I'll Take a Chance (4 page)

“I love new babies. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to bring th
em into this world for a living,” she says with a dreamy look on her face.

“It is a true labor of love,
” I say, throwing her a sarcastic smile.

“Tha
t was a good one. Labor of love,” she says laughing.

I park the car at the restaurant and we are
promptly seated. It smells amazing in here. Spicy salsa and warm chips are set on the table along with water glasses. I don’t even need to look at the menu, I know exactly what I want.

“Take your time deciding what you want
. You can’t go wrong with anything here, it’s all really good.”

“What are you getting?”
she asks me, peering over the top of her menu.

“I am getting beef and cheese enchiladas with r
ice and beans and coleslaw. It’s my absolute favorite.”

“That sounds really good
. I think I’ll have the same.”

The waitress comes and takes our orders and we are
left alone to talk.

“So
, what do you like to do for fun, Amelia?” I ask curiously.

“When I said I have a boring life
, I wasn’t kidding. I don’t do much of anything except work. I used to love ice skating. My parents have a winter cabin up in the mountains. My family and I used to go there all the time. The pond off the house was my sanctuary. I could stay out there for hours and skate by myself,” she says with a peaceful look on her face and a sparkle in her eye.

“What about relationships, a
nything ever serious?” I ask, hoping I’m not being too forward. Immediately, I see the error in asking. She grabs a piece of hair and starts twirling it nervously.

“To be honest, yes,
I was in a serious relationship up until last year, but it ended rather badly,” she says and twirls her hair harder.

I can tell whatever happened had to have been horrible for her. I
know I haven’t known her that long, but I have never seen her play with her hair before. I took some psychology classes in college, and I understand that is a possible sign of depression. I know it could just be a nervous habit, but her reaction concerns me.

“I’m sorry
, I didn’t mean to pry,” I tell her.

“It’s alright. It was a hard time for me
, and I would just rather not talk about it.”

We both try to talk about safe subjects for the remainder of dinner. She loved her dinner just like I knew she would
. I’m glad she has tomorrow off, it looks like she has been working too hard. Her hand seems to be feeling better too. It’s not too late, but I don’t want this date to end. We both seem to have a lot we can’t talk about, and that has been a little challenging, but I love spending time together.

“
Did you want to get a drink at the bar?” I ask, hopeful.

“I really shouldn’t
. I am so exhausted from work, and I have a lunch date with Willow tomorrow. I had a lovely time, though.”

“Spence and his girlfriend, Amanda
, and I are going on a hike tomorrow. Did you want to come? We’re not going until three, and it will be a nice change to not be the third wheel with the two of them. You’ll love Amanda, she’s great.”

“I would love to, that sounds really nice.”

“Alright, then I’ll pick you up at two thirty, and we will meet them there.”

I drive her back home
, and we find things to talk about that are safe. She has me a little curious though about her ex-boyfriend. How could someone hurt Amelia? She has to be one of the nicest people I know. She is beautiful and kind, smart and funny too. I’m certain if she was my girlfriend, I could never let her go or hurt her in any way. The fact that she refuses to talk about her previous relationship and the mention of it causes her to nervously twirl her hair, I can’t help but wonder what happened. I park and walk her back up to her door. She puts in the key and turns around to face me. Before I lose my nerve, I kiss her on the cheek.

“I had a wonderful time tonight. I’ll pick you up at two thirty tomorrow. Sleep well
, Amelia.”

“
I had a really nice time too. I’ll see you tomorrow, Kyle.” She places her hand on my cheek. It’s warm and soft. She has a guarded smile on her lips then she turns and walks into her apartment.

Amelia

I had the nicest time tonight on my date with Kyle. Aside from not being able to talk about his family, we found other things to talk about. I almost jumped out of my skin when he asked me about past relationships. I am so not ready to talk about Roger with him. It’s actually what I want to talk to Willow about tomorrow over lunch. I haven’t talked to anyone about what happened with him.

The next morning I wake happy remembering my date with Kyle. I make myself an espresso and walk out on the balcony in my bathrobe and sit in the morning sun. I love Sundays. There’s no rush to do anything
, and I can sit and just be still. It’s hard to not think about Roger though. I don’t know if I’m really ready to dredge up the emotions connected to him. I thought I could bury them and never have to talk about them again. But I can plainly see they are only standing in my way of having a chance at a new healthy relationship. I finish my espresso and head into the shower to get ready for lunch at Willow’s.

I grab the
gift I bought for Abbey a few weeks ago and drive out to Asher and Willow’s house. Pulling up in the driveway, I can tell the property has changed so much since Willow moved in. Asher had such a hard time after Olivia died. It seemed like everything around him died right along with her. Now the grounds are alive with flowers and warmth that I know comes from the love Asher and Willow share.

“Amelia, how are you?” Willow says as she opens the front door
even before I have stepped one foot out of my car.

“I’
m good, how are you and that baby?” I ask her.

“Everyone is doing well. Come on in
, she’s sleeping right now, but you can take a peek at her.”

I hand her the gift and head straight to the nu
rsery. Right away I see the painting of a white dove with a yellow rose in its mouth perched over Abbey’s crib. I know the meaning behind that dove, and I just love how they have incorporated Olivia’s life into their family. Abbey is just so perfect. I quietly close the door and head back into the family room to find Willow. She is sitting on the couch with the gift opened and she is just staring at it.

“Are you
all aright, Willow?” I ask with concern.

“Yes, sorry
, I know it’s only been a few days, and Abbey is amazing, but getting up for feedings is just taking it out of me. Thank you for the blanket, it’s precious. Lunch is ready, I thought we would eat outside on the patio. It’s a beautiful day.”

“That is
a wonderful idea. Where’s your mom and step-dad?” I ask her as we walk out to the patio.

“Asher took them out for lunch to give us some alone time.
It was hard to pry my mother away from Abbey, but I made them all get out of here.”

We
take our seats at a beautifully laid out table set for the two of us. There are salads and bread already set out with two tall glasses of lemonade.

“Did you do all this? When did you have the time to do all this with a new baby?”
I ask her, amazed at the preparation.

“I can’t take the credit. Asher did it all before he left with my parents. I barely got showered and dressed.”

I put the napkin in my lap, and I suddenly have second thoughts about telling her about Roger. Willow digs into her food while I just push the lettuce around the plate. I just can’t bring myself to tell her.

“OK, chickie
, spill it. I can see there is something on your mind. Just spit it out,” she says as she drops her fork with a clang on her plate.

“Alright,
this is extremely difficult for me to share, I have never told anyone, but I need to tell someone and get this off my chest,” I say twisting the napkin in my lap.

“Amelia
, you know you can tell me anything. What could be so terrible? You have me worried,” she says with concern.

“I wanted to talk about my ex-boyfriend
,” I tell her. I can’t even look her in the eye, this is so embarrassing.

“Asher told me about someone you were dating. This was last year
, right? Before Asher and I met.”

“Yes, his name is Roger. And what I am about
to tell you goes no further than you and I. You can’t tell Asher. I would just die if anyone else knew.”

“Whatever you have to
say to me goes no further than this table, I promise you,” she tells me seriously and picks up her fork to continue eating.

“I am completely mortified to even say this out loud, but here it goes. I have never had an orgasm by a man.”

She drops her fork on her plate with a big clang again and stares at me with her mouth hanging open.

“OK, that is not at all what I expected you were going to say. You have never had an orgasm?”
she asks surprised.

“No
, I didn’t say that. I have had orgasms. I can give myself one. I said a man has never given me one,” I clarify, completely mortified.

“You are 28 years old and a man has never given you an orgasm. But you can hav
e an orgasm. I don’t understand,” she says confused.

“Since the very first time I ever had sex with a man
, not one of them has been able to give me an orgasm. It’s not from lack of trying. Oh, they have tried. I got tired of making a man feel bad, so I started faking them. Roger caught on to what I was doing and called me on it. I think he took it personally and after a few months of not giving me a real orgasm, he said I was defective. He said never in his life has he never been able to give a woman an orgasm and that I was a freak. He called me a lot of things, actually. He told me no man would ever want me. We got in a huge fight about it, and he broke up with me.”

“Wait a minute
! Let me get this straight. He yelled at you because he failed to give you an orgasm. What an asshole, maybe it’s his fault. Maybe he’s the defective one. Amelia, you are not defective. Whatever that asshole said to you just isn’t true,” she says angrily.

“It isn’t his fault, that’s the thing. No man has ever been able
to. That’s not all either. He still had a key to my apartment, and the next day when I got home from work he had let himself in, and he spray painted in red a bunch of nasty incredibly demeaning things on my bedroom walls.”

“You’
re joking, Amelia, why didn’t you ever tell anyone about any of this? Asher would have kicked his ass.”

“I was so embarrassed
, I never told anyone. I repainted the walls that night and had the locks changed.”

“What did he spray paint on your walls?” she asked with such anger I thought maybe her eyeballs were going to pop out of her head.

“I would rather not say. I really just want to forget it all. Can you just forget about the spray paint and help me with the other problem.”

“OK
, let’s break this down. You can have an orgasm, but not from a man. How many men are we talking about here?”

“Uh… four,
” I tell her.

“You have slept with four men and none of them were able to bring you to orgasm?”
she asks again.

“
Right,” I answer. I wish she wouldn’t keep repeating it.

“Alright
, we are about to get real personal here. Did any of those men go down on you?”

“
Umm… No. The first time I was 19, and I think it was his first time too. It was so quick I didn’t really know what I was supposed to expect. The other two were casual, and I never slept with them again. By that time I figured there was something wrong with me and I faked it. Then I started dating Roger. He was my first real steady boyfriend. I was still faking it, but he figured it out. He said he didn’t go down on a girl, he had some bad experience, and he just couldn’t bring himself to do that ever again,” I tell her honestly.

“You know
, I was just reading an article in a magazine that said there are two different kinds of orgasms. A vaginal orgasm that comes from actual penetration and a clitoral orgasm that comes from oral sex or self-stimulation. Maybe that’s why you can give yourself one, but a man’s penis has never given you one. Maybe he really didn’t know what to do with his penis. I don’t know how much of the article I believe, but it sounds like it makes sense.”

Thinking about what Willow is saying
, maybe there is hope for me. Then again, maybe not, I am almost 30 and no man has ever given me an orgasm either vaginal or clitoral. It’s always been me and my battery operated friend. That just doesn’t sound normal to me.

“I can see you spinning some wheels in there. It’s obvious you have just never found the right guy. Have you ever talked to a doctor about this? I can give you some pointers on ways to
achieve an orgasm.”

“Oh my God, no.
I don’t want to know about your sex life with my brother. That’s just gross. No, I have never talked to my doctor. I am too embarrassed. Roger made me feel like I wasn’t a real woman. I thought for sure I would never get involved with another man, ever again. But spending time with Kyle these past few days has changed my mind. I’m so scared of hurting him though. I don’t want to make him feel like a failure when he can’t make me come either. Don’t men take that type of thing personally?”

“You’re scared of hurting him. Honey
, you haven’t even given him a chance. You’re only hurting yourself here in the end. I really want to help you though. Are you sure I can’t tell you a little. I won’t say his name and just don’t think about it being your brother, just think about it being a man I’m married to.”

“Oh, this is embarrassing. Alright,
I’ll try.”

Willow starts laughing
, and I immediately think she’s laughing at my situation, and I’m ready to high tail it out of there. Her face changes when she realizes what I’m thinking.

“Oh
, no, I wasn’t laughing at you. I was just thinking about what Ash…. I mean what my husband said to me just before Abbey was born. He called me a butt whore.”

“A butt whore?
Oh God, I don’t think I can do this,” I tell her.

“Trust me
, you can do this. Have you ever had a man’s finger up your ass?” she asks me seriously.

“Oh hell no, and p
lease don’t ever use finger and ass in the same sentence ever again,” I beg her.

“Don’t be so quick to dismiss it. Let me just say that I am not into the whole anal sex thing
, but a man’s finger up your ass is absolutely phenomenal.”

“You are kidding right?”

“No, I’m not. Look they have to know what they are doing, but if I were to give you one tip to start with, it would be that maybe you just can’t have an orgasm through actual sex. Don’t be so hard on yourself. The article said that about sixty five percent of women can only achieve an orgasm through some sort of clitoral stimulation. That’s either from toys or from oral sex. Most likely you’re just part of the majority and can only have an orgasm through oral stimulation. That’s a big percentage of women in the same category. There’s nothing wrong with you. And if you can get a little finger action up the ass, let me tell you, it will rock your world.

“
I think you should talk to your doctor though, just to make sure everything’s alright down there. You shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk to your own doctor.

“
Roger is just a straight up asshole. He better hope I never meet him. Don’t be so hard on yourself. The right man will come along and he will want to love you the way you need to be loved. He will go out of his way to make sure your needs are taken care of, whatever they may be. Roger is a selfish prick and deserves to have is dick lopped off.”

“Willow
, you crack me up. I’m so glad I had this conversation with you. I thought for sure there was something wrong with me. I’ll admit I am beyond scared to get involved sexually with a man, but I’m willing to give it another try.”

“Do you think Dr. Peters is the man to give it a try with?”
she asks, wiggling her eye brows.

“Willow
, I just met the man. We had a wonderful time last night, and I’m seeing him later this afternoon. Actually I should probably get going and get ready, we’re going on a hike.”

“Alright
, Amelia, I’m always here for you, I hope you know that. I am an open book with you, and I will help you any way I can. Also just a side note here. Once you get to know Kyle just before you think your relationship is ready to go there, talk to him about it. If he is any decent guy worthy of you, he’ll listen. I saw the way he looked at you. Give him a chance.”

“Alright
, Willow. Thanks for lunch and the talk. I need to go home and scrub my brain and get the vision of my brother sticking his finger up your ass out of my mind.”

“Go on
, get out of here, have fun on your date.”

Kyle

I
slip into Amelia’s apartment building as another couple is walking out. I take the elevator to Amelia’s floor and knocked on her door at exactly two thirty. She opens the door wearing jeans and a t-shirt and a pair of hiking boots. Damn, a woman in hiking boots is hot.