I Am The Alpha (24 page)

“You need to watch it around Romulus and Lucinda, Chloe. I know it’s your personality to not go down without a fight but you need to understand,” he shifted uncomfortably and started the Range Rover; it was our turn to board. He had my attention though. William had told me to listen to Remus, had told me to trust him. While I didn’t, I trusted William and I had to admit Remus had done quite a bit to try and keep me alive if not exactly comfortable over the last week and a half or so.

“I’m listening,” I said softly when he hadn’t continued.

“Your first shift doesn’t have to hurt,” he said quietly, “Rom…” he sighed as if pained, “Rom is like a little boy pulling the wings off a fly when it comes to you. He’s a bully, he’s not telling you what you need to know to get through your first shift alive. He expects your writhing on the sidelines will distract William from his purpose and he’s not wrong… It will.”

He pulled the Range Rover onto the ferry and shifted it into park, turning in his seat to look at me.

“Are you going to tell me what to do?”

“Are you going to listen?”

“Yes.”

He frowned at me, “Because my brother told you to?”

I swallowed hard and nodded, “Yes.”

“Why?” he asked and he looked genuinely confused.

“Because I trust him.”

Remus made an incredulous noise, “He kidnapped you around three weeks ago and dragged you all the way across the country! I don’t get it, I really don’t.” He linked his hands together behind his head and pulled his chin to his chest, likely to ease the tension in his upper back and shoulders and I felt a pang of sympathy for him.

“He kidnapped me, threatened to do a lot of things, rape me, hurt me…” I agreed.

“So how can you love him?”

I looked him in the eye, “Because he never lied to me, he never hid anything from me, and he told me the truth. Even when I tried to run away and I hurt myself, he took care of me. And when you guys showed up? He put himself between me and you and protected me… Kind of like you’re doing now,” I frowned, “Why is that?”

Remus looked at me mystified. Speechless. I’d caught him off guard, I think. He shifted in his seat and turned to look out his window, though there was nothing to look at but the other cars and the white and green wall of the ferry on his side. He propped his elbow on the windowsill of his car door and covered his mouth with his hand in a decidedly thoughtful gesture. I resumed eating quietly.

Sometime later, as we were docking on the other side of the water, he sighed out. I looked over expectantly and he didn’t disappoint.

“When you change, your natural human instinct is going to be to fight it. Only the strong survive their first change, and I’m not talking physically strong, I’m talking mentally. You need to let it happen. I don’t know how to explain this
exactly
, I mean, I’m Blood Born, not Moon Forged. The change has always been like second nature to me.” He started the Range Rover again and waited for the ferry boat attendant to wave us on.

“So it’s going to hurt, like what though?”

“Can’t really tell you, never really cared to pay attention to the Moon Forged before.”

I sighed, “Okay, so expect pain, but don’t fight it.”

“Look, it’s been said that if you can keep the fear in check, if you can just let it happen and you don’t force the change to rush, or try to keep it back, the change can actually be quite nice. Freeing. Some have even described it as pleasurable.” He had the grace to look embarrassed and I couldn’t resist.

“Pleasurable?” I prodded and he shifted in his seat.

“Orgasmic, okay?”

I laughed and he frowned again, “What?”

“I figured that was what you meant, I just wanted to make you say it.” He frowned harder and I laughed, I mean really laughed,
hard
for the first time since… since the morning of the meeting when I’d been in bed with William. After we’d made love.

“You’ll see him again,” he said, “Just two more nights.”

“Yeah, but it might be to say goodbye.”

“It might,” he agreed and I turned to look at his stoic expression that he wore like a mask. He glanced in my direction.

“I thought you liked honesty,” he said gently, “You said you loved William because he didn’t lie. He didn’t hide things.”

“You want me to like you?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Couldn’t care less if you like me or hate my guts,” he said. “But I do want you to listen to me.”

“I’m listening,” I said which was funny, because that was the last thing we said to each other the entire ride back to the loft he shared with his psychotic twin. We pulled into the garage and I followed him up the stairs.

“When we get inside, give me my coat and your nightgown and get in the shower. I’ll find something else for you to wear,” he said intently.

“Why?” I frowned and jerked back when he leaned in and sniffed, he raised his eyebrows at me and I felt like the stupid puppy that Rom was forever calling me.

“Oh, right.”

He unlocked the front door and I shrugged out of the jacket and handed it back to him. I went straight for the bathroom and started the shower, handing him the slick satin gown from behind the door.

“Wash well, Chloe,” he intoned and I paused, just before stepping into the shower and closed my eyes. I pressed my hands to my face and breathed deep and slow.

Beneath the food I had eaten, he was still there. That masculine clear smell of the outdoors mixed with the rugged tang of burning metal. I could still smell William on my skin and I didn’t want to let it go. But Remus was right. If I could still smell it then Rom could and the evil twin would blow a motherfucking gasket. I shuddered at the thought and got under the spray, washing myself down twice, then a third time for good measure.

When I got out, as I wrapped in the towels from the bar, the door opened. I looked up and quailed inside when I saw Romulus scowling down at me.

“Here, Lucinda wants you in this when she comes over tonight. She’s got outfits for you to try.” He thrust another fall of black satin with more lace at me and I took it. I waited.

“Got something to say?” he asked.

“Um, thank you, Daddy.” I murmured and he nodded with satisfaction.

“You’re learning,” he said and stood there, “Well, put it on!” he said with a malicious look. He crossed his arms and it was awkward, ungainly with how big they were.

I shook, and felt my face flame with embarrassment as I slipped the gown over my head and tried to keep the towel in place. I wasn’t overly modest, but he made me want to be with the way his gaze roamed over me. He grunted and snatched the towel from around my body and I let the gown fall. Tears sprang to my eyes. I knew he’d caught a glimpse of my body, but it was only that. A glimpse. I hadn’t given him the satisfaction of a protracted peepshow.

I followed him out into the main room and got to spend the rest of my night playing dress up with Lucinda in these absolutely trash-tastic hooker clothes. She fluttered and cooed and clapped her hands like a ninny while Romulus cooed right back. Even though it was obvious he was getting off on my discomfort more than on anything that she put me in.

By the time I was dismissed I was exhausted and I was hungry again. I gave a longing glance towards the kitchen and returned to my gilded cage.

Two of the chocolate protein shakes were waiting for me on the dresser. I drank them both. I had followed the path of least resistance tonight. Kept myself safe, and whole, all the while hatred and anger were burning me up from the inside out. I went to my place by the window and I stared out for a time.

William, you had better fucking kill that S.O.B.
I thought to myself. Not only because Rom was a seriously sick puppy – no pun intended. But also, because I really didn’t want to live another minute without my mate.

I sighed and turned in. What else could I do?

Chapter 19

William

The day of the Challenge dawned silently, as dawns have a tendency to do. There was no fanfare or brass band striking up a chorus as the sky was first stained a steel grey, then slowly turned to orange before bright yellow sunlight spilled over the horizon.

I had barely slept, of course. This was worse than Christmas morning, the day before surgery, or waiting for the jury to come back with a verdict in your trial, I was unable to rest for even a moment. My life was going to be decided in several different ways before I sought my bed that evening. I would either be dead, and without worries or concern anymore, or I would be the Alpha of the largest Pack in the entirety of North America. I would have hundreds of people counting on me for leadership, strength and guidance. And I had better have Chloe with me as well, or there would be hell to pay.

“Did you sleep at all, Pup?” Markus asked.

I didn’t turn from the tall window in my bedroom, my eyes still fixed on the slowly rising sun. I had heard Markus pull up outside, the distinctive rumble of his Jeep ingrained in my memory. I would recognize that vehicle anywhere. The door downstairs had opened and he had walked purposefully up the stairs until he stood where he was now in the doorway.

“Didn’t feel like it… couldn’t.” He gave a tired sigh and I spoke up again in my defense. “I tried, honestly. I just couldn’t.” I’d lain there with the smell of her still fresh in my mind and I just couldn’t sleep. Every time I tried to close my eyes I would find myself staring up at the ceiling with no idea when or how I opened them again.

“And I’m sure that Rom slept like a baby and will be well rested and ready for tonight.”

“He may think so but I’ve made a practice of working with little to no sleep. It won’t affect me much.”

“You’re walking a razors edge here, Kid. The slightest dulling of your edge could get you killed. Even an hour’s sleep could mean the difference.”

“Are you going to sedate me to get me to rest?”

“I was thinking I could just get you drunk,” he said and I could hear the grin in his voice which made me turn and stare at him, one eyebrow arched high in surprise.

“Seriously? And you think being hungover will make the fight any better for me?”

“No, not seriously, ya dumb ass.” He raked his hands back through his short cut hair. Well, more like rubbing his hands over his hair more than through it. He sighed again, his arms dropping back to his sides, his palms slapping his jean covered thighs with a loud snap.

“Look, you need to try to get
some
rest. For Chloe’s sake if nothing else. Lay down and try, even for just an hour.”

I gave him a wary look. I couldn’t deny the logic to his advice, but logic and emotion very rarely go hand in hand, and at that point? I was exceedingly emotional. I wanted nothing more than to go right over to Rom and Rem’s apartment in the city and rip my brother’s throat out with my teeth. At the moment I wasn’t entirely certain which brother I most wanted to destroy. I was half afraid that Remus was playing me, playing Chloe, but something about the way… My instincts were solid, my wolf was
sure
that my brother’s intentions were above board but I’d seen it out of him before, the down and dirty manipulative side of him. I couldn’t be sure of Remus’ intentions. Nobody could.

Markus was still giving me an expectant look, waiting for my answer and finally I sighed and walked over to the bed. “I’ll try,” I muttered. “But only for an hour, if I can’t get down by then, then I’m getting up and doing some work.”

“Almost finished the sculpture?” he asked and I nodded as I flopped face down on the bed.

“I’ve just got to add a bit of tarnish to it, make the whole thing look old and weathered.” My body felt heavy and I heaved out a deep sigh before I vaguely heard Markus retreating and consciousness fled me entirely…

***

“He was exhausted even if he didn’t want to admit it. He hasn’t slept in at least two days, minimum, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he spent half the night every night in that shop working on the tree, did you look at it when you came in?” Markus was saying as I opened my eyes an indeterminate amount of time later. I had passed out, holy crap, how tired had I really been?

“Yeah, it’s amazing.”

“That’s not the point, Kid,” Markus snapped and I heard Brent chuckling and Nora whined slightly. I could just picture her ducking her head in deference to the higher ranking Arbiter.

“That wasn’t cool,” I said with a halfhearted glare at Markus a minute later when I walked into the kitchen. A glance at the clock on my nightstand when I had been climbing out of bed told me it was already past noon and I had slept for a good six hours.

“Hey, I didn’t do a thing but talk you into laying down for five seconds. You passed out all on your own.”

“And would one of you have woken me in time for the Challenge if I hadn’t woken on my own?” I couldn’t help but ask. I knew none of them really wanted to see me fight Romulus. If I won or if I lost I was going to lose something no matter what. This wasn’t a situation where a victory would feel much like one. I wasn’t at all looking forward to that.

I
was
determined to see it through though, that made anyone who tried to get in my way a liability. A liability that I couldn’t, and
wouldn’t
,
afford.

“Of course we were going to wake you,” Brent said with a derisive snort. “Why do you think we didn’t bother to keep our voices down? If that hadn’t woken you up we were gonna come get you within the next hour or so.”

“Why so late?”

“Why are you in such a hurry?” Nora shot back.

“I would rather not be late to an event like this. It’s considerably better to arrive early.”

“Actually it is best to arrive neither late nor early, but on time. If you’re late it doesn’t look good, and if you’re early it makes you look afraid, or anxious, neither of which look good either.”

“Have you picked out my clothes for me, Dad?” I couldn’t help but snap and I immediately felt a pang in my chest and I closed my eyes taking a long breath through my nose and expelling it out of my mouth. “Sorry, Markus. That was uncalled for.”

“No worries, Pup. You’re under a lot of stress right now.”