I'd Rather Not Be Dead (34 page)

It doesn't.

Instead, we pass through it.

Fray releases my hand the
instant we're in Elza's pocket of stillness, but I run at his side
as he gathers himself to leap at Elza.

“No!” I yell, because she's not
worried, she's smiling. But there's no time for Fray to understand
my warning.

Elza grabs him from the air,
flinging him in a way that wouldn't be physically possible in the
real world. Fray flies into the swirling mists.

“No!” I yell again, the word
ripping from my throat.

And the mist gathers. And the
mist surges forward. Just like when Elza gathered it before, except
this time I'm the one who called it. It's my hands it comes to.
It's Elza it smashes against.

She stumbles back. Once. Twice.
Three times. More and more as I send wave and wave of raw power.
The blasts are smaller than hers were. They're less guided. They're
the effort of someone who hasn't been doing this for centuries. But
like a terrier yipping at the feet of a draft horse, I'm making
enough noise to keep her distracted. I'm providing enough annoyance
that she can't gather any nasty balls of ghostly energy herself.
I'm taking up enough of her attention that she doesn't notice Fray
come up behind her.

An earthquake hits as Fray
strides back into the circle. My balance wavers, but even
staggering I manage to keep firing. I'm just that pissed off. Or
that scared.

Fray holds his hands out to the
side, cups them inward.

He walks right up behind Elza,
the sound of his footsteps lost in the howling of The Spirit.

I gather more energy, but hold
onto it.

Elza frowns when I fail to
release the twisting tangle of fog before me. She has enough time
to start looking around to see if we're still alone, but not enough
time to realize Fray's almost touching her.

Fray's hands swoop together, one
on either side of Elza's head.

He stops with his palms inches
from her hair. Lightening shoots from his hands, lancing into
Elza's head and setting a fire that burns across her entire body.
She shrieks in agony, writhing while Fray stands perfectly still,
his eyes dead and his face without expression.

I inch forward, the power I drew
to me still clutched in my fingers.

Fray looks away from Elza, meets
my eyes.

My feet freeze. My breathing
stops. My heart may even stop. Fray's eyes widen.

He looks back to Elza and
blinks, looking surprised at her pain. He frowns, as if just
noticing her screams or just now figuring out what they mean. His
hands jerk apart.

Elza crumbles, her body folding
over to lay twitching at his feet.

Fray looks back at me. There are
things in his eyes that I can't even begin to fathom. But there are
things I recognize too. Like fear. I shed the mist from my hands
and rush forward, jumping over Elza's now unconscious form to wrap
my arms around Fray.

He grabs me, holding on so tight
it hurts.

Tears fall from my eyes. I hate
knowing that Fray's in pain. Yet, knowing that he feels hurt by
what just happened is a comfort. Whatever it was that just
happened.

He clears his throat and moves a
hand over his face before releasing me. “We need to go.”

“Yeah.” I don't fully understand
where we are, exactly, but hanging around doesn't seem
appealing.

Fray bends over so that he can
place a hand on Elza's back, then reaches up to grab my fingers
with his. There's no thunder like when teleporting through Shadow,
the mists simply part and leave me wondering if we were at the
overlook the entire time.

Not that we were gone long. Bess
is still running to the wall. Finn's still standing beside it while
fury and grief do battle with the shock clear on the lines of his
face. His eyes widen as the mists part.

Fray lets go of my hand,
mentally pushing me on my way to Finn. “I've got this, luv. He
needs you now.”

Finn's eyes track me and I
wonder what he saw when Fray and I were in The Spirit. Did he think
he'd lost the dead me as well as the living one?

Bess turns to look behind her
when she realizes that Finn's not launching himself over the wall.
“What happened?”

“No idea,” I admit breathlessly.
I'd credit Fray with saving the day, but, somehow, I don't think he
wants me bragging about him like that. It's probably better if
people don't catch on to exactly how much he's capable of. Instead,
I fall into Finn's arms and move him into Shadow. And then I take
him to the bottom of the cliff, take him to the exact site of my
death.

As soon as he notices we moved,
he steps away and goes to where the other me lays motionless, a
slick of blood by her head. His legs fold and he sits beside my
body, staring at it in absolute horror.

“It wasn't your fault,” I tell
him, coming up behind him to place my hand on his shoulder. He
turns, hugging my legs and burying his face against me. My hand
grips at his hair, my eyes stuck on the corpse with my face.

Unstable breathing to my side
says Bess joined us but I can't stop staring at my corpse.

There's a faint movement. I'm
sure I imagined it but then it happens again.

“Finn!” I yell. “She's
breathing!”

His head snaps around and he
lets go of me to kneel over her, touching her throat. “There's a
pulse!”

“Help them?” Bess asks, the
breaking of her heart clear in the plea.

The words are my first hint
there's another person with us. I expect it to be Fray, but when I
look over it's to see my grandfather gazing at the other me, his
eyes misty with unshed tears. “She's still alive. But she won't be
for long. She only survived this far because the drugs that boy
gave her made her relaxed.”

“What do I do?” Finn asks, swift
and reckless.

The Shadow Lord gives him a long
look. “What are you willing to sacrifice?”

My beloved doesn't even think
about his answer. “Anything.”

“Finn!” I protest.

Tears stream down Bess's cheeks,
but she ignores them. She doesn't say or do anything, just stands
there like she's watching her world collapse.

Granddaddy smiles at me, gentle
and calm. He's the man I remember from childhood, not the lord of
my afterlife. “I'm sorry, honey, but it's his choice. And your only
chance at living.”

Finn's lip quivers, but his
expression stays stony. “What do I do?”

There's a whimper from the side,
from Bess. Her eyes are huge, her jaw latched shut tight. Her
fingers dig into her arms. Yet, still she does nothing. She looks
at me, conveying a hopeless acceptance.

“In the instant of her death,”
The Shadow Lord says with the calm of the grave, “bring her into
Shadow.”

“People who aren't Walkers die
in Shadow,” Bess says, the words tumbling quickly, like she's
afraid she won't get them all out at normal speed.

The Lord nods. “That's why the
timing is vital. Too early and bringing her through will kill her.
Too late and he'll just be dragging a corpse. But after the body
looses its grip yet before the soul moves on, then bringing her
through will heal her.”

“How do I know when?” Finn asks,
clasping the dying girl's hands in his.

“I'll tell you.”

I shake my head. “No, that's too
easy. You asked what he'd sacrifice. Why?”

My grandfather looks away from
my gaze, then The Shadow Lord looks back and locks his eyes on
mine. “It will only work if your spirit is trying to go to Shadow.
Not if it's trying to go Beyond.”

“But she's not trying to go to
Shadow. She doesn't even know there is a Shadow!”

“The knowledge isn't
important.”

I look at Bess, who stares at
Finn as tears continue to coat her cheeks. She draws in a shaky
breath to say, “She's destined for Shadow. I know she is.” But she
doesn't sound like she knows it, she sounds like she's praying it's
true.

“And if she isn't?” I ask.

The Shadow Lord is impassive as
he answers me. “Then the matter will be decided by whichever spirit
is stronger. His, trying to get them into Shadow, or hers, trying
to drag them elsewhere.”

Finn laughs. He drags his eyes
from the other me's face to look up at me. “Guess we better hope
you want to come then.”

“Finn!” I crash toward him and
he lets go of her to grab me. “Don't.”

“I told you before, there's no
choice. I have to.”

“No, you don't.” I wrench my
face off his shoulder and look back at Bess, silently begging her
for help. “It's not worth the risk. I'm fine as I am!”

“You're in Shadow,” Bess
says.

My body shakes with anger as I
frown at her. I want to leap at her throat, beat her until she
starts acting like a mother, starts trying to protect her
child.

“If you were destined for Shadow
before, you must be now.”

I shake my head, not half as
certain of that as she sounds. And she still doesn't sound that
confident.

“It's almost time.”

My stare turns to The Shadow
Lord, who grabs me by the shoulders and drags me away from Finn
before I wake up to what's happening and start fighting.

“Three,” he says.

“Finn!” The name rips from my
throat, but it doesn't change anything. The Shadow Lord holds me
back, not letting me rush forward and push Finn away from the other
me. Finn gives me one last look, then grabs the dying girl's hand.
“Finn! Don't!”

“Trust him,” Granddaddy
whispers, silencing me. “Two,”

Bess is motionless. She's not
crying anymore, looking beyond the tears now. Her eyes are locked
on Finn, nearly unblinking. Fray appears beside her, unusually
somber. He takes her hand, looks worried when she doesn't snatch it
away.

“One. Now!”

Bess gasps but the sound is
quickly stifled. She thrusts her free fist into her mouth, biting
down to keep her silence. Fray drags her against him and wraps her
in his arms.

The other me vanishes and Finn
falls forward.

“Good.” Grandfather smiles
happily. “I'm really proud of both of you.”

Finn rolls onto his back and
looks at us. “You okay?” he asks me.

“Yeah.” My heart's racing, my
knees are weak, and my vision's a little on the blurry side, but
I'm okay. I'm alive. Or dead. Whatever. “I'm here.”

“Still dead?”

“As far as I know.”

Granddaddy laughs. “She was
never dead. Not for more than an instant.”

“What?” we blurt in unison, Finn
climbing quickly to his feet.

With a little hiccup, Bess
allows herself to start crying again. Huge, wracking sobs this
time. She even turns to bury herself against Fray's chest, clinging
to him like a lifeline.

“Maybe she was dead once,”
Granddaddy amends. “The first time she died, no one was here to
help her. But when she made it back to this point, you were here. A
Shadow Walker who could bring her into Shadow. The power of pulling
her over healed her, but the energy surge from it knocked her back
in time to start the cycle over.”

The day Glory found me trying to
visit the cemetery, she told me I wasn't just strong, I was
living-strong. Because I was alive.

Granddaddy smiles at Finn. “You
look like you have a question?”

“Yeah, but I don't know what it
is,” Finn admits with a frown. “I'm just confused.”

Laughing, my granddad nods.
“It's a confusing subject. Best not to think too hard or you'll get
a headache.”

Finn looks at me. “But Drew's
alright?”

“Yes,” Granddaddy assures
him.

“And she's alive?”

“Yes.”

Finn grins and I rush over to
him, hugging him tight. “And Finn's alive?”

Granddaddy chuckles. “You're
your grandmother all over again.” He beams at me. “Yes, your young
man is alive and well too. You just have to step back into the
world of the living and it'll all be fine.”

Looking up at Finn, I start to
think about doing that.

“Wait!” Granddaddy holds up a
hand and shakes his head at me. “Think yourselves up top
first.”

There a clap of thunder and
we're at the top of the cliff, next to the spring. A place I hope
never to see again. I give a light shiver, not just because I can
suddenly feel the autumn wind.

Fray and Bess don't come with
us. There's a mummer of voices from below telling me they're still
talking to my grandfather.

A quick glance around the area
shows no signs of Elza. I assume Fray tossed her in some Shadow
prison. I hope it's a nasty one. A strong one. One to which the
key's been thrown away.

My eye snags on Finn and I stop
worrying about Elza as we stare at each other, a strange
awkwardness in the air.

Clearing his throat, he Finn
scopes the area like I did a second ago. The breeze brings his
scent to me along with the crisp smell of fallen leaves and a hint
of moisture lingering from last night's storm. It makes me feel a
tad bit dizzy. In a good way.

There are sirens in the distance
and for a second I think that they didn't get the memo that I
survived. Then they speed past us in a mad rush along the road.
Wondering what they're about slips my mind when Fray pops into the
world next to Finn and casts me a wistful look.

“What?” I ask him.

He blinks at me.

Finn makes an odd sound, then
darts to the pool, bends over as I stare at him, and throws a whole
handful of icy water at me.

“Hey!” I yell, leaping backward
as the cold spills over me.

He laughs, still squatting.

“Jerk!” I growl. “What did you
do that for?”

He grins and starts to get up.
“You're wet.”

I gape at him, annoyed beyond
belief until I figure out what he means. “I'm wet!”

“Yep.”

I look at Fray. “I'm wet,” I
tell him.

“So I hear.”

I look back at Finn, then Fray.
“I can smell stuff too.”