Identity Crisis (18 page)

“She really said yes? What about that guy? Her online boyfriend?”

Cooper's eyes are dancing with triumph. “I guess she's done with him.”

“Wait. Didn't that baseball card come from your dad?” I ask, remembering he'd told me once how much it was probably worth—vintage, from the 1950s, mint condition. How could she let him do that, when she knew how spendy those tickets were, and plus, she already had her own tickets from Colin Dirge?

“Well, yeah,” he admits. “But—”

“And you just sold it?”

“Yeah, but I didn't want to put pressure on her, so I told her I got the tickets for free.”

“I can't believe you did that!” I say hotly, my voice rising, earning us glances from passersby in the hall, but for once I don't care. “You loved that card.”

Cooper seems taken aback by my defense of his former prized possession. “I did. But . . . it's okay.”

“It's not okay,” I insist. “It's stupid. Selling something you love. To see a band you hate! Why do you have to be so—”

I break off in fury. I can't help but feel betrayed, that he would discard something so dear. Casually trade it in. And for what? A chance at a date with
her
.

“So what?” He tries to grab my arm, to calm me down, but I jerk away. “No!” I choke out, telling him I have to go. I flee down the hall, leaving him standing there, staring after me, forever clueless.

My heart sinks. I've failed. I did everything I could to woo Annalise, and I thought it was working, and yet here she is, still managing to take Cooper away from me.

Eva was right from the start: Annalise Bradley is a girl who can't be trusted. She tried to steal another girl's boyfriend, lied about Amos, backstabbed her own boyfriend. Not to mention won over the only guy I'd ever wanted.

I can't believe I had ever defended her, when what I should have done was defriended her.

When I get out of my last class, I grab my things and race toward the quad, desperate to try to find one last chance to spy Eva, Tori, and Amos before they leave school. Did my words have any effect? By the time I'd gotten to the cafeteria, they were gone, and I hadn't seen them anywhere together the rest of the day, leaving me with no way of knowing what was up.

At the bottom of the stairwell, I stop short, remembering my stupid promise to Ms. Pinella to come and meet a potential math tutor. I groan, spinning on my heel, and race back up the stairs, my legs burning. When I get to room #209, Ms. Pinella is sitting at her desk, alone, grading papers. She looks up when she spots me standing there, panting.

“Annalise. Good. You're the first one here. Take a seat.” She gestures to the chair she has pulled up beside her desk. I slide into it and catch my breath. “I really think this could be a nice match,” she says, looking up as someone arrives in the doorway. “Ah, here she is.”

I turn and see Noelle Spiers frozen in the doorway.

No way. Nuh-huh.
I cross my arms defensively. Min Lee, fine. But I am not getting tutored by that Eva Winters lackey, who's too stuck-up to talk to anyone not in her clique. I eye her suspiciously. Does she know anything about the scam? Probably. For all I know, she could be the brains behind the entire operation.

When my gaze reaches hers, she shoots fumes of pure loathing at me. I can practically taste them from across the room.

Whoa. What did I ever do to
her
?

Ms. P. starts chattering away, oblivious, explaining to Noelle how I could use a review session before my make-up test, and how Noelle would get paid by funding from the math department, and how she hopes we can find a mutual time sometime this week.

But Noelle is abruptly shaking her head and backing away like I am toxic. “I can't,” she stammers out. “There's something I've got to do today. Tomorrow, too. Actually, I'm pretty busy all week.”

Ms. Pinella looks disappointed. “But you said you were interested—”

Noelle is already inching back toward the door. Her gaze avoids me, and she speaks only to Ms. Pinella. “Sorry. It's all on me. But I just can't.”

Something she says plucks a chord of recognition deep inside my head. But what? Before I can figure it out, she turns and flees and Ms. Pinella is sighing and apologizing to me. “I'm sorry, Annalise. This is so unlike Noelle.” I shrug and roll my eyes. “Let me talk to a few other students tomorrow. I'm sure we can find you the right match.”

“Fine,” I say, indifferently, rising to my feet and pulling on my shoulder straps. I don't really want a tutor, anyway. I'm fine studying on my own. When I get out into the hallway, Noelle is long gone. Her reaction was bizarre. That look of hatred. Like I'd just stolen her one true love—

Oh. It slowly dawns on me. That's exactly what I did. It only took me, um, forever, to get it. I did do something to her. Or, took something from her.

Cooper.

I feel a small pang of sympathy, but then push it away. This time, it's definitely not my fault. Cooper's been pursuing me. Cooper isn't her boyfriend. Cooper is free to invite whomever he wants to the concert. I didn't do anything wrong. I've got nothing to feel bad about.

I head outside toward the bus line, where my luck finally turns: I see Amos and Eva standing together by the curb. He seems to pull away, but then Eva is grabbing his hand, hard, smiling up at him, like there is nothing wrong. And then she is shoving her tongue down his throat, and the two of them are sucking face like there's no tomorrow.

I can't believe my eyes.

I watch them squeeze hands, walking toward their buses before they part. I know that somehow, some way, my plan has completely failed. But how? What went wrong? I had been perfectly clear about what happened when I was chatting with Eva last night. Didn't she read a word I wrote?

Or, maybe it's not Eva
, a little voice in my head says.

But if “DecOlan” is not Eva, then who? I know one thing for certain: I'm not letting this day end without getting an answer.

DecOlan
: why did you lie to me?

KnuckLise99
: why did you lie to
me
?

KnuckLise99
: i know you're not really Declan O'Keefe.

KnuckLise99
: or his cousin Eva Winters.

KnuckLise99
: SO WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

All I want now is to know.

For the first time since I found out “DecOlan” was a fake, I feel strong. Ready to fight back. To find out the truth. Last year, I didn't have the courage to stand up to Eva. I just fled. Out of fear. Or shame. But sometimes, when your life hits rock bottom, when there's nothing left to lose, it's possible to be braver than you ever imagined.

KnuckLise99
: TELL ME WHO YOU ARE.

Is this someone I know? Don't know? Male? Female? Some crazy Internet stalker? Another frenemy? Who?

Crazy thoughts start swirling through my mind, as everyone in my life comes under suspicion. Could it be Cooper? Romancing me online, playing the devoted fan to counteract all his real life Brass Knuckles insults? Or Amos, secretly still harboring some crush on me after all this time, that he needed to keep secret in the real world? Or even Maeve, concocting this faux romance, as some inane way to revive my faith in the male species? Dredging up a picture of her old camp friend, never thinking I'd actually drag her to Worcester to meet him? And what about the real Declan? Was he in on it from the start?

It could be any of them. It could be all of them. I know I sound insane. But there's only one way to find out.

KnuckLise99
: WHO ARE YOU? AND WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?

She knows. She
knows
.

She knows I am not Declan. My whole universe tips off its axis and I grip the sides of my chair for dear life.

How did she finally figure it out? Did someone tip her off? Eva? The real Declan? Or was it me? Did I give it away, make one too many mistakes?

Doesn't matter.

My fury at Annalise fades away, as the truth suddenly becomes clear. All of it.

That story she told me about Amos hitting on her wasn't a lie. It was a test. A test, carefully designed to figure out whether or not it was Eva behind the dirty trick. Amos was telling the truth. He wasn't trying to hit on her. He was innocent.

Annalise wasn't “betraying” Declan when she accepted Cooper's invitation to the concert. She already knew her online boyfriend was a total sham.

That I'm a total sham.

My lungs clench up like I'm in front of the classroom again, only a hundred times worse. It's all on me. I am the one who is scheming and deceptive, not her. I don't deserve her friendship. I don't deserve Cooper. I don't deserve anyone.

Hot tears run down my face and I start typing in a stream of consciousness.

DecOlan
: i'm sorry.

DecOlan
: i'm so so sorry.

KnuckLise99
: WHO ARE YOU???

DecOlan
: i never meant

DecOlan
: i didn't think

DecOlan
: i didn't know

KnuckLise99
: WHO ARE YOU??? THAT'S ALL I NEED TO KNOW.

DecOlan
: just let me explain.

KnuckLise99
: WHO ARE YOU??? WHO ARE YOU??? WHO ARE YOU???

I am trembling in fear, even though she has no way to see me, touch me, shake me. I can't tell her who I really am. The minute I tell her, she'll be out of here. Gone. That's the only leverage I have to keep her talking. To make her understand.

DecOlan
: i'm someone who wishes i could take it all back.

No reply. Then.

KnuckLise99
: why?

Why did we do it? I have no good explanation. The reason no longer seems to exist, if it ever did.

DecOlan
: it was over something stupid. it doesn't matter.

Pause.

KnuckLise99
: no.

KnuckLise99
: why do you wish you could take it all back?

DecOlan
: you know why.

Another pause.

KnuckLise99
: i don't know anything.

KnuckLise99
: i thought i did.

KnuckLise99
: i trusted you.

KnuckLise99
: i told you things.

KnuckLise99
: everything.

DecOlan
: i know.

KnuckLise99
: it was all a joke to you.

DecOlan
: it was never that.

DecOlan
: it was unspeakable.

DecOlan
: unforgivable.

DecOlan
: indefensible.

DecOlan
: but never a joke.

KnuckLise99
: do i know you? do you know me? who are you?

DecOlan
: who i am was a lie

DecOlan
: but what i said was true.

DecOlan
: what we had

DecOlan
: that much was real.

KnuckLise99
: no. you lied.

KnuckLise99
: all along.

KnuckLise99
: why should I believe you?

KnuckLise99
: you won't even tell me who you are. you owe me that much.

DecOlan
: i'll tell you.

DecOlan
: i will.

DecOlan
: just promise.

DecOlan
: after i do.

DecOlan
: you'll listen.

DecOlan
: not leave.

I see that she is typing something, then erasing it. Then typing, then erasing. My heart dangles in midair. Then it falls when I read her reply.

KnuckLise99
: don't bother.

KnuckLise99
: i won't believe you.

KnuckLise99
: you could say you're anyone.

KnuckLise99
: play me some more.

KnuckLise99
: more lies.

KnuckLise99
: I'm done.

She's right. Why should she trust me?

DecOlan
: wait. please.

DecOla
n: you're right.

DecOlan
: i'm sorry.

DecOlan
: you have every right to hate me.

DecOlan
: just let me come to you.

DecOlan
: explain in person.

DecOlan
: face-to-face.

KnuckLise99
: NO WAY.

KnuckLise99
: r u kidding?

KnuckLise99
: to my house?

KnuckLise99
: you could be anyone.

KnuckLise99
: a psycho.

KnuckLise99
: some lunatic.

DecOlan
: somewhere public?

DecOlan
: somewhere safe.

DecOlan
: tomorrow.

DecOlan
: at the concert.

DecOlan
: meet me at Will Call.

KnuckLise99
: no way.

KnuckLise99
: why should i?

KnuckLise99
: why would i?

DecOlan
: let me make it right.

DecOlan
: please.

DecOlan
: give me that chance.

DecOlan
: let me show you what we had meant something