I Have Chosen to Stay and Fight (16 page)

How do we win the culture war started by the Republican Party's insidious greed and determination to dominate? How do we deal with the fact that many people voted for anti–gay marriage legislation in their state, so that gay marriage would not only be outlawed on the federal level but on the state level as well? It's the political equivalent of always wearing a tampon and a pad. How do we come to grips with the tremendous amount of hatred and homophobia that exists just beneath the surface of American politics? I think it might be better to look at it positively. How can we possibly lose? Just because legislation passes doesn't mean it can't be reversed. Just because people are dumb doesn't mean that there are more that are even dumber.

The point is, we should not be accommodating this sheer stupidity. The current liberal stance is a backward version of "taking the high road" that ignores the demoralizing and homophobic view of the
Christian right, when, in truth, it is not the high road but what is incorrectly perceived as the safe road. Playing it safe isn't productive for anyone, because safety requires that gay and lesbian Americans be invisible, and the inhumanity engendered by making people invisible is anything but safe; rather, it puts us all in danger. When we are banned from the places where we should be welcomed, where we should not only be allowed but encouraged to speak, where do we go then?

Democrats put a lot of the blame on gay and lesbian consituents for costing them the election over the issue of gay marriage. Yet how can we allow homophobia to be written into the Constitution? The blame should be placed where the blame is due, on the ignorance and intolerance of American voters. Trying to fault gays and lesbians for standing up for their rights is backward and unconscionable.

It is time to hold fast to our beliefs, to create new standards for our elected officials, to continue to commit our acts of civil disobedience.

If gay and lesbian couples continue to line up at city halls all over the nation demanding marriage licenses; if, one by one, the mayors decide to let the people have what rightly belongs to them; if the media sees these families, solid and loving, so many already in place for years and years yet without acknowledgment from government agencies and society at large, if they are unable to ignore the numbers of us willing to fight for what we believe in, if we can become an army of lovers, how can we lose this war? Would they bring out the riot police? Throw tear gas grenades instead of bridal bouquets into the waiting bridesmaids' hands? Hose the newlyweds off the street? "The harder they come/The harder they fall/One and all."

We have no idea how powerful we actually are. We were never considered part of the general, "respectable" population. This land is your land, but this land isn't my land—that is what so many of us thought. This second-class citizenship has sunk in so deeply that we have barely any awareness of it. We had no idea that this is the enemy we are truly fighting. "The enemy is within/Don't confuse me with him." Elliott Smith wrote that lyric, and it feels overwhelmingly appropriate.

That silent complicity with the status quo, even with the great strides in GLBT activism, and the burgeoning, mainstream gay icons on
Will & Grace
and
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
, has kept the true face of who we are quietly hidden. We don't know how far our reach extends. We don't know our own strength. We don't know that we are warriors.

We are being called up, like the draft, to serve our country. The good news is, it isn't overseas, and it's a war we believe in. It's a war for everything we are. Not as gay and lesbian Americans, but as Americans.

Most voters who vote against gay marriage are likely not to know what they are voting against because they have no experience with gay culture and are just going with the prejudicial flow. If they are not given a chance to change, the opportunity to face the very person who would be negatively affected by their vote, they always will choose the evil they know. So the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, for instance, makes it their job to go door to door and introduce themselves. "Hi, my name is Todd. I am gay, and I am an American. Let's
talk about marriage equality." This type of grassroots activism has helped them keep antigay legislation at bay. It is the simple act of humanizing the struggle, in the most poignant terms, putting a face to a name. When you put your handshake and smile in the brutal face of bigotry, the grimace has to go. There just isn't room in the heart for it.

People might think you are insane, or, worse, a Jehovah's Witness. Who wants to be associated with that Avon lady/Girl Scout cookie religion? Yet the interaction is powerful. It is very difficult to be mean to someone to their face. It isn't human nature. I can't do it with any degree of comfort at all. My spine gets tingly, my face starts to twitch. I get completely flushed red with anxiety. If I have to be mean, I have to practice beforehand. If we take the human kindness factor and use it to our advantage in the struggle for marriage equality, then it will ultimately be what helps us win. Imagine, they will be thinking of you at the polls, worried that if marriage equality doesn't pass you will be back, and, worse, they will think it's their fault, and be afraid that you think it's their fault, too.

Whatever you do to start assisting the war effort, whether it's going to the house next door to tell them you would like to get married, or making donations to those organizations that are fighting for gay rights, or telling everyone you know everything you know about marriage equality, or organizing a letter-writing campaign, or having a bake sale . . . If we want to win, we have to get really low-fi, analog, hands-on. It has come to this.

If you are not gay, it is still your issue, because if we lose this battle who will be there to defend your rights? If the government is allowed
to take freedoms away from a certain group of people, how much longer will it be until they come for you?

We are a much more formidable opponent than anyone would have guessed. We've never had a chance to grab the brass wedding ring, the symbol of equality, the real civil union—not between us, in place of marriage—but the union we have with the rest of the citizens of this nation. How strong is your grip?

All we need now is a Martin Luther Queen. Please stand up. Now, at this very moment. This is the most important thing we could ask for. Someone who could say "Free at last" would be nice, but right now I would settle for "Here at last."

In the immortal words of Bette Davis, as Margo in
All About Eve:
"Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night."

thank you, gavin newsom

I
t is revolting that the gay marriages in San Francisco are being annulled. I don't understand why these arrogant, nosy, busybody, bigoted "conservatives" have to trample civil rights in order to have everyone understand that they think that homosexuality is wrong.

You know what? I think that intolerance is wrong. I think that having no compassion is wrong. I think that meddling in people's lives, people you don't even know, is wrong.

I think that these people who claim to do God's work are actually
working for the other guy. Satan likes it when people are motivated by their own prejudice. The Horned One gets all happy when someone is being oppressed or unduly punished. The Dark Lord loves injustice. These so-called family advocates and Christian groups are really doing the devil's work. I hope they enjoy being his pawns.

The true face of evil is the need to control others. It doesn't matter that you think it might be for their own good or salvation. We will see who goes to hell.

I was so proud of my home town for legalizing gay marriage, sending gays and lesbians to the City by the Bay, this city built on rock 'n' roll, to tie the knot. Who doesn't like that?

Well, the bullshit "Family Values" groups didn't think it was right. One dude even said that the new mayor, Gavin Newsom, who lifted the ban on same-sex marriage outright, talking about how "separate but equal" don't play no more, was a dictator because he was changing the laws without any adherence to the status quo and the laws currently in effect in other cities and states. I think the dictator is the one who would keep telling consenting adults what to do with their lives. The one goose-stepping is the one who would dictate who you should love and who you should not love. When you point your finger at me, you got three pointing back at you—see?

The first couple to be wed were quietly exchanging vows in a city supervisor's office in a lovely ceremony. These two women had been together for over fifty years and never expected to see same-sex marriage legalized in their lifetimes.

I am of the opinion that such marriages only enforce and ground
the idea of family values. By allowing and legitimizing different types of families, we make them relevant, attainable and honorable, thereby strengthening the moral fabric of the nation and making the ideal American family setting available to all who wish to be a part of one. We will never again have a shortage of parents like we do now. We instead will have a surplus of love and caring, which we do not have now. "Separate but equal" doesn't mean anything when we do not have equal rights. As soon as we do, the world will start to feel like a better place to live because freedom will begin to reign.

What role should gender play in legalized marriage? None. We hold the keys to gender in our minds and hearts, not in our bodies. How does gender identification involve or diffuse or somehow detract from one's partnering or parenting skills? It doesn't.

People should not attach morality to this issue. Morality is up to the individual and should not be legislated. If we were to push our morality on the present State of the Union, it would be an outrage. Go ahead, try to establish a dress code at a monster truck rally. You risk getting burned at the stake like a witch. But then, moral police are already allowed to impose their code of ethics upon our families, or erstwhile families. The fact that this subject is even on the table, that we are openly debating the right to marry someone of the same sex, to me is an outrage, a grievous display of prejudice, homophobia and the power of the church reaching out of bounds, beyond the state. If we were truly following the mandates of the Bible, then there would be laws against same-sex marriage, but not against polygamy or slavery. In addition, there would be no mixed fabrics (not a bad thing; we
could all live without cotton/polyester blend), no theory of evolution, but constant burning bushes and ongoing human sacrifices.

The laws and mandates of a nation made up of many different types of people who worship in innumerable ways should not be based on biblical text. That we are "one nation under God" is a fallacious statement that is interpreted too literally, one that is conveniently pointed to as the be-all and end-all to all of this controversy. We are many nations under many gods, and sometimes we don't even have a god, but that doesn't exclude us from being part of the melting pot.

So to all the couples who celebrated their nuptials in my lovely San Francisco, mazeltov. Blessings to all of you. I believe in love. I believe in you. Marriage is not an act of civil disobedience. It is an act of love.

dear governor schwarzenegger

      
Dear Gov. Schwarzenegger,

      
Hello there, Governor.

      
I am responding to your comments on a recent
Meet the Press
where you said if they did not put a stop to same-sex marriage in San Francisco, something to the effect of "the next thing you know there will be riots and injured and dead people in the streets." I don't believe these were your exact words, but that is good enough. Is that a threat? Are you going to go down there yourself and turn that red light on in your eye and use all your ter
minating morphing mercury ways to stop it? Have you come back from the future to stop same-sex marriage?

      
Why do you believe that this will have to turn violent? What is so wrong that you actually believe that there will be blood in the streets if Mayor Newsom doesn't stop issuing marriage licenses? Are all the roles you have played on-screen starting to become indistinguishable from real life? Have you played politician before? This isn't the movies. This is real life, and there is no stunt double and no script and no director, and you are not acting. This is love. This is happening. And you cannot stop people from loving each other. What is going on is beautiful. Don't you think that it will be peaceful and joyous if you just let it be? What are you protecting us from? Heterosexuality? Homosexuality? Bigotry? Prejudice? Homophobia? Heterophobia? Flying bouquets of flowers? Rice thrown about willy-nilly? "Here Comes the Bride" changing to "Here Comes Gay Pride"? What effect does this have on you, other than that it inflames your own prejudice and beliefs that gays and lesbians should not have the same rights as all other Americans?

      
So far, your decisions as governor have not made a good impression. I wrote you an impassioned letter about Kevin Cooper's imminent and wrongful execution, pleading that you not kill an innocent man, and I received a form letter telling me to read some tourist book about our great state. Cooper was given a last-minute reprieve, and his case was reopened, but that was
not your doing. I understand. You were probably busy working out. How much do you bench-press these days? I bet a lot. Yet the weight of the state just kind of rolls off your big shoulders, because I haven't seen you do anything except agree with the right-wing conservatives who have nothing to gain in the war for same-sex marriage except the satisfaction of knowing that they can control the citizens of our nation and impede their freedom.

      
Is it that immoral to you that there is love between consenting adults that has nothing to do with bigamy, bestiality, incest or any of the other perversions the theocrats love to fantasize about—that will defy the status quo? Are you really afraid that this will open the floodgates of faggotry in the USA? Suddenly, the state will start to resemble Berlin in the early '30s? It will be the Weimar Republic all over again, and we might—God forbid—experience a renaissance of art and culture and tolerance. Can I play Sally Bowles? Perhaps the idyll didn't last for them, but it wasn't because there was a "religious right" there to stop the "madness" of freedom and acceptance, it was Hitler. But I don't have to tell you about that, do I? You know a lot about him. A little more than most people do, I would say. But I am not here to judge your role models. It just concerns me when you try to emulate them. He really hated homosexuals.