Ice (36 page)

“But, if you do feel the same way about him,” Anana said, smiling a little, “then you’ve got to let him know. He’s kind of blind when it comes to reading the signs. It always takes the girl telling him first for him to see it.”

I decided not to answer, because all I could say was that she was wrong, and I didn’t want to come across as rude since she was clearly trying to help me. I finally felt like I understood Anana, though, and there were no more questions buzzing around in my head. I knew where she stood and that she was fine with Kavick being my friend. I still had the worry that if Kavick did marry her, and if she did fall in love with him later, that she might have a problem with me then. I was more certain of that being an issue in the future since I learned that she thinks Kavick has feelings for me.

“We better head back,” she said, glancing at her watch. “I didn’t realize I had talked so much. The others might be worried about us.”

As we turned around, I realized how much darker it had gotten, an indication that somewhere behind the blanket of clouds the sun was setting. As we walked back the way we had come, I could hear Anana sniffing the air occasionally. She was very discreet about it though, looking very relaxed and never taking her hands out of her pockets. One would never suspect she was actually following someone’s scent.

After a few minutes she said, “Ah, ha. There’s his scent. He went this way.” She pointed ahead, so we trudged on for several minutes.

“Huh…I guess they went back to the house,” she mumbled in mild surprise.

Suddenly, she stopped walking and stiffened, holding her arm out for me to stop with her. I froze, wondering what was going on. I immediately began to worry.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered. I have no idea why I whispered it.

“Voices,” she said, narrowing her eyes as she listened. “Someone’s having an argument….”

And then her eyes widened.

She took off running through the trees. I scrambled to catch up with her. I became worried again. I caught up with her rather quickly, though, probably because I’m taller than her. A few seconds later the old two story house could be seen through the trees. When we reached the side of the house, she stopped me from rounding the corner to the front.

“W
ait!” she hissed. I crouched down beside her behind a leafy bush. “You shouldn’t go.”

I had no idea why she would say that, but I took her word for it and nodded. I could hear Tartok loudly telling someone to leave. I carefully peaked around t
he corner of the house through the bush, my heart racing. I was expecting to see one of the hunters we had fought in the Factory, but that wasn’t who was standing before Tartok and Kavick.

It was Marcus.

I felt myself gasp, but there was no sound. I wondered why he was here, and if Anana knew his connection to me.

“My beef isn’t with you,” Marcus said, glaring at Tartok. I had never seen him so mad before.

Kavick stood beside Tartok, crossing his arms. His face was hard, but he wasn’t glaring at Marcus like Tartok. I had no idea where Suka was.

“Right, your beef is with your girlfriend, so take it up with her!” Tartok said furiously. He gritted his teeth and leaned toward Marcus. “If you want to start a fight with my brother, you’ll have to fight me first!”

Marcus turned his glare onto Kavick and said, “So you have your brother fight your battles for ya, huh?”

Kavick stepped forward, glaring daggers at him now. They looked like they were the same height. “No, I fight my own battles. The difference between you and me is that I choose mine wisely. I don’t need to start fights to feel macho.”

Marcus looked furious. I started to move forward, but Anana tugged on the end of my coat to keep me in place.

“I have to stop them!” I said, more breath than whisper. Since she was beside me, I knew she could understand me.

She shook her head, her eyes wide in caution. “That could cause them to fight. Trust me.”

“I’m glad she’s not here,” Marcus said, “because I can really tell you what I think now. Here’s your warning, Skarling: back off. Christine loves me, and she always has. At most, you were just a fleeting crush while I was gone, but now that I’m back in her life, you’re nothing to her. She’s just too nice to drop you that fast.”

I could see Kavick’s jaw flex while Marcus spoke. As soon as Marcus was finished, Kavick raised a cold eyebrow at him.

“You think you know so much,” Kavick chuckled darkly. “But you don’t know anything about her.”

“I’ve known her a lot longer than you!” Marcus spat, pointing violently at Kavick. “I bet you eat a lot of meat, don’t ya? Bet you didn’t know she’s a vegetarian. She
hates
meat. You’re nothing like her.”

I saw Kavick frown at this. I suddenly realized I had never told him. I heard Suka chuckle from somewhere nearby, no doubt finding boys bickering over something as trivial as meat amusing. I would, too, if my two best friends were
n’t the ones fighting.

“She forces herself to eat it around you people so you won’t be offended. Makes you wonder what else you don’t know about her,” Marcus said smugly.

I saw Kavick’s eyes narrow sharply and a mischievous grin played out across his face. “Yeah, it does make me wonder what
you
don’t know.” He lost the grin and his features turned hard. “You see, while you were in California
ignoring
her, I was here for Christine after her parents died. Christine and I have a much deeper bond than you know, and unlike you, I’m not stupid enough to give her up for another girl.” Kavick crossed his arms then and cocked his had slightly to the side. “You had your chance Marcus, and you blew it…and you’re never getting it back. Move on, like she has.”

Marcus was speechless. He looked like he could kill Kavick.

I felt my face heat up. What the hell did Kavick mean by all that? He made it sound like we were in a relationship. I know he was just pushing Marcus’ buttons, but it made me feel kind of embarrassed.

Kavick
looked over to the white car in the driveway and said politely, “Officer, please take Mr. Garcia home before I have to ask you to arrest him for trespassing.”

I saw a window roll down and Officer Conner stuck his aged face out the window. “Sorry, Son, but I’m off duty.”

“Then you wouldn’t mind calling one of your friends that are on duty.”

Conner looked over at Marcus, whose face was now beet red with fury. Connor said, “C’mon, Marcus. Let me take you back to the diner before you get in trouble.”

Marcus begrudgingly got in the car and yelled from the window a slew of expletives as Officer Conner drove away, and it was all in English so it was painfully clear for everyone. Kavick wasn’t phased by any of the names Marcus had called him, or the threats he had made.

I looked over at Anana beside me. I was stunned by what I had just seen and I wondered if she thought it was true about me and Kavick. She probably did. She looked just as stunned as I was.

I stood up from behind the bush, shaking a little, and rounded the corner of the house. Kavick immediately spotted me. His face fell at once. He looked surprised to see me, but most of all, I could tell he realized the wrong that he had done. He looked just as uncomfortable as I felt.

Tartok was glaring furiously at Kavick for his exchange with Marcus
, no doubt believing every word of it. His stare flickered over to me a few times, but his fury seemed to be directed at his brother.

I was finally able to see Suka; she had been standing on the porch witnessing the whole thing.
Her eyes were wide, darting between Kavick and me.

I felt like every stare that was on me added to my embarrassment, an embarrassment I shoul
dn’t even be feeling. Everyone already had strange ideas that Kavick was secretly (or not so secretly) in love with me; now they all probably thought I was a liar for saying they were, and that I didn’t feel that way about it. At the very least, they thought I was an even bigger problem preventing Kavick from marrying Anana. If Anana’s father found out, he would probably kill Kavick, if Tartok didn’t do it first.

“Christine,” Kavic
k said, and I could hear the guilt in his voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to hear that.”

“Are you sorry for what you said, or just that I heard it?” I asked, feeling very odd for having to ask him that
. My voice was quiet, and I gave a nervous chuckle that was barely there. My legs felt like a jelly. I was worried about my friends, and what I had just witnessed between them. And I was worried what Marcus thought about me. Did he hate me now?

I looked around at everyone. They just gaped at me. I couldn’t handle getting so much attention. I just wanted to be alone. Finally, my anger shot up past my embarrassment. “Okay,” I said loudly to
everyone. “It’s not like that!”

Everyone blinked, as if shocked by my outrage.
I looked at him again. He gulped silently, only looking more uncomfortable.

“I
can’t believe this is happening,” I mumbled to myself as I rubbed my forehead.

“I didn’t
really lie,” he said apologetically, trying to justify his intentional misrepresentation of our connection. “I just
implied
it to him, because he was being territorial over you, like he owns you, or something! I would never lie about you.”

I felt my eyebrows furrow slowly. I felt so confused. Why didn’t he just tell Marcus to go away?

“I never thought…” I said, struggling to speak. I couldn’t even look at him. I couldn’t even finish my sentence.

Kavick’s blue eyes were wide. I couldn’t tell if he was shocked, or hurt.
I could tell he knew what I was trying to say.

“I never thought that you would lie about me.” I frowned at him and added, “Did you ever think about Anana,
your best friend, who you’ve actually considered marrying, or how her dad’s going to react?” It felt surreal and strange to be asking Kavick those questions.

“
I don’t care!” he said, raising his voice for a moment. “I don’t care what people think, I’m just sorry if I hurt you. I was only trying to get back at Marcus. You’re right, I didn’t think. Besides, do you really think he even believed me?”

I couldn’t help but scoff a laugh at those words.
“Well, it sure looked like he believed it! Did you not see his face?! Did you not hear what he was yelling down the street?! He was calling you every name under the sun!”

We stood there staring at each other as I caught my breath.

Finally, I shook my head. “I finally got him back…and now I’ve lost him again.”

For some reason, m
y throat hurt and my voice was hoarse like I was about to cry, but there were no tears in my eyes. “I might not get him back this time,” I said in disbelief as the realization dawned on me.

I turned ar
ound and headed down the street, unable to stand the presence of other people any more.

“Christine, stop…please!” he called after me. He ran up beside me. “Let me drive you home.”

“No,” I said quickly. “Just leave me alone, please.”

“Please, look at me, Christine.”

I kept my eyes on the street and never stopped walking.

“Christine, it’s not safe for you to walk alone!” he called after me, apparently giving up on following me.

I ignored him. It wasn’t snowing, and I was warm in my coat and gloves. If he was implying that a random maniac might attack me, that was the least of my worries.

When I finally got home, Justin was sitting on the couch watching TV. He shot up from his seat, frowning, as he wondered why my face was so red.

“What happened?” he asked.

I sniffed and wiped my face again for good measure. I had broke out in tears on the way home. I had visited the diner and Marcus wasn’t there. I was afraid I would never see him again, and I hated myself for fighting with Kavick. “I, uh…I had a fight with Kevin.”

Justin’s eyebrows shot down into a sharper V. “Did you walk home?”

I nodded.

“Honey, it’s dangerous out there. It’s night, and it’s cold…
.”

I nodded, so he trailed off, seeing there wasn’t any need to say anymore, I guess.

I mumbled, “Sorry,” and headed to my room. “I think I’m just gonna go to bed.”

Upon entering my room,
I immediately pulled my blinds down and pulled my burgundy curtains closed, too. I wasn’t ready to face Kavick again. I furiously began to undress, yanking my sweaty clothes off of me. The walk home had been long and it was dark for most of the way. Despite the temperature dropping, I had sweated in my coat from the long trek and my whole body was aching. I quickly changed, leaving my dirty clothes in the middle of my floor, something I rarely did, and hopped into bed. I didn’t care that I left my light on, either. I didn’t care about anything anymore.

Big John started scratching at my door, but I didn’t want to leave the cocoon I had made for myself in my bed.

He scratched again and started whimpering.

“Leave her alone, Boy,” I heard Justin say faintly.

He scratched again. His whimper was much more pitiful this time with more length and a sad quiver to it.

I darted out of my bed and opened my door for him. He rushed in, wagging his ta
il at me. One wouldn’t have known the dog had sounded like it was crying its eyes out a second ago. After I shut my door, I turned off my light and got into bed. I scooted over and held the covers up so he would have a spot beside me. “C’mon, boy,” I said thickly though a sniffle.

He jumped up and curled beside me. His fur was warm and comforting. I wrapped my arm around him, holding him close, and relaxed against my pillow. I scooted my face down a little, though, so my cheek could feel his fur. He laid there licking his paws contently under the blankets. I sighed, feeling a tear roll down into his fur. I wondered if this is what it would feel like to snuggle up ag
ainst Kavick when he’s a Husky. I wondered what Kavick thought of me since our exchange of words. Did he hate me now, too?

I hugged Big John again and tried to fall asleep,
but I kept thinking about the day I’d had. It had started off so well. It was by far the most interesting Sunday I had ever had. Church had been quite an experience, and despite Tartok, it had been nice to see Kavick’s house and eat lunch. The hike in the woods had been fun. The game we had played had made me feel free, forgetting all my troubles. Looking back, I found Anana’s little growl amusing when she had snuck up on Kavick. The talk with Anana, though a bit awkward at times, had felt good in the end, too. I finally understood her and I had a lot of respect for her. I was actually beginning to feel like we might have become friends by the time we had reached the house.

Then everything had fallen apart. My worse fears had been realized: Marcus and Kavick had lashed out at each other. Kavick had never been able to get over the fact Marcus had abandoned me. Marcus had been jealous and paranoid of Kavick. I had thought that the worst was over once my birthday party had ended, but I had been wrong. I had been so
horribly
wrong.

I remembered the long walk home, how I had stopped by Maggie’s Diner on my way to see Marcus. When I had walked in,
I mentioned I was just going to see Marcus. She had told me he wasn’t there and that he had left with Officer Conner earlier and hadn’t returned yet.

I tried to forget about everything. I wanted to wipe it from my memory and sleep to escape the pain. I hadn’t felt the need to try the technique to deal with depression in so long,
that I couldn’t remember the last time exactly.

But, it didn’t work. All I could think about was Marcus and Kavick. However, as time went on, my mind became more focused on Kavick. It broke my heart to be
upset with him, and now it seemed like such a trivial thing to fight about.

School the next day was awkward. It seemed like Marcus hadn’t told Molly anything, but even she picked up on his cold attitude. He was extremely introverted and wouldn’t sit with us at lunch.

“Ah!” she scoffed indignantly, watching him stare at me from clear across the cafeteria. Molly whipped her head at me to express her shock and anger, her newly dyed black hair swishing with the movement. “What is going on with him?!”

I stared back at him, feeling sad and broken. It was hard to think of an excuse. “I…uh….”

I couldn’t take my eyes off of him while I spoke. He looked just as hurt as I was.

“What happened,” she demanded, gaining my attention. She looked at me squarely. There was no escaping the questioning.

“It’s hard to explain, and I can’t get into it right now
,” I said, looking down at my food. I quickly began digging my plastic fork into my food.

“Tell me,” she demanded again.

“No!” I said a little more forcefully than I had wanted to.

Molly looked stunned. She just blinked at me.

“I’m sorry,” I immediately said, feeling even worse. “I can’t get into it. Please respect that.”

She closed her mouth and looked down at her own food a bit unhappily, but, surprisingly, she didn’t argue with me. “Okay,” she said curtly.

“I’m sorry, Molly,” I said quietly, glancing up at her for a second as I continued to play with my food. “I mean it.”

“Okay,” she said again, not looking at me. I could tell she was upset with me, but the fact that she wasn’t pressing the issue was a good sign in itself. In fact, it was a miracle.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” she said quickly as she skewered some meat onto her fork a bit violently.

After school, I followed Marcus down the sidewalk to the diner. He kept walking fast, as if he thought I couldn’t catch up, or would just give up.

“Hey,” I called for the third time.

He didn’t answer, of course.

“Hey, are we going to talk about this, or what?”

He looked over his shoulder at me. His stare was rather cold this time. “I have to go to work.”

I felt my shoulders slump and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. “You don’t start until four.”

He looked ahead again, but I heard him say, “We’ll talk at the diner. Make it fast.”

I continued to follow him. The diner was in sight of the high school, so it only took a few minutes to walk there.

The bell above the entrance jingled cheerfully as we entered, and we headed straight for the stairs. I caught a glimpse of Jonathan again. He was watching me, and I thought he looked a little intrigued, but that could have just been my paranoia. I tried to ignore the glance, not waving in that brief second of time. He didn’t wave, either.

Marcus quickly opened the door to his room. His every movement seemed to display his unhappiness and disgust for me.

“What is it?” he asked sharply as he turned in the center of the room to face me.

I shut the door behind me, feeling battered under his cold stare. I briefly considered leaving, because it hurt so much that he didn’t even want to hear what I had to say.

I took a
few seconds deciding how to handle it exactly. “I’m just going to put this out there: yes, Kavick and I do have a special bond, but it’s not like how he made it sound. He just wanted to get back at you for the stuff you had said to him.”

To my surprise his expression softened a little. “You don’t have to lie to save my feelings. The damage has already been done, and I really can’t complain since we were never together.”

“No,” I said quickly. “I’m not lying.”

“I just don’t understand it,” he said, lau
ghing bitterly to himself. “I mean, I do, but I also don’t.”

He shook his head and then looked me right in the eyes. It was the most pointed stare he had ever given me
, and I was extremely puzzled by his words. “Why send me that e-mail if you…if you already…” he struggled with the words. He couldn’t say it, but I understood now. I knew what he was thinking.

“I didn’t mean to send the e-mail,” I said, fighting the shaking that had just begun to plague my hands again. I gulped silently between my words, because my mouth had suddenly gone dry. My throat felt like it had grown twice its size.
I hated confrontations. “It was an accident. I wrote that e-mail a month after I moved here. I missed you and...”

I gulped again before I continued. My eyes roamed the room, unable to look at him as I finally said the very thing I hadn’t been able to the whole time I’ve known him.

“…And I loved you.”

Marcus’ mouth slowly fell open. His expression saddened before my eyes as I saw
the realization of my words dawn on him. I watched the life in his eyes die out. I watched him try to speak and fail. It was like a blow to his heart.

It
was
a blow to his heart.

In that moment,
once again, I hated myself.

“L-
loved
me?” he asked, as if he were hoping he had heard me wrong.

I nodded slowly. “I’m sorry, Marcus…but I’m just not sure anymore,” I said as gently as I could. “That was a long time ago.”

He nodded like he understood. He took a moment to let it soak in and to put himself together again. He sniffed, but I felt like he was in much better shape than I was. He looked much stronger. “Is there any chance…that you might still…?” he asked with a pleading look, like he wanted to be hopeful, but the tone in his voice told me he doubted it.

I kept thinking,
how could you do this to him?!
And,
isn’t he what you’ve always wanted? Now’s your chance!

The other voice in my head
told me to be honest to myself and really think about how I felt.

I still wasn’t sure, though. It was hard to be objective when Marcus looked so sad and I felt so guilty. After all this time, I wasn’t any closer to figuring out how I felt.

“I…guess…I don’t know,” I said, feeling silly and just downright stupid. I slapped my hands against my legs and scoffed at myself. “I’ve been avoiding telling you all this time…I’ve been trying to figure out how I feel…but I just don’t know! I wish I did! I didn’t mean to lead you on…I just wasn’t sure, I just didn’t want to hurt you…I was hoping I would know by now.”

Suddenly, his appearance improved; he stood a little straighter and his eyes widened slightly. I thought I saw the liveliness in his eyes return that I was so used to seeing. “So…you’re not ruling it out…?” he said hopefully. “Will you at least give it a try? What could it hurt? What do we have to lose?”

He made a lot of sense. I would finally know how I felt. Maybe that was why I hadn’t been sure all this time. Maybe I just needed to be with him to know if I loved him. It was still a little shocking, though. “Uh…sure, I guess. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least we would know that we tried, right?”

His face slowly changed as he returned to his old self. “Exactly.”

He walked towards me and smiled widely. I was still a bit rattled, so I had trouble returning the gesture. I just stared at him blankly.

“But…” I said, holding out my hand to keep him from getting too close. “Whatever happens between us, promise me that we’ll still be friends. I don’t want to lose what we have.”

He nodded again, looking confident that he could do that. “Friends first.”

I nodded, too, like a handshake sealing a deal. I removed my hand then, feeling safe now that had been said and agreed upon.

He walked closer to me until he had closed the space between us. I shifted a bit awkwardly, looking down at the floor. It was hard making eye contact when he was so close. He moved his head near mine until our faces were so close I could feel his breath on my cheek. My heart raced and I wondered if he was going to kiss me…
scared
that he was going to kiss me…but he never did.

He slowly moved away and I looked up at him, wondering what had just happened. He gave me a small smile and said, “Maybe it’s a little early for that.”

He must have sensed how nervous I was.

“Yeah,” I said, grateful that we weren’t doing that yet.

I looked around awkwardly and readjusted my backpack on my shoulder. “Well, I guess I better go home.”

“Why don’t you stay here for a while?” he said eagerly. “You can call Justin when he gets home and he can
pick you up then.”

I wondered if I felt brave enough for that after the deal that was just made between us. After a few seconds of thought, I agreed to it. We started our homework and slowly eased into our old routine. It was a bit awkward for me and hard to return to normal so quickly after everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. By the end of the evening, though, it felt like things were almost back to normal.