, not if that meant he was too busy to be on set, too busy to work out the measly details that would make the show a hit, too busy to play a scene again.

Too busy for me.

She knew it was silly and immature, but damn it all to hell, she’d told him that she loved him and he’d said nothing.

Nothing.

Not even a fucking thank you.

“Mayor Reynolds,” Victor said into the phone in that wicked, smooth voice of his. He gave a dismissive wave in Shiloh’s direction. “What can I do for you today?”

Grinding her teeth, she shut the door as firmly as she dared.

Mal arched a brow at her. “So V said we were going to switch things up with the next challenge, but he didn’t give me any details. Do you know what’s going on?”

“We’re introducing another layer of submission.” Shiloh headed down the hallway and filled her mind with the mile-long list of to-dos instead of worrying about Victor. “Some of the contestants aren’t into pain and didn’t want to jump right to the punishment round.”

“Some contestants being Kimberly.” Mal blew out her breath in disgust. “So he’s bending over for her? Again?”

“It was my idea.”

“Damn.”

That tone made Shiloh jerk to a halt and faced the other woman. “What?”

“You already love him that much?”

Shaking her head, Shiloh resumed walking without answering.

“What does he think about that? Surely he didn’t ask you to take it easy on her.”

“He doesn’t care one way or the other.”
About me or her
, she bit back. “As long as we make a good episode and get another phone call from the mayor.”

“You don’t have to do this, you know.”

“Do what? The whole show is my stupid idea. I’m not going to back out now.”

“Love will only make it hurt more.”

Shiloh laughed wryly. “You know me, I’m a glutton for punishment.”

“No, I meant V,” Mal replied softly. “If he knows you love him, and then he hurts you, it’ll only bother him more. He’ll blame himself for using that love against you.”

Tears burned Shiloh’s eyes, which only made her madder, at herself, for letting him get to her so quickly, and of course, at Victor. “Why does he hate it so much?”

“Oh, hon, I don’t know. He was brought up to be a gentleman who took care of the womenfolk, though once you meet Mama Connagher, you’ll wonder what kind of man would ever presume that she needed anyone to protect her.”

“I don’t want or need him to protect me.”

“He thinks he’s protecting you from himself.”

Shiloh groaned out a laugh—to keep from bursting into tears. “When that’s what I want most of all.”

Mal gave her a quick hug. “If it’s any consolation, you’re scaring him to death. You’re pushing his buttons and forcing him to deal with what he’s been hiding for so long.”

“Should I back off a little? Quit pushing him so hard?”

“Speaking with the purely selfish reason that I enjoy watching the great Master squirm, I say no. You’re challenging him like he’s never been challenged before. If he needs you to back off a bit, he’ll tell you.”

Shiloh couldn’t help but wonder if maybe that was exactly what he was trying to tell her. She’d assumed that he’d be more than eager to hear her declaration of love, just as much as he’d wanted to hear her submission. She wanted to please him, whatever that meant, whatever that required.

So if he didn’t want her love…did she want to keep giving him her submission? Did it really mean anything at all to him? How could she not doubt it when he refused to give her that dark, secret side of him for which she’d been made?

“If you really want to make your point…” Mal shut her mouth and shook her head. “Never mind.”

“What? Come on, Mal. You know how much I care about him.”

“V is very possessive. Most of us are. If you’re setting up this next round for Kimberly to win, then you’re going to lose, right? What if you had yourself punished by me and Patrick?”

“What would that prove?”

“Well, for one, it’ll drive him insane with jealousy. No Master likes to see another Dominant playing with his sub unless he ordered it. But if you can take what we dole out, safe and clean enough for the show, of course, then maybe he’ll realize it’s not just him. It’ll be a risky play, though, hon. Don’t enjoy what we do too much, because you know what that’ll do to him. You want to show that you enjoy him more, but that you can take pain when it’s not just him.”

Shiloh’s heartbeat quickened and her stomach tightened with dread and anticipation. He would surely be furious if another Dominant laid a hand on her; he’d told her he intended to share her with no one. But Mal had a point.

I can endure anything, for him.

“Let’s do it.”

Victor stared down at the platinum chain studded with diamonds. Front and center, he’d placed a large V made of more sparkling gems. Tracing his finger along his symbol, he imagined the collar lying tight on Shiloh’s neck. The image of red welts slanting down her back immediately came to mind from yesterday.

She’ll wear my V on her throat and on her back.

The thought sent a fierce pulse of lust through him, but his stomach churned at the same time. Despite a terrible night of sleep, he’d woken up first and had plenty of time to survey the lines of bruises down her back. She didn’t seem bothered by them, but the thought niggled in the back of his mind. Would she always bear his bruises? Was that the price she’d have to pay for his love? How could he ask such a thing?

Will I always be so savagely turned on at the sight of my bruises on her flesh?

Hand trembling, he covered the jewelry stand with black velvet. Patrick and Mal each had a stand on either side of his, and a flat tray held the individual necklaces they’d give each episode. For the pilot, he’d elected to use gold chains with a simple but elegant emerald heart for the ladies and gold cuff links for Andy, although rewarding the little prick would gall him to no end.

“If the Dominants are ready, we’ll start with taping the judging ceremony for the pilot.” Shiloh paused with an expectant look at Victor, so he gave her a smile and a nod despite the misgivings boiling in his gut. “Then we’ll tape ‘Serving the Master’, followed by its ceremony, and then wait until after the pilot airs before taping the rest.”

The contestants knelt in an arc before a low circular riser, while Victor and the other dominants took their positions on the top level behind the velvet-draped displays. Dressed in a gorgeous blue velvet riding habit, Georgia sauntered onto the set amidst brassy music that was quickly going to give him a headache.

“Our hopeful submissives have endured the Dominants’ first challenge, learning about bondage dos and don’ts in the process. Unfortunately, three submissives will be sent home tonight. But first, let’s see what the contestants are playing for.”

Georgia twirled around so her skirts fluttered about her and swept her arm grandly toward the Dominants. All lights suddenly went out except for a spotlight on the hostess as she gracefully took the short steps to the top. “First, we have Master P’s collar. If you would, show our viewers what your contestants are playing for.”

With a flashing smile, Patrick jerked the velvet away like a magician to reveal a complicated bridle-collar combination mounted on a Styrofoam head. A blonde plume stuck up from the top and hung down the back, mimicking a horse’s mane, and silver chains hung at the cheeks that the submissive would supposedly take into her mouth like a bit.

Georgia gave a delicate shudder for the camera and raised her hand up to her throat. “My, my, Master P, that looks positively frightful. Are you sure your top sub will actually want to wear it?”

“Absolutely,” Patrick said with another smug smile. “Or else she won’t be
my
pony girl.”

Georgia skipped over to Mal’s display. “Mistress M, are you hiding tack under your cover?”

“Of course not,” Mal drawled out as she flicked the velvet away to reveal a spiked leather collar. “I train dogs, not horses. My top sub will heel like a good boy.”

Georgia smiled for the camera and reached out to lay her fingers on Victor’s velvet cloth. “Oh, folks, just wait until you see what Master V has hidden beneath this cover. It’s so gorgeous! I’d almost try out his crop just to have the opportunity to wear it. May I?”

He inclined his head and let her pull the velvet aside. The camera panned in to get the full effect of the large glittering diamond V.

Georgia fluttered her hand out toward the diamonds. “How many carats?”

He smacked the crop down an inch from her hand and she snatched her fingers back, her eyes snapping with outrage. “Enough.”

She drew herself up and turned a haughty smile toward the camera. “That crop is a rather steep price to pay, so hopefully your top sub will think there’s enough diamonds to justify the pain.”

Clenching his teeth to keep the retort back, he saluted with his crop. Nothing would justify the amount of pain he’d end up giving Shiloh. That Georgia even implied he’d give diamonds simply to buy off his sub’s affections made him want to tie the woman up and give her a few sharp blows from his crop, while dangling diamonds before her.

“Contestants, these are the collars you are fighting for. These are the Dominants who may claim you.” Georgia walked over to the kneeling submissives, bringing them into the shot. “If you please them enough.”

Watching Victor, Shiloh knew he was angry. His jaws were tight and he reached back to yank his hair in that merciless ponytail. His eyes bored into her, waiting for her reaction to the collar displayed before him, but she couldn’t take her eyes off him. When he was upset and needed to release his emotions, he would always draw her attention, not a glittering necklace collar. No matter how much she wanted everyone to see that collar on her neck and know that she belonged to him.

The music rose to a crashing crescendo, signaling the submissives to kowtow before the dais. Shiloh leaned forward and planted her face on the floor inside the diamond made by her fingers.

“First, we’ll hear from Master P,” Georgia said.

Four submissives on Shiloh’s left rose gracefully and stepped forward to the bottom step, where they went back to their knees.

Blood pounded in Shiloh’s head. The corset made such a position difficult to breathe. She listened to Patrick’s voice droning on and on, but she didn’t really hear his words. She didn’t care. Georgia called Mistress Mal’s submissives forward, and the same judging was repeated, but Shiloh kept running last night through her mind.

One minute he was all Dominant, all Master, ordering her to his pleasure with confidence and a heavy hand, just like she’d dreamed about. But the next, he was achingly tender and filled with guilt. Tender she loved. The
guilt
she could do without. It made her feel too much like the last time she’d dated seriously. Michael had tried so very hard to learn enough of the BDSM lifestyle to satisfy her, but he’d hated every moment of it. In the end, his guilt and reluctance had killed his love for her and damaged hers beyond repair.

Will that happen with Victor? No matter how much he cares for me, will his guilt destroy our relationship?

“Lastly, we’ll hear from Master V. Will the remaining submissives please come forward?”

Shiloh pushed up carefully, making sure she didn’t topple over backward after kneeling for so long. It’d been a long time since she’d actually played this sort of game, so her knees and back ached with strain. Kimberly, of course, moved with that innate willowy grace that made Shiloh grind her teeth and bile churn in her stomach.

The four women knelt at the bottom step and kowtowed again, face to the floor, ass in the air, with enough room that Victor could walk among them if he so desired. Evidently he did, even though the other Dominants had made the submissives come up the dais to them. He walked down the steps, tap tap tapping that crop on his boot. Forget the stiffness and the long wait—it was all Shiloh could do not to arch her back more and lift her ass in invitation for the first blow.

In silence except for the tapping of his crop, he walked around each of them and then halted directly in front of Shiloh. She could reach out and touch his boot—if he allowed it.

“At ease.”

The submissives leaned back on their knees, rising so he could see their faces. He gazed at each of them equally. Shiloh searched his eyes, hoping to see a gleam of tenderness or even a flash of irritation, but the Master mask was fully in place. He slapped his thigh hard enough with the crop that they all jumped, Shiloh with delicious anticipation, although Kimberly made a soft sound of distress.