Ignite (Explosive) (17 page)

Three hours
later I’m walking towards my car in the parking lot of the club where the mixer was held. I’m annoyed that I even came to this stupid thing and listened to all the guys relive our baseball glory days. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happier than anyone to talk about how we made it to State, but tonight my mind was only focused on Alexa. The whole night my mind was wondering what she was doing, where she was, what she’s thinking. I have to admit that I’m scared to be away from her because I’m terrified that she’ll break down with thoughts of her husband. We haven’t exactly talked about it, so I have no idea how long she’s grieved, if she’s ever dated since him, or if she’s even willing to yet. I realize that it’s probably going to be a hard conversation, but it’s one we have to have.

I’m probably rushing things but we only have tonight and one more day to pack in a decade’s worth of catching up. Sure, we touched on old feelings yesterday, which was probably for the best, but we have to talk about this…thing, this connection between us.

I’m about to get in my car when I spot Mallory leaving the club. I groan as she walks towards me, and I know I can’t be an asshole by hopping in my car and peeling out of the lot like I want to. Stopping a few feet away from me, she looks down at the ground. She’s silent, so I’m not really sure what she’s thinking.

“Mallory, now’s not a good time. I’ve got to get out of here,” I tell her, hoping she gets the hint.

She lets out a deep breath before she responds. “Look, Jace. Umm, I don’t know if I’ll see her again, so…would you…would you mind telling Lexi I’m sorry? I was out of line and cruel. It’s stupid, I know, but I’ve always had a chip on my shoulder since high school and how everything went down, and I’ve never gotten over it.”

Her words soak in and I try to decide how Alexa would respond. “Mallory, it’s fine. I’ll pass the message along. I appreciate it, and I know she will, too. And listen, don’t beat yourself up over it. Unresolved feelings from high school seems to be the theme this weekend. It probably wasn’t even fair that I was dating you when I had feelings for someone else, so I guess I can somewhat understand why you’d be bitter over that.”

“Thanks, Jace. I know I don’t deserve you to be so understanding, so it means a lot to hear you say that. I really do hope things work out for you both. I tried to ignore it, but you two were always drawn to each other. Again, I’m sorry, and I wish you both the best.”

She gives me a quick hug before walking back inside. Shaking it off, I climb into my car and finally head back towards the condo. After what seems like an eternity, I pull up to the building and park. I shoot her a text asking if she’s ready. She pings me back almost immediately, telling me to meet her at her condo. I do so, and she answers the door with an apologetic smile and a sleepy-eyed Ava hiding behind her legs. Spotting me, she suddenly moves from behind Alexa and is instantaneously attached to my lower legs.

“Uncle Jace! That’s what my mommy told me to call you. She said you’d come see Aunt Lexi and me! Wanna watch Finding Nemo?” she fires at me.

Before I can respond, Alexa is laughing at what I assume is the sight of a toddler clinging to my knees, begging to experience Dori with me. I bend down and pick Ava up, settling her in my arms. I give her tummy a quick tickle.

“Who is Nemo? And why do we need to find him?” I ask her as we walk down the hallway into the living room.

She looks at me in horror before turning towards Alexa.

“Aunt Lexi, he doesn’t know Nemo! Why doesn’t he know Nemo?” she asks, horrified that I’m pretending to not know the Pixar film she’s obviously wild over.

Entering the living room, I plop Ava down on the couch. I sit next to her as Alexa puts the movie in and then sits in the recliner.

Ava beats me to my protest. “Aunt Lexi, Mommy said this was a double date, so you have to come sit by me ‘n Uncle Jace.”

Alexa cocks her eyebrow at Ava and questions her. “If this is a double date, who’s my guy?”

Ava frowns at her question. “What do you mean? Uncle Jace is your date, silly!”

Her aunt, now looking extremely confused, asks, “Ooookay, so who is your date then, Aves?”

Ava rolls her eyes and sighs with exasperation. “Uncle Jace. Mommy said we were both on a date with him tonight and that I had to watch movies and be really good so that you could get some…something tonight. I think she meant popcorn, but I don’t think we have any. Oh well, can you still tell her I was good enough for you to get some?”

Alexa chokes as I’m struggling to squelch my laughter. Damn Sierra. She’s even got her kid on this shit. I know Alexa’s horrified, but I can’t help but laugh at the idea of a four-year-old telling her aunt that she needs to ‘get some.’

Alexa joins us on the couch, and Ava moves to settle between us.

“Sorry, Jace, but Jeremy’s parents ended up having other plans, and since I was here, I was the designated babysitter.”

Ava ignores us as she oohs and ahhs as the movie plays, but it’s not long before her eyes are drooping. Alexa gets up to take her to bed, but the little girl protests.

“Uncle Jace can tuck me in.”

Alexa shrugs, so I pick Ava up and head towards her bedroom. Her head rests against my chest as she begins to sing Cee Lo’s ‘Forget You.’ I have to laugh because she is definitely a Banks child. I tuck her into her bed and turn the light out before she calls out to me.

“Uncle Jace?” her sweet voice asks.

“What’s up, Ava?”

She sighs before answering. “My mommy says that you’re the best thing that could happen to Aunt Lexi. She’s been sad for a long time, and I like seeing her laugh with you. Daddy says that’s ‘cause you’re hot, but that’s scary. If you have a fever, you need to go to the doctor and get a shot like I do. I’m happy we’re friends, Uncle Jace,” she says as she lies back on the pillow. I give her a quick kiss on the forehead before leaving the room.

I stand outside of her bedroom for a moment to collect my bearings. I’m imagining that Alexa and I are a family and I’ve just tucked our firstborn into bed. It’s nuts, I know, but I can’t help it. Regaining my composure, I head back towards the living room.

Alexa smiles at me before asking, “Did she go down okay?”

I laugh as I recall Ava’s words. “Yeah, she’s down for the count. She thinks I have a fever and said that I need to be checked out by a doctor.”

Alexa places her hand her hip. “Well, Heaven forbid I let you walk around with an illness. You sit your ass down and I’ll take care of you.”

We spend the next few minutes like idiots, playing doctor, and not even in a sexy way. Soon she declares that I’m completely healthy and can go on about my day. I decide to just jump into the hard topics before letting her turn on some stupid romantic comedy chick flick.

“You’re so good with Ava, and it makes me think about all the times you mentioned having a big family. I have to say, I’m surprised that you made it to twenty-seven without having at least one,” I comment.

Alexa pulls at the sweatshirt strings on her chest and doesn’t look at me. She sits in silence for a few minutes, and I know it’s best not to push her.

“When we first met, one of the things we bonded on was the fact that we both wanted large families. Ty was an only child, and he’d hated it. I loved kids, as you know, so I always figured the more the merrier. We seemed to be on the same page with that, and it was just another thing that made me fall in love with him.” I keep my face still at the mention of her having kids with another man. My chest tightens, but I mentally tell myself to calm down.

I swallow hard and ask, “So what happened? You guys were together for a pretty long time.”

Alexa hesitates before she answers me. “This isn’t something I’ve ever discussed with someone, not even Sierra, so I don’t exactly know what to say.”

She gets up and heads out onto the balcony, and I watch as she leans her forearms on the metal railing. I follow her but keep my distance just in case she needs it.

“You’re right, you know? I always wanted kids. When we first met, Ty did, too. It wasn’t until after we got married that things began to change. He was an only child, and his mother was exceptionally clingy. Without going into detail, some things happened a few years ago and she ended up in psych hold for three days. She was finally diagnosed as being bipolar, but the damage was done. Ty did so much research and saw that the disease could be hereditary. He became so afraid of passing those genes on that he decided we needed to hold off on having children. That’s all that mattered to him. He didn’t like the risk. He played it safe. And look where that got him.” She whispers the last part so quietly that I can just barely hear her.

She pauses at the thought, and I just nod in her direction as I wait for her to continue. She swallows hard before she continues the story.

“He kept saying that he just needed more time to come to terms with his mom’s illness, but every time I’d bring the subject up, he’d completely shut me down. In the last year of our marriage, I finally began to resign myself to the fact that he was never going to change his mind. I stop asking about it and he never mentioned it. Don’t get me wrong, we still got along just fine, and we were happy mostly. There was just this weird cloud hanging over us and we chose to ignore it.”

“Wow, I can’t imagine,” I offer, really not knowing what else to say.

On the one hand, I know how badly mental illness can mess with a person, but at the same time, I can’t imagine having a woman like Alexa and not starting a family with her.

She gives me a small smile. “I could hardly fathom it myself. It was really hard, because I understood where he was coming from, but he wouldn’t listen to any of my reasoning. Babies can come with any number of medical problems, and you can’t anticipate them, but he didn’t want to hear it. After two years of this standstill, I finally told him that I thought that we needed to talk to someone,” she says, pausing to take a drink of her water.

“What do you mean? Like a counselor?” I ask.

“Yeah, exactly that. He was shocked, but I told him that we had to hash this out once and for all. And I needed to work through my conflictions between being in love with him and my desire to start a family. It was probably the most painful conversation I’ve ever had in my life, but strangely, it was effective. I don’t know if it knocked some sense into him or if he realized how much I really wanted kids, but he promised to be more open to the idea. He made an appointment with a mental health therapist so that he could get a professional opinion on all of the questions he had.”

“I’m glad to hear that he came around. That had to have been hard for both of you,” I admit.

She leans back as she takes a seat on a lounge chair. I follow suit, sitting in the chair next to hers but sideways so I’m facing her.

She stares off into the ocean and speaks again. “You have no idea, but in the end, I’m glad that I did it. Things after that started to get better, but only a little bit. He started researching every mental health facility in the area so that he could find an expert to talk to. I became annoying and anxious, and I began to take it out on him.”

She stops and inhales sharply, and I see a single tear fall down her cheek. I want to lean over and wipe it away, but I have a feeling that contact is the last thing she wants right now.

“No one knows this, Jace, and I’m not really sure why I’m telling you. Maybe I just need to get it off my chest once and for all. The thing is… The day of the car accident, I was pushing Ty again about the issue. We were supposed to be going away for a nice, long romantic weekend, and I couldn’t help but nag at him over it. He kept telling me that he was ready, but it wasn’t enough for me. I think I was so exhausted from the back and forth. It probably didn’t help that I was totally PMSing and hungover. I just…” She suddenly bursts into sobs, causing me to go to her side as if on instinct.

“Alexa, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. I bet he knew you were just grumpy and struggling with waiting for him to be ready,” I comment as I lightly rub her back.

She surprises me by clinging to me, her tears dampening my t-shirt as she cries into my chest.

“You don’t understand, Jace. You can’t. I was awful that day. And those words… I’ll never forget them,” she cries.

“What words, babe? What do you mean?” I ask, not sure if I actually want to know the answer.

Her whisper is so soft that I have to strain to hear her. “’I fucking hate you sometimes.’”