Authors: Addie Warren
I Broke My Heart (3 page)
CHAPTER FIVE
For the next week, even when I tried to ignore my personal problems at work, I didn’t catch a glimpse of Cleve. At work, he gave me instru
c
tions through my colleagues and he had a note on the door of his office that said,
do not disturb
, so I couldn’t barge in, even if I wanted to. He was avoiding me. Of that, I was certain.
By the time the week ended, I couldn’t take it any longer. I was feeling
un
justifiably neglected.
When Friday evening finally came, I decided to use the shirt that he left in my house as an excuse to visit him. That night, I spent the most time in front of my mirror. I wanted to look beautiful and sexy, so he wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off me when he saw me. I chose a short black strapless dress, cutout at the sides and revealing my slender waist. The dress ma
n
aged to combine simplicity with sexiness.
I applied my makeup with care, and even though I knew Cleve loved it when I wore my hair down, I inte
n
tionally wore it up in ponytail so it would not appear that I was trying to impress him. The high-heeled shoes I wore were higher than the ones I wore to work. I stepped back and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My feet already hurt. Suffering for beauty was what I usually called it, but on this night, I called it suffering for a man’s attention.
Twenty minutes later, the cab pulled up in front of Cleve’s house. I paid the cab fare and the cab driver drove away.
I pressed the doorbell and waited. It took close to two minutes before the door finally opened.
“I’m sorry I didn’t open the door in time, I was…”
He paused suddenly. I watched his eyes moved over me and I felt a certain amount of pleasure when his gentle gaze met mine, knowing that he couldn’t take his eyes off me.
“You look beautiful,” was all he could manage to say.
I smiled, but I didn’t give a response. This was probably the first time he’d seen me in a dress. He, on the other hand, didn’t have to be dressed up to look good. Glancing at him, I admitted he looked good in the white t-shirt he wore over black sweatpants.
The few seconds of silence tensed me up. I searched for something to say, but I couldn’t find an
y
thing, but luckily, he said something.
“Would you like to come in?” he invited, as he shifted a little.
My mind said,
yes, I would like to come in
, but my mouth said something else.
“No, thanks. I was just dropping by to give you this.” I handed him his shirt, which was neatly folded in a bag. “You left it at my place,” I finished, avoiding his gaze.
“Thanks,” he said after a moment. “I have som
e
thing for you too. I wanted to bring it to you, but since you’re alread
y here..
.”
“What is it?”
“Wait for a minute, please,” he said, as he rushed back, leaving the door slightly opened. In less than a minute, he returned with a red Macy’s shopping bag and handed it to me.
“I wanted to get you something. I didn’t know what, but I know you love your heels, so I got you one.”
I took the bag from him and opened it. It was just one high heel shoe. “Where is the other shoe?”
He gave another of his sarcastic look. “When I said I got you one, I meant it literally. I bought only one shoe.”
When he noticed the intense surprise on my face, he brought out the second shoe from behind his back with a wide sarcastic smile.
I took the shoe from him, and smiled, but the smile was quickly replaced with a sigh. “Cleve, this, bu
y
ing me this shoe is not going to just make everything alright,” I managed to say. “You left my house the other night without a word, and you’ve been avoiding me throughout the week. This pair of shoes is not just going to make everything fine.”
“I know, but I thought it could be a start to ma
k
ing it alright,” he let out a sigh. “Look Addie, I know I messed up. When I saw you received that text, I felt jealous. And then I realized that I had no right to be jealous over you, that I had no right to be there with you, that way, at that time.”
I almost cut him off. “You had the right to be there, Cleve. I invited you in. I asked you to stay, so you had every right to be there.”
“I know, Addie, and I am sorry for the way I ha
n
dled everything. I’ve been ashamed of my actions and that was the reason you didn’t see me all week.”
Cleve might be a little arrogant, but he was a
l
ways quick to apologize every time he did something he knew was wrong. He was the balance between arr
o
gance and humility.
I nodded and smiled, “It’s okay.”
He sighed in relief, and then he looked over my shoulder. “Where is your car?”
“I came in a cab.”
“I’ll drive you home,” he said as he rushed into the house to grab his car keys.
****
We drove to my house in silence, with both of us being cautious, not wanting to say anything that would upset each other. I would have asked him where we were going from there in our relationship since he a
d
mitted that he was jealous over me, but I didn’t want to pressure him into saying what I wanted him to say. If he wanted a relationship with me, I wanted him to say it without any prodding from me.
At last, we arrived at my house.
“Thank you for driving me home,” I said as I r
e
leased the seat belt. “I’ll talk to you later.” I opened the door and started to get out.
“Addie,” he called.
I closed the door and waited to hear what he had to say.
“Aren’t you going to invite me in for a drink?”
I smiled and blinked my eyes softly. “Go home, young man.” I opened the door again, but before I could step out, he called again.
“Addie,”
Once again, I closed the door, and waited.
“I insist,” he said softly.
I shrugged. “Okay.”
When we got into the house, he went for the floor, the carpet. I was surprised that he didn’t sit on the couch, but I didn’t ask him about it.
“Do you have any strong drink?” he asked as he sat on the floor.
“Whiskey?”
“That’s fine with me,” he replied.
I went to my refrigerator and grabbed two bo
t
tles of whiskey and two cups. I hadn’t intended to drink that night, but I felt it wouldn’t be polite if I didn’t drink with him.
I placed the drink and cups on the floor, and then sat down beside him. He grabbed a bottle and filled both cups. We took a sip and placed the cups back on the floor.
“Truth or dare,” he said.
I stared at him, surprised. “Cleve, we’re adults. We don’t have to play those childish games to start a conversation.”
He smiled. “We’ll play the game in an adult way.”
“Cleve?”
“Trust me. I promise you will like it,” he said. “We’ll do it this way. If I say truth or dare and you choose truth, then I will ask you any question. If you feel you don’t want to answer, then you take a shot of whi
s
key as a penalty for it. The same happens if you choose a dare.”
“That actually sounds like fun.”
“Are you in?” he asked enthusiastically.
I nodded. Then, he sat closer to me, but the two bottles of whiskey sat between us.
“Truth or dare?” he started the game.
I thought a little while and then answered, “Truth.”
“When was the last time you had sex?” he asked.
His question shocked me. If I told him the truth that I haven’t had sex in more than six months, he would think that I was sex starved. I weighed the pros and cons and then decided against answering. I took a shot of whiskey. Now, it was my turn.
“Truth or dare?” I asked.
“Truth,” he answered.
“Have you ever had a threesome?”
He gave a low laugh. “Yes. When I was in college, my friends and I went to a club. Apparently, two girls thought I was cute enough and they both followed me to my apartment,” he replied. “Satisfied?”
I nodded.
“Truth or dare?” he asked.
“Truth,” I answered.
“If you walked into your room and found me strapped to your bed naked, what would you do to me?”
There was absolutely no way I would answer that. What would I say? That ever since I saw him, I thought of nothing more than to have sex with him and that to see him naked on my bed would be a dream come true. No way! I’d rather take a shot of whiskey.
“Addie,” he called. “You’re going to get drunk. This is supposed to be fun. Just answer the question.”
I didn’t give a response. Instead, I asked, “Truth or dare?”
“Truth,” he answered.
“Have you ever masturbated?” I asked.
“No,” he replied quickly. “I love women. When I want to have sex, there is always a woman at my beck and call.”
Damn! Why was he not embarrassed by any question I asked? I knew I had to step up my game. I just didn’t know anything that would embarrass this man.
“Truth or dare?” he asked me.
I gave it a quick thought. “Dare,” I said.
He smiled and gazed at me a long moment. “A
d
die,” he called, keeping his voice low. “I dare you to dance with me.”
“No music,” I replied.
“Who says we need music,” he said as he stood. Palm up, he held out his hand for me. I stared at it for a moment. He continued to hold it out for me. I gazed up into his eyes and took the hand.
He held me close to him as his hands fell on my waist. Because my dress was cut at the sides, I could feel his touch directly on my skin. I felt the current of his touch flow through me as it sent vibration through my body.
We began to dance to no other music but the rhythm of our hearts. As we moved slowly, my heart was pounding. This man made me feel different. He knew the little things to do to please me, to make me happy. He jested with me like a kid, teased me like a friend and obviously he knew how to love perfectly like a lover.
He stared into my eyes as we moved and he said softly, “Addie, truth or dare.”
I swallowed hard before I could give a response. “Dare,” I replied.
He leaned closer, his voice deep and sexy, he whispered into my ear. “I dare you to kiss me. On the lips.”
His dare made my heart race. This was the point where I should use the take a shot of whiskey option. However, the whiskey was not close by. So, I told myself that kissing him was no big deal.
I gazed up at him. He was almost twice my height, so kissing him on the lips wasn’t going to be easy. Damn! Where were those high heels when I nee
d
ed it most?
I stood on my toes. Arms wrapped around his neck, I pulled his face down and placed a quick kiss on his lips. When our lips met, an electrical current explo
d
ed through my body. My whole body trembled and I stared away in embarrassment. His gaze followed mine, and his eyes crashed confidently into mine. “It’s okay, Addie,” he said after a moment. “It’s more than okay.”
With my face in between his hands, he kissed me again. First, it was just his lips touching mine and then he went deeper and deeper. I tasted him and I felt the warmth of his mouth radiate through my body.
Cleve pulled gently on my hair until my head til
t
ed back and sent fire through the skin of my throat with hot, wet kisses, and then I knew what it was like to have a desire burn inside of you, to hunger for something. In that moment, nothing else mattered. It was just as if the whole world paused for the both of us.
I held him closely and let my hand roam his chest and the muscles of his back, which had caught my atte
n
tion every time I saw them. He carried me expertly t
o
wards the room and I switched off the light.
CHAPTER SIX
I woke up the next morning to a beautiful dawn. I had only intended to sleep a little late and then wake up to do my Saturday morning chores, but I slept all through the night and woke up very late. Whether I woke up late didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I slept well. In fact, better than I had in a long time. My colleagues were right. Sex has a way of helping in stress management. I wondered why I didn’t know this before now. This was not my first time at having sex. It was the first in six months, though.
When my mind went to sex, I began to pat my bed blindly to get a feel of my partner, Cleve Reeves, to check if I could get some morning sex. When I tapped the bed for a while and I didn’t get a feel of him, I opened my eyes to see for myself.
He was gone. Cleve Reeves was gone.
I sat up, with a troubled feeling suddenly repla
c
ing the physical peace I felt when I first woke up. I didn’t expect he would leave, but I didn’t expect him to stay either. I didn’t know what exactly we had. If I knew, I would be able to decide if I should expect him to stay until morning or not.
A few weeks ago, I thought I wanted him only for sex, only to prove the stress management theory. Ho
w
ever, when I woke up this morning and found that he was gone, I knew exactly what I wanted. I didn’t want him only to prove my stupid stress management theory, and I didn’t want him simply because we got along okay and the sex was good. I loved him and I needed him to be with me.
I picked up my phone. I didn’t exactly know what I was doing, but I was going to call him. I was going to try to make him stay. The phone ringing in my ear matched the rate at which my heart was pounding. I was afraid that what we had was just a one-time thing, and that maybe he wasn’t expecting to hear from me again.
“Addie.”
I felt relieved when I heard his voice. Thank God, he picked up.
“Hi, Cleve,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
“I’m sorry I left. I had an urgent call from the o
f
fice. You were sleeping so peacefully that I didn’t want to wake you.”
I felt more than relieved to hear him apologizing for leaving. At least, I now knew that he wasn’t trying to avoid me again.
“You work on Saturdays?”
“When you are the boss, you work every day,” he replied. “Hey, Addie. Do you want to have lunch or dinner with me today?”
“Lunch,” I replied. I would have preferred a di
n
ner, but I had to prevent myself from jumping into his bed again. At least, not until I knew his intentions.
“Okay, then, we’ll meet at Cheesy Res in an hour.”
An hour
? My face went to my bedside clock. It was twelve noon. I didn’t know I had slept that late.
“Okay.”
I hung up and quickly rushed to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, took a shower and after about forty minutes, I was ready for the lunch date.
I drove to Cheesy Res where Cleve was waiting. We made our orders and started to eat, but I noticed something. Cleve was quiet in a disturbing way. The enthusiasm in his voice when he called me an hour ago was not in his face. It was as if he didn’t really want to see me at all.
Finally, he said something, “Addie, is there som
e
thing you want to tell me?”
I was confused, but I answered anyway. “No, why do you ask?”
“There is nothing you think I should know about?” he asked again.
I was beginning to get scared. I didn’t know what he was talking about. “Nothing.”
He sighed. “Well then, there is something I have to tell you.”
When men start a discussion in that manner, something is usually wrong. “Are you breaking up with me?” I asked, hoping that I was wrong.
“How can I even break up with you when we don’t even have a relationship?”
I didn’t think I heard him correctly. “What?”
“Addie, after this place today and probably after I return to New York, we might not see each other again. Years from now, we might meet in conferences or find ourselves doing research together again. We would probably just say hello to each other and probably share ideas together towards our research.” He paused a little.
I waited.
“Addie, what I’m trying to say is that there is nothing between us. We are just two people who ha
p
pen to be working together on a research project. We are just colleagues.”
For one eternal moment, I froze. Air left my lungs for a short while. When I was finally able to catch my breath, “Well, colleagues don’t have sex,” was all I could say.
“And I am sorry for that,” he replied. His voice was calm but his words were hurting me. “If I could go back to last night, I’d do things in a different way. It should never have happened,” he finished.
“So why did you lead me on all this while when you knew it would come to this?”
“I’m sorry for that too and for everything,” he replied.
I stared at him as tears filled my eyes. I felt hurt, betrayed, and angry. Yet, I tried to calm down, and to think more clearly, trying to be reasonable. “Look, Cleve, maybe you’re right. Maybe we don’t have a relationship right now, but we could start one, couldn’t we?”
He slowly shook his
head. “No, it wouldn’t work
.”
I stared at him, waiting for him to say more. “Well, you can’t just say it wouldn’t work and then go quiet on me. Say something more. Like why you think it wouldn’t work.”
“It just won’t work
out
,” he repeated.
I gazed at him again, my amber eyes pleading with him. “Cleve, is there nothing left between us?”
“Nothing was ever between us, Addie.”
Hot tears filled my eyes again. Knowing that he would be pleased to see my face awash with tears, I quickly picked up my purse and stumbled out of the restaurant.
****
I tried to concentrate as I drove home. Tears were flowing down my cheek and I swiped them away, only to have them come pouring down again. I told m
y
self several times that Cleve wasn’t worth crying for, but then I remembered all the time we spent together and that caused me to burst into a loud sob again.
Finally, I got home. I saw a brown envelope han
g
ing on my door. The envelope was from Max. I forced myself to open it. What I saw almost knocked the air out of me. The son of a bitch was married with two kids. Cleve Reeves was married with two kids.
Max had done the background check and he had sent me a picture of the scumbag with his family. Ho
w
ever, it was too late. If only he had sent me those pi
c
tures yesterday, I wouldn’t be in this mess. Thinking about the fact that I had slept with a married man upset my stomach and I was afraid I might throw up.
I decided against going into my house to grieve alone, because I might do the unthinkable, so I decided I’d go to Max’s place. I needed my friend right now.
Because we lived only few blocks apart, it took less than three minutes to drive to his house. When I got there, I knocked on the front door for a long time, but Max didn’t open. Since the door wasn’t locked, I let myself in.
I looked for him in the living room and then I checked in the kitchen. When I didn’t find him, I went to his room. What I saw in Max’s room took me by su
r
prise. I couldn’t believe it, or believe my eyes. My pi
c
ture was everywhere on his wall. He had done a great job of stalking me, because it appeared he took those pictures every day since I had met him. It wouldn’t have bothered me a lot if he had just my pictures, but he had pictures of my ex-boyfriend, Tyler, and even some of Cleve Reeves, my ex since only thirty minutes ago.
I heard footsteps behind me and I turned to face him. “I hope you have a good explanation for this.” He wanted to say something, but I cut him off. “Don’t you even dare think of lying to me.”
Max sighed and walked closer to me. “Addie, I love you. Ever since I first saw you, I have loved you. There is no way to tell you how much I love you.”
I raised a brow. “All this while you loved me and you never said a thing.”
“I was afraid that if I spoke up and if you didn’t feel the same towards me, it would spoil our friendship. Then I’d lose all of you. I’d rather suffer in silence, and keep you as just a friend than to lose you all together.”
“So what did Tyler and Cleve have to do with his?” I said, pointing to the pictures on the wall. “And I don’t want to hear any more lies. I want the truth. The whole of it.”
“I’ll tell you the truth.” A small sigh escape through his lips. “When I saw you happy with Tyler, I felt hurt, jealous and sad. I couldn’t bear it, so I lied to you that he was wanted for murder and I also lied to him that you were wanted for murder, too.
And you chose to not see him again, thinking he was a criminal.
”
I scowled at him. “Max, you had no right to sab
o
tage my relationships. I was happy with Tyler, and you blew it for nothing.”
Tears filled his eyes. “I’m sorry, Addie. I just didn’t want to share you with anyone.”
I tried to calm down, telling myself that Max was my friend. Even after everything, I still respected his feelings. “So, what about Cleve Reeves? What about the pictures you sent to me?”
“I called Cleve this afternoon and I told him that you were a stripper when you were in college.”
“What? So, this picture; the one with Cleve and his family, it’s a lie. Right? Cleve is not married.”
“I swear to God, I wasn’t lying about that. Cleve is married with kids.”
“How can I even believe you when you are just another lying bastard?”
He fell on his knees. “Addie, please try to unde
r
stand. I love you more than anything else in the world and I did all these things so that we could be together.”
“I’m sorry, Max. You sabotaged my relationship with Tyler, but I won’t let you sabotage this one,” I said.
“I swear to God, I wasn’t lying about Cleve Reeves. He is married,” I heard Max say as I stumbled out of his apartment.
****
I drove as fast as I could to Cleve’s house. Luckily, I didn’t get a speeding ticket. There was no way I was going to let Cleve go without trying to make him stay.
I pulled up in front of his house and rushed to the door. I pressed the doorbell and waited. I wanted to press the doorbell again, but just then the door opened and Cleve stood in front of me.
I just looked up at him. Like always, he looked good in his white t-shirt and shorts. However, this time, he had an anguished look on his face that betrayed a troubled heart. He looked drained, compared to thirty minutes ago when I last saw him. It was as if something was eating at him from the inside. For a moment, I wanted to believe that our breakup was hurting him as much as it was hurting me.
Before he could say anything, I started, “Cleve, when you asked me earlier today if there was anything, I needed to tell you, I didn’t understand, but I do now.”
“Addie,” he called gently.
“Let me explain, please. The person who called you and told you that I was a stripper is my friend, Max. Apparently, he loves me, but because he couldn’t get me, he tried to sabotage my relationships. He succes
s
fully ruined my last relationship, and I won’t allow him to ruin this one. Look Cleve, I was never a stripper. Ne
v
er. While I was in college, science was my life and it still is; you know that.” He didn’t respond, so I continued, “Take a look, he even sent me a picture of you, a woman and two kids. He said that you are married, but I know those pictures were probably Photoshop prints and he was lying about you being married.”
He shook his head. “No, he wasn’t lying.”
I leaned closer to him. “Cleve, believe me, please, I was never a stripper.”
“It’s not that, Addie. I don’t care about what he said about you. Being a stripper still wouldn’t have stopped me from being with you. I meant what he said about me is not a lie.”
The intensity of his words hit me and I staggered back a bit. “Maybe you could offer more of an explan
a
tion, because I don’t understand what you mean.”
“Addie, I am married. Her name is Helen. Right no
w, my home is on fire.
I intentionally requested a transfer to Baltimore for the research so that I could take a break from home.” He passed his hand through his already rumpled hair. “When I married He
l
en, she was an incredible woman. But all of a sudden, she changed. She started to hate everything I did. When I teased her, she found it insul
t
ing. When I said anything sarcastic, she thought I was not taking her seriously. When I played pranks on her, she thought I was just messing with her. But I couldn’t change, b
e
cause that is how I love.” He paused a little and for the first time since he started explaining himself, he stared into my eyes. “But then I came to Baltimore and I met you. You loved everything about me. When I teased you, you teased me back. When I said anything sarcastic, you laughed it off. And even when I played my stupid pranks on you, you e
n
joyed it. I began to feel at peace with you and I realized that you are probably the only woman who will be able to love me just the way I am.” He leaned closer to me and held my gaze a little longer. “Addie, I wasn’t sure if I loved you. I didn’t know if I loved you or if you are just the embodiment of what I wanted Helen to be. It would be unfair to you if I stayed with you with this uncertai
n
ty. That was why I said it wouldn’t work if we attempted to start a relationship. Addie, I’m sorry, but I have to go back to New York and try to make things right with Helen. I have to try to change for Helen. If she can’t accept me the way I am, then maybe it’s time I accepted her for who she is. I know I can do that. You taught me that, Addie. You taught me how to love people for who they are.”