Identity Issues (13 page)

Then, I suddenly pictured the young Di, curls framing her pixie face, chestnut brown eyes welling over with grief. Her mother had died when she was nine. Rosie’s imminent death struck too close to home. "You really can’t handle it?"

I saw the threat of tears as she turned away from me.

"What do you want to do?" Hesitant to even touch her shoulder, I knew that the flood gates were about to open, a bad idea the first thing Monday morning.

"Will you do it?" she asked.

"Will I do what?"

"Tutor Joey," she said softly.

"I’ll have to get back to you on that."

The bile rose in my stomach. Not one living soul knew what I’d been up to of late. Not Jon, not Di, not Jack. And I wasn’t ready to divulge any of my recent capers.

Now this. On the one hand, it was the opportunity to get back into the Stitsill home. On the other hand, what the hell was I thinking?

Di nodded, her head bent. I turned and walked out of the front entrance to my van. The same van that I had crouched down in, thankfully undiscovered, less than a week ago. I saw this vision—my life spinning out of control. I made a quick assessment. The weekend had been a welcome escape. Now, back in the thick of it again, I wondered, why not just continue to live my insane life, keep up my balancing act of wife, mother, and teacher? Wasn’t that enough? Why upset the apple cart again? No answers.

By lunch time, I secretly hoped that Di had changed her mind and would continue to tutor Joey. No such luck.

"Did you have time to give it some thought?" she asked me as she sat down at the lunch table.

Time for a quick decision. "Not really," I lied. "Jack and I had a crazy morning, escorting one kid after the other to the office for discipline problems." I needed to make a rational decision, devoid of the pull of Di’s beseeching eyes.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. They’re out of control today."

"Full moon tonight," I said.

She nodded.

"Getting back to Joey." I tucked a spoonful of yogurt into my mouth. "I know tomorrow is your tutoring day. I’m not sure I can fit it in right now. Jon just arrived home, and the kids’ schedules are picking up again. Spring sports. My older crew start track today. They have practice till five. It’s Lizzie’s first year on a team, too."

I said this to myself as much as to Di. I pictured the next eight weeks, barely able to keep my head above water with work, track meets, homework, and laundry. I felt done in just thinking about it.

"I wouldn’t ask, but it’s really important," Di said.

I hated it when she begged. All the little kid poured out of her and all the mother flooded out of me.

"Give me a chance to call Jon on my prep and see what he thinks. I’ll let you know by the end of the day."

"Thanks, Sam." Di sighed in relief. She thought she had me. She was right.

I called Jon on my planning period, and he walked out of a meeting to take my call. I kept it short and to the point.

"Hi, honey. Listen, a tutoring opportunity’s opened up. Tuesday’s after school. I can still be home by five. I’ll pick up Lizzie from the field and then swing by for the other kids at track practice. We could use the extra cash for vacation. And it’ll only be from now till the end of the school year. Since I’m here anyway, it’d be quick and easy."

"Are you sure you want to take on something else? We don’t need the money." Jon paused. "Do what you want, but I think we already have too much going on. By the way, my parents are a go on taking the kids to the cottage for the summer."

"Perfect. The day after school gets out?"

"Business as usual."

"I only have to push through for a few more weeks. It’ll go by quickly. The tutoring amounts to an extra hour a week. Not a big deal."

I hoped Jon wouldn’t pose a serious obstacle. Yet, he stayed quiet.

One more plea. "I’d like to do it. The boy’s mother is terminally ill."

"Tell you what," he said, "I’ll put a roast in the crock pot in the morning. Then, all you’ll have to do is to pick up the kids, and we can still have a relaxing evening when we all get home."

"Thanks, sweetie." I hung up the phone, sighed, rested my head in my hands, and then asked God to watch over me.

In Di’s class sixth hour, I shared the news.

"I talked to Jon and got the go ahead. I can tutor Joey for you." I tried to sound nonchalant.

"I owe you big time," Di said.

"Everybody does."

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," I said. "Can you call Rosie?"

"I’ll take care of it."

"Let me know if there’s a problem." I grabbed a handful of papers from her desk and started to pass them out. Time to move on with the business at hand. The less reason I gave Di to suspect my motivation, the better.

Tuesday morning, Joey approached me in the hall.

"My mom said that you’re coming to my house. To tutor me," he said.

It surprised me that he didn’t seem upset about losing Di as his tutor. Accustomed to changes, I guessed. Good thing, I considered, since his mom wouldn’t be around much longer. I wondered if he knew he was about to lose his mother. Had Rosie prepared him? Even if he did know, could he comprehend such a thing? None of this seemed real.

"I am coming to your house." I smiled at him. "I’m looking forward to it, too. You’re a smart boy, Joey, and a hard worker."

He beamed. "At three o’clock? Do you remember how to get to my house?"

"I sure do. See you then."

Still grinning, he headed back down the hall to his class.

"Here we go," I said to myself.

I stopped off in Jack’s room first. Up to his usual antics, he started in on me as soon as I walked through the door.

"Hey, kids, look, Mrs. Stitsill, sit down, sit tight, has decided to grace us with her presence today," he told the class as I arrived after the bell. They all seemed riveted by the exchange.

"Yes, Mr. K, it’s your lucky day. I’m here to guide you through another exciting day of fractions," I bantered.

"Under your tutelage, Mrs. Stitsill, great things will occur here today. Thank goodness you’re old enough to be my mother, so I, too, can learn from you." And on it went.

Once we busied the kids with their lesson, I leaned against his desk, my back to the students. Jack lounged in his swivel chair, his stretched–out basketball arms hanging down at his side, skimming the piles of papers he’d stacked on the floor around him.

"I’ve got some news for you," I said.

"There’s always something going on at ‘As the Stitsill’s Turns’."

"It’s about me," I answered. "I start tutoring Joey after school today. We heard yesterday that Rosie’s terminal, and she doesn’t have much time left. Di can’t deal with that."

"She dropped him like a hot potato as soon as she got the news his mother is dying?"

"C’mon, Jack," I said. "It’s a difficult situation for her. She lost her mom, too. You know that. Plus, those poor kids have already lost their dad. It’s heartbreaking."

"So, here’s Stitsill, ready to take on a job nobody else wants. Once again." Jack frowned, shaking his All–American head.

"Give me a break, will you?"

"You’re something else, Stitsill. Just watch your back, alright? You don’t know when to quit." He shook his head at me again for emphasis. Next, he stood, slapped me on the back, and walked over to help a hand–waving student. I knew it was his way of giving me a love tap, telling me he cared. He also thought I was nuts. He was right.

I
HADN’T SEEN Joey at school. Unusual, since he always made a point of passing my classroom on his way down the hall. He’d shoot me a wave and a smile.

I pulled up in front of his house at exactly 3:00 p.m. I took special notice of the perimeter of the house, especially the garage. The yard, small but impeccably manicured, displayed no obvious clues.

Even though spring had just sprung, the daffodils bloomed in perfect beds, not one dead leaf leftover from autumn’s demise. I wondered who now took such good care of the place.

I thought about the back door to the garage. I wanted to go around back, turn the knob, and see if Rosie usually kept it locked. If her Jon visited late at night, I wondered if she knew. Was he a welcome visitor? Did he still have a key?

Joey waited on the front stoop, so I exited the car and approached him. Kids are intuitive about out of the ordinary things, but he just sat there. Not at all his usual bouncy self.

"Hi, Joey. I missed seeing you at school today."

"I wasn’t there. Mom had to go to the hospital, and I missed the bus. It’s okay, though. My grandma came from Mexico last week."

No unforgettable smile for me today, but he managed a subdued grin. "Your Mom’ll be alright," I told him as I approached the steps.

"I’m not sure." Joey shrugged. "Grandma keeps hugging me and saying ‘not worry, mom good.’"

I rested my hand on his shoulder. "I know it’s hard when you’re not sure what’s happening."

"I’ve been saying lots of prayers today." His usually straight shoulders slumped even as he tried to maintain a brave front.

I set my belongings on the stoop and sat beside Joey, wanting to reassure him, knowing that loss was just around the corner for him and his brother. "I’ll say some prayers, too. Has your grandma been here before?"

The tricky part was that I wasn’t just here to solve the mystery. I genuinely cared for Joey, his brother, and Rosie. I couldn’t ignore their situation. Heavens, I could only imagine being faced with a similar tragedy.

"Grandma and Grandpa came once before," Joey said, "and we went to Mexico to see them when I was in the 4th grade. They live in Mexico City. It’s really crowded and hot there. My grandma’s a great cook, though. I’m glad she’s here."

"Why don’t we go inside and get to work?" I pushed myself up and gathered my things. "Maybe we can catch you up on what you missed today."

He turned and opened the door for me as I headed up the three short steps into the entryway.

"We can work in the den today. Grandma’s cooking dinner in the kitchen."

"That’s fine, sweetie. I’ll help however I can. Anything in particular?"

"Just some math. I have Mrs. Evans, and sometimes she doesn’t explain it the best."

"Every teacher is different," I said tactfully.

"We’re working on factor trees. I don’t get it."

I grinned at him. "I am a master factor tree figure–outer. I’ll show you all my tricks. By the time I leave, you’ll be an expert."

Joey shot me a toothy grin as we stepped into the study. He’d pulled a second metal folding chair over to the desk.

As we sat down, I said, "Open your book, and we’ll get started."

I showed Joey all of my secrets to complete his factor trees. He lapped it up like a parched puppy. It made me wonder why I’d spent all these years teaching special education. This was fun. My day job was pure labor.

Joey’s grandma appeared, carrying two glasses of lemonade.

"Hola
!" I smiled and extended my hand, embarrassingly proud that I knew one Spanish greeting.

Her smile, a pearly white display, reminded me of Joey’s. A round woman, her fleshy arms spilled out of elastic capped sleeves. She appeared close to seventy years old. Her thick cropped hair, dark with shocks of white spattered throughout gave her a drawn but friendly look. Unwilling to disturb us, she bowed slightly at the waist and waved me off.

"How’s your daughter?" I asked.

"Rosita… hospital. Friend take. She good." Grandma glanced over at Joey as she said this, clearly not wanting to upset him.

Joey focused on his factor trees.

"Please tell her I asked about her." I silently hoped she understood me.

"Gracias," she said as she handed me an envelope from the pocket of her apron. Despite her illness, Rosie had still made sure to leave me a check.

"Thank you," I said, accepting the envelope. I glanced down, noting both of our names on the front. What had Rosie thought and felt as she’d written out the check and addressed the envelope? Jack’s right, I thought. I’m too involved.

"Let’s finish up, Joey."

Grandma left the study, closing the door behind her.

"Let’s review the map of Central America for your test tomorrow," I suggested.

"Sure, Mrs. Stitsill," Joey agreed half–heartedly, his worry about his mom evident in his deep brown eyes.

I had the urge to stick him in the car with me and take him home, but I quelled it. The universe would then be totally out of line. Definitely premature.

Joey opened the top drawer of the desk. "I have a special map of Central America. Mom’s map.  She said I could have it for my very own if I kept it safe inside the drawer."

As he pulled open the drawer, I spotted several navy blue passports with their gold embossed seal, all secured with a thick rubber band. I needed to play it cool, and fought the desire to reach inside and pilfer them. I gulped down my lemonade.

"Joey, I seem to be thirsty today. Would you mind refilling my glass for me?"

Joey trotted out of the room. I folded my hands in my lap. Not worth the risk. Not today.

"We have just time enough to go over your map," I said as he returned. "You study it for a few minutes while I find the one I brought for you to practice with. Then, you can fill in the countries on my blank map, and we’ll check it over."

As he began to study, I wished I could just lift out those passports and take a quick inventory. I quelled the urge with the knowledge that I’d be coming back. At least for the next few weeks.

We finished up our map studies. I left Joey with his grandma and Emilio, who’d arrived home from practice. My head throbbed. I rubbed my temples before I started to make the trek home. I considered my options as I drove to Lizzie’s day care. As I picked up my kids from practice, I decided to drive north tomorrow to check on Rosie’s husband’s birth certificate and his parents.

After checking on dinner, I listened to a message from my brother Mark on the machine. I got the kids settled, and called him back.

"What’s up, Mark?" I asked.

"Just wanted to let you know that your buddy stopped in at the bar last night and asked about you."