I See Me (21 page)

Though since this was all in my head, maybe I was cheating.

It was all in my head, wasn’t it?

“Eat,” Jade repeated, but this command wasn’t directed at Beau and me.

Desmond snarled, then reached to the side and plucked a cupcake out of the open pastry box. This one appeared to be lemon cake with lemon icing. He stuffed the cupcake into his mouth without removing the wrapper.

Beau, keeping his arms wrapped around me, carefully peeled the paper off his cupcake. I glanced around. Both Lara and Audrey were moaning as they consumed different types of cupcakes as well.

“The werewolves are all eating cupcakes,” I said.

“Yeah,” Jade said. “They do that. Though why we needed to stand on ceremony just now, I don’t freaking know.” This last part was directed at Desmond, though Jade didn’t turn to look at him.

“The fledgling knows his place,” Desmond said.

“Bully for you, Desmond,” Jade said. “How could I forget that going around frightening people is your full-time gig?”

The alpha responded by angrily stuffing another cupcake in his mouth.

“She meant it’s surreal,” Beau said. “The werewolves eating cupcakes.” It sounded like his mouth was full.

Jade looked at me. “Surreal?”

“You know, not real. Not really happening,” Beau answered.

“Eat your cupcake, fledgling,” Jade said. “Then we’ll talk.”

“Blackwell,” Desmond snapped.

Jade’s shoulders stiffened, but she didn’t answer him.

I took a bite of the cupcake. Then I took another bite. It was the best-tasting cupcake I’d ever eaten, and I wasn’t a fan of cake in general. The strawberry flavor exploded in my mouth, the chocolate cake was moist, and the cocoa was deep, dark, and delicious. And, yes, the cupcake was somehow soothing and invigorating at the same time. A hint of how being in love with Beau felt, though how that was possible I didn’t know.

“You make cupcakes?” I asked around my third bite.

“I do,” Jade answered. “I have a bakery in Vancouver, British Columbia.”

“I’m from Vancouver … or I used to be.”

“Are you? My bakery, “Cake in a Cup,
”
is on West Fourth Avenue. I’m surprised that we haven’t met.”

“That’s not really my neighborhood.”

“Perhaps it’s better that we’ve only met now,” Jade murmured, dropping her gaze from mine. “This last year wasn’t a great one for Adepts in Vancouver.” Her smile was suddenly forced, dulled with a sadness that was palpable.

I looked at her then. Closer than I had before. I saw the way gold glinted off her hair and off her necklace. I saw the deep indigo of her eyes.

I reached out for her even before I’d made the decision to do so.
 

Beau grabbed my wrist and held me back.

Jade looked at him. “Her magic is wild. Ungrounded. It swirls around her … in a haze of white that tastes of apple. Sweet apple with a tart finish. Juicy, delicious. Picked from the tree perfectly ripe.”

“Yes,” Beau breathed. He was seemingly relieved by this statement, though he still held my arm at bay.

“She’s not a witch?” Desmond asked.

“Not a witch,” Jade answered. “She doesn’t even share a base magic with witches. She smells fresh, green to you, yes? But not like grass, right?”

“But you know what she is,” Desmond prompted. “You know why Blackwell wants her.”

“Blackwell collects magic.”

“So do you.”

Tension ran through Jade’s face and along her jaw line. I knew that look intimately. It was a look I’d seen many times in my mind. I knew it meant that Jade was tamping down on anger, tamping down on something she wanted to say. Something that didn’t match the golden curls, or the indigo eyes, or the cupcakes. Jade Godfrey swam in a deep well of emotion, and she preferred to paddle around on the surface. But then, even if what I had seen of her life over the last eighteen months was only a construct of my broken mind and hadn’t actually happened, I’d be afraid of diving into her world as well.

My hand, still held aloft by Beau, hovered a few inches from Jade’s necklace. “You have a knife,” I said. “A green knife.”

“You’ve seen my knife?”

“Yes.”

A low growl ran through the room. I wasn’t sure if that reaction meant that this disclosure upset the werewolves or if it excited them. I didn’t look away from Jade.

“You’ve seen me?” she asked.

“Yes.”

The green-haired werewolf stepped up behind Jade. Her arms were crossed, her face serious.

“It’s okay, Kandy,” Jade said quietly. “Her magic isn’t harmful. Not physically, anyway.” Then to me, she said, “But you don’t believe I’m real? I’m surreal, like the werewolves eating cupcakes? Because you’ve seen me … visions of me?”

I nodded. Then my chest compressed as if I was holding back breath … and tears … and pain. I moaned, not understanding the sudden crushing ache.

“Let her go,” Jade said.

Beau tightened his hold on me. I pressed my head back against his chest as the pain in my own chest expanded. It contained everything that I’d held at bay all these years. Years of visions … of denial … of coping … of terror fought its way up into my throat. I felt stifled, but not by Beau’s arms. I felt like I couldn’t hold it all in anymore.

“Why, why,” I managed to cry. “Why this … now …”

“Let her go,” Jade repeated.

“He’s not yours to command,” Desmond said, his tone smug.

“I’m not here to play games,” Jade snarled. “You called me. You said Blackwell. The girl is in pain. Her magic is smothering her, killing her maybe —”

Beau released my hand suddenly, making me realize that I’d been pressing forward against his grip. I closed the few inches between me and Jade.
 

My fingers brushed her necklace. An electric shock ran up my arm, leaving it momentarily numb.

“Oh,” I gasped, exhaling some of the crushing chest pain. I yanked my hand back and shook it.

“The dowser is the most magical thing you’ll ever come in contact with,” the green-haired werewolf said. She sounded proud.

“I think you might be wrong there, Kandy,” Jade murmured. “But then, I’m certainly no seer.”

She held her hands out to me, palms up. I moved to place my hands in hers, but at the last second, she withdrew slightly.

“I don’t want to see what you see,” she said. “No one should see their own future. It’s like having your soul shredded.”

“It is,” Lara murmured from somewhere off to my right.

“I don’t know what you mean,” I said. I’d been saying that a lot today.

Grimacing as if she’d just tasted something really rotten, Jade nodded, then took my hands. More electricity ran up my arms. I’d never felt anything like it before. It was more than licking a battery or accidentally brushing against a live wire. A hundred times more.

A golden wash of light clouded Jade’s blue eyes.

I gasped. The tight coil in my chest loosened further.

“It’s okay,” Jade murmured. “It’s okay. I can take a bit of the magic, ease the pressure off for you. That’s what being a dowser means. Well, that’s what being an alchemist means, but I don’t want to confuse you further.”

She pressed one of my hands into Beau’s. Then she reached up and brushed her fingers over my cheeks, one at a time. They were wet.

I was crying. Silent tears were streaming down my face, and I’d had no idea.

I wasn’t sure what was happening but I felt like I could breathe again. The pain in my chest had ebbed to a dull ache, and my throat wasn’t as tight.

“It’s okay,” Jade repeated. “You aren’t alone anymore.”

“She’s not alone. She has the pack,” Audrey snapped. “They came to us for safe harbor and we accepted them.”

“And then you called me,” Jade said. “The fledgling needs training. A mentor.”

“All things we plan to provide,” Audrey said.

“Her magic is wild —”

“Then fix it,” Desmond said.

“She’s a person, not an object.”

“Then what good are you, dowser?” the alpha growled.

“They call her warrior’s daughter now,” Kandy snapped.

“Watch your tone when you address your alpha,” Audrey snarled. “Or I’ll rip your tongue out.”

“Enough,” Jade shouted.
 

My ears popped, like they did after Blackwell disappeared from the restaurant.

The room stilled as if it might be waiting for an earthquake to roll through … or like the silence of dark clouds as they gathered before releasing the thunderstorm.

Jade leaned forward, reached into the pocket of my hoodie, and pulled out my mother’s necklace. “The fledgling already holds an object of magic. One that I can use to help balance her power.”

“My mother’s necklace?” I asked.

“Is it?” Jade answered. “It’s not attuned to you, but the magic is similar. Your mother gave it to you?”

“By dying, yes.”

As she held the chain aloft and watched the large stone swing, Jade looked back at me. “You don’t know your parents?”

I shook my head.

“Well, that explains it some.” She looped the broken necklace around my head and shoulders.

“It’s broken,” I said. “It’s broken like I’m broken.”

“No one thinks you’re broken.” Jade turned to snarl over her shoulder at Desmond. “How dare you make her feel like she’s broken!”

The corner of the island countertop snapped off in Desmond’s hand.

Beau wrapped his arms around me. He was tense against my back, as if ready to carry me to safety. I still felt oddly relaxed.

Desmond looked down at the chunk of granite in his hand and swore.

Jade snorted.

Desmond chuckled and shook his head.
 

Beau relaxed his grip.

Jade turned her attention back to the necklace. “I assume your magic comes in waves when it manifests? In these visions?”

I shook my head, no.
 

“Yes,” Beau answered.

“Beau,” I protested.

“The visions come,” he insisted. “They blind you, and then you draw.”

I sighed but didn’t argue.

“I can fix the necklace with that in mind,” Jade said. “Like it’s a satellite dish. Or … maybe you’re the dish, the necklace is the antenna, and the magic is the signal … the energy that needs to be held, then dispersed.”

“Brilliant,” Audrey muttered. “A genius at work.”

“Sarcasm isn’t going to help, Audrey,” Kandy said.

Audrey looked at Desmond, asking for permission to do something. He shook his head and she backed down.

“Anyway, that only matters to me,” Jade said. “I’ll fix it, then I can find you someone … to talk to.”

“The far seer?” Kandy murmured reverently.

“Yes, he will know someone who can help, at least,” Jade said. “I might be able to tune the necklace to ease the burden, but Rochelle is going to have to learn to wield the magic or be constantly overwhelmed.”

“He can come here,” Audrey said.

“One doesn’t usually order guardians about, Audrey,” Jade said. “But you go right ahead and give it a try.” She didn’t lift her eyes from the necklace, still running her fingers along the length of it. I could feel more tiny shocks through my hoodie and T-shirt.

Desmond sighed heavily. “You think she’s a seer then?”

“No. The magic isn’t exactly the same,” Jade said. “Of course, the only seer I know is also a guardian.” Her tone was distant. Her eyes glowed softly gold.

I reached out and brushed my fingers across her cheek.

She smiled, but then said, “Don’t show me. Don’t show me what you’ve seen of me.”

“How would I do that?” I asked.

Jade shook her head, and didn’t answer me.

“A reader?” Desmond asked.

“No,” Jade said. “Though I haven’t met one personally. I think we’d all know if she could hear our thoughts.”

“What then?” Audrey snapped.

“If I knew for sure, I’d say so.” Jade dropped the necklace back against my chest.

“You’ve fixed it?” Beau asked.

“I believe so,” Jade said. “Rochelle? Does it feel different now?”

The gleaming gold of the thick chain was heavy around my neck. The raw diamond hung between and just below my breasts, which might have been provocative if I hadn’t been wearing an old hoodie. Though the stone and chain had been tarnished and dull before, they now caught and held slivers of light as I brushed my fingers over the necklace. The pain was completely gone from my chest and throat.

I nodded, in answer to Jade’s question, and wrapped my hand around the diamond, fully believing — if only for this moment — that it was a gift of healing from my dead, unknown mother.

“It’s tied to you now. To your magic,” Jade said. “Whether you believe in it or not, magic comes to you … like electricity to a light or iron to a magnet, maybe. I hope this helps ease its effects.”

“No more headaches?” Beau asked.

“She got headaches?”

“Yeah, when the visions came, I think,” Beau answered. “Then she would draw.”

“I don’t know,” Jade said. “Maybe if she was denying the magic …”

“Yeah, with pills.”

“Ah. That might do it.”

I looked for the broken link in the chain. The stretched one that had made it appear as if the necklace had been wrenched from my mother’s neck, perhaps during the car accident. It was whole again.

“You can bend metal?” I asked.

“I can bend magic,” Jade answered.

“And metal,” Kandy added.

“Well, technically.” Jade rose to her feet with a chuckle. She was wearing funky green shoes with about a three-inch heel. When she pivoted to look at Desmond, she was almost his height. “I’ll take the fledgling with me.”

“No,” Desmond said. “She stays here. We’ll protect her from the sorcerer.”

“I’ll take the boy, too. So she’ll have her protector.”

“The boy,” Desmond growled, “came to us.”

“Yeah,” Jade said. “Funny that, hey? Because you don’t seem to know him very well. What with him being family and all.”

Beau’s arms tightened around me, as if he was as wary of the shift in conversation as I was.

“Not all feline shifters are directly related, dowser,” Desmond sneered.

Jade laughed, snarky and angry at the same time. “Look closer, oh high and mighty lord. His magic tastes exactly like yours, with a dash of cayenne. Or can’t you see past the color of his skin?”