Icefall (8 page)

‘Boredom is the least of it.'

‘I know. I
know.
But you're alive, Seth. You're still alive.'

‘Don't you damn well lecture me, Finn MacAngus. Yes, we're both alive. So put up with it! And tell your little boyfriend he can do the same. I'm not going back, not now.'

‘I didn't ask you to!'

He blinked, gave me a look that made my heart turn over.

‘So what are we fighting about, Caorann?'

I slipped my arm around his waist, pressed my face to his chest. His fingers raked through my hair.

‘I love you,' he said hoarsely.

~
I love you,
I told him back. ~
I don't want you to go away. Please don't go.

Just when my lover had thought his exile was over, it had begun again, and now it seemed permanent. And even that couldn't hurt like the tortuously slow loss of his soul. Oh, I wished I had the power to do something about Kate. I wished I could do something
to
her.

‘Finn,' he said, ‘Caorann.'

I placed my palm against his shoulder blade, explored the muscles around it with my fingertips. They were hard like bowstrings.

‘The Veil's dying, Finn. Has been for centuries.' His fingers were so tight on my shoulder he was hurting me, but I didn't let on, because I wanted to keep him there. ‘There's no reason for us to go back. Rory can't fix the Veil. We know that,
she
knows that. He's no threat to her.' He rubbed his eyes. ‘Oh, I dunno. Kate plays a long game, right? Maybe she's just waiting till it dies. It and me. Maybe she's not interested in Rory any more.'

I wriggled from his tight grip, then ran my hands into his hair and drew his head closer to mine. ‘Oh, you're a vain bugger, Seth MacGregor.'

He tilted my chin so he could look into my eyes. His mouth twitched and he laughed.

‘I wish you could be happy,' I said.

‘You make me happy,' he said. ‘That's the truth. You make me happier than I've any right to be.'

And there he went again. ‘Stop that,' I said.

He pulled me gently down so that we lay side by side and face to face. My fingertips found and followed the ridges and furrows of his back, his lacerated back that was once half-flayed by his own clann. I remembered the first time I held him naked against me, remembered stroking those scars. My eyes had filled with tears, so that quietly he said
Don't touch them if they upset you.
And I'd said
They don't upset me. They're part of you and I'm proud of them and I'm proud of you and that's why I'm crying.

He'd smiled and kissed me, but I'd held him back for a moment. With my hand flat against his chest, his heart beating against my palm, I'd looked into his dark dilated eyes and said
But I will kill the next person who hurts you like that.

I hadn't, of course. Someone had indeed hurt him, hurt him badly, but I hadn't been given the chance to do anything about it. Not yet. But I still held that promise in my head, a promise I hadn't given lightly. I did nothing lightly that long-ago night, unless you count touching his skin. I did not lightly throw my soul into his keeping, I did not lightly consign my love to what could only be a brief flaring fire.

I'd meant that angry promise. But I hadn't kept it.

It rankled.

 

Kate

‘She's still a threat to me.' Kate's mouth tightened as she paced from one time-eroded pillar to the next. Almost without willing it she swept her hand across a horizontal slab of rock, sending the lantern tumbling. Glass splintered, flame guttered and died on the damp grass, and shadows crept closer to the centre of the stone circle.

Cluaran eyed the outer darkness beyond the stones, his grip tightening on the bridles of the two horses. She noticed him suppress a shiver; and him such a powerfully-built brute. Her lip curled.

‘Pay attention, dear. I've checked for monsters.'

Even in the moonless night she saw a blush sting his face. ‘Sorry, Kate.'

And when did the old traditions die out anyway:
Your Grace, Your Majesty, My Glorious Queen
? Time for a return to the old values, in Kate's opinion. She swept back her long silk coat and gave Cluaran a filthy sidelong glance, then turned back to the tallest of the stones and laid her palm against its silvery coolness.

‘Do you know, Cluaran, what lies under my feet?'

He looked down, startled. ‘No, Kate.'

She smiled benevolently. ‘Of course you don't. Murlainn told no-one where he put them. Not even the full-mortal who couldn't keep them alive in her feeble belly.'

Cluaran's eyes widened in shock. He couldn't tear his eyes from the flattened grass and the scraped mud at her feet. ‘Murlainn put his children in the
ground
?'

‘For the sake of the scrawny bitch's beliefs.' Kate smirked. ‘It nearly killed him all over again, giving his sons to the worms instead of the eagles.'

Cluaran was watching her with nervous respect, she was glad to note. ‘You know that, of course.'

‘You can't begin to imagine how much I know now.' Kate pressed a fingertip to her temple. ‘It's bliss, it's delicious, and yet it's sadly pathetic.'

He hesitated. ‘And that's why we're here?'

Kate turned, surprised, then laughed. ‘What do you think, Cluaran? That I'm going to dig up sad little bones and make voodoo?'

‘I'm sure you wouldn't—'

‘Oh, I would, believe me, if there was anything worth digging up. But it would only be for my own satisfaction. I don't need them, and there's nothing of them left anyway.' She sniffed, and kicked at the ground with the heel of her boot. ‘It's a pity, in some ways. Had these brats lived, everything might have been resolved centuries ago. But they didn't, and he couldn't spawn another for four hundred years. It's just as well I've the patience of angels.'

Cluaran grinned, reluctantly. She knew he'd found that last remark funny, but she didn't mind. He was solid, Cluaran was, and dependable: her strongest captain and the one whose motives sprang from a relatively pure heart. He was better for her sense of perspective than the oily Cuthag, who'd do anything, quite literally, to please her, and enjoy himself while he did it. That kind of faithfulness too had value, but she had to admit Cluaran was more amiable company than Cuthag. And she quite liked to prod and provoke Cluaran, to see just how many of her means he'd tolerate in the pursuit of her noble ends.

Pretty much all of them, so far. She bestowed a special smile on him. ‘You're waiting for me to finish my sentence, Cluaran dear. Go ahead, ask.'

His grin came easier this time. ‘All right, Kate. Who's a threat to you?'

‘I thought you'd never ask. That embryonic witch.' She frowned. ‘Far away she might be, but she's tied to me by bonds she can't even recognise. I'll see her again; I don't have to torture a soothsayer to know
that.
' She wiggled her eyebrows at Cluaran's scowl of disapproval.
Prod! Provoke! Tease! Oh Cluaran, you lovely man, I do adore you.
‘She has so much potential, that witch, and I know she'll develop it. I
want
her back here, I positively do. And if she won't give me her loyalty, I'll have her damn soul.'

Cluaran couldn't hide his scepticism. ‘She'll never be on your side, Kate, and I wouldn't borrow gold against the prospect of her soul.'

‘Oh well, then. Her soul, her death. Whichever.' Kate shrugged lightly. ‘In the meantime, let's talk about Raib MacRothe. That's why I brought you out alone, after all.'

‘Yes,' said Cluaran, his distaste seeping through his words. ‘Raib MacRothe.'

‘Now, dear. I owe the man twice over. If it wasn't for him I'd have lost a fine source of souls in the otherworld. You've no idea how close Carraig came to exposing me.'

‘I don't see what he or Murlainn could have done about it, even if he had discovered you.'

‘I wasn't about to take
that
chance, dear. It was an unfortunate happenstance that Merrydale employed Carraig, but he'd have known as soon as he looked at those people. He'd know decrepitude and senility from a dead soul, even the fool Carraig would know that
.
And would he have kept his mouth shut? I've never known a single member of Murlainn's clann who could, except for Sionnach.'

‘The otherworlders wouldn't have listened. At least,' he added hastily, ‘they wouldn't have believed.'

‘
Some full-mortals will believe anything, take my highly experienced word for it. And that place is virtually a farm … no, an
abattoir
of souls. Carraig and Murlainn could have taken that away from me, and then what would I have done? Turned on my own people? There aren't enough of y–us. My enemies are few—'

‘And fewer by the day,' put in Cluaran loyally.

‘Exactly. And I'm not about to eat at my own support base, dear. I need the otherworld and I need it
now
.'

‘Kate.' Cluaran stared at the reins in his hand. He'd twisted them round his fist, making it hard for Kate's mare to rip at the grass, and the animal was baring her teeth and tossing her head in irritation. The man had barely noticed. ‘Kate, if you'll still permit me to advise you?'

Not for much longer, dear.
‘Of course, Cluaran. You're my Captain. It's what you're for.'

‘You're concerned about discovery. You almost lost your…'

‘My livestock.'

‘Your, ah … livestock.' He swallowed. ‘But you didn't, because Raib was loyal and he dealt with Carraig. You will always have loyal fighters. Go on just as you are. Take the otherworld by stealth, until the Veil dies of its own age. Even then, you could continue forever without detection; you have the subtlety.'

‘I'm glad you think so, dear,' she said tartly.

‘I didn't mean to offend you, Kate,' he mumbled.

‘No indeed. But you miss the point, Cluaran, you
miss the point.
' For a few seconds she had to link her fingers and clench them tightly, just to stop herself slapping him.
Destroy the Veil, and the NicNiven will have all she desires; let it die or survive, and nothing will be hers.
The Veil could not die before she killed it,
could not.
But what did Cluaran understand of prophecies? His head didn't work that way.

And besides: ‘What's the point in skulking for eternity? Why
should I
?'

‘That's not what I—'

Kate smiled, breathing evenly again, and brushed her fingers through her shining hair. ‘Do you know what a soul is without love, Cluaran?'

‘No…'

‘Of course not. But
I do.
I've tasted enough of them. I've sucked enough of them dry. Men who don't give a damn for their own souls. No empathy, no compassion. Men and women who fear me so much they'll give up their souls to me like a shot, all shrivelled and sour and rotten. For such bitter reward it's
hard work,
Cluaran.'

‘The others…'

‘Them? Easy to take, certainly. So easy, I think I'll take that manager woman who was stupid enough to let me in. But they're souls in weak and dying bodies. Half-demented, lost and unawares. They don't know who I am and they don't know what they're giving me!' She tightened her fists at her sides once more. ‘They love me no more than the thieves and the killers and the cowards do! Oh, sour it is, Cluaran. Do you seriously think that is
all I deserve
?'

Mutely, he shook his head.

‘Oh, I've had souls that loved, and they're richer by a country mile, Cluaran. That's what I want. Complete, entire, and willing. Loving souls! They'll want to give themselves to me because they
love me
.' Her voice was so high and shrill, she was afraid she might break into weeping. ‘To love me, they have to know me! To know me, they must know I'm there! You think they can love a god who skulks in the shadows like the Darkfall?'

Cluaran's double take was almost comical. ‘A what?'

‘A queen. A monarch.' Kate put her hand to her throat, struggling to calm her panicking heart.
Careful, Kate.
‘A queen who skulks, Cluaran: what kind of queen is that? Not one you'd gift with your soul and your self. Not one to love!'

‘Kate. Kate, I'm sorry.' His hand was on her bare arm. The horses pranced loose, shaking their necks.
Don't touch me. Don't you dare touch me.

She closed her eyes. Laying her palm across the harsh hand that caressed her skin, she pressed it closer still, bore its abominable warmth.

‘I'll give them everything, Cluaran. Peace and perfection and love, and all I ask in return is a soul or two. I gave up my own, all so that I can give
them
everything. Everything they never knew they wanted, and in exchange a bright flame now and then to warm my poor cold heart. Such a small price, and they'll pay it with love in their hearts.'

He clasped her wrist, bent his shaven head to kiss her hand and press it to his forehead. ‘Of course they will. I didn't mean to doubt you. Forgive me.'

‘There's nothing to forgive. You only do your duty.' She loosened her fingers from his grip and rubbed her temples.
Gods' sake, Kate, don't ever lose control like that again.

‘What are your orders, Kate?'

‘I need to reward Raib; that's my first priority. He's done me two favours that he did not need to do. When you find such loyalty, you do not piss on it. Find him a captaincy in my personal guard.'

Cluaran rubbed at the gold torque on his neck. ‘You've brought us such peace these last years, Kate. There's no captaincy vacant.'