Illusions of Love (32 page)

“Oh God, Jenny1 had almost forgotten what it could be like. When you come back we’ll go away together.”

“I would love that, Martin.”

“I’m glad. I’ll make reservations at the Beverly Hills

Hotel, and I’ll call you when you get to Hong Kong. But promise me you will come back. “

“I promise. This time I’m not going to lose you, Martin.”

Christmas at the Roths’ was a joyous occasion. Even though they didn’t consider it a religious holiday and exchanged gifts on Chanukah, they still decorated a tree and had a big family dinner. This year Julian came West with his wife, and even Amy, whose birthday fell on the next day, seemed happy to be home for the week. Only Martin had trouble pretending to enjoy himself. He kept thinking of Jenny alone in Hong Kong, and Sylvia, whose life he was about to shatter. He called Jenny every morning on his private phone, and Christmas morning her sad words haunted him the whole day.

“I have to keep telling myself that next year we’ll be together. We will, Martin won’t we?”

Her demand made him angry on some level. He didn’t want to hurt Sylvia. But Jenny had been the scapegoat once and she had no one except him. Sylvia had the children and her family. Even his own relatives would take care of her. He was the one who would be scorned by family and friends, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to justify his actions except that, for once, he was entitled to think of himself.

Time was running out. If he didn’t act now he would never have another chance.

Still, Martin remained torn. Finally, late one night, ravaged with guilt, he decided to call Dominic, even though it had been several years since the two men had exchanged more than casual hellos on holidays.

“Dom,” Martin said when his friend picked up the phone.

“I’m glad I caught you. With the three-hour time difference, I was afraid you might be out on the town.”

“No,” said Dominic, who had married for the second time.

“I’ve finally settled down. Betty never liked my wild lifestyle and I’ve come to agree with her. Anyway, old buddy, how are things? To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?”

“Trouble as usual,” Martin said without hesitation.

“You’ve always given me good advice and this time I need it more than ever.” And he poured out the story of his chance meeting with Jenny and the devastating but euphoric effect it had had on him.

“I never really stopped loving her,” Martin concluded.

“When she comes back we’re going away for a week to sort things out. Then I guess I’ll have to tell Sylvia … His voice trailed off as he waited for his friend to applaud his decision. It was, Martin suspected, the real reason for his call.

Dom’s response came as a shock.

“I wouldn’t be so fast to change my life just because of Jenny’s reappearance. Sleep with her if you must, but remember even the first time around she demanded more than you could give.”

“Hey,” Martin said.

“I thought you were her friend. You once believed I should fight for her. I didn’t, and she certainly hasn’t had an easy life since I left her.”

“That may be true,” Dominic said cautiously.

“But tough times don’t always make people nicer. You and Jenny were frequently at odds twenty-five years ago. Why do you think things will be smoother this time?”

Martin started to interrupt, but Dominic cut him off.

“Listen Sylvia’s quite a woman. Just be sure you don’t throw away a great life for an infatuation which will leave you cold in a year. It may sound odd coming from me, but family means everything. Even though your kids are gone, your relationship with them will never be the same if you leave Sylvia. Take it from me. I’ve had a rough time with my own over the past few years, and Betty still has to put up with a lot. My advice is: shack up with Jenny if you must, but don’t bust up your marriage.”

“I hear you, Dom,” Martin said.

“Believe me, none of this is easy. It just seems this is my last chance at happiness. If I don’t grab it now, that’s it.”

“Well, I’m with you whatever you decide. Just be sure you know what you really want,” Dominic said, ringing off.

Martin hung up, shaken, and tiptoed back to ttu bedroom where Sylvia slept undisturbed.

The next day Martin couldn’t conceal the strain he was under. Sylvia tried her best to pretend things were as usual but she did not know how to respond when Julian took her aside and asked, “What’s wrong with Dad, Mother?”

“I don’t know what you mean, dear.”

“Oh come on. Mother, you can’t be so blind. Do yo think he’s still so angry about my marriage?”

“Julian, don’t talk foolishly. Whatever misgivings w< might have had are long gone.”

“Then what do you think is wrong?” he insisted.

“I don’t know. He says he’s under a great deal of pressure at work.

I’m sure that’s all that’s bothering him. “

Sylvia was considerably more disturbed about Martin’s mood than she let on, but it wasn’t the first time in then marriage that he’d been depressed, and he always seemec to come out of it. She decided the best thing she could dc was wait for him to return to being the loving husband he’c been in the past. After twenty-five years of marriage, she knew when to give her husband time to work things out or his own.

She managed to get through the week putting the best face possible on things, but on New Year’s Eve Martin was so withdrawn she could no longer hide her concern. H( stood in the corner, watching the guests friends he hac known all of his life without even making a pretence o:

joining in the festivities. When the bells rang out at mid night, Sylvia came over and kissed him, and though he responded she sensed he was just going through the motions. It was lucky she couldn’t read his mind, because his thoughts were all with Jenny McCoy.

On January 2 Martin was up at dawn. Jenny was back in California and they’d arranged to meet that night in lo! Angeles. Martitf had told Sylvia he had a business conference, but when he boarded the plane he was overwhelmed with guilt. He still had not mentioned the possibility

of divorce, and he wondered how long he coulc go on pretending things were all right. In the plane, he decided he would have to tell Sylvia the truth when he returned. He tried to blot out the image of her face. He knew he couldn’t just erase a quarter of a century as though it had never been. Sylvia was part of his life. If only he could find a way to leave without hurting her.

“You know where I’ll be,” he had said, despising his words as he said them. Her trusting eyes would haunt him.

“Yes, darling,” she had answered.

“If you decide that you’d like me to join you after all, you know I will.”

From the moment he landed in Los Angeles nothing went right. When he registered, the clerk handed him a note saying Jenny had missed connections in Hawaii. God only knew when she would arrive. He signed the hotel register Mr. and Mrs. and went up to his room. The moment the bellboy left, he called room service for a bottle of his favourite wine and turned on the tub. Half an hour later he was soaking in water as hot as he could stand, a glass of chablis balanced in the soap dish. As the tension drained from his body all he could think of was Jenny. How tender, how understanding she had been. He vowed to make up to her for the years after he left her in New York. Then he thought of Sylvia and wondered how he could spare her. She had been a good wife and mother. She had done nothing to deserve the pain he was about to cause her. He wondered what Bess would say. She would probably never forgive him.

He got out of the bath and put on his robe, still trying to sort out his thoughts, when he heard the knock. He assumed it was the waiter, who had forgotten something, but when he opened the door, there was Jenny smiling at him, her eyes shining.

“Oh, thank God!” he said.

“You’re here.”

She laughed delightedly at the expression on his face. Scooping her up, he twirled her around until they fell on the bed, laughing as they pulled off their clothes.

For a while Martin could think only about how much he loved her, how beautiful she was. Making love with Jenny

rejuvenated him. It was as though he were in his twenties again and his commitment to Sylvia had never existed.

Afterwards they slept, and when they woke he asked her what she would like to do that evening.

“I don’t know, Martin. Stay here, go out whatever you want.”

“I could spend the rest of the week in bed, but perhaps it would do us good to get out for supper. I hear Ma Maison is the new ” in” place.

Maybe we should try it. “

“Whatever you say, dearest. I’m just so happy to be with you.”

Although Ma Maison was filled with beautifully dressed starlets, Martin noticed that most of the men looked up and smiled as he took Jenny to her table. Her beauty still caused quite a stir. When they finished eating, Martin insisted on dancing until Jenny was ready to collapse.

“Martin, I’m not going to be able to walk tomorrow,” she laughed.

“In that case, I’m going to get myself another dancing partner.”

“You won’t be happy with another partner. I’ve spoiled you for everyone else,” she whispered.

“And it looks like tomorrow we will just have to stay in bed all day.”

Martin grinned and went to get their coats.

Back in the hotel, they found the bed had been turned down, and according to Martin’s instructions a bucket of champagne was waiting in the hall.

Jenny laughed as he popped the cork and the wine bubbled out.

“Darling, I love you so much. I don’t care about the past. I just want to be with you for the rest of my life.”

Martin was happier than he had ever been. It was as though he were being given a second chance; as though nothing existed before she came back into his life. As he lay in bed waiting for her to come out of the bathroom, even his guilt at deceiving Sylvia faded. It was a miracle that he had found Jenny again, that she was with him again.

When the bathroom door opened and she came out wearing a white nightgown with blue satin slippers, Martin thought he had never seen anything so beautiful.

“You’re prettier than ever,” he said.

“Thank you, Martin. I’ve never felt quite like this before. Promise if I tell you something you won’t laugh.”

“I promise.”

“When I bought this gown I told the saleslady I wanted something for a bride. That’s the way I felt. This is the most important day in my life, even more important than our wedding day. Promise you’ll never leave me.”

“Never,” Martin said, holding her close. And at that moment he meant it.

The next morning they had breakfast in their room. As Martin sat across from her, he realized that he had forgotten to call Sylvia.

“Jenny, I’ve got to call home,” he said nervously.

“Go ahead,” she said, discreetly going into the bathroom, “I understand.”

For a moment, when the operator asked for the number, Martin almost forgot it. Then the call went through and Sylvia picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

It took him a long time to respond.

“Sylvia … how are you?”

“Fine, Martin, darling. How is the conference going?”

He swallowed hard.

“Fine.” What do you say to someone with whom you’ve lived for twenty-five years?

“I want to apologize for not calling yesterday.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. I know what those business meetings are like.”

That was Sylvia always so damned understanding. He tried to think of something else to say.

“How are you?”

Sylvia laughed.

“You’ve already asked me that. Listen, as long as you’re going to be gone until the weekend, Mother and I are going to drive to Pebble Beach. Jane asked us to visit.”

It was impossible for Martin to keep up his side of the

conversation. Hearing Sylvia’s voice over the wire, realizing her calm, confident trust in him, he was overwhelmed by guilt.

“Yes, dear,” he said, recovering himself.

“I’ll call you at Jane’s.”

“Great. Now don’t work too hard, don’t skip lunch, and for heaven’s sake, cut down a bit on those cigarettes.”

Dammit. If she just weren’t so good to me.

“Sylvia,” Martin managed to say in parting, ‘have a good time and enjoy yourself. “

“I will, dear. I only wish you could come with us.”

After he hung up, Martin had trouble regaining his carefree mood.

Jenny refrained from asking any questions, and by the time they went out for lunch Martin felt better. They went to Perino’s and after a couple of martinis Martin managed to forget Sylvia and Bess and concentrate on enjoying himself. Later they stopped by Giorgio’s, and Martin had a couple of glasses of white wine while Jenny modelled one magnificent gown after another. Finally she chose a two-piece velvet dinner suit. The short jacket had jewelled buttons down the front, and it came with a cowl-necked burgundy blouse. Jenny decided it would look smashing with black silk pumps and sheer, black hose.

That night Martin couldn’t take his eyes off her. The black velvet made her skin shine like porcelain. He found himself forgetting Sylvia, believing that he was a free man.

“I adore you. Jenny,” he said, taking her hand.

“When I am with you, I feel as if I’m back in my twenties.” He took a small box from his pocket and held it out to her.

“Oh, Martin, what’s this?”

She rumbled with the ribbon, tore the wrapping, and finally managed to open the velvet box. Inside was a ring set with a cabochon ruby.

“Martin, why … ?”

“Because you make me so happy. Besides, it’s your birthstone.”

“I love it, darling. But you don’t have to buy me gifts.”

“It’s to remind you how much I love you.”

He reached over, took the ring out of the box, and slipped it onto the fourth finger of her left hand. She held his hand for a moment.

“Martin, I’m going to cry.”

She took out a handkerchief and wiped her eyes.

“We’re going to be very happy, Martin. I know it. Nothing is going to come between us. I won’t let it.”

“You’re right, Jenny. Things will work out. It will just take a little time.”