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own children, but also in you ... And now, do you 335 want another cup of tea?`

`Yes. Yes, I'll have another.Às she poured it out she said, `Look, I'll just slip upstairs and see where he's landed himself. It's a wonder he didn't rouse the children. I can't understand it. And I had left young Bridget up there in her cot alongside Margaret's bed, because if I'd had her down here and she started squawking in the night she would have woken Maggie Ann.`

She left him now, walking quickly, and in the hall she picked up a small lamp from the hallstand before going upstairs. On the landing she went on tiptoe to her bedroom door and, gently turning the handle, she pushed it open. Then she raised the lamp head high and looked in amazement at her bed, with the covers still drawn up over the pillows. Turning quickly away she opened an adjacent door that had at one time opened into a dressing-room. There stood a couch in it, but no-one lay on it. Surely he would not have gone into any of the children's rooms? She opened the doors of the three rooms that were still unoccupied and didn't bother to close the door of the third before, running, she made for the stairs.

When she burst into the kitchen it was to see Daniel, who had donned his cap and muffler and was ready to go out again. `He's not in! not in any of the rooms,` she cried.

`Not in? Have you looked everywhere?`

`Yes, yes. Oh ... oh, no. No;` --she shook her head--`not downstairs.Àgain she was running, and he followed her now.

Minutes later, when they were again standing in the hall, they stared at each other until Daniel said, `He must be somewhere about; he's stabled the horse.`

`Well, he'll likely be outside, possibly lying in the snow for God knows how long.`

He was making quickly for the hall door when he turned to her and said, `Get the boys up! They can come and help look. But we won't go to the farm yet. We don't want to give them more to talk about than they have already.`

Moira hurried up the stairs again, only to stop on the landing and hug her waist for a moment whilst drawing in deep breaths.

When she reached the boys' room she had to shake

Patrick, but Sean was already awake. 337 And she whispered now, `Get up and get into your clothes, both of you. Wrap up well. We're going looking for your dada. His horse is in the stable but he hasn't come into the house. He must have fallen outside.`

Patrick did not openly protest but he grunted, `He'll be lying in one of the stables.`

`He's not lying in the stables. Daniel found Rustler there, but it wasn't his own place, so he moved him along to it. And he would have seen your dada if he had been there. Come on now, hurry up.` ...

The two boys and Daniel, carrying candle lanterns, went their different ways for the search. The boys had been told that should they come across their father they were to whistle. And it was hardly ten minutes later that both Daniel and Patrick heard the thin whistle and knew that Sean had found their father. They both came hurrying from different directions, guided by the intermittent whistle and eventually reached the wooden bridge, where Daniel and Patrick stood looking at Sean, his lantern hanging from his limp hand and pointing with his other into the darkness. `Down the bank opposite the copse,` he muttered.

Daniel was running ahead now, Patrick on his heels. Then they were both standing at the top of the bank, looking down at the form, the snow-covered arms outstretched against the upward slope of the bank as if he was attempting to crawl to the top.

Òh my God!` Daniel's words were a

soft cry, and passing his lantern to Patrick, he said, `Hold it high, I must go down.` He sat on the top of the bank and in much the same manner as Sean had done the day before, he slid down. His, however, was a slower descent, for the snow gathered by his boots acted as a brake.

At the bottom, he stumbled towards his father, and he had no need to turn him over to find if there was any life left in him, for the rigidity of the body told him that his father had been dead for some time.

In the dim light reaching him from the lantern Patrick was holding, Daniel called to him, `We've ... we've got to get help ... the men,ànd he tried to climb the bank, but with the same result as apparently had met his father's efforts earlier. So he now called quietly, `Sean. Sean,ànd when the boy appeared within the radiance of the lantern, he said, `Go for the men; I can't get up the bank. Tell them to bring ropes and a door.`

`You can get up if you walk along to the bridge.`

`What?`

Ì said, you can come up if you walk along to the bridge.`

Daniel saw the boy's lantern 341 swinging backwards and forwards as he moved away along the bank, and as one following a leader he groped his way through the snow in the direction that the light led him. And when he came to the struts of the bridge Sean called down huskily to him, `You can climb up by the side.`

Within a couple of minutes he was standing on the bridge staring down at his father's dead white face, but before he had time to speak he heard Patrick's voice crying, Ì ... I can't stay there, Daniel, not by myself, I can't.`

When the frightened boy appeared, Daniel put his arm around his shoulder, saying, `'Tis all right, all right.

Anyway we can't do any good by ourselves; we must go and get the men. Come along, both of you.`

When they reached the house he pressed the two boys before him into the kitchen, there to see Moira muffled up in a cloak and hood ready to go outside. She stopped at the sight of them and, looking from the two white-faced boys to Daniel, she said, `You've found him then?`

`Yes. Yes, we've found him. Sit down.Òbediently she sat down and, pushing the hood back from her hair, she said simply, `Where?`

Ìn the stream where the bank is steep. He must have fallen. He was hurt in some way and couldn't get out.`

`But ... but the horse? He had stabled his horse.`

`Yes, he had stabled his horse,` Daniel's voice was quiet and flat.

`Well, he wouldn't stable his horse in the dark and go back there. What is all this?`

Their attention was immediately directed to Sean, who said, Ì ... I stabled the horse. Well, it was in the horsebox and it hadn't been seen to and ... and`--his head drooped now--Ì thought he ... Dada, was too drunk to see to it, and ... and had gone to bed.`

`God in heaven! God in heaven!`

Daniel now said, Ì must away and get the men. You'd better decide where he's to lie, upstairs or down.

It'll take us some time, all of an hour or more. We'll need a couple of the big lanterns. Come, Patrick.Òn this he turned and left the kitchen without further words. He had said nothing to comfort Moira, because he knew

she wouldn't need comfort over the loss of his 343 father. Yet, in himself, he was still seeing the outstretched arms, the hands gripping the snow as if in appeal, and he was filled with pity for this man who had sired him. However, at the same time, the feeling of pity was being almost swamped by one of fear, but of what he did not know. That is, not until the men laid his father on the makeshift stretcher and covered him with a blanket, leaving the stiffened arms still stretched beyond his head. And it was as Daniel stooped to take his end of the stretcher that his foot slipped on a piece of wood. It had been covered with snow but the tramping around had exposed part of it. And as his foot touched it, it rolled to the side, so suggesting that it hadn't been frozen to the ice or to the ground like everything else round about, and in the flickering light of the lanterns he seemed to recognise it. It was about two feet long, and he could see it flying through the air and hitting the wall ...

Moira had the bedroom ready, and dawn was just breaking by the time she had her husband washed and dressed in his last nightshirt and lying in his bed as if fast asleep but having a bad dream, for his features were contorted.

Before dinner time everyone in the village knew Farmer Stewart was dead. Fallen off his horse, he had, and into an icy gulley. Well, it was to be expected, for he had never been really sober for months.

However, the landlord of the inn soon made plain he hadn't been drinking there yesterday, 'cos he hadn't seen hilt nor hair of him; he must have taken the load on in Fellburn. But why his horse had thrown him, only God alone knew, because that particular animal would stand outside the inn for hours. Even when children would untether it, it would still wait for him, and as steady as a rock it was, and could jump a gate or a ditch as good as a three-year-old. Well, what would now happen to the farm? Everybody knew what would happen to the farm; it would go on sinking as it had been doing for years, because it wasn't to be expected that that young fellow could carry the load that his father must have left on him.

7

It was Daniel who broke the news to Maggie Ann, and when she made no comment but only stared at him, he said, Ì know you didn't get on,

not from the start, and neither did he and I; 345 we were in the same boat; but he's gone now.`

When she did speak she not only surprised him but she lifted the cover of that corner of fear in his mind and exposed it again when she said, `Where's Sean?`

`He's helping to clear the snow from the drive.`

`Would you like to send him in?`

`Yes. Yes, Maggie Ann, I'll do that.`

When a few minutes later he stood by Sean and said, `Maggie Ann wants to see you,` the boy, after glancing at him, laid his shovel down and walked into the house.

When he reached Maggie Ann's bedside he did not sit down immediately as he usually did, but stood half-way up the bedside, his eyes on the heaving bedclothes.

`Sit down, Sean.`

When the boy was seated, she said, `Take your hands from between your knees and tell me what happened!` Then looking in the direction of the door, she said, `Where's your mama?`

`With the doctor. He's just come.`

`Well, in that case there'll be no-one in for a time, so just start from the beginning.Ìt was some time before the boy spoke, and then, looking at her, and his voice trembling, he said, `He ran you down on purpose; he ran you down.`

`Yes, we know that, we've known that from the beginning, haven't we? But the vengeance wasn't yours, boy. You should have left it to God, or someone who could deal with it. But go on, tell me how it came about.`

His head lowered and the words coming slowly, Sean described what he had done. When he had finished, she released his hand, and again he pressed them both between his knees. And there was silence in the room, until at last she said, `You know what you've done, don't you? You've saddled yourself with a sin for the rest of your life and you'll have to pay dearly for it, because it'll never go away.

You've always known that you're not like the others, haven't you? I've always had the idea that God made you for something special, but not that, not that. Yet, at the same time I'm glad he's gone, because a man who'd ride down a defenceless woman, as I was, and me handicapped by me bulk ... Oh, he knew that. He knew that I couldn't 347 jump aside. Well, he was bound to come to a bad end. But I wish to God it hadn't been through you.`

The boy had his head bowed deeply now and began to mutter, and Maggie Ann said, `What is that you say, child?Ànd Sean whimpered, `He was goin' to sell the land an' all, and Barney said he knew he'd be the one that would have to go, 'cos he's gettin' on in years. And there would be no pension and he didn't know whether he'd be left in his cottage or not, as he'd heard tell that the others were going to be let for rent. And ... and then there was Daniel. He'd leave; I knew he would if the place got smaller.Àfter he had finished his muttering, Maggie Ann did not say anything for some time. Her breath was coming in sharp gasps, evidence of her agitation. And when she did speak her voice was low and her words came slowly: `You cannot hope to save the world ... from its troubles, Sean. God puts burdens on our backs the day we're born. An' if folks are wise they'll learn to carry them, because no-one else can carry them for them. And anyway, Sean, your back'll have to broaden to bear yours. So stop your worritin' about other people. What I think you should do now is to ask your mama if you can go to a Mass an' see a priest. And anyway, now I know she'll have one to see me: it was more than her life was worth to have one set foot in the house before, but now the road's clear I can pick up me faith and die a happy death. Ah! me dear, don't cry, don't cry. But there is one thing I would ask of you, and it is this: that you lie your soul away rather than let your mama know the ins and outs of how he met his end. You'll do that?`

He was unable to speak but he bobbed his head, and she said again, `Now, come on, come on, 'tis done, 'tis somethin' that can't be undone. Lift up your head an' face life, for it's goin' to be a long one. An'

you can take comfort from knowing that, by your act, you've given freedom to two people in this house.

And it's New Year's Eve today and from tomorrow they can start a new life. They don't even have to wait until he's buried.`

8

The funeral took place on the third of

January. The thaw had set in and the 349 roads were a quagmire of slush, which perhaps accounted for the sparse attendance of mourners. It was impossible for anyone to follow the carriages on foot and so the three farmhands arrived at the cemetery in the farm waggon behind the three carriages. The first held Daniel and Patrick--Sean was in bed with a stomach upset-- the other occupant being Daniel's brother-in-law, John. The second cab held Mr Farringdon and his eldest son Robert, and Hector Stewart's solicitor. The third cab held four farmers whose presence was guided by the look of things more than any liking for the deceased man, whom they considered had always been too big for his boots and had acted like a gentleman farmer without having the wherewithal to live up to one. And it was noticeable to the four men that Stewart's nearest neighbour, Matthew Talbot, was not present in the cortege.

Back in the house the gloom of the day was deepened by the half-drawn curtains. In the kitchen, at one end of the table, Moira was slicing the ham, while at the other Pattie chopped carrots and leeks prior to putting them into the big