Illusions of Love (19 page)

“Thank you, Williams.”

Julian was seated in his favourite leather chair to one side of the Georgian fireplace.

“Sit down, Martin,” he said, shocked anew by his son’s drawn appearance.

Martin seated himself across from his father and gazed into the fire.

Julian got up and poured two brandies, handing one to Martin.

“Son, we have to talk. Something’s obviously disturbing you. You must tell me what it is.”

Martin remained silent.

“Whatever it is, Martin, I’ll try and understand. I have before.”

But Martin couldn’t find the courage to speak.

“I’m going to be perfectly frank with you,” Julian said.

“Even though I was hurt when you left the firm and went to New York, I realized that the war had changed you, that you needed time to find yourself.

But I thought it would be a good experience for you and instead you come home looking worse than when you returned from Germany. Your mother is beside herself. We will do anything you wish. Surely you can confide in us. “

Running his hands through his thick black hair, Martin finally blurted out the truth.

“I’ve fallen in love, but there are problems.”

Julian hesitated.

“Is she going to have your child?”

“I wish she were; it might be simpler.”

“Is she in love with you?”

“Yes.”

“But you haven’t known one another, I would imagine, for very long.”

“Is time the barometer? I’ve known Sylvia all my life.”

“Forgive me, Martin, but I thought love was something that grew. Of course, I come from a different generation.”

“I don’t think love has changed so much.”

“I suppose you’re right, Martin. But the point is, what do you plan to do about this woman?”

The lump in Martin’s throat was almost too painful to swallow when he said, “Marry her.”

“Then why have you kept it a secret?”

“Because she’s Catholic.”

Julian slumped down in his chair.

“You’re right. That is a problem.

But you were also right when you said love has not changed so much from my generation to yours . And then he astonished his son by explaining that when he was Martin’s age he too had fallen in love with the wrong girl.

“I too was completely in love … ludicrous when I think back upon it now. But at the time, I was inconsolable.

Marriage was out of the question. She would never be accepted. Ah, Martin, we have so much, but we can’t always have what we want.

“I have my father to thank. God rest his soul, for setting me straight. Of course, I married your mother, and thank God I did. She belonged, she was right, and she fitted into my world. I knew she was the perfect woman to become the mother of my children.” Julian got up and poured another brandy.

“Martin, would you believe it, I can scarcely remember the girl’s face. Quite accidentally I ran into this woman a few years ago and I would have passed her by had she not called out my name. We spoke, but it was like talking to a stranger. So I know what you’re going through, Martin. I also know that it will pass. Can’t you please believe that Sylvia is so right for you? If you were to marry, your affection for her could turn into love. The kind that I feel for your mother. There will be children, and before you know it, this other woman will fade from your memory.”

“You’re wrong. Father. Our stories are not parallel. I can’t marry Sylvia just because she comes from the right background. And I will not forget Jenny’s face. That’s her name. Jenny. I won’t ever stop loving her. Father, you must believe me. I love this girl more than anything in the world.”

“Well,” Julian sighed, putting down his drink, ‘what is it you want me to do? “

“Give me your blessing.”

He looked at Martin, filled with pain. He would do almost anything in the world for his son. Almost.

“You know what this will do to your mother, don’t you?”

Struggling with his feelings, Martin answered, “I know she’ll be disappointed, but what should I do? Somebody’s happiness has to be sacrificed, sad as that may be. In all honesty, Dad, should it be mine? The worst thing that I’m doing is marrying a girl that I love.

It isn’t her fault that she’s not Jewish. I’m only asking you to please accept her. “

“That’s asking a lot, Martin. I think we should go upstairs and see your mother. She isn’t feeling well herself, you know. I don’t mind telling you that these last few days have been a strain for her, not knowing what was wrong with you.”

If Martin could find anything to console himself it was that he no longer had to go on keeping Jenny a secret. Upstairs his father hesitated a moment, gathering his courage before knocking on Bess’s door.

“Is that you, Julian? Come in.”

When they entered, Bess was lying on a chaise longue with a cold cloth on her forehead.

“I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Mother,” Martin said.

“It’s just a headache, darling. I’m fine. In fact, I was about to get up for dinner.” Then she looked at Julian’s white face and guessed they had come to tell her bad news.

“You’ve wanted to tell me something, haven’t you, Martin?”

Slowly he answered.

“Yes, and I hope and pray that you will understand.” Then he told his mother what he’d just told Julian about Jenny.

Her cry seared him like a knife.

“How could you have deceived us so?

Kept this . this woman a secret. Good God, Martin, have you no respect? And you want me to give you my blessings? Never! ” she screamed.

“I will never accept her. This is the first time in our family that anyone

has intermarried, and for you of all people to bring this disgrace upon us. “

“Mother,” Martin pleaded.

“You don’t know what you’re saying. You haven’t even met her. She can’t help being ” I don’t care what she is. You can stop this before you break all our hearts. She’s bewitched you. ” Tears ran down Bess’s cheeks.

“Why couldn’t you love Sylvia? Why? She’s worth ” I know what she’s worth. Mother, but so is Jenny. Please meet her.

Please. “

“Never, Martin.” She slumped back down on her pillows.

Julian looked at Martin and whispered, “Let me speak to your mother.”

Feeling like a pariah, Martin walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

Julian sat beside Bess, wiped her tears, and took her hand.

“Don’t cry, darling. And listen to me, Bess. Even if Martin is a man possessed and sometimes love can do that to you he is still our son. Be wise, my dear. If we reject Martin now we will end up pushing him closer to this woman. He hasn’t married her yet, so let us pray that he comes to his senses. But if he does marry her and we do not accept her, we will lose him.

Through her swollen lids, she looked at Julian.

“Do you really expect me to play along like that? I can’t do it, Julian not even for Martin.”

Julian’s feelings were the same as Bess’s, but he pushed them aside.

“You do not have to love her, Bess, but you must learn to tolerate her if she becomes Martin’s wife. Do it now so that he can never hate you for standing in his way. I will support your decision, but I think my advice is correct.”

Bess wept softly.

“And what if Martin has children? They will be Catholic. How can I bear that?”

“Yes. But no matter what happens, we must not lose our only child.

He’s all we have. “

Bess lay silent for what seemed an eternity, then said quietly, “All right, Julian. Have Martin come in.”

“Your mother and I give you our blessings,” Julian Aa! ^ when he found Martin standing in the hall.

“Go in, sV6 ^ like to see you.”

Filled with contrition, Martin said, “Thank you, Mott^’ Is it all right for me to have Jenny come out? I want yo*1 get to know her.”

Julian knew Bess was not ready for such a meeting, v01 yet, Martin,” he said.

Martin was prepared for that answer. It was asking ^ of at one time.

At that moment it was enough just to have^ is parents accept the concept of Jenny.

Martin flew back to New York, pleased with his pa^19! victory and hoping that Jenny would understand that^. is parents had done the best they could for the time be “^ Later when they met and came to know Jenny he knew f ^ could not help but love her. His heart leaped when the plane landed and he saw Jenny running towards him.

Kissing him over and over again, she said, “Do you k^0^ what an eternity is?”

“Yes, a minute away from you.”

When they reached the apartment, he realized that’s e had done everything to make his homecoming beaut1”11 The vases were filled with white roses, stock and lilies. the candles on the table made the crystal glasses gleam. the champagne hissed as Jenny poured the bubbling liquid He decided that he would not tell her the details of his talk /vlt11 his parents until they’d finished eating. He lifted his gr^5 ” To you, my love. May this be the beginning of a wond^-1 long life together. “

has intermarried, and for you of all people to bring this disgrace upon us. “

“Mother,” Martin pleaded.

“You don’t know what you’re saying. You haven’t even met her. She can’t help being ” I don’t care what she is. You can stop this before you break all our hearts. She’s bewitched you. ” Tears ran down Bess’s cheeks.

“Why couldn’t you love Sylvia? Why? She’s worth ” I know what she’s worth, Mother, but so is Jenny. Please meet her.

Please. “

“Never, Martin.” She slumped back down on her pillows.

Julian looked at Martin and whispered, “Let me speak to your mother.”

Feeling like a pariah, Martin walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

Julian sat beside Bess, wiped her tears, and took her hand.

“Don’t cry, darling. And listen to me, Bess. Even if Martin is a man possessed and sometimes love can do that to you he is still our son. Be wise, my dear. If we reject Martin now we will end up pushing him closer to this woman. He hasn’t married her yet, so let us pray that he comes to his senses. But if he does marry her and we do not accept her, we will lose him.

Through her swollen lids, she looked at Julian.

“Do you really expect me to play along like that? I can’t do it, Julian not even for Martin.”

Julian’s feelings were the same as Bess’s, but he pushed them aside.

“You do not have to love her, Bess, but you must learn to tolerate her if she becomes Martin’s wife. Do it now so that he can never hate you for standing in his way. I will support your decision, but I think my advice is correct.”

Bess wept softly.

“And what if Martin has children? They will be Catholic. How can I bear that?”

“Yes. But no matter what happens, we must not lose our only child.

He’s all we have. “

Bess lay silent for what seemed an eternity, then said quietly, “All right, Julian. Have Martin come in.”

“Your mother and I give you our blessings,” Julian said when he found Martin standing in the hall.

“Go in, she’d like to see you.”

Filled with contrition, Martin said, “Thank you. Mother. Is it all right for me to have Jenny come out? I want you to get to know her.”

Julian knew Bess was not ready for such a meeting.

“Not yet, Martin,” he said.

Martin was prepared for that answer. It was asking a lot at one time.

At that moment it was enough just to have his parents accept the concept of Jenny.

Martin flew back to New York, pleased with his partial victory and hoping that Jenny would understand that his parents had done the best they could for the time being. Later when they met and came to know Jenny he knew they could not help but love her. His heart leaped when the plane landed and he saw Jenny running towards him.

Kissing him over and over again, she said, “Do you know what an eternity is?”

“Yes, a minute away from you.”

When they reached the apartment, he realized that she had done everything to make his homecoming beautiful. The vases were filled with white roses, stock and lilies. The candles on the table made the crystal glasses gleam. The champagne hissed as Jenny poured the bubbling liquid. He decided that he would not tell her the details of his talk with his parents until they’d finished eating. He lifted his glass.

“To you, my love. May this be the beginning of a wonderful long life together.”

“I hope so. But, oh God, Martin, just love me.”

He took her in his arms and, in that extraordinary moment of reunion, they gave themselves to each other with an unbearable need for reaffirmation.

Afterwards came the time for questions. Jenny simply had to know where she stood.

“Martin,” she said, ‘you’ve said very little to me except that your parents gave you their blessings. “

“Well, darling, that’s what we wanted.”

“Of course,” Jenny said slowly.

“But you said nothing about their wanting to meet me. When I asked if it was all right for me to fly out, you were so evasive.”

“No, not at all. My mother just hasn’t been feeling too well.”

“You mean she really wasn’t up to meeting me. You don’t have to answer, Martin. I knew that, but they’re going to have to meet me eventually and, Martin, I’m not going to marry you until they do.”

“But they have accepted you, dear,” Martin said.

“They gave us their blessings.”

“Not us, you. You’re their son and they’d do anything for you. But, Martin1 won’t be patronized.”

Martin got out of bed and paced the floor.

“Goddamn, Jenny, what do you want? They’ve done everything they could for me.”

“Yes, but not for me,” Jenny persisted, knowing she was being unreasonable.

“Until they meet me I’m not going to go on living this way. It’s a sin, Martin. Don’t you under stand that? We have to get married.”

“Well, I’m not quite ready for that!” Martin shouted, exhausted by the storm of emotion he’d experienced in the last few days.

“You never were!” Jenny jumped out of bed, ran to the bathroom, and slammed the door. Sitting on the edge of the tub, she wondered how the fight had gotten so out of hand. He had just come home. This was not the way she had planned it. She dried her tears. She would apologize